Why hello anybody reading this story My computer is a n00b and the internet has been down for a few weeks now so I have had a lot of the chapters written for quite a long time! I have borrowed my lovely friend's computer to upload this: that's dedication for you ;) Hope you like it!
Reviews make people feel like they're in HEAVEN.
(see what I did there…)
Heaven
'No! Please! Not Harry!'
'Avada Kedavra!'
My scream echoed in my head long after it had stopped coming from my mouth. I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for death to claim me. Maybe I would be with James…
There was silence. Voldemort had stopped yelling; Harry had stopped crying. My stomach tightened. Had Voldemort killed him? Did he know I was still alive? I opened my eyes a crack and was blinded by golden light. Golden light? I had been in Harry's blue room, and it was a dark night…
In the next moment, I realised three things: first, I was lying on my front on some kind of surface which had definitely not been there before. Second, I was in the playground of my childhood, in Spinners End, complete with swings, roundabout and slide, all looking a lot cleaner than I had remembered. Third, I was completely naked.
I squealed, jumping up, trying to shield myself from the houses that surrounded me on all sides. Some clothes were hanging off the see-saw, and I grabbed them with relief, pulling them on frantically.
I had reached the t-shirt when I realised I hadn't put on a bra. I cursed as I saw my red one hanging off a handle on the roundabout. Now here was a dilemma. I could either leave it, and leave myself open to the awkward 'stranger-confrontation-with-no-bra' situation (or the even more awkward 'Sirius-confrontation-with-no-bra' situation). I shuddered. I could take off my t-shirt and start again...no. I could already feel myself blushing. I didn't want to be naked for any longer than absolutely necessary. Or… I could do the extremely tricky, almost physically impossible 'Bra bend': a manoeuvre Ailish and I had perfected at Hogwarts but which I had not done in over two years.
I prepared myself, hooking the bra over my wrist and squatting into the optimum position…
'What in MERLIN'S NAME are you doing?'
I jumped so violently that the bra twanged off my arm and hit me in the forehead. The sound of laughter filled the air. Familiar laughter.
'James?' I asked, peering incredulously through my streaming eyes.
'Up here!' I heard him call from above me. My head shot up, feeling relief flow through me. My joyous grin quickly transformed into a disapproving frown. He was sitting on the climbing frame, grinning down at me, his glasses gone: and like I had been a few minutes ago, he was completely naked.
'James!' I hissed, 'Get down from there! People will see you! Put some bloody clothes on!' He rolled his eyes, and slid down.
'Lils,' he whined, when I pointed to the clothes that were hanging over a park bench. 'We're dead! There's no one around! How are clothes going to help us now?'
We're dead. The phrase wasn't truly that shocking. I had known since the first moment I had opened my eyes.
'In fact,' James grinned wickedly, 'I most definitely think clothes are completely surplus. Lils, take them off now!' I hit him and he laughed.
I was surprised, as I looked into his grinning face, that I felt my chest constricting and tears prick my eyes. His grin disappeared, as I let out a sob.
'Hey,' He said gently, pulling me towards him, 'Hey, it's okay' He pulled my head onto his shoulder, but it panicked me.
'No!' I gasped, pulling back quickly, 'No! If I can't see you, you'll disappear too, I know it!' I sounded mental, apparently James thought so too. He caught my face in his hands.
'Shut up Lils,' he said, his mouth quirking into a smile, 'I'm not going anywhere.' It felt good, but it wasn't enough. As I stared into his hazel eyes, now sparkling with amusement, but stormy behind, I saw our life together. Our first meeting. Our fights. Our friendship. That first moment, when I realised I had loved him all along. Our first kiss. The first time we… The moment when he had proposed, right by that roundabout. Our wedding, the happiest day of my life. The way he looked when I told him I was pregnant. The way he looked when he first saw Harry: our Harry. The way he had told me to run, to escape: while he kept away the monsters. And it wasn't enough! It wasn't enough!
I saw myself, pregnant. James' face lighting up all over again. I saw Harry growing up, now with a little sister. I saw our family meals. The way I would insist that Harry and the little girl should go to muggle primary school. The way James would roll his eyes. The fights we'd have. And the make ups we'd have in the middle of the night. Harry's first day at Hogwarts. The way James would reach out and take my hand, because he'd just know what I was feeling, like he always did. The letters we'd get home from Dumbledore or McGonagall, telling us that Harry and the little girl were just like James when he was at school. The way we'd be stern in front of them, hardly keeping a straight face, because we both secretly thought it was hilarious. Harry and the little girl, bringing home their first loves. The way James would think no one was good enough for his little girl. The way I would think no one was good enough for my little boy. The day they left home. The way James again, would hold me, because he would just know. Growing old together. Spending whole days doing nothing. Spending days doing things that would end in disaster as they frequently did with James. The way he would still kiss me every night. The way he would still tease me every day. The way we would die, not snatched from the world with everything left unresolved, but peacefully, maybe together: having said goodbye to our family and friends. Ready to go on to the next big adventure, together. Our life, our laughter stretched out before me. It felt like it had been stolen, and I wept for it.
And James, knowing, like he always did, let me.
When I had cried all the tears I had, I looked up at him, into the hazel eyes I had always loved. I let out an almighty sniff. James snorted:
'Well that was attractive,' he laughed. I hit him again.
'What about Harry?' I asked, my voice hoarse. James' face turned solemn.
