A/N: Well hello there my lovely readers. Once again I want to thank each and everyone of you for reading and reviewing my story. All of the positive feedback is simply amazing. It's such a great feeling to know that people out there enjoy my writing and it means so much to me to read all of the compliments. I really do appreciate it =)
Now I know you all have been dying for some Jacob/Bella loving. Yes I do realize that you all want them together and that you all would not mind if Lana just disappeared off the face of the earth at this very moment. Haha. Sorry to break it to you but she's not going anywhere anytime soon.
I want you all to understand that I'm trying to make this story as realistic as possible (Well as realistic as you can get in a world where vampires and werewolves exist) and Bella and Jacob aren't just going to see each other and suddenly be with each other. There is a lot that has happened to them over the years, while Bella was in Forks and while she was away; things that will be revealed in later chapters. So please bear with me, I promise you will get some Jacob/Bella loving, SOON.
So without further ado…Chapter 7! Happy Reading!
Disclaimer: SM owns everythingggggg….lucky duck.
Warning: There may or may not be a lemon for you within this chapter ;)
**
"I want to live
Where soul meets body
And let the sun
Wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin
In water cool and cleansing
And feel,
Feel what it's like to be new"
-Death Cab for Cutie
Chapter 7
Soul Meets Body
I stood before him feeling cold and alone.
The feeling was all too familiar, the pain unbearable.
I wrapped my arms around my midsection in an attempt to hold it together.
Because it's the only part of me that I can give to you.
But I had set myself up for this hadn't I? I had stupidly come back to Forks, hoping that I could rekindle an old flame, wishing that I could set things straight. I had only managed to cause a mess for the both of us. I was too late.
The only part. Too late.
Always too late.
"Oh," was all I could manage to choke out. "I see,"
Jake's eyes widened in fear, at my distraught state; I didn't bother trying to hide my distress; there was absolutely no way to mask it.
"Oh God, Bells" he moved forward and grabbed my hands. I didn't have the strength or desire to pull away. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."
How are we going to survive this?
He couldn't give me anything; nothing at all, save for this house. As beautiful and wonderful as it was I didn't want it. I would only take it if it included everything; if Jake was apart of the deal.
He buried his hands within my hair, placing his face flush against my cheek. The heat of his body sent my heart racing, speeding up the breaking process.
"I wish I could," he breathed in my ear. "God I wish I could, you know that."
And I did know this but it didn't mean it was going to hurt any less. I wanted Jake, all of him. I had made that perfectly, painfully clear; yet he had done nothing. He had only confessed his love for me and then left me. The déjà vu of it all was not something that I could stomach any longer.
I reached up and wrapped my hands around his and disconnected them from my locks of hair. I could see the pain on his face when I placed his hands to my heart, like he had done to me last night.
His bottom lip trembled. "Bella,"
"Don't Jake," I said. "Please don't."
I pressed his hands tighter to my chest, willing him to feel how fast my heart was beating for him. I wanted him to know just how much I loved him; how being this close to him, was like breathing for the first time. That his closeness, his heat and eyes sent shockwave after shockwave through me; filling me with want and need. I wanted to show him that my heart was his and his alone; that it always had been and always would be.
He pulled his hands away from my chest and opted to run them through his hair instead. I stepped away from him, my head hanging low.
We stood in silence for what felt like ages, but in reality was a mere two minutes.
"I'll take the house," I said. Jacob's head flew up, his eyes wide with surprise.
I wasn't quite sure why I was doing this. But I felt that this was right.
"Bells, that's great-"
"But you need to tell Lana,"
Oh yeah, that's why.
After another two minutes, which consisted of Jacob breathing heavily, fighting to control his anger and resentment towards my request, he finally came to a decision over his internal battle.
"Fine." He gritted through his teeth. "But she won't like this at all."
I shrugged my shoulders, "I wouldn't expect her to,"
I turned around and made my way out of the living room.
"But honestly, I really don't care." I called over my shoulder.
The silence that followed after told me I wasn't the only one.
**
I later found out the Angela had been in on the whole thing. In the time that I had been away Jacob had gone to Angela asking for her assistance in keeping the house in order and keeping it off the market. His father had been having trouble keeping up with the house ever since his accident and Jake never had the time, what with being a werewolf and all; but of course he kept this from Angela. He had confided in her that he was to save this home for the woman he loved and that it needed to remain in pristine condition.
"I always knew it was you Bella," She had whispered to me whilst Jake was touring the rest of the house. He hadn't been there since I left. "I just had this hunch you know?"
I had only sent her a coy smile and played along.
If only she knew.
