Part 7

The knock on her was so light, she almost thought she'd missed it.

"Who's that?" Tom glanced up from his spot on her couch.

Alex glanced up from her paperwork, her heart leaping into her throat. She had a feeling she knew who it was. "I'm not sure." She slid from the barstool and moved to the foyer. She did not even check to see who it was, so certain she was that she knew.

"Olivia." Alex leaned against the frame of her front door.

Olivia shifted uncomfortably, glancing with a confused brow over Alex's shoulder. "Are you…" She ran a hand over her brow. "I, uh, I shouldn't have come. You're busy."

Alex stepped out her door, reaching for Olivia. "No, it's okay. Why did you…why are you here?"

"Al, we can…we can do this later." Olivia stepped from her grasp.

This was different. Alex could feel a shift between them. She somehow resented that Tom was in her home for she needed to know what it was that Olivia had come for. And now she was already backing away, getting ready to leave.

"Liv, are you…"

"I'm okay, it's okay." Olivia held up her hand and disappeared down the hallway.

Alex rolled her eyes and went back inside, locking the door.

Tom was standing in the kitchen with a glass of water in hand when she came back. "Who was that?"

"Uh," She brushed a strand of blonde hair from her eyes. "Olivia. Olivia Benson. You met her the other night…she's a detective."

"What did she want?" He sipped the water, looking rather quizzically at her.

"Just a, uh…case question."

"She couldn't have called?"

Alex shrugged, her shoulders tightening. "She's a friend, but she realized you were here and didn't want to bother me."

"A friend?" Tom's eyebrow rose.

Alex's heart hammered a little. She should have never disclosed to Tom the fact that she had been involved with women before. He could have gone on believing her to be the straight and narrow person he would like to believe she was.

"Yes, just a friend. I haven't been involved with every woman I know." She sighed, moving back to her work.

Tom looked at her questioningly, as if he did not quite believe her. But she decided he could believe what he wanted. Nothing had happened and nothing would happen again. She had felt it so acutely in the way that Olivia had stepped from her grasp.

After several moments of silence, she felt Tom's hands on her hips and felt his stubbly beard against her cheek before he kissed her. "I believe you."

She closed her eyes, her heart sinking in her chest.


Amanda hadn't had a moment alone with Olivia for nearly a week. They were busy with an ongoing investigation for the first half of the week and then somehow got onto opposite schedules, only seeing one another in passing and while it became frustrating, Amanda had to admit it was rather adorable when Olivia would catch her eye during a meeting, or Olivia would find a way to brush their hands, or lightly pat Amanda on the shoulder. And to anyone else it would have looked like a completely professional touch, a kind, friendly exchange, but to Amanda she knew it was more.

And so when they finally solved the Goddamn case, put the woman responsible behind bars, Amanda was elated to find an invitation, via text, to Olivia's. She made her way there, picking up a bottle of wine on the way, and – after passing a flower stand – a bouquet of gardenias because they seemed simple and elegant like Olivia. And then she was at the woman's apartment, feeling a certain relief that their hectic work-week had come to an end and also a certain fluttering in her chest.

Olivia pulled the door open with a look that could mirror Amanda's feelings. An easy smile curled at her lips and she pulled Amanda to her, crushing their lips together. Amanda melted into the kiss, surprised by the little whimper that she elicited from the brunette. Olivia pulled back and looked into Amanda's arms. "What is all of this?"

"Just some, uh, things." Amanda bashfully held the flowers out for Olivia.

"Thank you, they're lovely." Olivia grinned, holding the door wide for Amanda to press by. They kissed and then Olivia followed Amanda into the kitchen where she sat the wine atop the countertop.

And just as she was reaching for the drawer where she knew the corkscrew lived she felt Olivia's arms about her, her hands coming to rest on either side of Amanda, pinning her there. Amanda grinned, enjoying the way in which Olivia bowed her head, her breath warm against her exposed neck. Olivia pressed her lips against Amanda's neck, Amanda leaning back against her, enjoying the warmth and closeness of her body. It had been far, far too long. So torturous to be so close at work yet have to refrain from burying her face in the crook of Olivia's neck and inhaling that wonderous scent that was solely her. Now Olivia was so near to her, kissing her, a warm hand had snaked its way about Amanda's bare stomach, buried itself beneath her shirt. It seemed Olivia had missed her as much as she had missed Olivia.

"Hey there," Amanda laughed, turning so that she could capture Olivia's lips in her own.

Olivia smiled against her lips. "Do you want to order something to go with that wine?"

