"Ya know, you can come in," Jim called to the person lurking outside the cabin. Since Pike, the cabin's owner, was really the only person who had any idea where she was, Jim knew it could only be a handful of people.

"Hmm. This place is… What's that word you use? Cozy?" Sybok asked as he stepped into the room.

"That's it," she nodded. "When'd you get back?"

"An hour ago. I went your dorm to surprise you and Doctor McCoy said that you were with Captain Pike. So, I went to the captain," he told her. He'd been off-planet for a few days doing some diplomatic stuff.

"And he gave you the super-secret coordinates for his cabin. You are a lucky man," Jim sighed.

Sybok pulled off his jacket before he moved to kneel in front of her, his hands resting on her thighs. "Why are you out here?"

"Pike didn't tell you?" she asked.

"He said it was not for him to tell."

"That's true," Jim chuckled. "I'm hiding."

"You're hiding in a cabin in the Mojave Desert with nothing but a twenty-year-old bottle of Georgia bourbon as your companion. Would you care to tell me why?"

"Because Bones gave me that bottle on my last birthday and I'm having a bad day, so I felt it was warranted," she told him, trying to avoid the real answer to that question.

"What has distressed you?"

"Bad memories. To explain them I'd have to explain a lot of stuff and I…" Stopping to think about it for half a minute, she decided that if they were going to be anything with each other, he should probably know. "Can I tell you secret?"

"You can tell me anything. You know that," he told her.

"What do you know about stardate twenty-two-forty-six point three-one-four?" Jim rattled off the number that was etched into her soul by heartache, grit and determination.

"It is the day that Starfleet responded to a distress call from Tarsus Four," Sybok said in that clinical Vulcan tone she's only heard a handful of times before his eyes connected with hers. "You were there?"

"Yep. I guess I have to start at the beginning. You know that my mom died when I was eleven, me and Sam were sent to live with her brother… Frank. After the fanfare surrounding my mother's death went away, he starting drinking, a lot. He resented getting stuck with us but he was our only living kin and he had access to the trusts that were set up, so he took us. Me and Sam… we steered clear as much as we could but… an angry fifteen-year-old boy and a pubescent twelve-year-old girl, both with abandonment issues, in a house with a pissed off, alcoholic man was not a good mix."

"He hurt you? Touched you?" Sybok asked, his jaw clinched and the anger coming through in his tone. Jim doesn't know what compelled her, but she reached up and ran her fingers along his jaw. After a moment, she felt some of the tension in his face dissipate.

"Once. The day my brother ran away and I drove my father's nineteen sixty-five Chevy Corvette Stingray into the quarry," Jim said, smiling in spite of herself. "Frank wanted to sell it but it wasn't his to sell. It belonged to me and my brother. I told him that I'd rather see it in pieces than see him drink away the credits he got for it. He flat out told me that I couldn't do anything about it."

"Ahh, a challenge," he smiled.

"Yep. I trashed it. Got dragged home by the cops. He was on me as soon as they left. It was bad. I won't tell you just how bad right now but I, uh… I went to my excuse of a school looking like I lost a fight with a Klingon and I couldn't sit down. They sent me over to the fleet clinic at the shipyard. Three doctors, a series of regens, a social worker and a call to the one person my mother told me I could trust, and I was on the next transport to Tarsus Four where Hoshi Sato was waiting for me." Jim went to take a drink from the tumbler in her hand and frowned when she realized it was empty.

"Allow me," Sybok told her, taking the glass from her hands, refilling it, handing it back to her and returning to his position in front of her. She wasn't gonna bother asking if it was uncomfortable, Jim had the impression that he just didn't care.

"It wasn't all bad. Tarsus. I could breathe there. I wasn't the daughter of Riverside's golden boy, I was just me. Then, on twenty-two-forty-six point three-oh-five, everything went tits up. The crop failures became public knowledge and Kodos rounded up half the colony. We weren't on the list but Hoshi knew something was up. Me, being me, decided that I was going to do… something even though I had no idea what. Hoshi… she told me not to go."

"You didn't listen."

"No. I got to the main square and stayed out of sight but I heard it; Kodos' declaration. 'Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death.' I couldn't believe that the man who was supposed to lead and protect us just ordered the deaths of thousands of people. Including children." Jim downed the drink in her hands and sat the tumbler on the table next to her.

"What happened?"

"One of the kids from my class was pulling the little ones out of the way… then he just dropped… projectile round to the head. I don't know what came over me but I grabbed the kids and got them away. We went back to Hoshi's and I hid them in the basement. We were okay for about a week… then Kodos' men came. I managed to get them out the house and sent them to this cave that the older kids used to hang out in with all the food we had. The enforcers dumped me, Hoshi and Takashi, her husband, in front of Kodos. He gave us some crap about the betterment of the colony before he executed Takashi. He tried to get us to tell him where the kids were but Hoshi didn't say anything, she just glared at him as he shot her. Then he turned the weapon on me."

"And yet, you are here," he said.

"I talked him out of killing me. Reminded him just who I was. George Kirk's daughter. A bargaining chip with Starfleet and the Federation… hell, even the Romulans. He could ask for anything and they'd give it to him, it's why he left me alive to begin with."

