EDIT 2016: Before, I usually tried to get rid of excess writing, this chapter, on the other hand, got longer. I think it turned out okay, but have to look at some details in the next one, to make sure I'm not contradicting myself. Technically speaking, my rewrite is mostly done. I need a break, lol.
Enjoy!
Zaheer was used to seeing many sunrises as the down was the best possible time for meditating, but now the rich, lively colours seemed extraordinary to him. Maybe P'Li should have stayed a while longer, but he didn't mean to pressure her and shatter her slowly building trust in him.
Weeks ago, if someone told Zaheer that he would stray from his ideals, from everything Xai Bau had spent last few months teaching him - about forgetting his sympathy for individuals, because even the best case scenario wouldn't be without its sacrifices - about his own beginnings and the loss of many precious friends, so he learnt to harden his heart, because any of the remaining could die in a next mission, or the one after - about avoiding people who brought distraction from their objective… if someone told him, Zaheer would have said they underestimated his dedication. He thought of himself as immune to each kind of pain human beings could live through that drew compassion out of toughest hearts. And here he was, anyway.
Sound of footsteps made him turn around to find his master standing in close vicinity.
"Good morning, Zaheer. Morning meditation?" his master asked, his tone full of uncharacteristic tension. It warned Zaheer to answer truthfully.
"Just admiring the view. It's been a while since I saw one this beautiful," he turned his head towards the horizon where the sky was set ablaze.
"How poetic. Why didn't your new friend stay?"
There it was. Zaheer didn't find it surprising, since Xai Bau always rose before dawn, so he probably saw P'Li leaving. What bugged him was the implication he was caught during something he shouldn't have done.
"She needed her rest," he replied simply.
Xai Bau sighed with exasperation. When he spoke, it was clear he was trying his best to reach his student without slipping into a lecture.
"Zaheer… I know you feel hopeful, as if thanks to you, she's getting better. Playing saviour like this can be motivating, since you gain more enthusiasm to help the rest of the world, so that her case never happens again. But I have to inform you that as soon as we're back, I expect you to catch up to your training and other duties."
"I think that much is obvious," Zaheer disliked his choice of words - didn't it occur to him he was talking about a human being, not a plaything Zaheer had decided to waste his time with? - but kept any retorts to himself.
"Good. Just to remind you - years ago, you wanted nothing more but to join me, even though you knew about the kind of life you're choosing. So don't forget that, even in light of recent events."
Zaheer held his tongue behind his teeth in order not to lash out to the man he had held on a pedestal as the pinnacle of wisdom… until now.
"I have no issues whatsoever. As long as you discuss any problems regarding my progress or lack thereof with me and me only, without pulling anyone else into it." The statement carried a shadow of threat - Xai Bau had the loyalty of his successor at stake if he decided to lash out at her, ever.
"I'm a realist, not a sadist like that depraved captor of hers," Xai Bau replied coldly. "I have no gain of inflicting more misery upon a poor child. But I beg you to get rid of the illusion that you can protect her from harm forever."
"I don't operate under any sort of illusions. If that was the case, I wouldn't be here," Zaheer hoped his master didn't pick up on the hidden double meaning.
After his master didn't comment further and discussion was over, Zaheer couldn't shake off the suspicion he did.
P'Li felt utterly thankful when the image of eternal sea she got so used to changed into a dark mass of land on the horizon. Thanks to Zaheer, the voyage didn't cause her much discomfort anymore, but she preferred feeling the miles go by in her own feet.
Turned out, it wouldn't be as much as before, just another supply replenish in the harbor and then getting to a "meeting spot". Scarce information, coming from Zaheer who relished in explaining to smallest details, but it obviously concerned "the rest of the group", as he referred to their mysterious organization, so nothing more as long as she was still within the earshot.
Speaking of which, Zaheer again barely talked to her, but his glances in her direction as they were walking in line - Xai Bau in the front, she in the back - led her to believe this time, Xai Bau was responsible. Each day passed, she disliked the old man more and more and decided to show him she could take anything, her resolution partially hardened by spite. He would never see her break down, never find out where her weakness lied.
So far, she was doing better than she herself expected. She noticed every significant landscape or building they passed, her sight automatically seeking potential sources of danger, the side effect of living through Daigo's merciless training. Despite the memories associated, she found it helpful for focusing her mind elsewhere and turning her thoughts away from dark places. The world was full of change, images she had never seen before. Under different circumstances, she would be nothing but eager, but despite her best best efforts, she couldn't stop occasionally wondering about her forthcoming fate.