'I would've thought Voldemort would kill him,' he said woodenly. I winced, expecting the pain of the revelation to crash over me. It never came. I could feel it, somewhere deep in my chest: Harry was alive. I grinned at James and was shocked to find him grinning back.
'I know,' he laughed, and I could see the happiness lining his face, 'He's alive, I feel it too.'
'But then who will…?'
'Sirius,' said James confidently, 'We named him as guardian, remember!' I grimaced and James laughed again.
'What have we done to our son?' I cried in mock anguish, shaking my fist at the sky. 'Why couldn't we have got someone sensible, like Remus? He would make sure Harry stays on the right side of the tracks…' I trailed off, realising that James had stiffened angrily. 'Listen,' I said soothingly, rubbing his shoulder, 'I know you think Remus is the spy, but I don't think he is! And what does it matter? We're dead now anyway!' It felt very odd to say it, but kind of relief came with it. We had escaped it all: Voldemort, the War, the death, the destruction; and here we were together, in my playground. Heaven could look a lot worse. I was happy here.
'I don't think Moony is the spy,' he said through gritted teeth, 'Not anymore anyway.'
'But… what?' I was bemused.
'How do you think Voldemort got into our house Lily?' I froze. The fidelius charm. Peter.
'THAT LITTLE RAT!' I screamed out, 'I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!' James chuckled slightly, but his eyes were still raging. He had trusted his friends above all others. This was a betrayal of the worst kind.
'I think we should go back and haunt him,' I said knowledgably to James. He rolled his eyes and ruffled my hair. I hated it when he did that. 'Don't worry,' I said, ignoring the ruffling for now, 'They'll catch him, the Order.' He gasped.
'What? What?' I asked frantically, looking around, expecting to see Voldemort sitting on the see-saw.
'Bloody hell! Oh Bloody fucking HELL!'
'James Charlie Potter, I swear to MERLIN…'
'Sirius!' he said staring into my face, 'SIRIUS!'
'Errmm, yes…. Oh don't tell me you're missing him already,' I rolled my eyes: I would always be second best.
'No Lils! Sirius! We only changed the secret keeper today! No one knew about it, not even Dumbledore!' he said urgently. I was still confused:
'So?' He looked at me exasperatedly.
'Who- was- the- secret- keeper- before- Peter?' he said slowly, like he was talking to a toddler, 'Who do the Order still think is the secret keeper?'
It clicked.
'Oh Shit! Sirius!' He rolled his eyes, then started pacing, running his fingers through his hair. I sat down on one of the swings with a thump. What could we do?
'If he gets arrested, it's all our fault!' James was muttering to himself, 'Peter, Peter, bloody Peter…' This went on for at least another ten minutes.
'James!' I said finally, 'if neither of us have thought of anything we can do by now, I think it's pretty hopeless.' He turned to me, his face crumpled somewhat. He sat down on the swing next to me.
'He's my best mate,' he said dejectedly, 'and this is what I do for him.'
'Oi!' I said, deciding to put an end to the misery, 'You didn't do this! Voldemort did this: and Peter and just, Dark Arts in general!' He drooped.
'Oh in the name of all that's holy,' I said rolling my eyes, 'Sirius is a grown man James, he can take care of himself! Now if you've finished worrying about your boyfriend, maybe you could take a little guess at where our SON might be going, if Sirius is locked up in Azkaban!' James' head shot up. I could see panic in his eyes… for good reason.
'But… but..' he sputtered, horror etched across his face, 'If the guardian is unable, don't the…' he swallowed, 'next-of-kin look after the child?' I nodded grimly.
'Petunia.' James' face blanched.
'What have we done?' he whispered.
'Poor Harry,' I said sadly, 'He's going to hate living with Tuney and the Whale.'
'Don't forget Dudley,' James piped up, 'Or as he is more commonly known, the human beach ball.' I remembered the secret 'Sister messages' me and Tuney used to send each other when we were children and sent a pleading one now: Look after him Tuney, please, don't let me down…
'Well hopefully Dudders will eat Harry quite early on, at least that will put an end to his misery.' James was saying sadly. I hit him, but couldn't help secretly agreeing. He looked up at the sky, then sighed and stood up.
'C'mon Lils,' he said gently, pulling me to my feet.
'Where are we going?' I asked in confusion. James shrugged.
'On.'
I snorted loudly: 'Thanks for clearing that up there James.' He rolled his eyes.
'Can't you feel it Lils? This was never our permanent place, this was a bit like… a waiting room.' I did feel it. The sun was slowly setting over the playground, stretching the shadows of the climbing frame, making them seem a little more sinister than before. There was a place waiting for us, and it was at the end of that road there. James opened the gate, waving his hand like a doorman. I giggled and curtseyed. I looked back at the playground once more, sadness once again rising in my chest.
'Will we ever see him again?' I whispered to James. He took my hand.
'Of course we will,' he said confidently, 'We'll see them all, one day.'
'And who needs the rest of them! We've got each other!' I said thickly, the tears falling free and fast now, 'That's good enough for me.' James made a face, exhaling in mock disappointment. 'Oh shut up,' I told him. He laughed.
'Where d'you think we're going?' he asked me excitedly. I rolled my eyes.
'Wherever it is, I just hope It's not heaven,' I said solemnly. James looked confused.
'Why not?'
'Because they're going to need a lot more than heaven to contain you!'
Laughing, we departed this life.
