AN: Thanks as always for reading and reviewing! My internet connection's acting up again, so I'm not sure how much I'll be able to update.
"The Chaperones"
By EsmeAmelia
Chapter 7
Day Three
Han was sound asleep when Ms. Tano opened the door in the morning, not waking up until the teacher's loud, perky voice saying, "Good MORNING!" echoed around the room. With a long groan, he forced himself to open his eyes - to find that Ms. Tano was standing in the middle of the room, right between the beds.
"Wakey wakey!" the teacher sang, looking down at Han with her obnoxious grin.
For a moment Han was too stunned and sleepy to react, but then when he found his bearings he glared up at Ms. Tano. "What the hell are you doin' here?"
"Why, waking you up, of course," said Ms. Tano. "You don't want to miss breakfast, do you?"
"No we don't!" Tad chirpped from next to Han. He grabbed Han's hand and began swinging it back and forth. "Come on Han, we can eat together!"
"Right!" said Ms. Tano. "So get up out of bed before the muffins are gone!"
"I love muffins!" Anakin called.
Han ground his teeth in order to keep himself from exploding. "Look lady, you've got NO RIGHT to barge into our room like this!"
"Oh?" said Ms. Tano. "Well I had to let you know that you could come out again, didn't I? Otherwise you might have stayed in here all day."
Han gave a loud sigh. "Fine, we're up, now get outta here."
Ms. Tano didn't look at all discouraged. "All right, we'll see you at breakfast!" With that she sauntered out of the room, her long headstalks bouncing on her back.
. . .
Leia and her roommates were already eating when Han and his roommates got to their table. The boys immediately put down their trays and grabbed extra chairs from the other tables so they could all sit together.
"Hey sweetheart," said Han, pulling up a chair next to his wife and kissing her cheek. "How was the evening?"
Leia made a face and pointed at Kai and Allura.
"What're you talking bout?" Kai exclaimed with her mouth full.
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about," said Leia. "You know why we couldn't finish the holofilm last night."
"We couldn't finish it cause you were mean," said Allura, picking in her fruit cup.
Leia gave a loud groan, leaning over her pancakes. "Haven't we had this conversation over and over?"
"Well you keep being mean to us," Kai said before loudly slurping up her juice.
"HEY!" Jaina shouted. "STOP picking on my mom! It's YOUR fault we couldn't finish the holofilm!" She banged her fist on the table. "Someday I'm gonna learn how to Force choke people and you'd better hope you're not around when I do!"
"That's the dark side, Jaina," Jacen muttered under his breath.
Jaina growled, but before another fight could start, Ms. Tano's booming "ATTENTION" once again echoed around the room, causing all heads to turn to face her and see she was standing just a few feet away from the Solos' table.
"Thank you," said Ms. Tano. "Now I have an unfortunate announcement for you. Last night, one of our chaperones did something that's not allowed."
"Dad, why is your face red?" Jaina asked, but Ms. Tano continued before he could answer.
"Last night," Ms. Tano said, gesturing towards Han in a sharp motion, as if making sure everyone would know who she was talking about, "Mr. Han Solo snuck out of the hotel with the younglings left in his charge and took them to a cantina!"
The entire restaurant exploded in gasps, but somehow Leia's cry of, "WHAT?" managed to be louder than everything else.
"Yes," said Ms. Tano, "even though he knew he was supposed to set an example for the younglings, he deliberately disregarded his responsibility and took the younglings to a cantina just so he could satisfy his craving for alcohol."
With that Han flew to his feet. "Now wait a sec," he shouted, "for your information, Ms. Tano, it was the KIDS who wanted to see the cantina and I did NOT do any drinkin' there! He turned to face the glaring eyes of the other chaperones. "And so you know, we were only there FIVE STINKIN' MINUTES and I . . ."
He couldn't say anything else because the teacher clamped her hand over his mouth. "As you can see," she continued, "he has made a disgrace of himself. Since he can't be trusted, he and his roommates are being locked in their room every night for the rest of the trip. Let this be a warning to the rest of you."
