Where Reason Triumphs over Snark, Maybe
He couldn't decide what to think of Daegen Lok. He did actually give him food as promised, and it had been very nice. But he kept on commenting on everything ceaselessly, in a tone that seemed to be an invitation towards violence. He was not going to mention the content, because that wasn't an invitation—it was begging and nagging for someone to hurt him all rolled up into one.
Except nobody did that, unless there was a catch.
Being taken outside was… well, a change. He was fairly sure the man chose places and times were there would be no crowds deliberately—today they were walking along a corridor that was completely deserted. There was some writing on the walls—there was writing on most walls here, in fact, and locked rooms, but so far not even one person had passed them. Not that he minded—less people meant less potential opponents.
What opponents that would be, he had no idea, but it didn't change the fact that watching for any potential attacker was a second nature to him.
So, isolated places were a plus, and not sitting in his room was also one.
But there was the learning. He kept feeling like he really ought to tell him it was a stupid idea to teach him how they used the Force, when they ought to be learning how to counter how he was doing that, how the Rakata did it.
Except, they had to know it. So clearly, there was some other reason for all of this, but he had no idea what that might be.
Unless Daegen Lok was just looking for a way of amusing himself and thought that Xesh would provide the amusement.
"You should really stop glaring so much, boy," the man said, proving yet again to be probably one of the most frustrating people Xesh had ever met. It wasn't like he was doing that consciously. It just happened. "You're actually not bad looking, when you forget to glower."
Thoughts of frustration made way for utter confusion.
"I take nobody told you this before, then," Daegen Lok continued, while Xesh tried to think of something to say.
Eventually, he just shook his head. How was that relevant? Surely, if he had wanted an ornamental slave, he wouldn't be teaching him—and they weren't even supposed to have slaves here, as completely bizarre as that sounded.
"Why would it matter to anyone?" he asked.
"People might actually be willing to ignore that you're a small storm cloud of despair and hostility in the Force, and spend time with you," Daegen Lok answered. "Someone might complain about the standards they are displaying, but then you're not much of a conversationalist, so your best hope is that they're too dumb to notice that too."
He was being goaded again. That much he could definitely tell.
"You're assuming I want to spend time with anyone," he replied. Just the idea of having to watch one more person, of trying to guess what they might want, what would set them off was enough to make him want to hide somewhere.
Daegen Lok snorted. "You do, boy. Or shall I tell Shae that you don't want to see her ever again?"
Xesh stopped in mid-step. He couldn't do that, could he? And he just said that he didn't want any company and meant it—he wouldn't be lying, and what if she believed that? He wanted to protest, but his throat was dry and he couldn't even get a sound out, let alone a sentence.
"I won't do this," Daegen Lok said. "But don't try that again—you might eventually manage to lie to me, but don't lie to yourself, boy. Humans are social animals. You will not survive alone." He waved his hand to underscore his point. "So, why do you want to be left alone? Think about it—don't answer me, if you don't want to, but use that brain of yours for something that will help you, instead of plotting murder or whatever it is that goes on in there."
How exactly was he supposed to lie to himself? It was his thoughts, he couldn't exactly not think them. And he really found the last comment most annoying of all. He grumbled, "I don't plot murder."
"Ah, that is good to know," Daegen Lok replied, sounding utterly unconcerned. Xesh considered pointing out that he actually could kill him, but realized fairly quickly that would be just stupid—he'd prove he had been plotting murder and Daegen Lok, being a horribly frustrating peace of old rotten meat, would fail to be fazed anyway. "So, what does go in your head then?"
He was definitely not telling him that. Daegen Lok was finding enough things to ridicule on his own, without Xesh providing him more fodder by sharing anything with him.
"I suppose you've used up your daily quota of words?" Daegen Lok commented once it should have been clear there would be no answer forthcoming.
"No, I'm saving them up for when I'm around someone I want to talk with," Xesh snapped.
That earned him a moment of silence, during which he had time to marvel at how surprised the older man looked, and reflected that maybe he shouldn't have said that after all. Insulting those in power was always a terrible idea, and telling them that you disliked their company was an even worse one.
He was definitely catching whatever made everyone in the place act like the rules of the universe did not apply.
Then Daegen Lok snorted. "And here I was worried you'll never talk back. Maybe I can teach you something after all."
He actually sounded amused.
Shae was absolutely not surprised that Xesh had joined the ranks of people who were frustrated beyond belief by interacting with Daegen Lok. She might have only met him twice at best before he left to meditate in the desert, but she had heard enough to know that it was the usual reaction.
In fact, she found him horribly annoying too.
"So, learning with Master Lok is not that great?" she asked, as they both settled down on the floor.
Xesh's neutral frown turned into a glower. "No." She hadn't expected more, given that he still wasn't big on talking, but he actually did continue. "He's frustrating, and I've no idea what he wants, and he keeps making fun of me."
"Everyone finds him annoying," she said and made a face. "The worst part is that he actually is as smart as he believes he is."
Xesh gave her a look of disbelief so sincere it made her wonder if he was doing it on purpose. "That's possible?"
Shae giggled and heard him laugh a moment later. So, it had been a joke. And that definitely meant he was trusting her more than in the beginning. It was a bit weird to see him stop frowning, since so far it seemed to be his default expression. And it made a rather startling difference—just like the shared moment of mirth did.
