I guess it's time for a disclaimer. I do not own the characters in this story; they own me. They belong to this woman named Stephenie, I believe! :p
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"He's a real nowhere man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans
For nobody."
- "Nowhere Man", The Beatles
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For once in his life Edward was glad to have run into Jessica Stanley. How she was a registered nurse and was actually trusted to care for the wellbeing of others, he'd never understand but was grateful, nonetheless. He pressed his foot harder on the gas pedal and cursed the truck that slowed down in front of him, causing him to slam hard on his brakes. He was aware of the irony - almost getting into a car accident while on the way to the hospital to visit another person who was in an accident a few days before, and he would have laughed if he wasn't so focused on getting to the hospital. A brief thought crossed his mind and he managed to catch it before it flitted away and he reached for his phone before he realized what he was doing.
The number was etched into his memory so there was no way in hell that he could ever forget it. He dialed the numbers without looking, his eyes focused on the yellow lines in the middle of the road. It was still raining, of course, and he was used to driving in bad weather, but he took caution around the curves of the lane. He held the phone up to his ear and a few seconds later he heard the familiar response, the same response he heard every time he got the courage to call. Yes, he knew the number was disconnected. She had disconnected it the day she left yet he still hoped that someday her soft voice would float through the phone and into his ear. Of course, today was no different.
He wondered if someone had made her aware of her father's condition. He wondered if her father was even lucid enough to be aware of his own condition, and soon another thought crossed his mind and it hit him so forcefully that he thought he would have to pull over for a minute. What if she was there to see Charlie?
What if she was home?
Five years of longing boiled within the pits of his stomach, and he maneuvered his car around the truck that seemed to be placed there only to piss him off. Edward was never one to drive under the speed limit, and tonight he had even more reason to be a speed demon, as his mother called him. He wanted to throw his phone out the fucking window but instead he dialed another familiar number and tried to wait patiently for someone on the other end to pick up.
His parents usually picked up right away once they saw that it was Edward who was calling, but tonight was the night that their voicemail greeted Edward instead.
"You've got be fucking kidding me," Edward growled, this time tossing his phone roughly into the passenger seat next to him. With one hand he held the wheel tightly in his grasp, and with the other he ran his fingers through his hair, quickly making the bronze strands of hair stand in every direction. He looked like he had been electrocuted from the lightning that was dotting the sky a few miles back, and he didn't even care. He only cared about Charlie and the highly doubtful but still present thought that Bella could be coming back to him.
His relationship with Charlie had been strained in the beginning, and Edward thought it was because he had been Bella's first, well, everything. Edward knew
that every time he had taken Bella's hand, or kissed her cheek, or covered her up in one of his sweatshirts, that he was slowly taking over the role that Charlie had portrayed in Bella's life. For seventeen years Charlie had been Bella's protector and Charlie had found that cutting the strings away from him and Bella was a lot harder than he thought it was going to be. It took time but eventually Charlie and Edward had fallen into a comfortable and steady relationship. He had even accompanied him on a few fishing trips, and apparently, Charlie didn't go fishing with just anybody.
So when Edward saw that the hospital was only a handful of miles away, he convinced himself that he was going to see how an old friend was recovering, and that was all. Edward felt that it was the least he could do after everything he had put the Swan family through, and so he felt justified about his visit to Charlie. He had every right to see him.
Didn't he?
He tried to shake off the nerves that made his fingers shake by putting his window down a little bit but he found that the wet air did absolutely nothing to calm him down. Instead images of his last visit with Charlie blocked his vision of the road, and this time he did pull the car over to the shoulder.
"She left, Edward." Charlie had said and placed a gentle hand on Edward's shoulder, patting it softly. "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you."
"She left? What do you mean, 'she left'?" Panic had made itself known in Edward's voice and he looked his fierce eyes into Charlie's.
"What else can it mean? She left. Gone. She took a plane out of Forks this morning," Charlie had said sadly and looked upwards towards the gray sky. "I took her to the airport myself."
"What? Why?" Edward shouted, trying to step in front of Charlie as he started to make his way back inside the house. "Where did she go?"
"Look, I'm under strict orders on what I can say to you," Charlie held his hands up in mock surrender, showing the signs of a father that did not know what was going through his daughter's mind. "Here, take this," he said, handing Edward a letter from his back pocket, "it's the only thing I'm allowed to say. It's from Bella." His voice broke when he spoke her name so he quickly placed the letter in Edward's hands and walked away.
Edward looked at the letter in his hand, clearly addressed to him in Bella's loopy handwriting, and angrily threw it onto the ground. He stormed in front of Charlie's path, blocking him from going inside.
