{7}
Mercedes laughed, a high and melodious sound.
Then she nestled back into the crook of Noah's arm and was silent again. Briefly, he looked up from his book at her. She had long black hair, was skinny, and had sparkling light green eyes. Normally, Noah didn't really have an intense interest in dating, but Mercedes had just shown up out of the blue and she shared his interest in books. The connection had been almost instant; after only a day of really meeting each other for the first time, Noah was officially calling her his girlfriend.
It felt pretty nice to have one for once and have an excuse not to spend Friday nights at home.
Mercedes turned away from her book and leaned towards him, tilting his face towards her. Without waiting for a reaction, she leaned in and kissed Noah tenderly on the lips. When she pulled away, he smiled at her and she smiled pleasantly back.
Elaine sighed heavily, sitting on the edge of her bed and crossing her knees. Smiling sheepishly, Jose crawled out from underneath her bed. Then he stood up and sat down next to her, running his hands through his short, now grimy hair; he smelled like trash since he'd been hiding out in a dumpster for the duration of the past day. He seemed to be hiding from everything lately, a very peculiar situation for somebody like him.
"You're lucky my mom's busy trying to f**k Chris and Eli's busy with doing the same with his fugly girlfriend," Elaine griped. "You're getting pretty pathetic, Jose."
"You f**ked Ryan while I was gone," Jose replied. "That little stringbean, chica? Seriously? You can do so much better...Or can you?"
Elaine tossed her long blond hair in a huff. "At least he has a more pleasant smell! You smell like twenty cats just pissed on you!"
"Well excuse me for not carrying around cologne," Jose muttered.
"Ryan pretty much dumped me as soon as he saw Heather again anyway," she replied bitterly.
"You still have me," Jose replied. He actually looked vulnerable, his eyebrows raised and a hopeful smile on his face; he looked just like Alejandro did when he was in one of his 'tender moments' with Heather. It made Elaine want to barf.
She reached down and pulled off one of her thigh high boots, catching the mischievous twinkle in Jose's eyes. Ever since she'd first met him, Elaine knew that Jose was an animal. Their relationship was pretty open ended, to account for Jose's womanizing appetite, but somehow he'd always been faithful. Somehow, she was the girl he'd first 'done it' with and he'd told her that he eventually wanted to get married...
He was so confusing. One minute he was obsessed with thwarting Alejandro, the next he was obsessed with her. Soon, though, she was never going to have to put up with him again. After not hearing from him for so long, Elaine had found a better offer. She thrust her ankle into Jose's face, twirling it around so that he could get a good look at the green snake tattoo etched there. As soon as he saw it, he visibly cringed and scooted as far away from her as he could get.
"I'm done with you," Elaine said coldly, shooting a smirk at him. "I've found a much better offer and this one actually pays..."
"Elaine!" Jose's voice was a squeak. "You don't know what you're getting involved with-"
"Save the bull shit, you cheap bastard!" she snipped at him.
"I was never safe here..." Jose started pulling at his hair.
"They're outside," Elaine hissed, her eyes a pair of daggers. "Waiting. You're dead, Jose Burromuerto."
-Alejandro-
Carlos is a complete nervous wreck. He's bitten all of his nails down to the quick, has huge bags under his eyes, and his face is so red and raw. Even Carmen-el amor de su vida-can't seem to calm him or soothe him in any way. Despite how rotten to the core Jose is, Carlos is worried sick about him.
It's Thursday and in two minutes, I'll officially be late for school, but I can't leave Carlos like this. Carmen has to get to her job at the local graphic design lab, Kate's still mad at Carlos and stormed off to school, Mama's busy with Pilar, and Dad's working late at his part time job at the cafe today. Carmen hovers towards the door, fingering her long red overcoat and casting a glance at Carlos, then looks up at me. Her eyes are full of unspoken despair and worry, ringed by purplish bags. Wearily, I smile back at her as reassuringly as I can and she takes her leave.
