As the front door of number twelve Grimmauld Place opened Remus stalked in, his face like thunder, closely followed by a forlorn-looking Tonks and Mad-Eye Moody, and a large, shaggy black dog bringing up the rear. The moment the front door had closed Remus rounded on the dog and hissed, "I know that you're prone to bouts of stupidity, but even for you, this was ridiculous!"

Remus' voice stirred the portrait of Sirius' mother from her slumber and she began to scream, "Filthy half-breed! How dare you befoul the house of my fathers-"

Remus carelessly flicked his wand at the portrait and Walburga's screams suddenly fell silent. Remus marched passed her and headed up the stairs, ignoring Walburga as her eyes bulged and she proceeded to bang her fists against the portrait in anger and indignation, demanding to be acknowledged.

"Don't think that staying in dog-form means that we're not going to talk about this!" he cried after the dog as it bounded upstairs to the topmost floor. "I don't care how stupid it looks, you're going to hear me out!"

Remus followed the dog into Sirius' bedroom and slammed the door shut behind him. The dog hopped on top of the bed and snarled at Remus.

"I'm not leaving until we talk about this," he declared, crossing his arms and waiting. The dog whimpered and in the blink of an eye, Sirius was sitting on the edge of the bed, scowling.

"You're making a big deal out of nothing, Moony. It's not like anyone would've recognised me," he grumbled.

"You don't know that!" argued Remus. "What if there had been Aurors there? Or Dementors for that matter?"

"But there wasn't, was there?" he countered. "I get that you're the voice of reason in this relationship, but you need to lay off me a bit."

"How can I lay off when you're putting your life at risk for no good reason?" snapped Remus. "There were plenty of us there to keep an eye on Harry, you needlessly put yourself at risk just so you could piss about at the train station."

"Harry was happy that I was there," said Sirius stiffly. "He thought it was funny."

"He's fifteen, Sirius, everything is hilarious when you're that age!" shouted Remus. "You're supposed to be a responsible adult. Do you really think you being there was going to make Harry safer?"

"I just wanted to see him off at the station like a normal fucking person!" cried Sirius, his voice becoming strained. "That's what normal people do when their godson's are heading back to school."

"That's a lame excuse," sneered Remus. "You just wanted to get out of the house."

"Too fucking right I did!" bellowed Sirius, jumping to his feet. "You don't know what it's like! Being stuck in this shithole day in and day out, being of no use to anyone."

Remus took a steadying breath, struggling to keep his temper in check. When he spoke again his tone was gentler than before, "You're not useless, Sirius. Far from it. You've made one of the biggest contributions to the Order by providing our headquarters."

"And that's about all I've been able to do," he grumbled. "I'm little more than a bloody hostess to the Order; running around after everyone making drinks while I'm forced to sit and listen to how everyone else is risking life and limb out there while I sit here with my thumb up my arse. Even Snape - Snivellus - is doing more than I am! I can't stand it. I can't stand not doing anything. I can't stand being in this house a second longer."

"I understand it's frustrating," Remus tried to reason. "But going outside is not worth risking your life over. If someone saw you-"

"I know, Remus. I know," snapped Sirius. His shoulders sagged and he buried his face in his hands, looking distraught. "I just feel like I'm losing my mind being stuck in here. I can't even go out into the garden, for fuck's sake! I've just swapped out one prison for another. At least in Azkaban I didn't have to listen to her shit every day - 'mudbloods this' and 'half-breeds that'. I had enough of that crap growing up to do me a lifetime. Azkaban was a fucking holiday compared to this hellhole."

"You don't mean that," chided Remus.

Sirius gave a hollow laugh, "Oh, I mean every word. I spent my childhood wishing I was anywhere but here. The day I left, I promised myself that I'd never come back here. Now look at me, right back where I started." Sirius paced back and forth, looking despondent, "I just wanted to- no, I needed to get out of here. Just for a little while. And I can't even do that without having you jumping down my throat."