Once Ms. Tano released him, Han sank back in his seat, his face pulsing.
"How come I didn't get to go to the cantina?" Jaina cried.
Meanwhile Leia was glaring lightsabers at her husband. "Han," she said in her crisp voice that left no room for argument, "when we get home, you're sleeping on the couch for a month."
. . .
"Why can't I go to the cantina too?" Jaina was asking as the group departed the shuttle.
"Jaina, we've been through this," said Leia, still periodically shooting glares at her husband. "No one is setting foot in that cantina again. Do you want to end up locked up all night like your father?"
"But the boys got to go!" Jaina persisted, kicking the sand. "Why didn't you invite me too? Was it cause I'm a girl?"
Han sighed, bending over to his daughter's level. "Course not, sweetheart. But you know, you were in Mom's room and she wouldn't have let any of us go if we'd come over there to invite you."
"So it was cause I'm a girl," said Jaina.
"Hey Jaina, it's okay," said Jacen, smiling at his twin. "There wasn't much to see there."
"But there was a band playing really cool music!" chirpped Anakin. He skipped around in a circle whistling the song the cantina band played.
Jaina pouted and folded her arms as Han gently cupped his hand around her neck. "Look sweetheart, I'll make it up to you, kay? After we get home you and me can spend a whole day together, just us two. How's that sound?"
Jaina opened her mouth to respond, but once again Ms. Tano perfectly timed her call of "ATTENTION" and her order to line up, which all the students promptly obeyed.
"Today we get to visit a very special place," Ms. Tano said as she gestured to the small hovel a short distance away. "What you are looking at is the house of the famed Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was a good friend of mine back when I was a padawan . . ."
Han might have actually been interested in hearing about Obi-Wan, but a finger jabbing him in the shoulder prevented him from listening. He turned around and there was Melda's father with a smirk on his face.
"So, you took your kids to a cantina," he said.
Han sneered at him. "Yeah, and what's it to you?"
"The fact that Ms. Tano's still letting such an irresponsible parent come with us," said Ryo, folding his arms. "If I were her, I'd be sending you and your family home right now."
"Yeah, well you ain't her," said Han.
The man snarled at him like an animal. "Look, if you know what's good for you you'll keep your kids far away from my Melda, you hear? If she becomes an alcoholic when she gets older, it'll be your fault for taking your kids to that cantina."
"What the hell?" Han exclaimed. "Look sir, if you really believe that you've got some serious mental issues, and I'd suggest checkin' yourself into an institution for your dear daughter's sake."
Ryo's face was turning red. "Why you . . . you irresponsible, idiotic, immature moron!"
Han couldn't help but smirk at his pathetic attempt at insulting him. "Nice try, but my wife calls me more creative names on a regular basis - maybe you should get a few tips from her. I'm sure she's full of material after last night."
Ryo was sputtering, but Han didn't have time to chat with him any longer. The kids were lining up outside the hovel (of course) and Ms. Tano was telling them the line should be straight and quiet (of course). Han went up to join Leia on the side of the line, but she was still giving him the silent treatment.
"Look hon," he said awkwardly, "nothing happened, kay? No drinks, no brawls, nothin', and we got thrown out right away anyway."
Leia turned away from him with her arms folded.
Why was the silent treatment even worse than when she yelled at him? "Look," he said again, "they just wanted to see the place. No harm done."
Leia still wouldn't look at him.
Han sighed. "Okay, okay, I totally embarrassed our family and I'm gettin' what I deserve bein' locked up every night. Happy now?"
But Leia didn't get a chance to answer. All of a sudden, the deafening cry of Tusken Raiders numbed everyone's ears just before they were all knocked out.
. . . .
The class woke up to find themselves sitting in the sand, tied together around various stakes in the middle of a Tuskan Raider camp, where many of the species were staring at their prisoners, grunting at each other in their language. Han had a splitting headache, but he wasn't sure if it was from being knocked out or from the kids screaming in panic.