My own insides are twisted up in a pretzel of knots. I couldn't sleep at all last night, haunted by thoughts of what Jose might be up to. Dios, he'll want a monstrous revenge on me and I feel like a huge, inevitable tidal wave is looming over me. Trying to keep myself in check, I pull my cell phone out of my pocket. Of course, Heather's left me a text message.
Heather U okay? M wrried about u. Ur not skool. Y?
I smile a little bit at the blatant misspellings; she must have been in a rush. Quickly, I compose a reply to her and just as I'm putting my phone away, Carlos looks up at me, looking so run down. He looks so miserable and it wrenches at my heart.
"Alejandro...did Carmen make it to work?" he asks.
I wander over and plop into the chair next to him. "Si."
"Where's Catalina?" Carlos asks in a weak voice. "She won't talk to me. I...Is Jose back yet? Where's Jose...?"
He's been asking the same questions over and over again. Frowning, I reach out and take his hand and squeeze it. A few moments pass and he looks at me, trying so hard to smile.
"I'm okay. Estoy bien, Alejandro. Really..."
"No, you're not," I tell him with utter conviction in my voice.
Carlos slides his hand out of mine and then pushes his chair out and stands up. His knees are shaking as he spreads his arms wide. Then he tap dances, pretending to wield a hat and cane, twists in a small circle and even gives a little bow. When he sits back down, he even manages a wide smile. He knows I've been in a rough patch with the whole Ryan thing, so he's trying to play down his own problems, but...Dios, Carlos.
"See?" he insists, smiling wider until he looks like the equivalent of a mule.
"Go up to bed and sleep," I command. For emphasis, I lean towards him wearing my steeliest stare. He blinks and looks at me blankly.
"I don't need sleep!" he insists.
Never before have I seen Carlos so petulant and stubborn. Right now, he reminds me of how Pilar behaves when she has a fever and wants to go to the movies: she insists that she's fine when she's not and won't comply when I try to get her to go to bed. Something in me snaps. If Carlos wants to act this way, I have no choice.
"You need to sleep, Carlos!" I tell him. "You're a complete mess-"
"I can't sleep, Alejandro!" he wails, his eyes wild. "I can't eat. I can't do anything. My little brother's in trouble and he came to me for help." Carlos looks like he wants to cry, but he's been weeping so much, his tears have dried up. "Jose never comes to me for help. He really is in trouble, Alejandro. I could see it in his eyes. We both know how deceptive and devious he is, but Jose really-"
"Jose's playing you!" I scream, something snapping. "Quit worrying on his behalf! He's a bastard, Carlos. You might care about him, but he doesn't give a mierda about you!"
We're both silent. The air is so heavy between us, it feels like a heavy lead block. For a second, Carlos looks at me with wide, wavering eyes, lips trembling. Then he shakes his head, raking his shaking fingers through it. He looks so terrible, it's breaking my heart. And I feel like the scum of the earth for worsening his grief, but I know it's the truth.
Carlos takes a few heaving breaths, then looks at me with eyes like steel. There's so much seriousness in his stare, I can feel my bones ache and a darkness well up in my chest.
"That's not the truth and you know it," Carlos replies, his words dropping like heavy stones. "Somewhere deep in your heart, you know that's not true. Jose isn't perfect, but neither are you. Neither am I. You heard about Jose's situation from somebody who hates him as much as you do, but if you'd been there when he told me..."
"We were in the bedroom I share with Carmen. As soon as we were alone, I watched Jose's exterior peel away like the skin of an orange. He looked so vulnerable, his eyes full of absolute terror. Like a small child. A small child in mortal terror. I know he can pull certain facial expressions, feign emotions, but, like you, I can tell when he does it. He wasn't doing it here.