"Starfleet would not have negotiated for you," Sybok said quietly.

"I know. Protocol," she shrugged. "But Kodos stopped to think about it just long enough for me to stab him in the chest with the combat knife that Takashi always had in a sheath on his leg. Old man was a MACO… commando through and through. That knife is one of the handful of things I managed to hold on to."

"Kodos' followers could've killed you."

"Their families were starving just the same as everybody else. As soon as I reminded them of that, they sent up the distress signal," Jim sighed. "It's all redacted from my file, of course. Medical records are sealed and I was never fully identified. Starfleet let me leave before anyone, save Pike who was on the ship that rescued us, could figure out who I was. Last thing I wanted was more pity and the last thing they needed was the bad press. I bounced around, found my brother, went to college, reunited with Pike. You know the rest." Jim watched for a few minutes as his brain processed the information.

"You are aware that this does not change how I see you," he told her.

"I'm a mess, Sy."

"We all have our burdens to bear."

"I don't want my burdens to bear on you," she admitted. It wasn't just Tarsus; it was everything that came with being her father's daughter.

"And if I wish to carry those burdens with you?"

"I think you'll have your hands full dealing with your people freaking out that you have taken up with a Human. Not that any of them will be too shocked. You're more like Sarek than either of you care to acknowledge."

"I am a Vulcan in love with a Human woman and I will not apologize for it."

"You love me?"

"I do."

"Why? I'm…"

"Wonderful. Brilliant. Beautiful. I spend my days waiting for the moment I can see you or be with you. When we part… it's the worst moment of any day." Sybok took her hands in his own. "You must know that I set you apart."

She did know. Jim knew he'd drop everything if she needed him. That he'd sit up and listen to her rant about anything that bothered her. That's what worried her.

"You are not used to someone caring about your well-being. You are used to taking care of yourself. As unaffected as you strive to appear, it hurts you; the thought that you may be alone for the rest of your time in this universe. Though, as much as it bothers you, the alternative of being with someone scares you even more because everyone you've ever tried to rely on, with the exception of Captain Pike and Doctor McCoy, abandoned you in some manner."

"You got all that from reading my mind?"

"No. From the look in your eyes."

"They say all that?" Jim asked.

"That and more," he told her. "You care about me, you may even love me, but you don't want to. Because you're right, you and I together is not simple. It may never be simple but you want it. You want it more than anything you've ever wanted and it's shaken you to your core. The question you must now ask yourself is this; are you willing to let what you want slip away because that's the easy route or are you willing to fight for me like I'm willing to fight for you?"

Jim could taste the tension in the room. The slight buzz she had from the bourbon has completely replaced by a whole different kind of intoxication. Even without his natural telepathic ability, Sybok had this way of seeing straight to her soul and the realization that she was -metaphorically- laid bare in front of him scared her but it also excited her and even calmed her.

She contemplated him and realized that, aside from his step-mother, she was the only person that knew the real Sybok. She's the person he saves that distractingly beautiful smile for. She's the one who hears him hum to himself while he reads. She's the person who gets to run her fingers though his hair. The one who sees him wearing jeans and t-shirts just because he can. He tells her everything he's thinking and wants her honest opinion about it, even if she doesn't agree with him. To everyone else, he was this repressed Vulcan who works for his father, to Jim, he was the person who would do anything to make her smile. She didn't even realize how much she needed that until this moment. How much she needed him.

"I have this habit of pushing people away," she told him. "Figured if everyone else was gone, no point in letting anyone get close."

"I know."

"And I'm cranky without caffeine."

"I know that as well," Sybok smiled.

"We're gonna draw a lot of attention," Jim sighed.

"Given who we are, it's expected," he said and she could see the amusement on his face.

"I can't promise you that I'll be perfect."

"Good. I don't want perfect. I want you," Sybok told her before he smiled. "Please tell me that this dialogue has a purpose."

"Just pointing some things out before…" she paused. "I have no idea what I'm doing but I would like to try. You know… I would like us to try... Whatever that means."

Jim expected Sybok to say something but he didn't. A slow smile formed on his lips before he leaned forward and gently pressed them against hers. The kiss was sweet and tender and it seemed at odds with the strength she knew he possessed. Jim let out a small gasp and Sybok deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue along her lower lip before slipping inside her mouth. She moved forward as one of his hands pulled her to the edge of the couch and they both went toppling to the floor. Fortunately, they missed hitting any of Pike's furniture.

"Oh my God," Jim laughed against his chest.

"I may have made a slight miscalculation," Sybok chuckled.

"Can't help it if you're distracted."

"You may distract me at your leisure, k'diwa."

"Now, that's a Vulcan word I've never heard before. What's it mean?" she asked.

"K'diwa is the shortened version of k'hat'n'dlawa, which means 'one who is half of my heart and soul in its deepest sense' but has become uncommon due to its emotional connotation. The modern use of k'diwa is best associated with the Human word 'beloved'."

"You Vulcans have some very illogical words."

"We do indeed," he smiled.

"So… what do we do now?" Jim asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Now, I get to take you on an actual outing."

"But I like you making me dinner and having picnics in Amanda's garden."

"That will not end. I am simply contemplating other activities we can enjoy together."

"You're such a charmer."