Author's Note: In case you didn't see the last message, I took out the mafia part of this story and rewrote chapter 6 to fit the new story line. Sorry for the inconvenience, but I just thought that adding the mafia to the mix would make the whole story be too much and messy.
Chapter 7: Just Let Your Fears Go
After the call with his uncle, Tsuna returned to his laptop and began to finish his application. When it reached his name, Tsuna hesitated. He wasn't sure if he should put his name. In the end, he decided to put his mother's maiden name: Tanaka.
It felt odd, but at the same time it felt right. He was never meant to be a Sawada. He could never meet the expectations that came with that name. There was too much baggage and too many demands that needed to be met to be worthy of that name. But with Tanaka, it was like being home. It was simple. There were no requirements, no weight, nor were there any quelms that came with it.
Tsuna had a feeling that it would bite him in the ass in the end, but for right now, it was the best thing he could come up with. He also had to make sure to tell Xanxus once he finished so that he could get the proper documentation made for him. Or, it would be better if he just legally changed his name to his mother's maiden name. He was old enough to get the paperwork done and go to court without his father ever knowing. At least then, it would be legal and nobody will recognize who he was. He would have to talk to Xanxus on a later date.
After a few more hours of completing the application, Tsuna submitted it and closed his laptop and stretched.
He wasn't very hungry but he went in the kitchen to make some tea and to feed Natsu. That was another thing he had to take care of. He couldn't bring Natsu with him. The school required that he stay in the dorms for his freshman year. It was only after that could he get his own apartment. He could always ask Haru to take him for the time being. He was sure she would love to, but Tsuna didn't want to part with him either. He might have only been with him for a few months, but he was more of a family member than his own brother whom he had known for years.
Tsuna smoothed out the few strands of fur that stood out and watched as Natsu ate his dinner. It won't be the end, Tsuna reasoned. He will come back for him. Plus, he could always just visit. The train ride was only a couple of hours from Paris to London. But even with that out of the way, Tsuna was going to have to figure out how to move out of his apartment.
It was almost time for his lease to be up and for him to renew it for the next six months, but it would be pointless to keep it if he will be staying in another country for the next year or so.
Tsuna didn't have a lot of things, but he did have enough to fill an apartment. The dorms at the school were pretty decent. They were about the same size as his apartment, but he wasn't sure if he was going to dorm with a roommate or not. He probably was, given his luck, and they wouldn't be able to fit both of their things into one complex.
He could always get a storage unit, but those were rather pricey. He couldn't give it to Haru since her place was a mess at it is with all her designs and fabrics being thrown every which way. He could sell some stuff, he supposed. Or better yet, he could always leave it at Squalo's basement if he lets him. Tsuna winced at the thought.
It wasn't that Squalo was a bad guy, but it was just that he shared the same humor that Xanxus did with his dad. However, he was louder than Xanxus. Thankfully, Squalo didn't hate him, but he wasn't the most nicest guy either. He used to tease Tsuna all the time when he was younger and often told Tsuna the most confusing things that always got him in trouble.
Tsuna was sure that he could convince him to say yes, but he wasn't looking forward to asking him. The time they have met up in his years of living in London were far in between and that's just how Tsuna wanted to keep it.
Tsuna Sighed. There was a lot that he had to do.
In a few weeks, Tsuna had received a letter for auditions. It was the most electrifying and scariest thing that Tsuna had ever held in his hand his whole life. He was so close, he could almost taste it. It was just out of his reach, and that's what scared him the most. What if he wasn't good enough? What if he just makes a fool of himself in front of everybody? The last thing he wanted to do was disappoint his mother, but the thing he feared the most was proving his father right. There were so many negative thoughts there were running through his head that he couldn't think straight. It almost go to the point where he almost decided to not go. That was until Haru slapped him.
"You're going to go and you're going to get in that school and become amazing just like your mother or so help me I will drag you by your ears, you hear?" she said. Tsuna looked out the window as the train moved by.
"If I get in, you mean."
Auditions for the new school year were going to take place today and Tsuna was becoming a nervous wreck. He has spent years playing and dreaming of going to that school. It was his mother's last wish before she past away and he couldn't fail her now.