He told me he was being pursued by a gang called Los Diablos, The Devils. He was masquerading as the leader, but he's really not; he owes a huge debt to the true leader. Apparently, he almost jeopardized their operation and they want him...dead. The entire time he was describing this, his voice broke several times and he looked like he was about to cry. It broke my heart to see him so terrified and he asked me to hide him. To conceal him. Not only that, but he mentioned that the gang wasn't only after him. They want others, too. The others don't know about this, Alejandro, but...
He mentioned you as a specific target of the gang..."
Carlos sat on the edge of the queen-sized bed in his room. In front of him, Jose looked like a wreck, his eyes glittering with tears. Over and over, he kept swiping at his face with the sleeve of his shirt, trying to hide his weakness. Without asking, Carlos got down on the floor and crawled over towards Jose. Feeling his heart beating like a congo drum in his chest, Carlos opened his arms and looked earnestly at his younger brother.
Sniffing, Jose looked at him and Carlos smiled encouragingly at him, trying to quell the huge ball of knots in his stomach. Carlos knew it was stupid to be offering to hug Jose, since Jose was a tough guy type and liked to preserve his pride. That was when Jose crept over and threw his arms around Carlos, placing his head on Carlos' shoulder like he'd done when he was two-years-old and scared of the dark.
Even if he was pretending, Jose would never go as far as accepting Carlos' offer for a hug. Jose pulled away after a minute, shoulders heaving as he shook from head to foot.
"Alejandro's one of the targets," Jose said, his eyes wide and shiny. "Al...That little shit..."
He subsided into a bunch of muttered cursing, but Carlos could see the visible fear on his face, the way his eye was twitching. Somehow, Carlos could tell that Jose was scared most about The Devils getting to Alejandro. Nervously, he shot a look at Carlos. Then he looked down at his feet again and started muttering a bunch cuss words again.
Carlos looks like he was remembering something. When he looks up at me, I'm still unconvinced. Carlos opens his mouth to try to say something more, but I cut him off with a wave of my hand. Feeling ridiculous, furious, weary, tired, and a bunch of other things, I round the table and grab Carlos' wrist and pull him up out of his chair. When he tries to protest, I yank on his wrist harder.
I forcefully pull him up the stairs, to his bedroom and then push him onto his bed. He's glaring up at me, the same glare Pilar shoots at me when she's annoyed.
"Alejandro-"
"You need to sleep," I tell him for the millionth time. "Stop pretending you don't. Quit trying to be Superman, Carlos. You were just giving me a spiel about how nobody's perfect? You're being a hypocrite if you don't get some sleep."
Carlos continues to glare. Then his gaze softens and he kicks off his shoes, crawls under the bed covers and sighs. For the first time today, the relief on his face looks genuine and I can feel my burden becoming a bit lighter when he closes his eyes.
"Alejandro?" he asks, eyes still closed. "Could you sing me that lullaby I heard Mama sing to Pilar? The one you came up with especially for her?"
The request is strange and I can feel myself blushing out of embarrassment even though nobody else is here in the room. Hoping he'll drop it, I just stand there silently. The silence grows thick and after a minute, I'm pretty sure he's asleep. That's when I turn to head out of the room-
"Alejandro...?"
Damn.
"Please...I'm asking you as your oldest hermano," he begs. "Por favor? I can never get it right and I want to be able to sing it to Pilar. Maybe even my own first little niña. Maybe even use it to serenade Carmen?"
Carlos knows exactly how to get what he wants when he wants to.
"Alright," I groan, sighing heavily. "This isn't for you, just so you know. It's for Pilar and my future niece."
"I know," he says with an annoying little smile.
Taking a deep breath, I look up at the window overlooking Carlos' neighborhood. The sky is shrouded in dark clouds and sheets of gray rain are falling. For some reason, this dismal weather is extremely fitting. Soft sounds of pattering rain fill the quiet rain and I close my eyes, letting the silence seep in.
Despite the series of tumultuous events that have been happening, I find myself breathing easier now, feeling a strange sense of calm and tranquility wash over me.