"Well, this is an interesting turn of events," Ms. Tano was saying. "It appears that we have been captured by Tuskan Raiders. Now Tuskan Raiders, also known as Sand People, are a nomadic race who make Tatooine their home. They tend to keep to themselves and rarely socialize outside of their own tribes . . ."
"You're seriously trying to teach about this?" Han exclaimed. "How about tryin' to get outta here instead?"
"Patience, Mr. Solo," said Ms. Tano. "Now as I was saying, Tuskan Raiders use banthas as their main form of transportation . . ."
"We're DEAD!" Anakin was wailing. "We're gonna DIE!"
"I don't wanna die!" screamed Allura, tears already running down her cheeks.
"Crybaby," Kai grumbled.
"But we're gonna DIE!" cried Allura.
"HUSH!" yelled Leia. "No one is going to die. We just need to stay calm and figure out a way to get out of here."
"I'm tied up next to HAN SOLO!" Tad sang out. "I'M TIED UP NEXT TO HAN SOLO! This is the most awesome thing that's ever happened to me!"
"Ms. Tano, I have to go to the refresher," some other kid was saying. "Can I just go here?"
"QUIET!" Ms. Tano screamed. "The leader of the tribe wants to speak to us."
Sure enough, one of the larger Tuskan Raiders was approaching them. He (or she?) started grunting rather loudly, seemingly at Ms. Tano, but it was hard to tell.
"Great," Han muttered. "Where's 3PO when you actually need him?"
"Not to worry, Mr. Solo," said Ms. Tano. "I know a little of their language."
"Yeah?" said Leia. "Well maybe you could be so kind as to tell us what they're saying."
The Tuskan Raider leader grunted a few more words to Ms. Tano before she translated. "He says that my old master once slaughtered an entire tribe of their people, so now they're taking revenge on his padawan, his daughter, his son-in-law, his grandchildren, and everyone else who's with them."
"What kind of a grudge is that?" said Jaina.
"Revenge on all of US?" a mother yelled. "What did WE do to deserve this?"
"We're DEAD!" Anakin started wailing again.
"All right, all right younglings, just stay calm," said Ms. Tano. "Let me concentrate." She stared up at the leader. "You don't want to kill us, you want to let us go."
"Ah, I get it," said Leia. She too stared at the other Tuskan Raiders. "You don't want to kill us, you want to let us go."
"You don't want to kill us, you want to let us go," Jaina, Jacen, and Anakin repeated even though none of them had learned how to perform Jedi mind tricks.
"You don't want to kill us, you want to let us go. You don't want to kill us, you want to let us us go. You don't want to kill us, you want to let us go."
For a moment it seemed to be working. The leader stared blankly at the group, but then all of a sudden he growled loudly and began wrathfully waving his gaffi stick in the air.
Han sighed. "Somehow I got the feeling that didn't help us very much."
"Ah, well, it works best when you can wave your hand," said Ms. Tano. "No matter, Tuskan Raiders are also easily startled, so if we all make loud noise, that should scare them away."
No sooner had she spoken than the children exploded in screams, pounding inside Han's skull.
"AAOOOOOOOHGAH!"
"YAAAAAAAAAH!
"GO AWAY MEAN SAND PEOPLE!"
"HAN SOLO IS AWESOME!"
That last scream of course came from Tad, and Han thought for certain that he would lose hearing in one of his ears because of it.
It took several minutes, but finally the Sand People decided that their prisoners were either too loud or too crazy to bother with any longer. The leader cautiously approached Ms. Tano and grumbled something as he undid the ropes.
"He says we can go," Ms. Tano translated. "He says revenge isn't worth going deaf over."
Overjoyed that their scheme had worked, the kids continued screaming after they were untied. In fact, they kept screaming as the group lined up (why did they even have to line up in this situation?) and left the camp. The screaming went on and on, effecitively drowning out Ms. Tano's continuing lecture about Tuskan Raiders, until the camp was well out of sight.