"When he brought you here," She gushed. "Well it was just confirmation of it all."
I found out that Jacob had gone to her right after I left, the day after. He went to her with his proposition and she took it; eager to take on a new challenge. So he left the house to her; trusting her with his most prized possession. I was so confused. All this work put into preserving a part of his family's history and not just any part, possibly the most important part, just to give it to me. It didn't make sense. But what made even less sense,
Why was Lana not the recipient of this house?
Jake wouldn't answer this for me. And I knew he probably never would. So he wanted to give me a piece of him; I didn't care. I didn't want a piece, I wanted the whole thing.
After I learned that the house was paid for in full I knew that I would never be able to repay Jacob. This gift above all others had left me feeling more shameful then I thought was possible.
Jacob had done so much for me over the years. He had pulled me out of the deepest darkness straight into the light. He had pieced me back together and dealt with the pain, stress, and anguish that came with being my friend; and I had left him. He had fought tooth and nail for my life, throwing himself out there, making himself vulnerable; and I had cast him aside, like an old childhood blanket, ready to grow up and move on to bigger and better things.
I had been so wrong. So hopelessly wrong.
Angela dropped us off back at my car and Jacob took the wheel once more. It was 6:30 in the evening and the light was quickly fading from the sky.
"Are you hungry?"
I nodded my head, remaining silent. Jacob leaned across the seat and took my hand in his.
"Bella," He said quietly. I didn't respond. I hung my head low and stared at our entwined fingers, his thumb brushing light circles across my hand. "Bells, honey look at me, please" I didn't.
I was suddenly forced to look him straight on in the eyes as he had gripped my chin tightly and brought my head up to face him. The air in the car grew thick with tension and I was suddenly drowning in pools of warm chocolate.
Somewhere inside of my mind I was registering the fact that we were steadily moving closer to one another; his eyes flicking back and forth between my own and my lips. Subconsciously I flicked my tongue out, grazing it lightly across my bottom lip, moistening it; Jacob's jaw clenched in reaction. There was a sudden hunger in his eyes. I moved closer still, till my forehead was rested upon his, my hand gripping the front of his t-shirt dangerously. I couldn't remember how it had gotten there.
"Bella," he groaned out as I brought my other hand to rest dangerously low on his thigh.
"Please," I whispered, my lips lightly grazing his. "Jacob pl-"
His lips were on mine before I could get another word out.
The kiss was rough and violent; both of us fighting for the upper hand. Jacob immediately fisted his hands in my hair, pulling and dragging, sending waves of pain and pleasure coursing through my skin. My body was on fire, my mind a foggy haze. I groaned loudly as he ran his tongue across my bottom lip begging for entrance; I happily obliged. Within seconds our tongues were moving in a wild dance, passion and anger, hurt and need for the other seeping into our pores, burrowing deep within our skin. I couldn't get enough of him, I wanted more.
I bit down on his bottom lip roughly drawing blood. There was a sharp intake of breath from him and he pulled away.
"God Bella," He groaned then dove in harder; rougher.
The sharp copper taste sent shivers through my spine and sent my heart racing. He groaned loudly as I ran my hands up and down his chest. His hands had made they're way out of my hair, tracing patterns across my skin sending me into a haze of lust; it was if his hands were everywhere and nowhere all at once.
"I want you," I said boldly to him.
I moved my hands down farther, tracing the waistline of his jeans, feeling the dip of his hip bones.
"Jacob I want you so bad," Somehow I managed to pop the button.
"Bella," He said with shaky breaths, "Bells,"
I took this as a sign to continue. I pulled his zipper down; the sound loud and clear over our pants of pleasure locked within my heated car.
I moved to place my hand inside…
"Bella stop." He suddenly growled. I bit back a cry of pain as he forcefully pulled my hand from his pants, holding my wrist in an iron tight grip. I flinched slightly at the pressure; it was as if he had forgotten his strength.
"Jake," I whimpered trying to free my grasp. "I'm sorry, let go…let go"
He ignored me, his eyes black with rage, lust, and guilt.
"How could you?" He hissed. "How dare-"
"You're hurting me!" I roared in his face attempting to snap him out of his rage.
At the clear look of anguish upon my face Jacob's eyes immediately softened. He dropped my hand with lightning speed, backing away from me as far as possible as my car would allow.
I groaned in pain and rubbed my wrist attempting to revive feeling in it. A large red ring had formed around my wrist, the out line of his fingers evident on my pale skin. I held no doubts that this would bruise in the morning.
"Oh God Bells," He reached for me. "I'm so s-"
"Take me home," I hissed turning away from him. "Now."
"Bella-"
"I said now."