"I don't want a fucking letter, Chief Swan." Edward was on the verge of losing his mind and the two men knew it. "Please, just tell me where she is." Charlie sighed loudly, cursing the fact that he had no choice but to fight in a battle that he knew nothing about. He wished someone had written a book on how to raise a daughter so he could have been prepared for an event like this. He had his own method but as far as Charlie knew, shooting a boyfriend, possibly ex boyfriend, of your daughter was still very much illegal. Maybe he could just take out his gun to scare him a little bit? He was pretty sure that was still allowed. But instead he sat down on the steps leading up to his front porch, motioning Edward to sit down next to him. The truth was that Edward had turned out to be a great man over the years, and leveling with him would be the best option. He had been in Edward's shoes once before - he had woken up to find the love of his life and their daughter gone, leaving only their memories behind. He knew how lost Edward would be. He had lived it.
On the other hand, he saw the heartbreak on his daughter's face as he left her at the airport earlier in the morning, and knew that Bella was rational enough to not make a hasty decision such as this unless there was just cause.
"I can't tell you where she went, Edward." Charlie paused. "She is my daughter so obviously I have to respect her wishes first. I can tell you this though, and like I said before I'm sorry to be the one to tell you but -"
"Oh God, please, Charlie, I'll do anything. Just tell me," Edward had almost begged him right there on his front porch. "I'll do anything."
"She won't be coming back," Charlie choked out. "She's not coming back to Forks. And Edward, you said you'd do anything?" Edward managed to find the words that were suffocating within his chest.
"Yes, anything."
"Here's what you can do," Charlie said, his voice turning cold. "Leave. Now. And don't come back here again."
So he didn't.
The lightning flashed inside of Edward's car on the side of the road, and he began to second guess his decision to see Charlie. He made it clear at their last visit that he was no longer welcome in their lives and here Edward was, about to charge right into his hospital room and start feeding him Jell-O. He needed advice, badly, and almost shouted euphorically when he saw his phone light up the passenger seat next to him. He looked at the number and answered hurriedly.
"Dad? Can you hear me?"
"Hello, Edward. Yes I can, barely. Where are you? Is everything alright?" Worry dripped off of the voice belonging to the eldest Cullen, and Edward sat back slowly into his seat, momentarily relaxing at the sound of his father, Carlisle's, voice.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm on my way to the hospital."
"Hospital? I thought you said you were fine!" Carlisle voice rose with concern.
"I am, Dad, I swear," Edward stopped before continuing. "Did you know anything about Chief Swan being admitted into the hospital here in Forks?" Edward was answered with silence on the other end of the phone and he knew what his father's response would be. "I'm assuming one of your golf buddies told you."
"Actually, no. This is the first I'm hearing about it. Remember I work in Seattle, now? My contacts at Forks have dwindled over the years."
"Bullshit," Edward spat. "When did you find out?"
"Edward, I'm telling you the truth, I knew nothing about Chief Swan. I wouldn't have wanted to tell you but you know I would have," Carlisle's voice softened and Edward closed his eyes. "Are you sure you want to go down this road?"
"Yeah, I have to. He's a great man that deserves some type of respect," Edward said. "I'll just wish him a speedy recovery and get the fuck out of there."
"Just think this through before you jump, please. Neither of you may be ready for the consequences." Father and son sat quietly together over the phone, the younger of the two letting the words weigh heavily on his mind. His father was very smart and very wise and had never lead Edward down a path that was troubled. He had been the one to convince Edward to maintain somewhat of a life after Bella left. Edward thought hard for a moment about the life he was living and realized that Alice was right. He wasn't living. He had nothing to live for.
"Well," Edward said, "when you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose. I'll let you know if he slaps a restraining order on me." He said goodbye to his father, hung up the phone, and peeled off of the shoulder of the road, determined to face whatever comes his way.
He was doing the right thing.
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"Momma, can I bring my trophy to Chollipop's house?" Renesmee shouted from her bedroom. "He's going to love it!"
Bella smiled from her place at the kitchen table where she was writing down a list of things for Renee to check up on daily while the two of them were gone. She thought it was endearing the names that Renesmee had given her grandparents. When Renesmee was born, Renee was not ready to be called 'grandma', so she had taken the latter part of her first name and combined it with 'Nana', to form Nayna. Renesmee had picked it up right away and soon she was taught to call her grandfather 'Chollipop' because he wanted to be called 'Pop', and she wanted to call him Charlie like her mommy did sometimes, so the compromise was to combine Charlie and Pop. That was how Chollipop was born, and what made it even more fun was that it rhymed with Lollipop, which was Renesmee's most favoritest thing in the whole wide world. That, and her newly acquired soccer trophy.
