Hey guys! I am so sorry for the incredibly late update but there are several reasons why I haven't updated in such a long while:
I had writers' block- and a shitty flu
I decided to take the hardest possible course next year and in order for me to get that course, I had to pay attention in class and do all my homework(so naturally I had no time to write)
We are in the middle of writing exams and not just any exams, exams that are set by the government!
So yeah. And I felt guilty for not updating, I felt as if I were neglecting you guys and my story so I have decided to step away from the remainder of Vampire Diaries; Shadow Souls that I'm reading inn my spare time- which, by the way, is completely awesome!- and write. So here it is, after a lifetime, the next chapter.
Chapter 5
The next day, Charlie was out fishing as was his tradition.
Elena was out with Stefan. She said that they needed to talk things over.
I stayed at home, mulling over the last night.
My thoughts were concentrated on two things:
My Edward hallucination and my newfound understanding of Damon.
I switched between both those thoughts, until I could take it no more. I needed a break from my thoughts, from my life. From everything, really.
I grabbed a piece of vervain, slipped in it my pocket- just to be safe- and ran to my truck.
We need groceries, I thought idly, I should go to Thiftway.
I got in and started the engine, driving to the store. It felt good to do something normal.
On my way back home, I spotted two bikes with a 'For Sale' sign attached to them.
"Bella, don't!" Edward warned.
I stopped the truck, breathing heavily.
"Bella, go home," he ordered.
I scoffed. "No," I whispered to the voice.
"Bella!" He roared.
I laughed, feeling lighter then I had before.
I should have realised then, that something was wrong, that I wasn't myself anymore. I was just too desperate. I needed a way to release my pain.
And this, this recklessness was my way to release the pain.
"Bella!" Jacob cried, running out and wrapping his arms around me.
"Hi, Jacob," I said, grinning.
"What are you doing here?"
"I brought you something," I gestured to the back of my truck.
His eyes lit up. He walked over to the truck and pulled off the green fabric covering the bikes.
"It would probably cost more to fix then its worth but then I remembered you," I smiled at him, "I thought that maybe you could fix it up for me and maybe, keep one for yourself."
His grin grew even wider before fading completely. "Wait. This is for you?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"I don't know, Bella," he said hesistantly.
"Jacob, please," I begged.
He studied me for a minute. "Ok, fine."
"Great. But you can't tell Charlie... or Billy."
He nodded. "You know this is kinda reckless, right?"
"Haven't you heard? I'm an adrenaline junkie now. Recklessness is my thing."
Jake and I spent the entire afternoon together. I laughed more with him then I could ever remember.
But as I left the reservation and my personal sun, Jacob, I could feel the depression hanging over me like a heavy cloud.
"Hey, Bells. Where were you?" Charlie asked, when I got in.
"I was with Jake. Sorry."
He looked at me, shocked. "No. No, no, no. Don't be sorry. I like Jake. I like you being with Jake."
"Um, ok."
He gestured to the lounge. "Elena has been waiting for you. We ordered pizza."
"Thanks," I smiled at him, causing his eyes to widen in shock.
My smile grew.
"What happened to you?" Elena asked, from the floor where for some reason she was sitting.
"Don't you look happy," commented another voice at the same time.
"What are you doing here?" I asked Damon.
"Don't be rude, Bella."
"Don't be here, Damon," I retorted.
"Ouch. You wound me."
Elena glared at him.
"Ok, fine. I'm leaving," he said, walking to the door.
"Don't come again," I said to his back.
"Bella," Charlie said in a warning tone.
"Sorry, dad."
Elena stood up and made her way over to me. "So, where were you?"
"With a friend."
She raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.
"Well, Angela and I are going to the movies tomorrow. I wanted to know if you could come."
"Yeah, sure."
Briefly I thought of my previous, not-too-long ago movie trip.
This time will be different, I promised myself. Besides, filling in my social calendar wouldn't hurt me.
"How are things with you and Stefan?" I asked.
"Fine."
I looked at her. "Are you guys dating again?"
She shook her head. "I can't, Bella. I just can't."
"He's a good guy," I offered, wondering if it meant anything to her when he was a vampire.
"I know."
She smiled sadly at me. "I'll go now. Goodnight."
"Night."
I went to bed, feeling envious of Elena.
Her boyfriend actually wanted her.
That night, as I had done so many times before the arrival of the Salvatores, I cried myself to sleep.
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes evenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
The days passed in a blur. I had fallen back into a normal routine.
Wake up, brush teeth, shower, eat, dress, brush teeth, go to school and put up with Damon, hang out with Jacob or Elena, do homework, shower, go to bed.
I wasn't unhappy, but I wasn't happy either.
But I didn't know why. Why was it that I felt like something was missing? Like there was something that I had forgotten?
"You're happier now," Charlie commented one day at breakfast.
"What?" I looked at him, confused.
"Never mind," he shook his head as if to clear his thoughts.
I shrugged and continued eating my oatmeal.
The front door opened and Damon walked in.
"Look, I'm just in time for breakfast," he smirked.
I snorted. "Can I get you anything?" I asked.
His eyes travelled down, scanning me and he smiled.
"I'll pass," he replied, making a face.
I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing fully well what he was getting at.
"What brings you here, Damon?" Charlie asked, getting up.
"Oh, I just thought I'd drop in and see Bella."
"You saw me. Bye," I replied, picking up my bag.
"Oh, Bella. You are so funny," he said sarcastically.
"Bye, dad," I called over my shoulder as I walked out the house.
"Seriously, Damon what do you... Fucking hell!"
I stared at my truck.
"I'm not doing that," Damon said, making a face.
"Did you see that?" I pointed to my truck, that was frozen.
"That's why I'm here."
He walked to the passenger seat and opened the door for me.
The gesture seemed familiar. Where...
"I have a headache," I complained, reaching up to rub my forehead.
Worry crossed his features but it was quickly replaced with his trademark smirk.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Such a gentleman," I commented sarcastically.
"I'm glad you realised that," he said.
A voice in the back of my head nagged that I was still missing something. I sighed an pushed the voice aside. Whatever it was, it could wait.
Review! And what do you think that Bella is missing?
Hopefully after Friday I will be able to update sooner since then its the holz for me. Exams are zapping the life out of me. Tons of reviews and PMs are appreciated. It'll keep me motivated and happy.