"I didn't mean to jump down your throat," said Remus, struggling to keep his voice level. "But you need to think about this sensibly - consider Harry for a moment. What it would do to him if anything were to happen to you."

"Don't guilt-trip me, Remus," warned Sirius.

"I'm not trying to guilt-trip you, Sirius, I'm trying to make you see reason!" he pleaded. "If you are caught - whether it be by Death Eaters or Dementors or the Aurors, it doesn't matter - there's no going back to Azkaban this time, they will kill you!"

Sirius drew his wand and brandished it wildly around, "Let's see them try it with me, then! At least it would liven things up around here, eh? Better than sitting here losing my mind from boredom!"

"Sirius-" Remus began, raising his hand cautiously, but Sirius didn't seem to hear him.

"Look at this place," he looked around his bedroom, shaking his head in disgust. "Putting up posters and playing Muggle music doesn't hide the fact that this place is a fucking Death Eater's shrine. Everything in this house is a constant reminder of why I left in the first place, of everything I hate. Do you hear that, Mother?" he bellowed at the top of his lungs. "I fucking hate this place!"

He slashed his wand through the air and all of the posters that had adorned the bedroom for the previous twenty years were torn from the walls along with chunks of wallpaper, shredding themselves to pieces in mid-air before falling to the ground. Sirius swiped his wand through the air again and this time the pillows and bedding exploded, sending plumes of duck feathers across the room. Remus watched silently as Sirius tore apart his bedroom, upturning furniture and smashing everything that he touched into pieces. Sirius screamed as he ripped the curtains down from their railings, sending a gaggle of terrified doxy's fleeing in all directions. He kicked the record player and music spluttered into life, a rapid drumbeat blaring out of the speakers as the guitars began to play. But the music stopped as abruptly as it had begun as Sirius snatched the LP out of the player and hurled it in frustration. It shattered against the wall, sending shards of plastic in all directions.

"Fuck this! Fuck this room and fuck this fucking house!" he screamed. The only sound now was Sirius' ragged pants as he stood there amongst the wreckage of his bedroom.

"Are you quite done?" asked Remus pointedly.

"Piss off, Moony," Sirius replied gruffly, sinking onto the edge of his bed, his back to Remus. He listened as Remus left the room and stomped downstairs without another word, his footfalls growing fainter with each step. He buried his face in his hands, frustration and humiliation swelling up and washing over him in great waves. He couldn't help but take Snape's words to heart, regardless of what Remus said - he was useless. Everyone was putting their lives at risk - even Harry - while he was forced to sit in this house, unable to contribute anything. It wouldn't make a damned bit of difference if he wasn't even there; he doubted anyone would take notice if he wasn't.

Knock knock.

Sirius was snapped out of his spiral of morose thoughts by a gentle rap on the bedroom door. He turned and to his surprise he saw a sheepish-looking Tonks lingering in the doorway.

"You alright, mate?" she asked carefully, stepping into the room. Sirius grunted in response and turned away from her again.

"That good, eh?" she joked. Her feet crunched as she stepped on the broken pieces of furniture strewn across the bedroom floor. She raised an eyebrow as she surveyed the devastation around her, "Redecorating, Sirius?"

Sirius snorted, "Yeah, sure...I suppose you heard everything?"

"I got the gist of it, yeah," she admitted. "You know he's only upset because he cares about you."

"I know that," he snapped. "I don't need you getting on my case as well, Tonks. I know how stupid you all think I am."

"I don't think you're stupid," she argued, sitting next to him. "I get it. It must drive you to distraction being stuck in here."

"Is it that obvious?" he drawled. Tonks rolled her eyes.

"I'm not going to pretend to know how you're feeling," she began. "But I heard enough from my mum to get a good idea of what it was like for you and your brother growing up here. I'd take any opportunity get out of here, too."

"Yeah, it certainly wasn't like living with The Waltons," he confirmed grimly. He glanced up at her then, "You never met Reg, did you?"

