This chapter's a little bigger as promised, and there's a big slice of Alice and Jasper as well so hopefully you'll enjoy, remember to review with any comments or thoughts you have.

Chapter 7 - A Can of Old Worms

Bella and I were sat at the coffee shop round the corner from the office. I had unknowingly been roped into a game of 20 questions, Jasper related questions. Apparently Bella was in disbelief that we could co-exist let alone be friends.

"So you're telling me you two get together and hang out, platonically might I add, and you engage in no hanky panky of any description? You just hang out, like friends, who don't have sex?" She quizzed me with her Swan death glare thinking I'd break, which I would if there was anything to tell but sadly there wasn't. Sadly was the wrong word, it implied I was unhappy in my platonic friendship...with the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. Shaking my head of the images of said beautiful man I thought I'd try and enlighten her.

"Ok firstly you are 28 years old and hereby banned from using the term hanky panky to describe sex, other childish terms you are prohibited from using are monkey business and knocked boots. Secondly yes we hang out, no we don't have sex, and to your next question no I do not plan on having sex with him."

"Hmmm interesting, so there's zero temptation to bone your sexy piece of man candy with the adorable dimples?"

"'Bone was just added to the list. Look he's attractive and I would be blind not to see that but he's always been attractive so I'm used to it, I can control myself. He's my attractive man friend with whom I go on platonic outings for coffee." I finished rather proud of myself, I had managed to verbosely label mine and Jasper's somewhat friendship.

"Right I get you, so when you say he's always been attractive you were referring to the past, the past in which he was also attractive and you were friends and then you became lovers?" She barely suppressed a giggle as she slurped her drink. I tried not to laugh in spite of myself, but I figured you can't win them all. I laid my arms down on the table and my head soon joined them.

"Ali its ok, he's hot, you're supposed to drool, its natures law. The problem is he's not just hot is he? He's smart and funny and he cares about you so on paper he's good, he's boyfriend material. However I think if you're going to go down that route again it's worth discussing with him what went on last time, and while you're at it tell me, I'm nosey, I want the gossip." She grinned.

Lifting my head fully I started. "Thing is we sort of said we weren't going to do the discussing thing, I mean how do you start that conversation 'hey Jasper how'd you fancy talking about how you broke my heart a decade ago?' for starters most people would have gotten over it, and to be honest I think our friendship will only survive if we don't go opening cans of very old worms. And I did tell you what happened, curiosity killed the cat my friend"

"But we're not talking about the survival of your friendship; we're talking about the revival of your relationship. So here's the deal, friends are allowed to not discuss the fact that you still have feelings for him. But more than friends means digging out your can of very old worms and cracking it open. And no you didn't tell me what happened; you gave me an outline, you were vague, and if I wasn't such a good friend I would have pried sooner."

"Ok deal, relationship = worms, got it. And I'll tell you another time right now we have to go to work."

Work proved to be uneventful, but my mind was preoccupied with the conversation with Bella so I doubt I would have noticed any events regardless of how inspiring they might have been. In an attempt to resolve the confusion I decided to walk home. I could admittedly see her point, we had started as friends before and then became mostly more than friends, and then we became nothing. Secretly I liked the idea of being mostly more than friends who were mostly going out, but the thought of being nothing again after regaining the something we'd once had seemed unbearable. So here I was rambling inside my own head about the lines I was trying to draw up and evidently not cross regarding mine and Jasper's friendship, when I figured I may not be allowed to reminisce with Jasper so long as we were friends but I was allowed to reminisce to myself.

11 years ago...

I walked in the kitchen to the sound of Jasper's baritone murdering 'Meet me in the bathroom' by the Strokes.

"Never was on time
Yes, I once was mine
Well, that was long ago
And darling, I don't mind.
Yeah, we were just two friends in lust
And baby, that just don't mean much
You trained me not to love
After you showed me what it was
"

I giggle to myself as I leant on the corner of the worktop. He turned around and shot me a brilliant smile. "You better not be laughing at me, that song is a classic and I'm breathing new life into with my sultry voice."

I smiled. "That you are Jazz; personally I'm loving your rendition. But would you care to tell me why you're thrashing around the kitchen?"

"Ah ha well here I thought 'Ali always does the cooking' and not that I'm complaining cause frankly I've never eaten better thanks to your mad skills in the kitchen, however I thought you deserved a night off so I am making you dinner. See I have everything I need, ingredients, pans and a takeout menu for when I burn everything....fully prepared." I laughed as he pointed to the various things strewn around the small kitchen.

"You're all grown up. And kudos on your ability to unashamedly use the term 'mad skills' by the way, but honestly I don't mind doing all this for you; it's the least I can offer considering you're letting me stay rent free."

