Chapter updated 28 September 2015 (paragraphs added)


True to their word, the roommates immediately got back to their pre-awkward days. Everything was back to the way that it was before. Except for the kissing. That was new. When they parted ways in the morning, they kissed. When they met back in the room, they kissed. Paige didn't even remember how it had all started.

The kisses were just chaste pecks, the kind that a married couple would exchange. Only they weren't married. Or dating. Just roommates who happened to kiss. Sometimes, they would take study breaks and kiss. And kiss. And kiss. The kisses were never discussed. For her part, Paige was afraid to think what the kisses meant. More than that, though, she was afraid to think that they didn't mean anything at all.

One Saturday afternoon, as Paige lay on her back reading in bed, Emily came over and lay beside her, scrolling through her social media accounts on her phone. Paige smiled to herself. It felt good just to have Emily with her. After a while, Emily put her phone down next to Paige's on the bedside table and rolled over onto her side, snuggling into Paige. She pulled Paige's arm under her neck, and Paige obligingly rubbed her back. It was much like the night when Emily came home crying and ended up sleeping in Paige's arms, only, this time, Emily's hand on Paige's stomach was underneath Paige's shirt. Emily deposited a kiss onto the side of Paige's neck, and, soon, Paige could feel the rhythm of Emily's deep breathing, her chest swelling and contracting against Paige's side and the warm breaths that she exhaled falling lightly against Paige's neck.

Paige, who had been smiling to herself ever since Emily climbed into the bed with her, let out a nervous chuckle once she realized that Emily was asleep. She let herself feel the contact of Emily's foot on her foot, calf on her calf, thigh on her thigh, hand on her stomach, forearm on her side, head on her shoulder, hair on her face. To be honest, Paige was feeling a lot more warmth than the heat of Emily's body on her body.

Paige breathed in Emily's aroma deeply. She wished that, somehow, she could drink that aroma. She wanted to get falling down drunk on the scent of Emily Fields.

Paige brushed her fingers through her roommate's thick, dark hair, pushing it away from Emily's face. She let her hand linger in Emily's hair, resting lightly against her ear and neck, as she contemplated the exposed skin of Emily's cheek. Emily looked at peace, lying there, and a large part of Paige wanted to think that she was the reason for that. At that moment, something irrational in her felt that Emily was hers, and she leaned in to seal that sentiment with a kiss. She stopped herself just in time. This is stupid, she heard herself mumble, just barely audibly. She and Emily kissed all the time, but she couldn't fool herself with the lie that this near-kiss was as innocent as the others.

Paige eventually placed the book that had been tented against her chest onto the shelf above her bed. She hadn't been able to concentrate since Emily crawled in beside her, anyway. She turned her back to Emily, to put some distance between the two of them. Emily, still asleep, felt her arm slip out from underneath Paige's shirt and scooted closer, pressing her body into Paige's back as her hand found its way back to its spot against the tensed muscles of Paige's stomach. Once she had reclaimed that territory, she smiled against Paige's neck with a contented sigh. Paige echoed her with a sigh as much from nerves as from contentment.


"Hey!" Paige nudged Emily awake. "If we want to get some dinner, we'd better head to the cafeteria before it closes!"

"What time is it?"

"6:30."

"Mmph," Emily muttered groggily. "I fell asleep." She didn't seem in any hurry to get up. Paige wasn't in any hurry to separate herself from the way that her body was entangled with Emily's. She sat up and gave Emily a kiss. "Come on, sleepyhead! The caf closes in 20 minutes!"

Paige and Emily grabbed a quick bite and, as was their Saturday routine, they took the long walk to the Athletic Center and got some aerobics and yoga in. It wasn't late, but it was dark out, and they were both thoroughly exhausted, so they had both decided to turn in early.


Paige got back from the bathroom to find Emily in her bed. "What's happening here?" she smiled.

Emily shrugged her shoulders. "Your bed's more comfortable."

"What? We're switching beds now?" Paige was still smiling. "Did I get a vote in this decision?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Get in here!" she insisted, scooting over a bit. "There's plenty of room for the two of us." There really wasn't, but Paige wasn't about to say anything. She climbed under the covers next to Emily, still finding it impossible to wipe the smile off of her face. It was all that she could do to keep from giggling.

So, they were sharing a bed, now. It made the good-morning and good-night kisses that much easier. But they weren't dating. That subject never came up.


When the end of midterms rolled around, Paige and Emily were ready to blow off some steam. They were going to hit the fraternity parties with the rest of the swim team. Paige was dressed and ready, in a long-sleeved white shirt with red pinstripes over a pair of dark skinny jeans. Emily couldn't decide. She was going through everything in her closet, from the looks of it, and had even tried on a few things from Paige's side of the closet while she was at it. Paige had to pretend to play on her phone, in order to avoid blatantly ogling as her roommate stepped into and out of outfit after outfit. It didn't help that Emily kept inserting herself into Paige's field of vision, asking her opinion. "Focus, McCullers," she admonished, gripping her roomate's chin to pull her eyes away from the phone, "or we're never going to get out of here!" Emily was stripped down to her bra and panties when she made this demand. Paige wasn't quite sure exactly what Emily was trying to get her to focus on.

Emily eventually settled on some knee-length khakis and a Cardinal red sweater with a white "S" on it. It seemed a bit anti-climactic after all of the time that she had spent trying on outfits. As they were walking out of the door, Emily reached over and unbuttoned the second button down from the collar on Paige's shirt, patting her hand in the open space matter-of-factly. They walked arm in arm up to fraternity row, their anticipation for the night building.