It's easy to imagine a huge field of snow white flowers sashaying in the breeze, a pale blue sky. Some cheesy scene out of a romance movie. I can see Heather's smiling face, see strands of her hair flying lightly around her head like an angel's halo. Mi ángel.
It's strange to hear the peaceful silence broken by my voice, singing:
If heaven exists, you must be an angel,
You're an unexpected miracle that came into my life
And it's happier because you're here with me
I can't possibly imagine anything without you around,
You're in every dream I have and I love to dream because of that,
Reality's become sweeter because you're around, too
It's almost as sweet as the sweetest dream I could have
If only I could hold you in my arms everyday,
Spend all of eternity looking into your shining eyes,
Feel myself brimming over with love,
A flame that burns and flourishes
If heaven exists, you must be an angel,
You're an unexpected miracle that came into my life
And it's happier because you're here with me
As soon as I stop singing, I can hear Carlos snoring lightly. The rain's still coming down and I feel such a huge surge of calm and tranquility, I want to sleep, too. Stretching, I stand up and leave Carlos, walking down the hall to one of the three guest rooms. There's a single bed there and I kick off my own shoes, take off my shirt, settle under the covers and then start taking a short siesta myself...
-Heather-
It feels kinda weird being at school without Alejandro here. Like I'm butt naked.
It really seems like he's livin' la vida loca lately after hearing what Kate had to dish out. Jose's just an endless problem it seems like. I can't believe I actually went out with that loser; I don't know why I got to know him at all. He's a sleaze and an asshole and this is coming from somebody who's been called "shallower than a kiddie pool." Now Al's at home tending to his older brother, who apparently is a mental wreck right now.
I'm worried about Al, but I'm also worried about dealing with Ryan by myself. Ryan was there last night when he heard about the sitch, but he could give less than a shit about Alejandro. I know exactly what he'll be trying to pull.
I'm so anxious that I'm almost tempted to bite my nails, a nasty habit I haven't done since fourth grade...
"Are you okay, Heather?" Beth asked, clutching at her boyfriend Eli's arm. He's looking at me with the same concerned expression Beth has on her face.
"Yeah," I replied, standing up straighter to ward off any more questions.
"Where's Alexander?" Lindsay asked, looking at me.
"Alejandro," I corrected her. "He's home sick."
Lindsay shrugs and goes back to avidly discussing the latest basketball game with Tyler. He keeps flexing his muscles and smiling while she smiles and chats up his ego. Tyler's the worst player on every sports team he's ever been on, but Ty and Linds have been together since freshman year. I can't help smiling when I remember overhearing Tyler telling somebody that he plans on proposing to Lindsay at prom this year. It's so sweet and touching. Every time I see them together now, I can't help remembering that!
"Heather..." Beth tapped my shoulder. "There's somebody at your locker."
My stomach drops. As soon as I look in the direction of my locker, I see him standing there. Of course he looks up, right at me, right at my face. I feel like a helpless butterfly being pinned to a board for some nerd's collection.
First instinct is to walk away and hide, but I'm so damn sick of doing that. For the past few days, I've just barely been able to dodge around Ryan, but then again, Alejandro was here helping me with that. I'd feel so much better with him here, but it's time for Ryan to get the boot. And I'm gonna do that today. No more beating around the freaking bush.
Clenching my fists, I march right up to Ryan and when I reach my locker, I fold my arms and glare at him. He just smiles back at me.
"Hello Heather," he said. "Where's Jose Roses?"
I rolled my eyes. "His name's Alejandro."
"I like Jose Roses better." He chuckles as if he made a funny joke.
"I'd like for you to back off," I said in my coldest tone of voice. "Go away. Get lost."
"Is Jose Roses' nookie really that good?" There was a sneer on Ryan's face now. "And don't give me shit that you two haven't done it. The only reason Jose's with you is because he can tap your hot bod!"
Ryan folded his shoulders back and snorted in a breath.
