Title: I'm WHAT!...He's WHAT!
Summary: Jacob Black ends up pregnant with Edward Cullen's child.

Warnings: Contains mild slash and mpreg so if you don't like mpreg then don't read it. Yes I'm very aware that men can't have babies. That is why this is called fanfiction.

Disclaimer: Don't own the Twilight characters. Wish I did, but I don't

Author: Mikesh

Notes: Edward and Bella haven't gotten married yet. This story starts before Breaking Dawn does. Nothing major from Breaking Dawn will happen since I haven't read the book yet. However, there will be some ideas that I'm taking from the movie, but nothing that'll spoil the book/movie for those of you who haven't read/seen it yet. Also Jacob doesn't have long hair, he has the short spiky hair.

Jacob had hoped that he would have a peaceful nap, but that was no to be. He found himself in the clearing yet again.

"Not again!" Jacob said.

"Jacob, come here, we need to talk," Bella said sitting on the green grass.

"Jacob, I'm not going to bit," Bella said laughing when Jacob sat about a foot away from her.

"Better?" Jacob asked coming about two inches closer.

Instead of replying, Bella just glared at Jacob like she was saying: yeah because that is so much better.

"If you want to yell at me some more, I don't want to hear it," Jacob said sitting with his knees up to his chest and arms around his legs.

"I didn't bring you here to yell at you, I wanted to apologue actually," Bella said.

"Bring me here?" Jacob asked looking puzzled.

"Yes, I can bring you to me in your dreams. And if you want to see me all you have to do is think about me, and I'll be here," Bella said.

"So if you didn't want to yell at me, then what did you want?" Jacob asked.

"I'm sorry for what I said. It's just so frustrating seeing you getting what I wanted," Bella said.

"You wanted a child?" Jacob asked surprised to hear that.

"Not right now, but some day I did," Bella said.

"Like I said, you can have this thing," Jacob said.

"Jacob this thing is your child," Bella said.

"It's no child of mine," Jacob said.

"So what are you going to do then after she's born?" Bella asked.

"It's not going to be born. It's going one way or the other," Jacob said.

"Jacob! This is an innocent child that didn't do anything to you," Bella said pissed off to hear her friend talking like that.

"So? It still shouldn't exist," Jacob said.

"MEN!" Bella yelled frustrated.

"What about us?" Jacob asked.

"So what about Edward?" Bella asked deciding not to answer that question.

"What about him?" Jacob asked.

"You don't think he has a right to decide what happens to his child?" Bella asked.

"No because he isn't the one that has this parasite inside him," Jacob said.

"Jacob come here for a minute," Bella said standing up and holding out her hand.

"What?" Jacob asked once they were both standing.

"Look down," Bella said once they'd walked a few feet.

"It's a pond, so what?" Jacob asked.

"What do you see?" Bella asked.

"Us," Jacob said.

"Look deeper, now what do you see?" Bella asked.

After looking deeper, Jacob said, "I see myself playing with my children and wife."

"Do you notice anything about any of the children?" Bella asked.

"The one has darker hair then the others," Jacob said.

"That's because that child is Edward's and your child," Bella said.

"Bella I know what you're doing and it's not going to work. I'm not going to change my mind on wanting this thing," Jacob said.

"Just think about it, ok? And please talk to Edward tonight. He needs to know. This is his child too," Bella said.

"And if I don't?" Jacob asked.

"Then I'll keep bugging you until you do," Bella said.

"Fine," Jacob said knowing she meant it.

"Thanks," Bella said smiling at her best friend.

Before Jacob could ask Bella anything he found himself sitting up in the dark.

'Might as well get this over with now,' Jacob thought climbing out bed.

"Jacob? Where are you going?" Billy asked noticing that his son was dressed up to go out.

"We're going to talk to the Cullen's," Jacob said.

"Oh we are, are we? And why is that?" Billy asked.

"As much as I hate to say it, I'm going to need Carlisle's help to get rid of this thing," Jacob said.

"You really think he'll help you?" Billy asked wheeling himself out of the house.

"I think he will if he doesn't want to die," Jacob said.

Without another word, father and son found themselves on the way to Forks. Meanwhile Carlisle had been getting rid of the family besides his son. It hadn't been that hard considering that everyone had plans for tonight anyways. The only hard part had been getting his son, Edward to cancel his plans.

Cullen's house

"What are you doing here, wolf?" Edward asked with disgust in his voice.

"I invited him," Carlisle said standing behind his son.

"Why?" Edward asked looking at Carlisle.

"Because there are things I need to talk to both of you about," Carlisle said.

"There is nothing I want to talk to the mutt about," Edward said.

"Edward be nice and let our guests in," Carlisle said.

Without another word, Edward stepped back so that father and son could come in.

Living room

"Edward what I'm about to tell you is the truth. I know it's a lot to swallow," Carlisle said.

"This aught to be good," Jacob mumbled to himself.

"Edward, Jacob is pregnant," Carlisle said.

Laughing, "Carlisle if you haven't noticed, the mutt is a male, even if he is, why would I care?" Edward asked.

"Because the child is yours," Carlisle said.

"Please tell how you came to that conclusion," Edward said smiling not for one minute believing what Carlisle was saying.

"You told me that after the funeral, you had a vague memory of what happened. I didn't know until now what had happened," Carlisle said.

"And how did you all of a sudden figure it out?" Edward asked.

"With this," Carlisle said pulling a slip of paper out of his pocket and handing it over to Edward.