"You might be right," she said, grinning. "It probably isn't. But he is pretty damn intelligent, still." Well, giving him some advice on handling people like Daegen Lok wouldn't hurt, would it? "He'll actually get more bearable if you talk back to him and if you ask about stuff."
The smile on his face faded and he gave her a very sceptical look. "Won't he just keep on making fun of me, if I do that?"
"Well, yes," Shae replied. "But it's not like there's any way to make him stop doing that, so you might as well tell him what you think."
Xesh continued looking sceptical.
"Really, I'm pretty sure you hadn't thought anything that someone else hadn't told him before," Shae said. Although, perhaps she was being too optimistic. If he was actually comparing him to his owner and Daegen was coming out similar, then even his enormous ego would probably take a hit. "Anyway, he's supposed to teach you, so you should really think about what you want to ask him. It's his job to answer your questions now."
The sceptical look Xesh had been giving her seemed to melt somewhat now. "Even if they're stupid?"
"What would you define as a stupid question?" Shae asked.
"Things I ought to know or be able to figure out on my own," Xesh said.
Well, if that was what had him worried, she had good news. "He still has to answer them, because clearly, you don't know them and are not able to figure them out on your own." She winked at him. "And if you deliberately ask him something really stupid, it counts as talking back, so it's a win too. I mean—this actually serves a purpose. You can indicate that he's telling you something obvious, or that he's being frustrating or a jerk."
Xesh gave her the kind of look people tended to give with presented with something they just can't wrap their mind around. "But… I'm- Why would he care what I think?"
"Because if he doesn't, he won't be able to teach you anything," Shae said. "And because he's just a jerk and not actually evil."
Daegen had found his old spot, where he used to sit and read before he'd left for the desert. It had changed—like everything in the past ten years: the part of the cliff the window looked out at had crumbled off, exposing new layers of dark orange stone. Someone had put a flower pot besides the window with a large frond. But he could still put a cushion on the floor opposite to it, and tune out the world in one way or another.
Except, clearly, either not-so-little-anymore Shae Koda was a proficient tracker or someone had informed her about that particular habit of his, given that no sooner had he settled down than she was sitting down opposite him with about as much regard for her clothes as Master Quan usually demonstrated.
"I'm trying to make your job easier, so do me a favour and don't make my hard work go to waste," she said without preamble. "Curb your predatory instincts and try to be nice to Xesh."
"My dear, you are the one with predatory instincts," Daegen shot back. "You're starting to act like a brooding rancor."
It earned him a wonderful glare. "My apologies. I must have forgotten to eat you alive. How remiss of me."
It was rather hard keeping a straight face then—he could see why Master Quan had taken this particular young woman as his apprentice. She had about the right amount of irreverence. Still. She was at least ten years too young to be lecturing him about what to do with barely adult uncivilized children.
"I am eternally grateful that you have proven stronger than your mother uxi instincts," he said. "Nevertheless, I know what I am doing."
"Respectfully," she said—and like everyone ever before who had used this phrase, she had been as far from respect as possible without being on another planet, "you have no kriffing clue what you are doing."
Perhaps he ought to have thought than that this was a punishment from the Force for being an irreverent know-it-all shit in his youth, but he was fairly sure that spot was already covered by Xesh. He did know how to treat irreverent know-it-alls. Sullen grumpy uncivilized children, not so much.
"Very well, then," he said. "What is your advice, oh fount of wisdom?"
"You need to be more patient," Shae replied. Daegen felt somewhat surreal then—was he really being instructed on the basics by someone half his age? "He doesn't trust us. He trusts me. And that's it." She pointed to herself then and made a chopping gesture with the other hand. "I don't think it occurred to him that a society can function without abusers being in charge."
It was an enlightening observation. One he probably ought to have made on his own.
"Ask him if he wants to do something and if he says no, respect it," Shae added.
"That's not exactly how teaching works," Daegen pointed out. "He needs to do what I tell him to, if I'm to teach him anything."
Shae rolled her eyes. "There's this novel concept called explaining. He's not stupid, and you're exceptionally smart. I'm sure you can work with that."
"There's a reason why I never had an apprentice, and it's not just that I've spent ten years in the desert," Daegen grumbled. "And here I hoped I might skip those things with an adult."
Shae failed to show any compassion for his plight and started snickering.
"If this goes on, it will also turn out I have to teach him the facts of life, won't it?" Daegen continued gloomily. It only provoked more snickering.
"Don't be so over-dramatic," Shae chided. "Stepping out of your comfort zone and explaining things that you think are obvious is a very good philosophical exercise."
And here he was, being lectured by an apprentice, who was having far too much fun doing that as far as he could tell.
"Have you considered changing temples and focusing only on teaching?" he asked.
"Oh no," Shae answered quickly. "Children don't usually try to eat me once a day. It gets boring without it."
Daegen, fortunately, had been spared most of this, given that his interest in animals lay more in how they could help him study brains and how they worked, rather than observing and learning about huge carnivorous creatures. Nevertheless, given that huge carnivorous things were exactly what Quan-Jang studied, they had featured occasionally in Daegen's training.
"So, any breakthroughs when it comes to carnivorous monsters sane people avoid?" he asked. Maybe he was growing old, but for a moment, he felt like he missed some of the scaly horrors.
Predictably, it meant he spent the next half an hour listening to stories about things that could swallow him whole.