"I did, actually," she smiled. "Just the once, at Uncle Alphard's funeral. I was quite young at the time, but I remember him sitting with me and we read a couple Martin Miggs comics together."

"Did he now?" laughed Sirius fondly. He liked the image conjured in his mind of Regulus sitting alongside an infantile Tonks, recounting their favourite adventures together, "We loved those comics growing up. He was obsessed with one issue where Martin goes to Atlantis; Reg always loved the water."

A dull ache swelled in Sirius' chest at the thought of his brother. He sighed and continued, "He had always dreamed of going on grand and dangerous adventures when we were growing up; that's probably in part what had motivated him to join the Death Eaters in the first place. Well, he certainly got his fair share of danger, stupid boy."

"What happened to him?" asked Tonks. Sirius shrugged.

"Honestly, I don't know.," he admitted. "The rumour at the time was that he got in over his head and tried to do a runner. Voldemort doesn't take kindly to deserters; likes to make an example of them. I'd tried to warn him what he was getting into, but he was too headstrong to listen to me."

Tonks smirked and gave Sirius a sly glance, "Hmm, sounds a lot like someone I know."

Sirius smiled sadly, "Yeah, I suppose he took after me in that respect if nothing else. I'm glad you got to meet him, even if it was only the one time."

"He seemed like a good man," she replied softly.

Sirius nodded, "We disagreed on most things, but Reg had a good heart. He was just...impressionable. I wish he'd trusted me enough to come to me when he got into trouble. Things might have turned out a lot different."

Tonks rested a hand gently on Sirius' back, "Sounds to me like you did the best that you could under the circumstances."

"I could have tried harder," he argued firmly.

"Maybe. But how does the old saying go," she began thoughtfully. "'Hindsight is a wonderful thing; it's always very easy to second guess after the fact'. You can't beat yourself up over something that you can't change, mate. And if Regulus was half as stubborn as you are, I doubt you could have changed his mind, however persuasive you might have been."

Sirius snorted, "When did you get to be so wise?"

"Dunno," she shrugged flashing him a brilliant smile. "Usually I just get told I'm being a smart-arse."

"You are a smart-arse," he smirked. She punched him lightly on the arm and his smile broadened. He added missing being there to see Tonks growing up amongst his ever-mounting pile of regrets. Tonks glanced around the wrecked room and rose to her feet.

"You want a hand fixing this mess?" she asked pulling out her wand.

"Please," he nodded, taking his own out of his pocket. They spent the next few minutes silently repairing the room. Like a Time-Turner everything transformed back to its original state; goosefeathers flew back into their pillows, furniture reassembled and the posters un-shredded and pinned themselves back onto the walls. Tonks put her hands on her hips and nodded approvingly at their progress, "This looks better than it did before!"

"Probably because I vanished all of the dirty clothes that I had left on the floor," joked Sirius. Even the shattered vinyl mended itself and flew back into the record player where it began to play music. Tonks' eyes widened in recognition at the song.

"Sweet!" she cried clapping her hands together. "I love The Ramones!"

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise, "You know The Ramones?"

"Hell yes!" she cried excitedly, grabbing Sirius' hand and spinning them both around in a circle. "As far as I was concerned when I was growing up, Joey Ramone was a sex god. I had a poster of him hanging over my bed at Hogwarts."

Tonks spun a reluctant Sirius around in a pirouette. She gave him an expectant look, "Come on Sirius, dance with me!"

Sirius balked at her, "I'm too old to dance."

"Don't talk rubbish!" she laughed. "Nobody's too old to dance! Come on, I promise it'll make you feel better. It doesn't matter if you're a good dancer or not, I've got two left feet…"

Sirius couldn't help the wide grin spreading across his face as he watched Tonks dance jerkily across the room, almost tripping over her own feet a couple of times in the process, but she looked like she was enjoying herself too much to care. It had been a long time since he had last danced. Sirius grabbed Tonks' hand and pulled her towards the bed where they both proceeded to jump and sing the lyrics at the top of their lungs, "I remember lying awake at night and thinking just of you! But things don't last forever and somehow baby, they never really do!"