I turned and faced the window, ignoring the look of shame that I knew he would shoot my way. I couldn't give in to him; I couldn't let go of this.
A lone tear escaped my eye as he gunned the engine and sped off towards forks.
We will never survive this.
**
As soon as he pulled my car up in front of my house I quickly climbed out of the vehicle, not bothering to wait until he turned off the car; not bothering to retrieve my keys from him. I raced up the front walk, my strides quick and full of purpose. I needed to get away from him away from us and what we weren't.
"Bella wait!" He called from behind me. "Bella!'
I made it up my stairs and was within reach of the front door when I was violently spun around and into his outstretched arms.
"Bella please!" he yelled as I fought against his grip. "Listen to me, please!"
"Jacob let go of me!" I beat my hands against his chest.
I was afraid, scared; any word you can think of to describe the terror that was racing through my body. Jacob had hurt me in the car, he had physically hurt me.
"Why did you – why can't we just?" He couldn't finish a single sentence as he shook my repeatedly. It was only then that I noticed the slight tremors within his skin.
Jacob was trembling. Actually trembling.
"Jake stop!" I screamed at him, my eyes transfixed on his trembling arms.
He followed my gaze, his eyes landing on his shaking form. His eyes grew wide in amazement.
This couldn't be happening. This can't be happening to him. Not now.
"Bella I'm sorry!" he cried releasing his hold on me.
I stumbled backwards into the door, hitting it with a thud. I shrunk away from him instantly, my hand reaching back behind me to grip the door knob.
Jacob backed away from me with a look of sorrow and regret written all over his face. He threw his hands over his face and mumbled "I'm sorry" over and over again, his body still trembling.
"Jacob, you need to leave" I whispered afraid to say anything else.
He nodded his head and turned and ran.
We can not survive this.
**
As soon as Jacob ran I raced into the house unable to withhold my sobs of frustration and hurt any longer. I silently thanked God that Charlie was not home to hear my cries as I sank to my knees in front of the door, unable to control the tears or my breathing.
Each cry was long and loud echoing the pain and burning sensation that ripped through my chest. My hands shook and my knees gave way sending me crashing to the ground. I curled into a ball, wrapping my arms around myself; I was so cold.
I yearned to be 19 again, to be young and free. I wanted to return to the time in when it was just Jacob and I, when he was my sun. I wanted to feel his warmth against me, hear his laughter, feel his smile; and know that I was the one who had caused it.
"Bella," a deep voice suddenly whispered.
I jolted to a sitting position and found Jacob sitting on the ground in front of me.
I immediately rushed to him, throwing myself into his arms, crying and sobbing uncontrollably. I didn't question how he had gotten in, I didn't need to know when he had turned around and come back for me. The only thing that mattered was that he was here with me, now.
"Bells," He cried into my hair. He clutched at me tightly, pulling my body flush against him. "I'm so sorry, God I'm so sorry."
I ignored him and continued to cry into his chest. I ran my hands over his arms, feeling the pulse of his heart beneath my cheek. I had flung myself into his lap, needing to be as close to him as possible.
"I don't know what to do," He whispered. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"Love me," I whispered against his chest. "Just love me,"
He gently took hold of my chin and pulled my face to his, resting his forehead against mine. I breathed deeply as I stared into his eyes, warm pools of chocolate brimmed with red, tears trickling down his softened face.
"I do love you," he replied. "I love you so much,"
"Then don't hold back this time," I boldly stated.
"Bella," He groaned looking away from me.
"Don't" I roughly said, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at me. "Don't. Hold. Back."
And then his lips were on mine once more.
I was suddenly swept up into his arms; he was holding me bridal style. I could feel the steady thump of his body moving up the stairs as his lips continuously moved with mine. I clutched at him tightly, my arms wrapped around his neck.
"I'm never letting you go," I whispered against his mouth.
He kicked my bedroom door open swiftly, and then repeated, closing it shut. The soft click of the door locking was lost on my ears as he moved towards the bed. He said nothing as he lowered me to the bed, his lips never once leaving mine. His hands moved effortlessly across my body, caressing and stroking every area of my body as if he had it memorized.
I worked my hands out of his hair and dragged them down his back, my nails digging in lightly; Jacob groaned in my mouth. I curled my fingers around the bottom of his shirt tugging on it lightly. I needed to feel his hot skin beneath my palms.
