Disclaimer: Twilight nor its affiliates are of my own creation. The characters of this work belong entirely to Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: Isabella Swan had a notion of what her life was to be. In pursuit of happiness and joy, a tragic price was paid. Forced to return to her childhood home of Forks, Washington Isabella is compelled to keep her past form interfering from her future. All human.

Author's Note: Rated M for graphic content.

Chapter Six: Determining Disaster

Isabella's POV

Seven weeks had passed since I arrived in Forks, Washington. Likewise, it had been ten weeks since the incident that altered the course of my life, forever.

It was a Friday afternoon. As March signified the beginning of spring, today was but a half-day of school. Having endured the necessary tasks for the day, I resigned myself to spending lunch hour in solace. Since returning to Forks, I had neglected to spend much time alone – this was not only by choice but by preference of Charlie. I had a suspicion that he and Renee had devised the plan once I made the decision to leave Phoenix.

As it was, Renee and Phil had been doing quite well since my departure. Though, they too had been deeply affected by my attack. Just two weeks ago they packed up the last of their things in Phoenix and set their sights on Jacksonville, Florida. Renee loved it – perhaps even more than Phil. Though, I was certain that Phil was content – he had a five-year contract with the Suns to look forward to and mom… well mom had her entire life ahead. She could chart the stars, be crazy, and have fun.

I talked to her almost daily. Either by phone or by email. Though, until they were settled in their new house it would likely be while before email communications would continue.

I was happy for them. They were moving on.

Now, if only I could.

It seemed as though the world was progressing without me. Each day held a new challenge. Forgetting hadn't been quite as easy as I anticipated. If anything, it was worse than I could have ever imagined. Each memory – each dream – came at such a price. They took with me any hope that I had built. Had it not been for Charlie, Esme, and Carlisle, I wasn't entirely sure that I would still be standing. With their help, I had somehow made it this far. They assured me that it would get easier with time.

Time.

At the moment, it seemed like my only enemy – other than my own thoughts.

Taking hold of the glass before me I could feel my stomach churn at the mere thought. I could feel the bile rising in the back of my throat as rushed to set down the glass. My feet were moving faster than my mind. At last, I reached the porcelain and out poured the contents of both my breakfast and lunch. For the past two days, nothing had seemed to settle well. I discounted it as merely nerves – today was my first appointment with the gynecologist. It had been a recommended visit after the ordeal my body had been put through.

Had it not been for Esme, I would not have committed to go. However, once she knew of the appointment, there was no stopping it. Reaching up, I pulled the handle allowing the contents to be flushed out of sight and out of mind. Standing I reached for my toothbrush and hastily brushed my teeth. Esme would be here at any moment. They would have to be in Port Angeles by three and it was almost two now.

As if on cue, she heard the bell ring below. Rushing, she grabbed the necessary items. Her chart which Charlie had somehow managed to gain access to, her prior medical records, and a photo copy of both her insurance and ID. Reaching to doorway, she was greeted by Esme's warm embrace. "Hi." I greeted.

"Hello dear." She greeted me as she passed to me a bottle of unknown liquid. Eying it suspiciously I looked to Esme as we headed for the Mercedes.

"It's ginger tea. It will help with the nerves." She replied.

Had I mentioned how much I loved Esme? Pulling open the cup I took a sip. The cool liquid soothed my burning throat. The test would come soon enough. "Thank you." I whispered. "But how?" I asked.

"Alice said you've been all nerves lately. I remember when the twins were little and sick to their stomachs I could fix ginger tea and they would be settled by morning. I brought an extra in case you managed to make it through one." She said with a smile as they set forth on their long journey.

Conversation was minimal. Mostly consisting of school and Jacksonville. A comforting silence filled the space between the pair. "Thank you Esme." I said as we entered the mainframe of Port Angeles.

"What for dear?" Esme asked sincerely as she eased onto the access road. They were only a few miles from their destination at this point.

"For everything." I said with ease. Her support had been boundless never ceasing. Had Renee been in Forks, she was sure that the same could be said for her own mother. Esme had merely taken up the role.

"I don't do it for thanks Bella. I do it because I love you. Remember that." She retorted. I knew that there was nothing more that I could do or say to show her that it was more than just her love and affection. Her kindness, her compassion – it knew no bounds. Rather than defend my point, I remained silent. Pulling the tea to my lips I took another sip. I could see the edge of the medical center nearing closer. My stomach was in knots.

As Esme pulled into the parking garage I saw her begin to gather her things. I stilled her and clutched her hands. "You won't leave me, right?" I asked carefully. I wanted her by my side. I needed her. I couldn't do this by myself. Had it not been for the nature of the visit, I might have asked Charlie to go with me but as it was, I was rather embarrassed and allotted to ask Esme instead. I felt confident in my choice.

With a kiss to my temple, her eyes never left me. "I'm not going anywhere." She affirmed.


The paperwork was torturous. I felt that I was signing my entire life over to this office. The questionnaire alone was enough to make me squirm in my seat. How did anyone fill comfortable answering these questions? With my records in hand, I approached the check-in desk. "Isabella Swan." I said in a low voice. The nurse watched me carefully as I hand the sealed records to her. No doubt, she understood the significance and nodded. "The doctor will see you shortly. A nurse will call when you are ready." She responded.

I simply nodded and returned to my seat beside Esme. She had a magazine that appeared rather interesting. At least she had something to pass the time – I however had nothing but my thoughts. Reaching for my ginger tea I had taken one sip when I heard my name called from the back of the room.

Jumping to my feet, I felt Esme wrap her arm around me as we headed forward.

"Miss Swan, do you mind stepping on the scale for me?" the nurse asked as I immediately passed through the doorway.

