Regrets

Part Seven

Rachel was ensconced on the sofa, her legs drawn up so that she was in an upright foetal position. The television was blaring. Obliquely observing the inane conversation between some Hollywood starlet and a well known British chat show host allowed her to escape, momentarily, from the bleak thoughts anaesthetising her.

Only Philip's mobile, that had been abandoned on the table hours earlier, broke her crushed isolation. It had rung twice. She'd not had the energy to check who'd phoned, let alone inform Philip about the missed calls. Assuming they were from some of the sixth formers, out on a drunken rampage, euphoric about the end of term, she had ignored them.

"You don't have to finish it you know...you and Eddie." Melissa declared as she walked quickly and confidently into the sitting room. She parked herself, with some difficulty, on the edge of the chair opposite her sister. She had a steely look of determination on her face. "I know it's going to be difficult, for the two of you, but it's not impossible. Not if you really love each other, and you do, don't you...?" Her words fell away, hoping for some response.

Moving, only slightly, Rachel altered her seating position so that she could read the look on her sister's face. However, she did not respond to the questioning.

Melissa was frustrated by her sister's decision to remain silent. She focused on her hands that were busy entwining themselves in each other nervously in her lap. Looking down, she continued in a voice that sought to camouflage the apprehension she was feeling,

"Look, what if we come to an agreement? Eddie and me. And you. I know he doesn't want me. I realise that now. If I'd have known...I'd never have turned up, the way I did. I never meant to hurt you Rach. Honest. I just want to get this sorted for all our sakes. I hate to see you like this, knowing that I'm the cause..." Melissa made a fatal mistake. She had looked up and made eye contact with her sister. She paused, a little taken aback.

It was a battle of wills: Melissa's need to unburden her guilt by correcting past wrongs and Rachel's adamant wish to be left alone, to wallow in her own melancholic thoughts. Rachel's searing look managed only temporarily to quash Melissa's desire to complete the semi-prepared statement she had organised in her own mind.

"Right, just listen to me will you?" she asked, taking a sharp intake of breath, and coughing slightly before she carried on. "Why would it be so bad, you being with Eddie? I meant what I said earlier you know; he's a good guy. It's not as if he'll cut you out, not for me any way. Nor will I for that matter, you're my sister." Melissa persisted.

Rachel was about to interject, but Melissa carried blithely on; nothing would prevent her from finishing her speech. "I heard what he said to you today, when you were talking in the yard, after that nutter Mellor had been taken away by the police. Eddie told you he'd have nothing to do with the baby if it meant you and he could be together. I love you for telling him he was wrong. But it's just not right. I'm sure the two could of you could work it out, that we could work something out. Let's face it; we've been through worse, haven't we eh?"

For once, either through absolute exhaustion or a desire to believe, Rachel managed the faintest of smiles. He sister's declaration had done nothing to repress her fears about the future, her future without Eddie in particular, but at least Melissa had begun thinking about someone other than herself for a change. Rachel was struck by the earnestness in her sister's voice. For the first time in months, she believed Melissa was telling the truth. Gradually, Rachel digested Melissa's words.

"I do love him Mel. But...it's too late. What matters now are you and the baby, your baby. You're right, we have been through worse. A lot worse. And we've got through it, just as we'll get through this. Eddie and me...well...what he needs is to be a dad. And you need to have a healthy baby that's loved...I just don't see that I can be part of it...not if me and Eddie are together. I just couldn't..."

As her words tailed off, Rachel coiled herself more tightly, drawing her knees closer to her chest. It was too raw, too painful to think about what would happen, to think about a future without Eddie. Observing what her sister was enduring, Melissa was unwavering in her aim to get Rachel to put things in perspective, to make her see sense, to see that she had been acting too hastily.

"Things were a bit mad this afternoon y'know Rach, what with the drunkard mad man in that JCB and all." Melissa inadvertently chortled a little as she visualised some of the more bizarre sights of the day.

Then, she shivered as darker, harsher memories invaded her brain; at the remembrance of Rachel's actions. At the thought her sister was going to die in a misguided, futile attempt at saving the school from destruction. With stern candour, Melissa spoke, "Are you honestly telling me you can stand in front of some pissed bloke, who's driving a ruddy JCB, to defend your school, but you can't face this? Oh, come on Rach!"

She paused, a little exasperated by the indifferent expression that remained in Rachel's tired looking face. Awkwardly pulling herself up in her seat, leaning forward as far as she could towards her sister, Melissa continued more tenderly, "Let's face it, you weren't thinking rationally were you? About anything. Do you really think you've made the right decision? Perhaps you need to think about things...think things through properly; talk with Eddie."

Rachel's piecing look once again told Melissa that her efforts to get her to reconsider had failed, miserably.

"No, No, I'll just have to live with it. I've made the right decision. I ..."Rachel's dogged voice faltered as the sound of a key in the front door drew her up short. She stared over at Melissa, confused.

"What the hell?" She questioned as she rose quickly from the sofa and hastened to the hallway. Melissa, who took longer to get up from the comfort of the arm chair, disentangled herself with a look of unease and scuttled out, following her sister's lead.

Eddie stood in the doorway, looking harassed and dismayed. He was as stunned to see them, as they were him. In his arms he held two monstrously large pizza boxes. Closing the door gently behind him with his foot, he apprehensively eyed the two women who stood before him. Unnerved by the sight of them gawking at him as if he was some sort of exhibit in a Victorian freak show, he struggled to formulate a bumbling explanation, a justification for his unexpected appearance.

"Phil phoned me... he said he was worried about you. When he didn't answer my calls...I thought I'd best check on him...I used my key. I didn't know you were back...I'll go...I'm sorry."

As quickly as he'd entered he turned to leave. Fumbling, trying to balance the pizza boxes in one hand, he only just managed to maintain his equilibrium. Finding the catch, he turned it and pulled the door open towards him.

"Eddie, wait...Please wait... Eddie!" The words issued impulsively from Rachel's lips; she had no control over them.

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