Jacob happily obliged my unspoken request and sat back on his heels and deftly took off his shirt, tossing it into the corner of my room. I sat up with him, removing my jacket quickly. Before I could remove my shirt he leaned forward, placing himself between my legs and rested his body lightly on mine, being careful not to place his entire weight on me. His lips eagerly returned to mine as I moved my hands across his now bare chest, committing every dip, line, and curve to memory, relishing in the feel of his taut muscles beneath my hands. His body moved gently against mine, drawing out light pants from my lips, cries of want that had never made an appearance until now. I moved my hands to my own shirt and struggled to take it off. I needed to feel his skin on mine.
Jacob ignored my struggle and trailed kisses across my jaw and down to my neck, each touch of his lips like a feather dancing across my skin. His hands lay stubbornly next to either side of my waist.
"Jake, please" I pleaded with him, begging him to remove the piece of clothing that separated my skin from his.
He chuckled against the skin of my throat sending vibrations of pleasure racing through my body. I let out a moan of satisfaction as his hands moved to my shirt, his hands slipping beneath my shirt and resting upon the bare skin of my stomach. I let out a moan as his palms massaged my stomach, moving upward taking my shirt along with it. As gasp escaped my lips as his thumbs traced the underside of my breasts. My shirt was suddenly ripped from my body, my bra flying across the room with it.
The realization that I was laying beneath Jacob, shirtless, bra-less and completely bare suddenly hit me, causing a flush of red to fly to my cheeks. Jacob hovered above me, a smile upon his face as his eye roamed over every naked surface of my skin.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered, his fingers tracing circles across my skin.
I reached a hand forward and drew his lips to mine once more, a new kind of urgency to the kiss as my lips moved roughly with his.
I wanted him. I wanted him so badly.
I was vaguely aware of the sound of my zipper being pulled down but wasn't aware of what was going on until I was left in nothing but my underwear, my jeans lay discarded on the floor, Jacob's jeans twisted within them. My eyes flicked nervously at the sight of his boxer brief clad body, dipping low to settle between my thighs. His arousal and need for me was so apparent. I couldn't help but notice that everything about him was big.
Jacob began to kiss his way down my body, his lips placing feather kisses down my collar bone and in between my breasts, his hands kneading the skin of my stomach, brushing backwards and forwards, working their way to my thighs.
I let out a gasp as Jacob suddenly took the nipple of my right breast between his teeth, biting lightly and sucking.
He was good at this. Too good.
"God, Jake" I cried as he worked diligently on my breasts, paying close attention to each one. My fingers dug themselves within his hair holding him close to me.
I subconsciously wrapped my legs around his torso as he ground himself against my hot center. It was all too much. His smell, his taste, his touch were all so intoxicating; filling my mind with a fog of pleasure.
He kissed his way down my stomach and past my navel. I nearly lost it when his tongue flicked out and traced the outlines of my hip bones while his large, warm hands worked my underwear down my legs. They soon joined the rest of my clothes on the floor. I moaned in anticipation, my hips raising slightly, begging for him to touch me.
"God, you're so wet," He said in satisfaction, sliding a finger across my center.
I could only answer with a groan as I arched my back.
"I want to taste you," He boldly stated.
Before I could offer him encouragement his mouth was on me, working wonders and sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through my skin. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. His tongue worked against my nerves, sending me reeling and panting, begging for more. I hooked a leg over his shoulder drawing him in closer. I gripped the sheets of my bed tightly, my head thrown back in utter complete bliss.
The build up was painfully enjoyable as he worked me towards it. Right as I reached my peak, ready to fall over the edge, Jacob pulled away; a smirk plastered on his face. I let out a groan of frustration, attempting to pull him back towards me. He had to let me finish. He couldn't do this to me.
"Ah, ah, ah" he playfully scolded, leaning out of reach of my hands.
To my disappointment Jacob was suddenly hovering above me. He placed his lips against mine once more, kissing me sweetly and softly; I could taste myself on him. I wouldn't say it out loud but I wished he would return to kissing me elsewhere in that moment.
"Bella," He breathed against my lips.
I could only let out a breathy, "hmm?"
"Do you want this?" He growled, biting my lip.
I gasped as I felt his naked tip, teasing me at my entrance. He ground himself against me, his length sliding along easily, already coated with his own juices and mine.
"Uhh" I moaned, arching my hips. I needed him to fill me; to make me whole.
"Do you want it," He asked again, his voice low and seductive.
"Y-yes" I managed to spit out between shaky breaths. With the rate we were going at and his constant grinding against my center, I wouldn't need him to enter me to get me off.
"Tell me what you want," He growled, stopping his tip once more at my entrance.
God, when did he get so fucking hot?
"Tell me Bella,"
"I want you," I gasped.
"Where do you want me Bella?" He hissed, inserting just the tip of himself in me.