"Sure, " Bella said, "but wait for Mommy to get it down -" Too late. There was a crash and soon a minute later Rochester was speeding out of Renesmee's bedroom just as fast as Bella ran in. Luckily, the noise was the worst of the disaster, and Renesmee walked away unscathed, clutching her trophy to her chest before placing it on top of the pile in her suitcase. While Bella's heart returned to her normal speed, she eyed the materials that Renesmee had packed in her pink sparkly suitcase. Bella knew that most of it would have to be left here and she would have to repack everything while Renesmee slept. Their flight was scheduled to leave early the following morning, so Bella was determined to have everything packed the night before in order to have a smooth departure. She could easily picture herself flying through the airport with their luggage banging recklessly on the linoleum floor behind them, Renesmee tucked under her arm, feet and arms flailing wildly. That was a nightmare that she would make sure not to come true.
"Did you pack Baby?" Bella asked Renesmee, scratching her eyebrow slowly as she watched Renesmee try to shove her Barbie playhouse into her suitcase. Renesmee pursed her lips thoughtfully, a confused look on her face, and closing the suitcase lid, she quickly sat down on top of it. Bella heard the first crack of the Barbie playhouse and gently removed Renesmee from her perch on top of the suitcase. "Some things have to stay home, sweetie. I'm sure Chollipop has fun things for you to play with at his house."
"Chollipop plays with Barbies, too?" Renesmee asked excitedly.
"You never know, he's pretty good with surprises when it comes to you," Bella laughed, and thought about the soft spot Charlie had for his only granddaughter. Even though they only saw each other a few times a year when Charlie came out to Florida to visit, the two of them spoke daily on the phone, usually forgetting that Bella liked to have the opportunity to talk to her father as well. Charlie made sure he was familiar with the latest trends in the toy world, telling Bella that he liked being a "hip" grandfather. Bella didn't have the heart to tell him that those who used the word "hip" to describe themselves, were quite, not.
"Will his boo boos be gone by tomorrow when we get there? I want him to play with me. " Renesmee asked. Bella shook her head softly.
"Probably not, kiddo. He'll feel much better when he sees you, though. Oh look, here's Baby." Bella reached across the bed and grabbed the doll that was the permanent shadow of the little girl who stood next to her. "We can't forget Baby." She handed the doll to Renesmee, and motioned her head towards the bed so Renesmee could slide under the covers. Renesmee frowned momentarily before listening to her mother. She didn't understand why she had to go to sleep. Didn't her mommy know that she could be missing so many fun things? Those were things that a four year old just simply could not miss.
Eventually sleep took over, and Bella busied herself with finishing up their suitcases, making sure they had their boarding passes and the proper items in their carry on bag. A little while later, a soft knock appeared at her door and soon Kate was sitting on the couch in Bella's living room. The two friends chatted quietly, mostly about Chapter Chat and Kate as its' temporary manager, and since Rochester was going to be spending the summer with Auntie Kate, Kate needed a rundown of all things pertaining to Sir Rochester. Soon the conversation changed to more serious issues.
"You're doing the right thing," Kate put her hand on Bella's knee. "You'll look back on this experience and be thankful that you went."
"Then why is this so terrifying?" Bella asked, placing her empty wine glass on her coffee table.
"Doing the right thing usually is," Kate said. "That's part of why doing the right thing is so self gratifying. It means that you conquered some type of personal fear and lived to tell about it."
"I survived Edward Cullen once," Bella said, "I'm not sure I can survive him again."
"You're not going to see him, Bella; you're going to help your father. That is your number one priority. Keep reminding yourself of that a few times a day and you should be fine." Bella nodded in agreement, letting Kate know she heard her loud and clear. Her father was her focus. Not Edward. Charlie.
As Kate was heading out the door with Rochester's toys in a small box and a promise to pick up the cat in the afternoon the following day, Bella called out to her from the front porch.
"What happens if I see him? Edward, I mean." Bella asked nervously, her fingers twisting the ends of her hair quickly.
"You know what will happen; I don't have to tell you that. Just promise to call me and we'll walk through it together." Kate said seriously, blew Bella a kiss goodbye, and left with a small smile on her face.
Once Bella was satisfied with all her preparations, she settled down into the cool confines of her mattress, making sure to set two alarms so not to oversleep the following morning. She knew she would probably be wide awake all night, so she decided to seek comfort from Rochester, who had no objections when Bella lightly scratched behind his ear. His purring filled the quiet room and somehow it lulled Bella into a light slumber. Soon it would be morning, and her life balanced perpetually on its axis. Her life could possibly be forever changed, or it would stay the same.
She didn't know what was worse.
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Edward waited until there were only the last ten minutes of visiting hours left, and slipped quietly into the hospital. He had gotten to know the ins and outs of the hospital during Carlisle's reign, and he perfected it to the point that no one really noticed that he was going in while everyone else was going out. He knew there was a great supply closet on the third floor that he and Bella had often escaped to back in the day, emerging with tangled hair and rumpled clothing and big smiles. He knew there was a nurse in pediatrics that Edward may or may not have but probably didn't call back after a wild night some time last year, so he made sure to stay clear of that general wing of the hospital. He tried to look nonchalant as he made his way to Charlie Swan's room in the intensive care unit, but really his heart was starting to sound like a flock of hummingbirds in his ribcage. He didn't even know if hummingbirds flew in flocks; he just knew that it was threatening enough to fly Edward off of his feet.