"Uh," Amanda muttered, turning so that she could put her arms about Olivia, holding her closer as they kissed, deeply and with more urgency than there had been before. Something was changing, deepening between them and Amanda could tell that Olivia wanted to push further but was hesitant.

Amanda let her hand wrap about Olivia, cupping her behind – just where she'd thought about touching all those days she'd see Olivia bending over the table with her tight-fitting pants…

Olivia laughed, pulling away to look at Amanda. "Do you…"

Amanda smiled, nodding her head. She pulled Olivia to her, kissing her again before taking her hand and leading her towards the bedroom.

"You're sure?" Olivia followed after her, not stopping her or trying to detract from this inevitable step in their newfound relationship. For it had been several weeks - had it been a month? - since they'd decided to try dating. And so wasn't this the logical next step? To be intimate with one another, more intimate than their stolen moments of kissing and groping about on the couch – always leaving Amanda wanting more, but Olivia seeming always hesitant to go much further.

But not this evening. This evening Olivia did not hesitate.

"Yeah," Amanda whispered, kicking off her shoes before they entered into Olivia's bedroom. She turned, pulling Olivia to her so that she could kiss her while her hands busied themselves with undoing the buttons on the taller woman's shirt. Olivia took charge then, her hands moving to Amanda's jeans, making quick work of pulling them off. Amanda found herself being led to the bed with Olivia's lips on her neck, her hands buried beneath Amanda's bra as they fell onto the bed together.

Amanda was flushed, heart pounding, center throbbing to be nearer to Olivia, wanting Olivia to touch her as she had wanted for days and sleepless nights since their first kiss. She'd seen it in her mind, the ways in which they could be together, wondering how it would feel, how it would work, and here she was in the middle of it. Olivia's body was warm and soft. When her bra was removed and Amanda was able to explore her full breasts with her hands she was in awe of them. How soft, how different from the men she had been with.

Olivia was a confident lover. She hovered over Amanda, a leg between her thighs so that Amanda thrust against her wantonly. "Are you sure?" She asked breathlessly in her ear, those lips which were kissing her so rapturously.

"Yes," Amanda grasped onto Olivia's bare behind, pulling her closer to her.

Olivia's hand trailed its way between their bodies, Amanda gasping when Olivia touched her for the first time. It was shocking, made her arousal only deepen further. She was quite certain Olivia's thigh was covered with her want. And Olivia's fingers were so perfect, as they worked against her, dipped inside of her so that she moaned, back arching, mouth coming open. Olivia's mouth ravaged her neck, as their bodies moved together.

Amanda had to close her eyes, felt her body moving towards the edge, Olivia seeming to know her body as if it were her own. And, oh, with only a few more thrusts she was falling, tumbling over, grasping onto Olivia who kissed her sweetly and held her as the waves overcame her.

"Oh," Amanda sighed.

Olivia kissed her cheek, her forehead, the other cheek. "You okay?" She asked so concerned, so sweetly, so kindly.

"Y-yes." Amanda grinned, feeling how her body had released so completely, so totally. She stretched out beneath Olivia, feeling sweaty and warm and tired. She turned her head so that she could kiss Olivia lazily. "How 'bout you?"

Olivia shifted so that she was no longer completely covering Amanda. "I'm good." She grinned and pressed a kiss against Amanda's arm.

"But, uh…you…I wanna…"

"It's okay," Olivia was smiling but Amanda could see something in her eyes. What was this?

"Liv," Amanda felt herself floating back down to earth again. And there was something in Olivia's refusal that was making her feel uncomfortable. "Why can't I…"

"Amanda," Olivia sat up on her elbows, looking at her. "I'm okay, alright. I don't need anything."

"But that doesn't seem fair. You just…"

"Amanda, I'm okay."

Amanda's brow furrowed as she watched the older woman pull herself up and move to the edge of the bed. She thought she might run away then, but Olivia pulled on her shirt and then turned to face Amanda.

"What?"

Amanda couldn't quite formulate what it was that was putting her off of what should have been a wonderful moment. For what Olivia could do…Amanda's body already ached for her again. Yet, she felt she couldn't even reach for her now. "Why can't I?"

Olivia ran a hand through her hair, her eyes falling to the messy sheets of the bed. "It's, uh…Amanda," Olivia glanced up, reaching a hand out for her. She didn't look further than their then combined hands. "It, it's not because of you. Can you trust that? Please?"

Amanda scrambled to sit up then, pulling a sheet about her yet not letting Olivia's hand go. "Liv, if you wanna talk…"

"No," Olivia shook her head. "No, not right now." She looked up at Amanda, hopefully. "Please."