According to what she recalled in a blur from her first night when they thought she had been still unconscious and not capable of listening - their group opposed the government and White Lotus fought against them. P'Li, for one, never met a White Lotus member, even though after the war they were quite common, but remembered how she was taught in school they aided the Avatar in restoring peace. If White Lotus opposed whatever bunch she was about to get dragged into, how could they be at least somewhat decent people?
Zaheer might be trustworthy, but he was still a teen, probably the youngest from them, she estimated. If any of the elder members resembled Xai Bau, she didn't look forward to living with them one bit. She couldn't - and didn't want to unless she had no other choice - rely on Zaheer, either, because Xai Bau probably had his own plans with him. Something involving changing him to his picture without any distractions, she was sure.
No matter how P'Li looked at things, she wasn't in for the brightest of futures. She still decided to try and make at least something out of it since she had managed to get this far. As long as no one intended to abuse her powers for their own purpose, she could withstand it.
Her combustionbending, the source of all suffering in her life, was a matter she stubbornly put away until she recovered enough to think of it without the burst of urge to scrape the skin of her forehead raw. In spite of that, hope arose in form of faded memory, almost dreamlike - raw, distorted pink of scar tissue, her mother's evasiveness and a humble confession of her crime watered down to four-year-old's understanding. It was so unclear, so distant she might as well consider it one of her own mind's creations, but she knew it really happened, she needed to believe it. Her mom was one, too - a freak, born for desolation. She found happiness and acceptance, nevertheless. Maybe if she hid her own tattoo from sight, at least until she got strong enough to get rid of it for good - she could have the same, eventually.
"Say, Zaheer," she dared to start when Xai Bau got so ahead of them he couldn't hear. "What should I expect when it comes to this group of yours?"
"Oh, don't worry too much about it," he smiled. "There aren't many people, so you'll have your privacy. Ghazan is the only one in our age, except for Unalaq, but he is rarely around, last time months ago. I can introduce you anyway if you'd like. Ghazan is a bit troublesome. He tends to be arrogant and snarky, no good if you ask me, but if he really hated us that much, he wouldn't be there. You can always just stay away from him if he makes you uncomfortable."
"That's all?" she needed to make sure. This didn't seem too bad.
"Some older members, too. You'll see in a short while. We arrived at the meeting spot," he pointed to Xai Bau who sat down in lotus position about thirty metres ahead of them.
P'Li struggled to see, exactly, made this spot perfect for meditating, but Xai Bau took only few minutes before he got up again.
After a while of waiting, they spotted a Satomobile coming. P'Li never saw one before and only recognized it from Zaheer's descriptions. From what he told her, Hiroshi Sato made a fortune on them and they were commonly available for ordinary people. Seeing it on her own even deepened the sense of irreversible change happening in her life.
"I can't believe Zhi underwent the ultimate sacrifice," Xai Bau commented dryly, unusual smirk twisting his lips.
"No one else could, otherwise she wouldn't risk it," Zaheer added. P'Li didn't understand their joking, until a deep, sulky female voice answered: "Enough sneering and get in, or I will let you go on foot."
"That's Zhi, one of our group. She hates any kind of vehicle and often gets sick, so right now I wouldn't talk at all. She will probably be curious about you later," Zaheer explained quietly while Xai Bau took a front seat.
P'Li nodded and got in, settling behind the passenger's seat. She had a good view on the woman now. By her graying shoulder-length hair with a small top-knot on the crown of her head, P'Li assumed she was about Xai Bau's age. Her face was twisted in surly grimace, which was probably the reason why it was so wrinkled. The air of hostility was practically hanging around her and reminded P'Li distantly of Daigo. Familiar weight of anxiety sunk deep into her chest.
Zaheer must have spotted her inner turmoil and he gently squeezed her hand. "It will be alright, trust me." She let his voice and warmth soothe her senses, closing her eyes, willing her worries to disappear the same way as image of the driving woman.
Zhi probably wanted to get over with their ride as quickly as possible, even if it made everyone uncomfortable and aware of each bump and turn. P'Li resisted sickness building in her stomach. Her initial fascination with a Satomobile vanished.