"You're going to ace that audition," Haru said firmly. "You worked too hard to give up now. All that sneaking around and lying you have done just so you can attend that school and you're going to throw it all away for nothing? Those people you used to live with, I hate them. They've never done anything for you, always making your life hell all these years. There used to be days when you were too scared of your father to even lift a finger. He was always threatening you to kick you out of that house if you ever mention the word 'music.' At least now, you won't have to keep secrets there," Haru said, looking outside the window with him. She took the next few days off to come with him for moral support which he could never thank her enough for.
"This is your opportunity to get away from them and do the very thing you love. And you never know, maybe you'll meet someone," she finished with the wiggle of her eyebrows and a small smooch.
Secrets. Right. Tsuna didn't tell her the plan his uncle and him had made. Xanxus told him to not tell her anything, the less she knew the better. At the very least, she knew was that he was going to his dream school. As much as it pained Tsuna, it was probably for the best. Haru wasn't known for keeping secrets. She was always very loud and passionate about everything, including secrets. It wasn't that she wouldn't even keep the secret if he asked her to. She knew when to keep quiet about certain things, but it was more of the fact that she would have to keep quiet was the problem. She was a lot like his mother. She always told him to never be ashamed of things he loved and to never hide away or feel ashamed. If anything, she would feel offended for him and probably start a ruckus. The most she knows is that he's applying and his father is semi-aware of it, which was enough for Haru. It wasn't like she would find out. Hopefully.
She had always hated both his father and his brother and never spoke a single word to them unless it was absolutely necessary, but even then it was filled with spite and they always made sure to stay clear of each other the few times they were in the same room as each , it had only happened twice
Tsuna sighed. Looking at the blue sky, Tsuna hoped that Haru and Xanxus were right. Hopefully, this wouldn't be a disaster or a mistake.
Tsuna pushed his hair back and had his other hand on his hip in a distress manner.
Tsuna was currently hiding away in the bathroom. Thankfully, it was empty since everyone was waiting patiently for their turn to go up next. With a quick look in the mirror, Tsuna almost got scared by how sick and deadly he looked.
His eyes were bloodshot, his skin was pale, and the rings around his eyes were so dark that he looked he had two black eyes. His clothes and hair were in a shambles and if Tsuna were to admit to himself honestly, he looked like a crazy person that was on too many drugs.
Making his way to the sink, Tsuna turned on the faucet and washed the stress and sleepiness away. With the use of the water and a paper towel, Tsuna made himself look more presentable. He still looked like he hadn't slept in days, which was because he hadn't, but at the very least he looked okay.
With a quick look at his watch, Tsuna walked out of the bathroom and made his way down the hall.
The hallway was filled with numerous musicians, all of which were practicing on multiple instruments. Some of them played such complex music that Tsuna couldn't help but feel intimidated by his competitors, some of them were even younger than him and was still fearful of their talent.
He couldn't do this. He wasn't cut out for this.
On the bridge of a panic attack, Tsuna nearly screamed when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Nearly crashing into the wall behind him, Tsuna had almost hit the person that touched him. It was Haru with her eyes wide and mouth open in shock at the reaction that she had gotten from him.
With a few shaky breaths from Tsuna and a few words of comfort from Haru, Tsuna was able to relax and took the small cup of green tea that Haru had bought him. Any other time, usually Haru would laugh at him, but she understood that he was under a lot of stress and held back any remarks that she would usually make.
It was both comforting and pressuring to be under their moment of silence. The more time Tsuna spent with his thoughts and in the hallway, the enormity of what this audition could mean for his future, for him, was hitting Tsuna at all sides, taking his breath away.
Haru had patted his back and murmured more words of comfort to ease him, but nothing she could do could stop him from nearly having a heart attack when they called his name.
He had flinched, both from fear and from surprise. With a quick hug and a shove from Haru, Tsuna shakenling made his way into the audition room.
The room itself was the main stage. The whole room was lined with hundreds of velvet seats, all blacken by the darkness. The only light that filled the room was focused on the stage. The main focus would be him.
As Tsuna walked forward, he had tripped, but luckily, he didn't fall. With a quick glance at the judges, Tsuna was thankful that the darkness covered the displeasure that he was sure was there.