"Who's Jose Roses and what's 'nookie'? Is that some kind of cookie?" Lindsay asked, clueless.
I could feel Eli, Beth, Lindsay, and Tyler staring, could feel my fury rising. Ryan always had a huge sweet side and severe temper. It's like he's two kinds of extremes and it's the negatives I don't like. As he stood there, glaring at me, I was surprised as my mind flashed through a bunch of the arguments I'd had with Alejandro. In a way, Alejandro was a bunch of extremes, like Ryan, but he wasn't as blatantly obnoxious.
Ryan grabbed my wrist and dragged me down the hall. As he pulled me, I could hear his words echoing, followed by some of the remarks Alejandro had made when I argued with him. Ryan and I ended up in the janitor's closet. My heart was rattling in my rib cage like a trapped bird and I was burning with anger, fury, hatred. I was angry at Ryan for being such a jackass, at Jose for being an even bigger jackass, at Kate for spilling the news about Jose, at everybody...
"Alejandro has so much drama," Ryan said, his voice dripping with acid. "He needs to work out his problems with his asshole older brother. He's an asshole for getting you involved at all, Heather. If he really cared about you, he'd be here right now. No matter what the consequences."
I glared at Ryan. "You don't know Alejandro! He cares about me more than you ever did! You only want to have sex with me and that's-"
"That's not true," Ryan said, releasing a long breath. "I didn't wait for you to do it with somebody. I had sex the night I got home after you first turned me down. I realized it's not all that. Heather, for real here, I'm still in love with you. I love you so much it hurts and I just can't stand the sight of you and Alejandro together. I don't want you just for that, Heather..."
He looked at me with a mute desperation in his eyes.
"I can do it with any girl I wanted and you could do it with any guy," he continued. "It's just...when we were together, we had something electric. Something special. Oh God, I was so stupid to force sex on you freshman year. I was so stupid all around. Heather, you gotta understand. You're 'the one' for me and I...I've never stopped thinking about you. Never stopped wanting you. I've been trying to get here sooner..."
He trailed off and looked at me with a serious look on his face. For a second, I felt like I was in seventh grade again, standing in the living room of Ryan's house. He was standing only inches away from me now, leaning in close to my ear. There were electric sparks on the air when I felt his hot breath rolling past my ear, down my neck.
"I love you, Heather," he whispered.
Then he turned my head towards his and he started kissing me. It was as passionate as I remembered his lips moist. He didn't smell like hamburgers today...he smelled like lilacs. The smell drifted into my nose, taking me back to that memory and I found myself wrapping my arms around his neck, running my hands through his hair. It was silky and soft. Then he pulled me closer and it felt like I was melting into him.
His tongue poked into my mouth. It swiveled around and I could feel my nerves prickling, feel the huge electric pop and the fireworks show. When he pulled away, I was breathing hard, caught in the tsunami of Ryan's repressed passion and echoes of how I used to feel about him roiling through me. Looking at him, I could feel my heart beat harder, faster. All of me wanted to lunge at him and kiss more. More, more, more.
He didn't say anything. All he did was lift his hand, splay his fingers, reached out towards me-
I turned, opened the door to the closet and fled down the hallway. I ran and ran until I ended up at the principal's office. On autopilot, I found myself feigning sickness, signing out, and then leaving the school. The entire time, the image of Ryan's face filled my brain and attacked it.
I reached my car, pulled open the door and then sat there, staring at the steering wheel.
Everything was silent, way too silent. My stomach was churning like a bunch of wild ocean waves and I could feel a dry heave coming up. The overwhelming odor of lilacs still burned my nose and I felt like screaming at the heavens. Casting a nervous glance over my shoulder, I saw a figure running towards the doors. Ryan.
In earnest, I started up the car and pulled away. I wasn't heading home. I didn't know where I was going and I just didn't care.
All I know is that...I think I'm still in love with Ryan...