"Let me take over, you must be tired," Xai Bau pointed on the steering wheel, but his voice had a teasing edge instead of concern.
"Unless you want me to get even more sick, stick your offer somewhere where the sun doesn't shine," she mumbled. "We're almost there anyway."
"Your perception of distance must be worse than I thought," he retorted briskly.
"Like you're one to talk," she snickered. "Remember that one time in Omashu?"
"It happened six years ago, it's about time you let it go."
"Fine. It's not like I don't have plenty of your other shining moments of failure to choose from."
Xai Bau let out an exasperated sigh, but didn't continue with the conversation.
Amused, P'Li couldn't help but feel a touch of sympathy for Zhi now, for putting Xai Bau in place. As cold and tactless as he was, the image she had of him being an untouchable authority among his peers maybe wasn't so accurate.
She glanced at Zaheer. He didn't seem surprised by their behaviour to each other. This looked like an everyday occurrence.
Who knows how living with them will be like?
P'Li lost track of time and didn't know how far they've come when the Satomobile stopped. She stepped out to get some needed fresh air and looked around. Sun was shining on mostly dry rocky area covered with grass here and there. The mountains looked sharp as if wind had cut each rim, but nothing grew on them. She wondered who could be living in the middle of nowhere like this.
"Perfect for earthbending," Zaheer commented when he got out and noticed her confusion.
"Do you really want to tell me this is where your group lives?" she didn't expect much, but she failed to see how surviving here for a long time was even possible. It resembled a desert.
"Not really. We move from place to place often and usually stay few weeks or months. This looks abandoned and inhospitable, right? No one usually wanders here, which is convenient for us," he spoke in low voice, as if revealing secrets she wasn't supposed to hear.
"Cut the secrecy, Zaheer," Zhi called and walked around the Satomobile to get closer to them. "Why shouldn't we all hear what you have to say to our new member?"
"Wait, she isn't a-" Zaheer started, but Xai Bau interrupted him.
"I should've informed you sooner. This," he pointed to P'Li, "is just a child we rescued from Daigo's dungeons."
"Right, that's what you went there for, anyway. To end him and save any poor souls he got his filthy hands on. Why did you drag her with you all the way, though?" she raised an eyebrow and her coppery brown eyes stabbed into PLi's own. For a woman a good head shorter than her, Zhi made her stomach curl with fear. Xai Bau might be an insensitive jerk, but let her stay after all. What if Zhi decided she wanted her gone?
"We couldn't afford to let her fall into hands of our enemies," Xai Bau hurried to say. Strange, P'Li thought. After all those displays of disapproval, he suddenly advocates for me?
"And why is that? Why would they take interest in her?" her tone demanded an explanation, without excuses.
"Because of her rare power. You know what I'm talking about."
"You mean…?" her gaze halted on her forehead, as if seeing what was now protected from the world by her bandanna.
"Take it off," Zaheer nudged her softly.
P'Li loosened the knot keeping two ends of the fabric together. She felt bare and exposed under their inspection and despised every second of it.
Another one who will only see me as a thing to put in her own use. Zhi's parallels with Daigo were really starting to get on her nerves. No more of that. She, just like Xai Bau, wasn't worth of seeing her vulnerable.
"Are you done yet? Or should I wait until your eyes fall out?" she asked sharply when Zhi continued staring without a word. Her look immediately changed from fascinated to resentful. She clearly didn't expect her object of interest speak up.
"Cover it if you want to so bad," she shrugged.
She returned Zhi's glare with all contempt she could gather while hiding her tattoo from sight again.
"Her gift was abused in the worst conditions you can imagine. No one would take such inspection lightly," Xai Bau continued.
"That's understandable," Zhi agreed, though her voice was still stiff. "I don't want to know what she's been through. But still… what's her reason for staying with us?"
"Safety," Xai Bau didn't give her an opportunity to speak for herself as if she really wasn't anything more than an object expected to stand quietly when her own life was at stake. "And time to heal."
"I see," Zhi didn't comment anything more. "Well then. I need to discuss some matters with you in private," she grabbed his forearm and literally dragged him away.
As soon as they disappeared, Zaheer spoke in hushed, concerned voice
"I'm really sorry, P'Li. It must have been awfully uncomfortable for you."
"No kidding," she pointedly avoided looking at him. Her insides were boiling. "But she managed the impossible, to make me actually dislike her more than Xai Bau."