"Whenever you are ready, Mr. Tanaka."
Tsuna had nodded frantically and took his place in the center of the stage. With a swift bow, Tsuna sat down. The light burned the back of his neck and his fingers shook with fear. There was a brief moment of silence before Tsuna gently grazed the keys to familiarizes himself with the touch of the keys.
For a second, Tsuna feared that he wouldn't be able to play. He feared that his nerves would overwhelm him. His muscles were so stiff and the fear had such a strong hold on him that he thought he would choke or faint.
No, he whispered to himself. You can do this!
Summoning up all of his courage, Tsuna placed his fingers on the keys and allowed the the soft drawl of the notes to fill the room.
The music was slow and simple, nothing extraordinary, but nonetheless pleasant. The simple tempo of the music was both comforting and relaxing to anyone who hears it.
The more he played, what was once perceived to be a simple at first, quickly became beautiful and wholly transcendent. As time went on, Tsuna became more confident and allowed himself to get lost into the delicacy of playing music. He allowed all of his emotions to be released into every note he played. All of his hardships. All of his frustrations. All of his anger. All of his sadness, fear, dreams, and hope within him was released as he continued to play. It was both the most beautiful thing and the most heart wrenching thing that anyone had heard. But as sad as it was, there was strength and courage to followed it. It spoke of power, determination, and love.
This song, with all of its glory and prowess, would never be a masterpiece that will exceed Mozart's or Beethoven's very own music, but this song, so small and simple, was something new and young that touched the deepest parts of the heart that not only brought happiness, but sadness at the same time.
All of it was ecovate, elegant, and beautiful enough to weep over.
Once the first song was done, Tsuna gave a brief pause to allow the judges to know that the first song was done. He had to play five songs, all from the same time period and type to not only illustrate his expertise, but his ability to revive life into music. It didn't matter how long or short or how simple or complex the song was, as long as they all had the effect that was needed, then it didn't matter.
Each song had an unexpected melody, creating a heighten feel of tension and subsequent beauty. The rotating of the chords and keys made the most stunning of songs, bleeding into the very core of the music. It was detailed both in the summation of emotions and feelings to the subtle conclusions of understanding growth and expansion.
The last song, Divenire, was cohesive and emotionally riveting. The foreboding A, B, C, and G chord progression that foretells the inevitable. The encircling chords climax throughout the pieces and while all who listen were swept away from the creation, their emotions rose along with his and fell with each release. It showcased his skill and his ability to perform. Whether it conveyed depression or the subtle feelings of hope, Tsuna's talent of tying emotions to the musical composition cannot be denied. He was a true artist, a master of the art.
When Tsuna had finished, he was breathless and tired, but none of it could stop the grin that made its way on his face. He could feel it in his heart, in his soul that his mother was right there next time, watching with such a proud, happy face. In that moment, he didn't care if he made it in because all that mattered was that he played the best that he could.
To even play on the same stage his mother did brought him to cloud nine. There would never be anything that could make him feel this way. Even if it was just for audition and not a full audience, it didn't matter because he did it. This is what he was meant to do, whether it was on some fancy stage or his home, this is who he was meant to be. Nothing else mattered as long as he kept playing.
All of this was filling him with strength, creating a stronger will. This. This is worth fighting for. Even if he leaves and all of the adrenaline were to leave his veins, he knew that he couldn't give this up. It had been so long since he had last played, but each song reminded him why he loved it so much. He wasn't going to let anyone take it away. Not even his father.
This is his resolve.
In case you were wondering, these are the songs that Tsuna plays for his audition. All with the exception of one was composed by my favorite artist, Ludovico Einaudi, an Italian pianist who I thought was rather fitting for Tsuna and the story.
The Approaching Night
Artist: Philip Wesley
Giorni Dispair
(Days Despiar)
Artist: Ludovico Einaudi
In Un'altra Vita
(In Another Life)
Artist: Ludovico Einaudi
Primavera (Solo)
(Spring)
Artist:Ludovico Einaudi
*Marcs Piano on youtube
Divenire (Solo)
(Become)
Artist: Ludovico Einaudi
*acuity1980 on youtube