I gasped out in pleasure, unable to answer him; my breathing was too shaky. I couldn't even imagine the kind of pleasure I was in store for; after all this was only the tip of his member.
"Come on Bells," He suddenly whispered in my ear, licking and biting. "Tell me where you want it," He pushed a little more.
"I-inside" I gasped.
"Where?" He teased, pulling out.
I growled in frustration, I couldn't take this.
"Inside of me, please, God Jake" I cried grabbing onto his hip tightly. "Fuck me."
He suddenly plunged into my center to the hilt. I screamed out in relief and pain. I wasn't used to anything like this, but God did I want more.
"Shit," He groaned into my shoulder, biting down tightly.
"Oh. My. God." I gasped as he suddenly began to rock into me, his thrusts slow and deep, filling me to impossible depths, connecting us in a way that I had never thought possible.
"Fuck, I've wanted this for so long," He growled, pressing his lips tightly to mine. "I've wanted you for so long,"
He kissed me deeply as he continued to move inside me, my hands running all over his body, drinking in the smell and feel of him.
"I'm yours" I replied. "I'm only yours"
It was all love, heat, sweat, and passion for the next two hours as Jacob and I made love. Never in my life had I ever felt so good, so whole. Jacob was everything to me and I would give everything to him. The fact that he wasn't my first still hit hard, but in that moment it no longer mattered. I was with Jacob, making love, crying his name and he mine; and that was the only thing that mattered.
When we had both reached our release we settled into each others arms, our legs entwined and our bodies pressed tight together. The reality that he could leave any moment hung in the air around me, threatening to ruin this beautiful moment. Silent tears slicked down my face as I buried my head into his chest, grabbing at him tightly. I never wanted to let him go not after what just occurred between us.
There was no going back.
No turning away from this.
As the minutes ticked by and Jacob remained pressed to me and I remained in his arms, my fear began to fade and exhaustion took over. As my eyelids grew heavy and my breathing deep, I could only silently pray that when I awoke Jacob would be there waiting.
A chaste kiss upon my forehead, "Isabella Swan, I'll love you forever"
I succumbed to the darkness with his name on my lips.
**
The first thing that my mind registered when I woke was the presence of a dim light within my room that cast a glow over my closed eyelids.
Then there was the lack of heat.
I groped around my bed, reaching for his body but I knew he wasn't there. I couldn't help but let out a defeated sigh as I shifted slightly moving to the side of my bed that he had previously occupied. I couldn't be surprised though could I? He had every reason to leave.
I decided that it was better to face the music then to ignore the deafening silence and opened my eyes. The scene that lay before me was shocking and surprising.
Jacob sat in the rocking chair next to my bed fully dressed, the chair silent as he rocked back and forth. There was a far off distant look in his eyes, his expression blank and unguarded. I sat up slowly in the bed, clutching the white sheet to my naked chest. I could only imagine what I looked like at the moment. Flush faced and sex hair galore; I had to look a mess.
"Jake," I whispered so as not to startle him. He didn't answer me.
I slid over on the bed and went to touch my feet to the inevitable freezing cold ground.
"Don't," he suddenly spoke. "Just, just stay there."
My heart dropped within my stomach.
There was that tone again, the one that always made an appearance when things were about to get really hard. The tone that said "Hey sorry but I'm here to burst your bubble. You must be crazy if you think you're going to be happy".
He had that look in his eyes; disappointment and guilt.
"Please," I whimpered. "Please don't do this, not now" I choked on the ending tears already building in my eyes. "I can't take it,"
My jaw quivered as he stood to his feet and made his way towards my bedroom door.
"You're leaving?" I cried. He stopped with his hand on the door knob, his back facing me. "After all that, you're just going to leave?"
He breathed in deeply and let out a rush of air.
"I'm sorry," he opened the door, "This was a mistake," He walked out without a second glance back.
I was up and on my feet within seconds, wrapping the sheet around my body and chasing after him.
"Jake!" I screamed as I ran towards the stairs. He was already more than halfway down them. "Jacob!"
He ignored me and continued on his way towards the front door.
"How could you?" I screamed running down the stairs. "How could you?"
He hung his head low and stood with his back towards me once more as I thudded to a stop at the bottom of the stairs.
"You told me you love me." I stated, my words shaking on my tears. "You said it."
"I can't do this," He spoke softly, "We can't do this, we just can't" He swiftly opened the door and left without another word.
I sunk to me knees at the bottom of the stairs and let my grief consume me.
But you told me you love me.
**
A/N: Soooo do you love me or hate me? Please say you love me :/
Once again, just bear with me. Things have to get worse before they can get better. Don't forget to review! Love you lots!
xoxo
B