Amanda's brow furled.

"Oh, sweetie." Olivia moved closer in the bed, reaching for Amanda. Amanda allowed for her to take her in her arms. She kissed her forehead.

Amanda curled into her arms, enjoying the warmth, the way Olivia smelled after intimacy. It was endearing, yet worrying. What was this that was holding Olivia back? A fear of being near to someone? A fear of giving of herself? Was she afraid that Amanda would reject her? No, she couldn't possibly feel that way.

"Amanda, please don't worry about this."

Amanda nodded, holding Olivia closer to her.


Tom was at work.

Alex was buried under case files. Yet, something was distracting her.

She glanced at her phone. Checking it. Again.

It was not as if Olivia was going to call her to explain. No, that wouldn't be in her wheelhouse. She was going to just pretend as if it had never happened, as if she hadn't come to say something to Alex.

Fuck her.

Alex picked up her phone, pulled up the contact information for Olivia.

Then turned off her screen and put her phone down.

Back to the case notes.

The phone buzzed. Alex glanced down at the screen to find a text from Tom.

Her heart had pounded in her chest, but now it stilled again.

She tossed the phone down.

She looked at her case notes, but then groaned. She needed to get it over with.

She picked up her phone and scrolled to Olivia's number. She pressed call and pulled off her glasses, pinching the bridge of her nose.

The phone rang. Again and again.

Perhaps she was busy.

Alex felt foolish. She nearly pulled the phone from her ear when she heard a voice pick-up.

"Hello? Alex?"

"Liv…hi. I, uh…"

"Al, I'm sorry I came over the other night."

"No, it's okay. It's fine."

"He was there?"

"Yeah, yeah. He was."

"I shouldn't have."

"It's fine." Alex insisted. But why had she come?

"I…I wanted to talk to you." Olivia finally spoke again.

"O-okay." Alex choked out.

"It's nothing bad…I just, I wanted to talk."

And how many times had she said this? How many times would they "talk"? "Okay, yes. When would be good for you?"

She heard something on the other end of the phone. "Can you meet next Thursday? Evening?"

Alex had to glance at her planner. "I think so."

So it was a date. Alex felt her heart racing.


Amanda typed guiltily in her search, glancing around the precinct to see if anyone might be looking at her. She was paranoid that someone would glance over her shoulder, particularly a certain brunette. She knew it was silly to be looking this up at work, but the phones had been quiet at SVU. As if all the perps in the city had decided to chill out for the week.

And so her mind kept wondering back to the same questions that had been haunting her since she'd left Olivia's warm, naked body those few mornings before.

Amanda had been well-versed in sexual issues. Had learned, before joining SVU, about symptoms of rape victims, sexual predations, sexual hang-ups, sexual perversities. She had thought she'd learned it all and yet she realized there were holes in her knowledge.

She skimmed down the page she was currently on, absorbing the words.

Perhaps it wasn't Amanda. Perhaps it really was something else, perhaps Olivia would want to if she could be patient, if she could wait…learn what it was that made Olivia afraid of being touched.

"What're you doing?"

Amanda felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Hearing that voice made her heart skip a beat. She closed out of the website she'd been on and then turned to look up at Olivia. "Hey there."

Olivia moved to lean up against her desk. "You wanna grab a bite to eat? It's dead in here."

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'd like that." Amanda nodded.

"Good, I found a new little place right around the corner. I think you're going to like it." Olivia smiled that adorable smile she had. And Amanda wanted to reach for her and pull her into a kiss, but she quickly remembered where it was that they were and what their roles were.

Professionalism had to remain. They had not yet discussed what might happen at work and, so far, they had not found themselves in a compromised position. As long as they were unpartnered they figured it would be okay.

Amanda knew that disclosing would add pressure. And somehow, she had a feeling that the less pressure the better.

And so instead of leaning in to stroke Olivia's cheek and pull her close, Amanda reached for her coat while Olivia got her own, explaining to Cragen that they were going to head out, but to call if a case came in.

And while they had lunch – Olivia's leg firmly pressed against Amanda's beneath the table, their fingers brushing somewhat accidentally, somewhat not – Amanda forgot about the questions racing through her mind. For when Olivia was near she felt secure in what it was that they had.

Perhaps next time it would be different.

Sorry about the delay! Will try to update again very soon. This seems to be taking on its own life. Thank again for all the comments! I really appreciate hearing from you and I'm glad that you're going along with this. Thanks again!