His feet slowed when he saw the numbered rooms narrowing down to Charlie's, and he pretended to be super interested in the brochure on the wall talking about the importance of physical therapy when a nurse walked by him with her nose buried deep within a chart. He breathed a sigh of relief and paused outside of the room, wondering what he would do if he walked in and saw her there. Would he freeze? Would he accidentally throw the brochure he now held in his hands at her face and run in the opposite direction? Would he spill his heart to her, telling her that he still loved her, that he never stopped, and had waited for this day to come?
Edward knew that his time was limited and so he slipped quietly into the room, deciding that whatever it was that he was to face that night, was something he would not be prepared for even if he had known she would be coming home. What he saw saddened him and relieved him at the same time. First he noticed there was only one person in the room, and that it was not Bella. That was what relieved him; he realized then that he didn't think he was ready to see her just yet. He had imagined it countless times in his mind and in his dreams, but to confront it head on was something completely different.
What saddened him was the man that was sleeping in the bed next to monotone beeps that disturbed the silence. Edward walked over to the bed slowly as if in a trance, not feeling his feet moving beneath him. He saw the plaster that was helping to keep Charlie together for the time being and saw a few nasty cuts that were trying to heal beneath the harsh blackness of the stitches. His black mustache had faded somewhat over the years, and Edward smiled ruefully when he remembered Bella telling him that Charlie was calling it "light black". He had the same light black situation happening on the sides of his head from what Edward could see in the silver light of the room. The light from the television overhead trickled over Charlie and Edward wondered how the man could even sleep with the frantic movements from the TV. He turned it off quietly, switching on a soft light so he could see if Charlie woke up.
Edward knew he didn't have a lot of time before someone found him and made him leave, so he sat down in the chair next to the bed and pulled out a small black object from his pocket, turning it over briefly in his hand before bringing it to his mouth. He didn't know what possessed him to grab his Ocarina from his studio before he left for the restaurant with Alice, but he was glad he did as the soft sounds of the instrument filtered around Charlie's bedside. Luckily Edward was able to play it softly enough as to not wake him, and he hoped that somewhere in his subconscious, Charlie was finding peace with Edward's music. He had heard numerous times over the years that his music often brought people to positive planes and he hoped it had the same effect now.
Edward left ten minutes later with a feeling he hadn't felt in years. Hope brimmed the depths of his heart and he couldn't wait until the next day so he could do it all over again.
He was going back.
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"And you have your boarding passes?" Renee asked frantically, unzipping and opening Bella's purse for the fourth time that morning. "You need to be prepared at the gate so there won't be - " Bella cut her off.
"Mom, I've got everything," Bella said. She knew that she could quite possibly be leaving behind her self control, dignity, and pride, but she definitely had her boarding passes. "We're ready to go." That said, Bella reached over to pull her mother in for a long hug. "Love you."
"Oh sweetie, I love you, too. Come here Renesmee, give Nayna a hug goodbye." Renee scooped the little girl up in her arms, closed her eyes as if she was engraving the moment into her mind. "I'm going to miss you so much!"
A few minutes later and a few more rounds of goodbyes, Renee watched as Bella and Renesmee whisked through the airport, hand in hand. Renesmee insisted on wheeling her own suitcase to the check in area, and Renee shook her head and laughed when she saw the suitcase get stuck in one of the revolving doors. Bella rolled her eyes and the two of them waved to Renee after the suitcase was rescued. Renee felt a lump form in her throat and she couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes. She was a blubbering mess by the time she got back to her husband, Phil, who was waiting for her in the car.
"It's okay; it's just for a few weeks. They'll be back before you know it." Renee shook her head at her husband's words.
"It's not that," Renee sniffled and looked back longingly at the airport. "After this trip, things will never be the same again."
"What do you mean?" Phil asked, weaving the car into the throng of airport traffic.
"He's going to tell her."
"Charlie? Tell her what?" Phil tried to keep up.
"Not Charlie. Edward. He's going to tell her everything."
The sound of thunder boomed heavily above them.
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A/N: A Big Thank You goes out to all of you (yeah, you!) reading this story. I know you're all probably thinking that Bella and Edward are never going to meet up by this point, but believe me, they are. I am just a firm believer in character development so I tend to focus on that first and foremost before diving headfirst into the heavy stuff. No worries, I have plans for Bella and Edward in the future. Until then, sit back and enjoy the ride. And reviews make the chapters come faster! Seriously, they do.