"Ali we talked about this it's not a big deal my dad foots the bill for this place anyway, so I'm pretty lucky as it is aside from the fact that I have a beautiful woman keeping me company." I looked up, and he looked away. He'd never called me beautiful, beautiful was a word reserved for landscapes and architecture...and Jasper. He seemed embarrassed so I decided to ignore it; it was a slip of the tongue that he seemed to be regretting, no fuss necessary.

"Well in that case proceed on, and in case you cremate the food I'll have the house special fried rice." I finished with a smile hoping he'd forget the comment. I didn't want him bringing it up and making things awkward because the fact remained despite the ideas I had managed to form in my head about wedding rings and white picket fences, that that was not a reality that Jasper and I would experience together. He was meant for better.

After the Chinese that we eventually ordered as a last resort, we sat in his room listening to music, relishing the fact that we both didn't have work to do. I looked around his room becoming for the first time aware that there were no photographs, and even weirder, there was no camera.

His old room had been littered with shots of all description he'd taken after getting the camera off of his grandparents a couple of years back. But here there was nothing, it looked excavated; it was surprisingly sterile compared to the haphazard decor of his old room.

"Hey Jasper where's all your old photos? And your camera? I haven't seen either in a while come to think of it." He had his back to me and he shuffled a little as if trying to come up with an excuse.

"I don't know, I guess it got kinda broken so I threw it out. There didn't seem much point in keeping the pictures after that." He still stood with his back to me, his broad shoulders tense. I should have dropped it, I should have minded my own business but when it came to him it seemed I was unable.

"How'd it get broken Jasper and don't blow me off with a 'the dog ate it' excuse because you know me better than to think I'd fall for that. What happened?" He finally turned round, the look on his face surprised me, his beautiful features were contorted into a look that resembled something like pain. His green eyes were downcast and his perfect pouty mouth was pulled into a taut line.

"My dad is what happened. When I refused to go with them he was angry. But I wasn't about to sit and help them pretend it was going to work, their marriage sucked, and I wasn't going to uproot myself and move away from the one person who understood me just so they could save face instead of getting a much needed divorce. So after I told my dad that, he said I could stay all I wanted but he wasn't about to let me live with my head in the clouds with dreams of becoming a photographer and travelling the world. He said if he was going to have to foot the bill for me to stay I would do as he said, I'd become a doctor like him. He found my camera and pretty much demolished it. He got most of my pictures too, I managed to save a few, ones I wouldn't let him find." I sat on his bed stunned. All this time I thought our friendship operated with the rule that my family was the dysfunctional one, that it was my father who didn't know how to be a dad. I'd been so wrapped up in my decision to leave my father that I hadn't given a second thought as to him, and his torment.

"Jasper you never said I'm so sorry, I can't believe he did that, I swear if I believed that my tiny fists could actually cause physical harm I would punch him in the face." He laughed and half smiled, then he took me in his arms. It was so hard being this close to him and being so infatuated with him. It only made me crave what I couldn't have. Crave what I would never act on if it meant there was a risk of losing him all together. I convinced myself to be supportive, to be there for hugs and wherever else he needed from me for as long as was necessary.

"Thank you Alice but please save your tiny fists, he's honestly not worth it." And I looked at him square on. "No he's not, remember that. Now as for this bullshit about you being a great healer I'm putting a stop to that now, you will be photographer and you will travel the world, so he can shove his condescending lecture up his ass. Now what do you say we go to the store tomorrow and get you a couple of disposable cameras for you to get back into practice with?"

He laughed. And we did go and get some but I had bigger plans. I'd been working at the cafe near the apartment and I had some money saved and I figured if I got just a bit more together I'd be able to buy him something a little more permanent.

About a month later I had scrapped up the cash to buy what I assumed was a pretty decent camera. The sales assistant advised me on one spouting lots of words about features it had that I didn't understand, but that I assumed Jasper would. That night I checked he wasn't home yet and I placed the camera on the coffee table. When he arrived I ambushed him at the door.

"I have a surprise for you, and don't look so nervous, I think you'll like it." I walked behind him and placed my hands to cover his eyes, having to stand on my tip toes to reach his full height, I think he may have crouched a little to aid me in my efforts.

He laughed.

"What's with the secrecy? Ali I'm going to be honest with you I can't see where I'm going so if I fall I'm holding you responsible."

"Sush I would never let you fall, now right a bit, ok open your eyes."

I watched on nervously as his eyes opened and landed on the camera. He stiffened slightly. "Erm the guy at the shop said that was the one to get, and he said that photo paper was the best so I figured if you're going to fulfil your dreams of becoming a jetsetter we can't have to using shoddy paper. A workman's only as good as his tools right?" I was rambling, and he was silent, he hadn't said anything however the smile that had been on his face was now noticeably absent.

"How did you afford this?" He said in a steady voice. It confused me, he was supposed to be happy and elated and snap happy not stood here interrogating me on how I funded it.

