Lela

It has taken me sometime to get used to being pregnant. I am getting ready to start school again. Jerrica asked me if I have decided what I am going to be. The truth is, I really do not know. All I have ever known is Starlight Foundation, I grew up here. First time on my own, I screw up and end up pregnant. Will there ever be a time that I can make it on my own, without Jerrica's help. I thought about being a social worker, but I never liked it when they would but into our lives. They would take us out of class, just to talk. So being a social worker is definitely out. Since Starlight Foundation is all I know, and there is a saying "stick to what you know."

For now I am just taking general classes, although one class I am looking forward to is a theater class I have to take for humanities. I think I may want to be an actress, we'll see depending on how much I like my theater class.

I will still be working at Starlight Music before and after school. Jerrica says that I can even do my homework there. I know that she is just keeping an eye on me. After all I did ditch school when I was at Berkley. I miss my friends there though, they write and we do talk on the phone.

Jerrica really wants me to think about what I want to do with the rest of my life, besides being a mother that is. I did think about it. I grew up as a Starlight girl; it is all I have ever known. I have always taken responsibility for the other girls in the house. Maybe I will become a foster parent or run Starlight Foundation if Jerrica ever want to take a break from it. Yeah, I could do that and be an actress if I so desire.

Well I am back in school. It is going okay. I also found out that I am having a girl. Her name will definitely be Diamond Jacqui. The others are thrilled about my baby, they can't wait to baby-sit. I am not quite sure yet if I am going to let Terri baby-sit, she might be a little young for it.

I do everything like I am supposed to. Ashley is back to thinking of me as "Little Miss Perfect" Yeah, I would be if I wasn't pregnant. I really like my theater class. As part of the class I auditioned for a play. Even though I am pregnant and showing, I got the part of the lead. I will be playing Cinderella. It is Disney version of Roger and Hammerstein Cinderella. The teacher said that I have an amazing voice, and that I really came through as Cinderella. He was curious as to why. I didn't know what to say. I know why, being an orphan myself. I told him that I am an orphan and I have been years. My life wasn't bad at all, actually it was very good, but I do know how it feels to be an orphan.

I haven't told anyone about the play yet. I know they will all come to see me in the play. I am not going to tell them just yet. I know I shouldn't be keeping secrets from them again, but this isn't a bad secret. I am really excited about it. The play will be performed in May, at the end of the semester. At that time I will be 8 months pregnant, but the teacher said it will be okay.

I rehearse in the privacy of my own room and during class. There isn't going to be any rehearsal outside of class, until at least April. I am really enjoying rehearsing, I get to sing and act. As time passed, I rehearsed every spare second I could get. Jerrica wonders why I am spending so much time in my room. I just say that I am studying.

I am rehearing in my room, when suddenly there is a knock at my door. "I am studying," I called out. "Lela! It's Jerrica let me in." Jerrica said back. Oh great Jerrica. I hid my script under the pillow and opened the door. "Hi Jerrica, I was just studying." I said. "Doing homework, or studying your Cinderella script?" Jerrica asked. How did Jerrica know about the script? "Script, how did you find out?" I asked. "So it is true!" Jerrica replied. I looked away from her and said, "Yes!" Jerrica told me that my drama teacher has gotten Howard Sands to produce the play starting next week. Howard then told Jerrica in casual conversation that I was playing Cinderella. "He assumed I knew! I wasn't sure if he really meant you." She explained. "Why? What did he say?" I asked. "He wondered if the role of Cinderella was being played by one of my Starlight Girls. Huh! What are you talking about? I had asked him." Jerrica said and went on to say. "He explained to me that the only thing he knew of the person playing the role was that she is an orphan with a very good life, and he immediately thought that she could be a Starlight Girl." I listened closely as I heard her talk; I really didn't know what else to say.

"What I don't understand, is why you didn't tell me about the role?" Jerrica asked me. "I don't know why. I know that I have been using that phrase I lot since I have been back, but it is all I can say" I replied. Jerrica then asked me "Is their something wrong? You don't confide in us, unless you are in trouble. Why is that?" I looked at her, "I will get back to you on that, I need to think about it. I guess it is just a reaction to hide it." I know that Jerrica did not like my answer, because she just left. How do I explain when I don't even know why I have been acting like this lately? Before, when I was younger and something good happen to me; I couldn't wait to tell Jerrica. Now I hide it unless I am forced to tell. What has changed?