Note: Insomnia is a pain… still... I have to be awake in less than 6 hours. Sorry about the wait too guys, moving house twice is an absolute pain. And not actually having internet on my computer doesn't make things easy either.

Chapter Seven: Differential Diagnosis

House, whistling as he waved away the coffee Dr Chase offered, was in an unusually cheerful mood. No one was convinced, apparently House was the only one entitled to privacy within the grapevine that was PPTH, but a brunette who had dropped House off that morning had everyone pretty sure that Stacey was not only back in the state, but back on the scene too.

"Dr Cameron please report to Dr Cuddy, you are late." The hospital PA announced, as Cameron checked her watch and gasped.

"Dr House I..." Cameron began, Cuddy was attempting an IVF cycle, the donor unknown but suspected to be none other than resident oncolgist James Wilson, and needed help with the hormone stimulant shots, as they had to go in a fleshy part of her body, namely the one she sat on and couldn't reach herself. Dr Cameron had cheerfully offered to assist this, and for the past week had reported punctually to Cuddy to give her the injection. Though the two women shared a rocky relationship, Cameron was the only one truly willing to help, everyone else somewhat nervous about injecting their boss's rear end. House, of course was more than happy to help, but Cuddy was rather sick of his sly comments.

"Shoo! I know Cuddy needs her shots at the same time each day." House really was in a good mood, twirling his cane smoothly from the clock to the door."Good now that she's gone, differential diagnosis time boys. New patient, 29 year old female, good health."

"So why are we diagnosing?" Foreman raised a dark eyebrow. House silenced him, putting the cane heavily on the table.

"Symptoms are from on a number of observations this last fortnight. First sign is apparent breast tenderness, as the subject no longer holds clipboards or files to her chest, and leans as far back as possible when anyone passes her."

"She could just like her personal space?" Chase shrugged, he was unaware of this new patient, and shared a confused glance with Foreman.

"She has also either invested in a wonderbra, or she has also had a recent growth spurt in the mammary region." House added, now having Chase and Foreman's full attention. "Black circles under the eyes indicate fatigue, but an unwillingness to drink or even serve coffee indicates a sensitivity to smells, resulting in nausea judging by the green tinge to her skin whenever anyone around her partakes in this lifegiver."

"Nausea and sore breasts doesn't mean much really..." Foreman said, "Random virus most likely..."

"Bigger boobs!" House called, snapping both doctors back to attention once more. "In addition to the nausea and sensitivity to smells, it only lasts till approximately morning tea break, when she eats almost a full meal, and then another full meal again at lunchtime, an apparent increase in appetite, which doesn't do much for her overall energy level, as indicated by the constant fatigure I mentioned before."

"I still say it's a virus." Foreman repeated, as House wrote the list of symptoms on the board: Breast Tenderness & Swelling, Fatigue, Odour Sensitivity, Nausea - (Morning Sickness), Increased Appetite.

"I agree with Foreman," Chase threw in, losing interest in the extremely commonplace symptoms, which compared to the muscle spasms, vomiting and hallucinations of their previous patient, held far less intrigue.

"BREASTS! How thick are you? May I add my final symptom now?" This time he was so loud, a nurse passing by the office paused mid-step.

"Is she even a patient, why do we have no files?" Chase queried roughly.

"Cuddy would fire me if I got them, I'm referring to a member of staff, I'd breach a few dozen privacy laws if I did... duh!" House rolled his eyes. "As I was saying, final symptom, dismenhorrea, that is to say absence of the menstrual period, as the subject in question has continued to wear pale coloured pants with no VPL... visible panty line for all you less fashionable Wombats, indicating she is still able to wear thongs, and is not afraid of leaking staining her pale pants. The subject has a habit of wearing dark pants regularly during her usual cycle, which I have established based on her mood changes, and should have occured about a week ago."

"House... seriously... isn't there someone's life we could be saving?" Foreman stood up, as House turned and added NO PERIODS in bold letters to the bottom of the list.

"Look again Ducklings... and think this time. Sore and bigger boobs, fatigue, sensitivity to certain smells resulting in nausea, morning sickness, an increase in appetite, and a late or missed menstruation means she's...?" House prompted.

"She's pregnant..." Dr Cameron whispered, as she returned.

"Congratulations Dr Cameron." House clapped his hands. "Two reasons... not only for recognising the symptoms, but diagnosing yourself also, even if you needed a little help."

"Allycat?" Dr Chase looked up at his stunned girlfriend, giving House another new missile to lob at the couple when he felt like it.

"I... I don't know Rob darling," House considered taking notes as she continued; two terms of endearment in one conversation was like a jackpot. "I mean, he's right, on every single point there... but I never thought, I mean we've been careful haven't we? And I've been so out of sorts for the last two weeks anyway, I wasn't sure... I didn't want to worry you... but what a surprise for a 6 month anniversary!" She now added significantly, recent hints on her lover's behalf had led her to expect nothing less than a large and shining ring the next evening at their anniversary dinner.

"There are no secrets in this hospital Allycat." House informed her with what may have been a smile, glancing at the board again, his face beginning to turn a slightly ashen colour. He glanced at the calendar and counted on his fingers, looking more and more anxious as he did so.

"We'd better find out, want to hit the labs?" The potential father grinned, as House's demeanour rapidly changed, booting them out of the room and locking the door behind them.

"What's with him?" Foreman shook his head and then grinned broadly. "I think House may just have diagnosed someone else too." Cameron burst into laughter, realising who Foreman meant.

"Let's do this thing, Foreman want to play doctor? My hands are shaking too much to draw blood." Chase took Cameron's hand and the three ducklings headed off to the labs.

"How could I have been so blind?" He murmured, picking up the phone. "Stace, it's me. Want to come to the hospital? There's something I think I need to show you."

Note: I now have to be awake in less than 5 hours, but I am quite proud of the amount of House I managed to add into the dialogue this time. Please R&R ladies and gents. - Thanks Miranda xoxo