"Well I had some money saved, and I pulled a few extra shifts and viola." My voice was nervous; this had not gone as planned. Jasper raised his hand to the bridge of his nose and he pinched it. He wasn't supposed to look exasperated either. He turned and walked upstairs. I stood there bemused. But rather than let matters get worse I figured I should follow him and find out why he was leaving the room and avoiding me and the camera.

I walked into the room but I didn't go much further, I figured instead I'd let him talk.

"You shouldn't have done that Ali, you make it so hard." My heart raced, it sounded like he was breaking up with me, then I reminded myself there wasn't anything to break. He was for all intense and purposes my roommate, who I just so happened to be in love with.

"Jasper I don't understand, if...if you don't want it, if it's not the right one I'll take it back, I'm sorry, I just I thought you'd like it. I wanted you to follow your dream not your father's." It was then that he finally turned around. The look on his face was torn, not anger as I was expecting. He sighed heavily.

"What you did...that was...that was the single most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me." Now I stood officially perplexed, he was angry because I did a nice thing, I could not see where he was going with this.

He walked over to his dresser and routed around until he found something. I just stood there none the wiser. He approached me and offered me the contents of his hand. They were photographs, photographs of me. The one's he'd taken of me in the park that day and a few others assorted amongst.

"They're all of me...I'm sorry I don't understand." He looked torn again and surprisingly even more frustrated but he was going to have to clarify, I didn't get what this meant.

"These are the ones I wouldn't let my dad get his hands on. And Ali that isn't a coincidence that they're all of you. I kept them, deliberately kept them. Because you were the only thing worth saving, worth holding on to. So don't you see Ali you can't do things like that. You can't buy me my dream camera and expect me not to...you make it so hard for me Ali. You can't make me fall anymore in love with you...its killing me as it is."

I tried to process it. The part where he professed his love for me. That had to be wrong. Perhaps fervent desires for him to say all those things had materialised in the form of delusions. That was more likely than the part where Jasper Whitlock, stood before me and said he was in love with me. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to react, to do or say anything that would do away with the palatable tension in the air left behind by his statement.

I lifted my head slowly looking him in the eyes, trying to muster the conviction.

"That's my part; I'm supposed to be the one here telling you that. Because it is....killing me that is, being this in love with you and always having to pull back. You are...there aren't even words for the way you make me feel."

His eyes were focused now, trained exactly on me, burning into me. The look he gave me wasn't even close to torn now, closer probably to lust, closer to how I was looking at him. He stepped towards me and in an instant his hand was cupping my check, his skin against my skin was more than anything any one person should be allowed to feel. Here he was just touching my cheek and he was setting me on fire and I couldn't even begin to care about how pathetic that made me.

His eyes full of determination fluttered as he lowered his face to mine. I reminded myself to exhale just before his lips finally touched mine.

It was the single most amazing thing anyone had ever done for me, as his experienced lips moved together with mine I fought to compose myself and not throw him to the bed. I followed his lead having not had as much practice. He lips urged mine to part, they did and then I felt his tongue brush mine, it was gentle obviously aware that I was new to this, but I didn't want gentle, not after so long. I moved my tentative hands to the back of his neck and moved his face closer to mine, he nibbled at my lower lip and I moaned right into his mouth. The kiss deepened and our breathing became heavier as his hands drifted from my face down my body to sit on my waist, he pulled my body closer. I couldn't believe we were stood in his bedroom kissing having both admitted to having feelings for one another. Then suddenly he broke the kiss smiling. "I think we should leave it there for now Ali before I take advantage, that was..." but he didn't finish he just moaned into my hair. I felt that was a pretty appropriate way to describe it myself.

"I know...it was, but feel more than free to take of advantage of all things me, I'm very sure I won't mind at all." And he smiled at me, really smiled. The way he did when he saw me after one of the rare days not spent together, he smiled at me the way he did when he took a photograph of yours truly.

"Thank you Ali for the camera it's amazing truly amazing but I'll only except it on the condition that you agree to go out with me, as my girlfriend, I realise I should be above bribery but fuck it, I demand you go out with me." I laughed while still locked in his arms. Pretending to really consider it for a second.

"Yes, and can I just say it's about time, you had me all lovesick and what not, it was very unbecoming. And you're welcome about the camera; I expect to see these walls filled with photos."

"They will be, you're my muse remember."

Present....

I opened the door to my apartment. After shuffling leisurely around for a while I went to my cds and ran my fingers along them till I found the one I wanted. I put it in and let the music find its way to my ears.

"You trained me not to love
After you showed me what it was
"

There it was, the harsh reality, the opened can of worms. After Jasper there had been nothing comparable, he'd been everything, and I'd lost everything. I'd never let myself lose since him. He trained me on how to keep your heart intact. He taught me that if I didn't want my heart broken, I shouldn't give it away in the first place, and I feared he still had mine. I wasn't sure I wanted him to give it back.

Tell me your thoughts, R&R x