Dear Carlisle,

The night that our dear Edward can't remember, is because his memory was altered. I don't know how, but I know who. I'm sorry but I can't say at this time. All I can tell you is that within the next nine months Edward and Jacob are going to need their families' support more then ever.

"Please, how do you know one of them didn't write it?" Edward asked jerking his thumb towards Jacob.

"Until yesterday, Jacob didn't know either. And none of his family knows yet," Carlisle said.

"So you just want me to believe that he's pregnant with my child?" Edward asked.

"No, but you will when you see your child," Carlisle said.

"And how do you plan to do that?" Edward asked.

"Ultrasound," Carlisle said.

"The fuck we are," Jacob said.

"Jacob this is the only way that I can prove to you all, once and for all that there is going to be a little one joining the family within eight month's time," Carlisle said.

"Let's go then," Edward said needing a good laugh.

Seeing that they weren't going to be able to change Carlisle's mind, both Jacob and Billy climbed back into their car. Jacob wanted to just run for it, but he knew that A. Carlisle would already be to the house by time he got there, and B. he was the one that wanted to talk, so now he had to suck it up and take it like a man.

Hospital

Thankfully the way that Carlisle took them into the building, they only ran into a few nurses. They never said anything, because they were still too new to the hospital to be talking to the good doctor.

Once they got to the room, Carlisle handed Jacob a gown from the closet.

"What the hell is that?" Jacob asked.

"What does it look like, mutt?" Edward asked.

"A gown that I sure as hell am not putting on," Jacob said.

"Jacob, please just go put it on," Billy said just wanting to get the hell away from both of them.

After he was changed, Jacob was made to lye on the table once again.

"I hope you're happy," Jacob said looking at Edward like he was the devil himself.

"Oh yeah because hanging with you is such a highlight of my life," Edward said.

"Boys please," Carlisle said having enough of the fighting already.

"Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to your child," Carlisle said turning the monitor so that all could see the baby on the monitor.

"God it's really still there," Jacob said wanting to get sick when he saw that it was still there.

"And I thought he couldn't do that," Jacob said when Edward fainted.

"Even we can faint, Jacob," Carlisle said going over to his son.

Meanwhile Edward was seeing the killing of children in villages from long ago. He didn't know where this had happened, but he could hear the screams of help as the vampires took over the village and killed anyone and everyone. Once he awoke, Edward felt like he maybe sick, even though he hadn't been in over one hundred years.

"You ok?" Carlisle asked helping Edward sit up.

"Yeah," Edward said feeling embarrassed that he'd just fainted.

"Just take your time," Carlisle said when Edward got back up.

"I'm fine, Carlisle," Edward said.

"Billy and I will be waiting outside while you talk," Carlisle said giving a look that said not to argue with him.

"So how did you even come to the conclusion that he was pregnant?" Edward asked before Carlisle could step out of the room.

"The other day I got a call from Billy asking that I come see his son who was not feeling well. When I went over there, Jacob told me that he'd been sick for about a week," Carlisle said not going to tell his son about the drinking because he knew that it would cause a big fight between the guys.

"What? Pig out too much mutt?" Edward asked.

"Boys, please don't fight for once in your lives," Carlisle said stepping out of the door before the other could say anything else.

"So, what now?" Edward asked realizing that this was for real.

He, Edward Cullen, a one hundred year old vampire was going to have a child with a male werewolf.

"Now I figure out how the hell to get this thing out of me," Jacob said sitting on the table fully cloth again.

"So, I don't even get a say in my own child's life?" Edward asked pissed off.

"No," Jacob said looking up at Edward for the first time.

"Did it happen to escape your mind, mutt that Carlisle is the one that'll have to do it? So meaning I do have a say," Edward said.

"No, besides this is none of your business what happens," Jacob said.

"No of my business? This is my business! This is my child we're talking about!" Edward said almost yelling now.

"YOUR CHILD? THIS IS NOT A CHILD!" Jacob yelled.

"YES IT IS! IT'S OUR CHILD!" Edward yelled back.

"Well if you can figure a way on how to carry this thing, you can have it. I don't want any part of it. But seeing that, that's not possible, I'm not having this thing," Jacob asked.

"So you would rather die, then have a child?" Edward asked.

"Yes," Jacob said.

"You're unbelievable!" Edward said throwing up his hands.

"So you're saying that if it was you, you'd want this thing?" Jacob asked.

"Yes," Edward said.

"Bullshit! You don't want this thing anymore then I do. So let's cut all ties now," Jacob said.

"No, I want this child and you're having it," Edward said.

"LIKE HELL I AM! YOU DON'T GET TO FUCKING CHOOSE WHAT I DO, IT'S MY FUCKING BODY, NOT YOURS!" Jacob yelled.

"I'M THIS FUCKING CHILD'S FATHER! I FUCKING HAVE A SAY IN ITS LIFE!" Edward yelled back.

"The fuck you do! I'm the one that has to carry this thing, I get the final say, and I say it goes," Jacob said.

"Besides why would you even want this fucked up thing?" Jacob asked.

"Because it's my child," Edward said.

"And who says it's not going to come out with four heads or something fucked up like that? How do you know that whoever caused this, isn't playing some fucked up joke and this thing is just some fucked up crap?" Jacob asked.

"Four heads? Really? That's all you could come up with?" Edward asked laughing.

"Fuck you!" Jacob yelled running from the room.

After that he just ran, ran until he could run no more. By time he stopped running he was halfway out of the state. Not being able to run anymore, he slumped down by the tree he was at and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Next chapter: So what did they decide?