Please remember, I do not own either the characters/plots/words of either Suzanne Collins who wrote the Hunger Games Series. All rights belong to her. She owns and deserves all the credit for those. I am merely inspired by her amazing works.

Thanks again for all the reviews & alerts they mean SO much to me. I might have to take a little break from editing the next few chapters. I am trying to study for my neuro nursing certification and what started out as little breaks to my fanfiction to do some simple editing turns into long periods of distraction which get me completely off my study plan. If only the Hunger Games was going to be on the test, I would be golden. I will get back to this story as soon as I can find more discipline.

Ch 7

Luckily she missed the eye roll. He knows that would not have gone over well.

"Yes …. the bread again…." She sighs. "Peeta - that sacrifice you made for me so many years ago meant everything to me. It meant hope. It meant survival. I might have not have been able to show it then, but it meant my life and my family's life. Without you, we would not have been alive."

"You might…" he tries to interrupt.

"No, Peeta. I would not have. I was so scared that day if I touched the ground; I would not be able to get up and would just vanish into the peaceful waiting arms of death. But then you threw me those loaves. I was so indebted to you. I did not know how to thank you. How do you thank someone for saving your life when you don't even know each other? And then time moved so quickly, as it always does. I would often see you and think that I should just say it … but so much time had passed. When I would see your eyes flit over to me, I would try to avoid them out of shame. That first debt is so hard to pay back, especially considering our differences, you from the Town and me from the Seam. Our perspectives can be so different…" she said shaking her head.

"That first afternoon, when I caught your eyes and looked away I got distracted by the dandelions. I remembered my father and his lessons on edible plants. Between the bread and the memory, I found hope again. Not only did you give me the bread, but you gave me back a piece of my father. I was so grateful to you in that moment. After that time, I would pick dandelions, making wishes on them hoping to find a way to repay you as I blew the little seedlings into the air. But with each little piece that blew away I knew I would never find the perfect way. But with each seedling that flew away, little bits of gratitude and hope were spreading throughout the district. Now when I see them, I can't help but think of you and that day. Bread and dandelions intertwined forever bringing survival and hope. I don't think you understand how deeply it affected me…" Moisture was beginning to well in her eyes again. No - she thinks I have to tell him this. I cannot let my emotions distract me this time. I have to gain control. She swallows deeply before she continues.

"When you were captive, I did not know what to do. I was so lost. While you were being tortured in the Capitol, I would roam District 13 trying to find places to escape. Escape the guilt of leaving you, of missing you… I would find these hiding places and stay until someone forced me to return. That night when they aired your first interview with Caesar, I began to feel a little bit of hope again seeing that you were alive. Knowing that there may be a way to save you helped me decide to become the Mockingjay. I knew I had to protect you even if I could not reach you in the Capitol. I knew there could be no ceasefire, that it would not bring you home or protect you from the Rebels. People were so against you for suggesting it. Prim made me see that it was in the Mockingjay's power to save you and the other victors, it may have been the only way. But then on the screen you began to deteriorate and your interviews became so frightening to watch. By the time you warned us about the bomb, I was so scared for you. I could no longer survive without knowing you were safe and sound. Finnick helped to stabilize me through the knot tying, but it still could not shake this feeling you were being hurt because of me. After the bombing, they tried to get us to film another video, but it never happened. I couldn't do it and had a major breakdown, followed soon by Finnick. We fell apart right in front of everyone. I couldn't be the Mockingjay if it meant they would hurt you because of it. I felt so powerless, I missed you so much. They sedated me and went off to rescue you. And when you returned I was relieved, I thought we could find our way back. Perhaps it would be like the beach. I imagined hugs and kisses, not strangulation. But the Peeta I knew did not return. He was stolen way from me. I became so angry with everyone but mostly myself. All those months, I spent taking you and your good nature for granted finally caught up with me. Haymitch was right, I could have spent a thousand lifetimes and not deserved you. Now the Capitol was returning me what I deserved. A Peeta that finally saw the real me and I hated that. I hated knowing that you were right to hate me. It hurt more than the neck bruises, losing you Peeta. Since I had failed to protect you, I knew I needed to let you go before we hurt each other anymore. There were already so many people gone because of me… but you were perhaps the hardest in my mind. I could not live with the pain or the guilt. I truly never thought I was going to get you back." With each word spoken she feels a little bit of weight lift off her shoulders. Until she feels his warm arms wrap around her, bringing her a comfort and warmth only the original Peeta can ~ encouraging her to go on.

"You were so changed, so different. The new Peeta scared me. But I was responsible for your alteration, for enabling the Capitol to torture you. You were lost on my watch. I was impossible to be around you without being consumed by anger, regret or guilt. That was why I distanced myself. It was wrong. But at the time, I was too numb to differentiate so much. Nothing felt right. It still doesn't feel right. So many people gone because of my actions, guilt and remorse fill my days. Still needing to distance myself from everyone even now, the guilt is too much for me. I'm not as strong as I once was, I can't separate emotions from my life like I did before the Games. Most days I feel too broken to carry on. Too broken to fix, I have become unfixable. I'm not just lost anymore. I'm a lost cause, no sense in trying to find me now."

Peeta felt her body stiffen and tears form deep inside of her long before he felt the confirmatory tears on his arms.