The parties were crowded out onto the lawns. Emily grabbed Paige's hand and led her through the sea of people. Paige felt herself tingle with excitement. Somehow, holding hands with Emily that way seemed much more intimate than any other contact that they'd shared. More than the hugs. More than the kisses. More than sleeping in the same bed. It wasn't just that Emily was holding her hand, but that Emily was leading her – that they were holding hands because they were going somewhere. Together. Not "together" together, of course. They had never discussed that. Whatever.

Paige knew that it was reaching the point where they were going to have to talk about exactly what it is that they were.


Paige and Emily found themselves perched near a windowsill, trying to carry on a conversation over the incredibly loud music that was blaring through the house. Occasionally, guys would come over and ask one of them to dance, and Paige or Emily would politely smile and say, "Not now." Finally, Emily said, "This is ridiculous!" and grabbed Paige's hand, leading her out to the dance floor.

Paige loved dancing with this slightly drunk Emily. Emily really let loose on the dance floor, and Paige responded in kind. They were young, they were carefree; it was everything college life should be. Paige wanted to live that moment in slow motion, or rewind it and replay it over and over. She had never danced so hard in her life. Emily was dancing just as hard and had worked up a bit of a sweat. Somewhere along the way, she had tossed her sweater aside in favor of the flimsy tank top that lay beneath it.

Paige didn't want the dancing to end. It went on for quite a while, actually, before the DJ spun a slow song. Paige didn't trust herself on a slow song, so she pulled Emily off of the dance floor and out towards the exit.

They walked home, red cups in hand, their other hands clasped together, singing Stanford fight songs at the top of their lungs, swinging their arms in time with the music that they were creating.

All of a sudden, Emily broke her grip on Paige's hand and darted off toward some bushes. Paige froze for a moment, then took off after her, afraid that she was about to start puking. She caught up to Emily as she was trying to undo the zipper on her khakis. "Paige!" she exclaimed, "Dare me to pee standing up!"

Paige was laughing so hard that she could hardly reply. "What?"

"Dare me to pee standing up! Why should guys get to have all the fun?"

"Emily, I know that you're not an expert on the subject, but guys have different equipment than you and I!"

Emily gave Paige a sad look and said, earnestly, "But that's not fair!" She continued, in righteous indignation, "It's Penisism! We live in a Penisocracy! It's the United Penis States of America, with... with... Penisvania and... and... Penischussetts!" All of a sudden, Penis was the funniest word in Emily's vocabulary.

"Okay, okay, cowgirl! Let's get you home."

Emily seemed to like that idea. "Home? You're going to take me home?" She was looking up at Paige with all the innocence and wonder of a three year old. For a moment, Paige got lost in her eyes. Emily was so close that Paige could feel her breath with every exhale. So close that Paige wouldn't have to lean very far in to give her a kiss - a real kiss, not their daily pecks - a kiss that could say everything that Paige was too cowardly to admit to herself or to Emily.

Emily's look changed to one of confusion under Paige's intense gaze. She reached up and touched Paige's lips with two fingers. It was not a gentle or sensual touch. It was more a drunken, questioning touch, as if Emily were unable to fathom why Paige should have two lips. Out of the blue, Emily tossed her head back and yelled at the top of her lungs, "I'm drunk!"

"Yes," Paige agreed calmly, gathering Emily in her arms and leading her back to the sidewalk, "You're drunk. And I'm taking you back home."


Back in the room, Emily divested herself of her shoes and khakis and sprawled out on top of Paige's bed (well, their bed, essentially) wearing just her tank top and panties. Paige leaned over and kissed her roommate good night. Emily moaned drunkenly into the kiss and rolled over onto her stomach when it was over. Paige went over to Emily's bed, which was basically only used for studying and storage anymore, unceremoniously pushed Emily's pile of rejected outfits from earlier onto the floor, and got under the covers. With everything that she had been feeling that night, with the two of them as drunk as they were, and with Emily in the state of undress that she was, Paige thought better of sleeping in the same bed as her.

God knows when on Saturday morning – or Saturday afternoon, Paige wasn't sure – she woke to feel Emily climbing into bed next to her, dressed the way she was when she collapsed on the bed the night before. As she pressed up against Paige's back, Paige couldn't help notice that, at some point, Emily had rid herself of her bra. "Hey – why'd you sleep over here?" Emily asked in a soft, sleepy, hungover voice.

Paige rolled over to face Emily, shrugging her shoulders. They needed to talk about things, but not right then. Not when they were both hungover. Paige gave Emily a kiss instead of a reply.

"Ew, Paige! Your breath tastes like shit," Emily complained in a gravelly, hoarse, early morning, slightly drunk voice before she kissed Paige back, long and hard, pulling her further into the kiss by the back of her head. Paige had to use all of the self-control that she could muster to keep from deepening the kiss. Finally, she pushed back from Emily's lips and put words to the thoughts that had been tormenting her for days: "Okay, I really think that we would be better off having this conversation when we're both thinking more clearly, but I really need to know right now: Are we dating? Because, this, Emily? This sure feels a hell of a lot like dating!"

Emily shoved Paige in the shoulder, knocking her onto her back, and laughed. "Jesus, McCullers! Took you long enough to figure that out! I was beginning to think that I was going to have to adopt a cat or rent a U-Haul or something!"