Tonks gave her head a light shake and suddenly her short, bubblegum pink hair transformed into a shaggy black mane not dissimilar from Joey Ramones. Sirius' smile fell and he stared as Tonks twisted and danced across the bed, singing her heart out along to the music waving her long, black hair from side to side. In a horrible flash, Sirius was back in his bedroom, only sixteen years of age again doing much the same thing with his brother. Sirius' momentary elation gave way to a wave of nausea.

"Tonks, stop," he pleaded. He wasn't sure why it upset him so much, all he knew was he wanted her to stop dancing. But she wasn't listening, she just kept singing and jumping about, oblivious to Sirius' growing anguish. Sirius grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and pulled her off of the bed.

"I said cut it out!" he snapped. Tonks' smile faltered, a look of hurt and confusion spreading across her face.

"Alright, sorry," she replied meekly. "I was only trying to cheer you up."

"Well don't," he bit back. "I want to be miserable, Tonks. Just leave me in peace, alright?"

"Okay," she replied quietly, slinking out of the bedroom. "Sorry."

Sirius slammed the bedroom door shut and collapsed on his bed in a heap. He knew Tonks was only trying to help, that she had no idea what she did to have upset him so much, but Sirius didn't even know how to put into words how he was feeling - he had never been very good with words. How could he explain that she had reminded him so much of his brother in that moment that it made him want to cry? It was easier just to kick her out of his room than to ponder on his own feelings too deeply.

His eyes drifted towards the only two photographs he kept by his bedside. The one affixed to the wall was of himself and the other Marauders during their school days - before everything had gone to shit. James, Peter, Remus and a sixteen year-old version of himself waved enthusiastically at him, blissfully unaware that within a couple of years of the photo being taken, all of their lives would be blown apart.

His eyes wandered down to the silver framed photo on his bedside table, the only one he had of himself and Regulus. When he had returned home last year, he had looked through all the old family photo albums for other pictures of himself and his brother, but found none. Evidently his mother had destroyed them along with blasting his name off of the family tapestry. But he had found this one hidden in Regulus' room - under the floorboards, funnily enough. It had made him smile knowing his brother had taken to hiding things the same way he did. It was a formal-looking photograph, both of them were wearing their best dress robes, looking forlorn. He couldn't have been any older than fourteen when the picture was taken - his hair was still short - but he couldn't remember exactly when or what the occasion had been. In the photograph Sirius leaned to his brother and whispered something in his ear. The corner of Regulus' mouth tugged, trying and failing to suppress a smile and he nodded. Sirius wondered what he'd said to make his brother smile - probably something rude - but again, it had been so long that he couldn't remember what it was now.

Sirius felt the void growing inside of him; how was he supposed to be any help to Harry in this state? Harry had come to him with worries too great for any fifteen year old to be burdened with. Sirius had tried to abate his fears, give words of consolation and encouragement, but he didn't feel his words had put his godson's mind at ease about anything. He was the worst person to ask for advice - his own brother hadn't trusted him enough to confide in him. Maybe Regulus was right not to trust him - James had trusted him with his life and it had gotten him killed. Remus had trusted him and Sirius had betrayed him. Sirius had trusted Peter, and Peter had betrayed them all.

Sirius curled up in the foetal position and closed his eyes, letting the morose thoughts and feelings whirlpool inside of him. He must have dozed off like that because when he stirred later the room was dark. He shifted and paused as he felt something hard pressed against his back, then relaxed as he heard Remus' deep, steady breaths. He must have come in at some point and had fallen asleep holding Sirius. The helplessness that had gripped him earlier lessened a little and he shuffled backwards to be closer to Remus. Remus stirred and placed a sleepy kiss on the back of Sirius' neck.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

"I'm fine," lied Sirius.