I obliged as she attempted to measure both my height and weight. "5'2" 108 pounds." The nurse mumbled to herself charting them. The next stop was my examination room. "I'm Erika." She greeted. "Isabella if you will take a seat just here on the table and mom, you can have a seat just there if you would like."

I froze. Esme hadn't the heart to correct her – nor had I.

"Now Isabella, I am going to ask you just a few questions that you left blank on your questionnaire, okay?" she prompted. I merely nodded in responses. "Okay, when was your last menstruation?" Closing my eyes, I attempted to remember. It had been just a week before IT happened. "January 15th?" I responded. Though, I wasn't quite confident with my answer. My emergency room doctor had informed me that it was not uncommon to experience irregular periods following such a severe trauma. "And when was your last date of sexual intercourse?" she asked.

If only she knew the reason that I had failed to answer this specific question. I could feel my breathing become erratic. My eyes darted to Esme's in desperation. "It's okay Bella." She assured me. Nodding, I turned back to the nurse Erika. "January 22nd." I whispered.

"Alright." She commented making a note in the chart. "There is a gown at the foot of the bed. You will need remove your bottoms – underwear included. Dr. Thomas will be in shortly." And with that, she was gone from sight.

I could feel Esme's arms embrace me as I leaned into her chest. I held back the tears but the anxiety was just as worse. Couldn't she see what her probing had caused? "Come on dear, let's get you into this gown before Nurse Nazi returns." Her stifling comment caused me to laugh. Esme was incredible.

Just moments after situating myself on the examination table, a gentleman I presumed to be Dr. Thomas, entered. "Hello, Isabella. I'm Mark Thomas." He greeted, extending his hand for both I and Esme to shake. Pulling a pair of glove from the table, he took a seat. I watched him cautiously. "Dr. Maverick from Phoenix University Hospital sent me your records. I appreciate you bringing in the physical copy today as well." He stated softly.

"Now, I just want to ask you some follow up questions about somethings you mentioned on the questionnaire." He began. "You said your last period was just before the incident?" he asked. I nodded. "Since have you had any bleeding? Spotting?"

"At first. Nothing after the first two days." I replied solemnly. "Dr. Maverick said that it wasn't unusual to be irregular the first few months after." I continued.

Dr. Thomas nodded. "It's not uncommon." he agreed. "You see, when your body is exposed to such severe trauma, it is like it retreats into itself for protection. In your case, it could take several weeks for your cycle to regulate. And it may not be all too different from your first period. There is a tendency to be a bit more pain, cramping, and bloating - but I can prescribe something that might help." he assured.

"I'm just going to examine you really quick." Dr. Thomas said standing from his seated position. "Isabella, I just need you to lye back. I want you to bring your knees up to your chest and I am going to part them with my elbow." He explained. Swallowing, I looked to Esme who had moved to stand beside my chest.

"This is going to be a bit little uncomfortable. I promise that I will try to be as quick as possible" He admitted.

I could feel him relax my legs. I could feel him reach inside me. Closing my eyes, I tried not to focus on what was happening. I could hear Esme's voice in my ears trying to sooth me. Before I realized it, he had draped a blanket across my lower abdomen.

"Do you mind pulling your gown up to your bra line?" he asked. I looked to him curiously but obliged. I could feel the pressure of his hands as he pressed down upon my abdomen. Dr. Maverick had done the same when he was checking for quadrant pain.

Pulling his hands back to his side, he crossed to the counter where my discarded chart lay open. I could see him flicking through the various chart notes. "Miss Swan, when you were admitted to the hospital, do you remember Dr. Maverick offering a series of blood panels?" I nodded.

Hesitantly I spoke. "Yes. He said that it was important... important with rape victims to have the HIV status checked as soon as possible. Though, he said it would take nearly six months for the results to come back." I supplied.

"It's true." he offered. "With rape victims we fear that they can easily contract the disease unknowingly and unwillingly during the attack. The law demands that this be done." he substantiated. "But, there are a few other things that we check for. One of them is pregnancy." he continued.

Standing, he opened the exam room and motioned for the same nurse that had been with me previously. I was unable to hear his words but I could see something in his expression. I couldn't quite denote what it detailed but there was something amiss. Moments later, nurse Erika, or Nazi, as Esme had so fondly called her, reappeared with a machine at her side.

"This may be a bit cold." She warned as she picked up a small device and placed It on my abdomen. I flinched at the movement. She was right, it was definitely cold. "Dr. Thomas." She motioned as he joined her. Both were intrigued by the image on the screen. Turning over the projection, a drumming noise filled the room around them. My eyes caught Esme whose eyes brimmed with tears.

What was I missing?

"Isabella, when rape victims are admitted to the hospital, the majority are given what is called the Plan B pill. It is a safeguard against conception. But just like other contraceptive devices, it is not always effective." Dr. Thomas explained setting down my chart. His eyes were trained on me and the screen before us. "Do you see this dark spot just here?" He inquired.

"Yes." I whispered.

"That…. is your baby." He replied solemnly.

The word hit me like a bullet. What had he just said? Had I heard him correctly? As if to confirm his statement, I felt Esme's arms wrap closely around me. I could feel the sting from what I thought to be her tears. It took some time to realize that they were my own.

Pregnant.

The word was like an echo in my mind.

"No!" I cried horrified. "No!" I yelped as I was frozen against Esme's chest. I could feel the walls of my chest closing in. "Esme." I sobbed into her chest. This wasn't real. This couldn't possibly be happening.

I had sworn to leave that horrific day behind me.

Not only would I carry the burden of its memory but now, I would give birth to it.

I couldn't move.

I couldn't breathe.

Fate had determined my life.

It was a determined disaster.