"Yeah," Zaheer uttered, that simple word just seeping from reluctance. "You know, she isn't that bad, actually," he apparently concluded it was time for him to try and apologize other people's actions again.
"No. Stop right there." she raised her finger close to his face to silence him. "I don't want to hear how she saw too much and lost too many people or whatever. That's no excuse for this."
She felt her body temperature rising rapidly.
"Do you know how that's like, to hear that you're just a weapon meant to be kept in top condition, regulated by someone else, and your humanity is a lie?"
All those hurtful things she half-believed resurfaced again.
"And when you get out, even though it was supposed to be over - people treat you the same way, even deciding if you're worth enough the trouble to keep, confirming everything he had ever told you?" her voice barely rose above her normal level, but pent-up anger from being insulted for too long made even Zaheer look afraid for a split second.
She had much more to say, but felt her terrible migraine kicking in. She became aware of throbbing in familiar spot in the center of her forehead, as if her emotions threatened to spill through the most devastating of means.
She breathed in and out, willing the tension to dissipate, a wave of dizziness making her stumble. Zaheer jumped to her side and caught her forearms to help her regain balance.
"'m fine," she panted. After a while, her heartbeat decreased to normal.
"I'm sick of it, Zaheer. I don't care about anyone's reasons… it just hurts, don't you understand?" she mumbled, her voice dull.
"I know it does. Seeing you like this, I wish no one had to suffer this way," he sighed.
"I don't get it. I despise my power, wish I didn't have to live a second longer being marked like this," she didn't bother to show, Zaheer knew what she meant, "but what gives other people the impression I deserve to be treated like dirt because of it?"
Contradictory beliefs clashed inside her. On one hand, absolute acceptance from her family, her own natural conviction everyone deserved respect and not to have their humanity violated, with newly-found refusal to let anyone do her any more wrong.
On the other, Daigo's everyday brainwashing, burning hatred for what she was and feelings of being responsible for the loss of her family. If she didn't possess the ability, Daigo would leave them all alone. Memories of the only combustionbender that was widely known came to her mind - an assassin sent to end the Avatar and many other people before. How could anyone blame the society, something was trying to persuade her, for despising such people? Destruction was in their very nature, after all.
"You know," Zaheer started patiently, which let her know another detailed explanation was around the corner, "that's exactly why I chose this path. Who says, for example, that bloodbending should be illegal? Those who have the power to do so, deciding on only their experience and opinion. No one cared that waterbenders were exposed to inhuman conditions during their incarceration by Fire Nation - the first bloodbender still got to spend the rest of her life in prison. World leaders present an obstacle to freedom and true equality. Power imbalances are enabled to flourish. A victim, such as you, is judged more harshly than a man who believed that Fire Nation is destined to rule over all and stomped over numerous lives to achieve that. All of them need to be stripped from their power, through any means necessary."
Zaheer's eyes were set alight with something almost fanatical and P'Li doubted he was aware of how much he just slipped compared to his previous attempts to keep quiet about his group's business. Theoretically speaking, his ideals were hard to disagree with, but looking at him now, she realized he wouldn't stop for anything if he deemed someone worthy of Daigo's fate.
A blink of an eye and it was gone. Was her disturbance too obvious?
"Your first impression of her might not be the best," he continued in his normal tone, "but Zhi, just like Xai Bau, studies a lot, firebending and its subforms her specialty. She might know a bit more about the history of combustionbending and how it came to this point, if you wanted to find out more about it. Seeing someone capable of it in the flesh must have been a dream come true to her. No wonder she couldn't take her eyes off you."
Her stare made him try to reword his statement. "I'm just saying, obviously it doesn't make it right. But I think you'll change your mind about her. She is strict and harsh, but always fair."
"I'll see about that on my own, if you don't mind," she replied dryly.
Zaheer didn't respond anymore because they spotted them coming back. P'Li gave up trying to prepare herself for whatever was about to come. At this point, she was only sure that just like before with Xai Bau, she wasn't going to hold back if the woman stepped over the line.
So, I hope you enjoyed and thank you again for wonderful feedback, it really pushed me to write more :) My story, as you can guess, cannot work without OCs, so I tried to think about what makes them tick, but without giving them the spotlight. I'll try my best to do it well.
See you later :)
Kat
