Author's Note: I don't really have much to say, just thanks for all the great reviews and enjoy this chapter!
*Italics are Hinata's memories.*
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters
He was sick. Naruto was sick.
I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Cry because I loved him and I certainly did not want him in death's way. I also wanted to laugh at the irony that I had been berating myself for being his grenade, not even bothering to ponder the reverse.
He was mine too.
He could blow any minute and there would be nothing left of me if he did.
After Naruto had collapsed a week ago I had yelled for help and immediately both our fathers ran up the stairs. Both expecting me on the floor I was sure, only to be in for a shock as they saw Naruto pale and lifeless. They had immediately called for an ambulance and he was taken to the ICU of the nearest hospital.
It was that night in the hospital waiting room that Minato-Naruto's father- told us what was occurring. Of course my whole family was present as well as the Uchiha's seeing as they were extremely close to Naruto and his father. Sasuke looked tired and worried but he seemed to have a better handle of the wheelchair he was using so that was a big relief. I thought maybe he would never get used to it.
I sat beside Naruto while he rested on his bed, my mind wandering back to the conversation we had had with Minato.
"Naruto has a heart condition." I heard Minato state lowly, though I knew he didn't have to speak loudly to gain any of our attention.
"What kind of heart condition?" Sasuke's mother asked, I could tell there was dread in her voice, almost as if she knew what was coming.
"The same as Kushina." He answered her though all I really knew was that Kushina was Naruto's deceased mother. She had a heart condition? I looked at Sasuke for an explanation but he seemed to know about as much as I did.
"Pardon me but I'm not sure I'm comprehending." I prod tremulously. I could tell this wouldn't be good news at all.
Minato smiled at me apologetically. "I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to tell you Hinata, I barely got a chance to tell your parents. Naruto seems to want to keep this a secret but after tonight's…episode I'm afraid I no longer have a choice."
I nodded for him to continue. A deep uncomfortable feeling making its way across my body. I rung my hands out awkwardly and shyly. I also had to bite my lip to not worry myself sick.
"Kushina died during childbirth as I'm sure Naruto mentioned." I nodded again. "She died because of heart failure. She lived with a certain heart condition that made her rather delicate." He tried to explain in terms both Sasuke and I could understand. "If her heart was put under too much stress it would give out. Childbirth proved to be too much stress for her and she passed shortly after delivering Naruto."
I breathed in slowly, taking the words in one by one. So Naruto's mother had a delicate heart condition, what did it have to do with Naruto? "Turns out the condition is hereditary." He said despondently.
NO! Not him.
Crack. Crack. Crack. Crack.
That's how my heart felt. Like it was shattering into such small fragments I doubted I could find them all even if I spent the rest of my life looking for them.
He was not okay. He had never been okay.
He wasn't as healthy as I had perceived. I could tell Sasuke was as stunned as I was and I could tell he felt guilty for how he had treated Naruto.
"So…" I started speaking, having to clear my throat before I could continue. "He could die?"
Minato's eyes-which happened to be the same shade of blue as his son's- dulled significantly and I almost felt like kicking myself for asking such a question. "I'm afraid so. We found his condition two years ago which was why we went away. He wasn't studying abroad, we were visiting every specialist possible to find a cure. There isn't one. The only thing they can do for him is a heart transplant and there is quite a long waiting list." He admitted rather sadly, causing the pit in my stomach to drop even deeper inside of me.
"What exactly is considered stressful?" My father asked.
"His heart is extremely delicate so even the little things can cause major damage. For example he hasn't been allowed to play sports since we found his condition. Driving is also too much of a risk." No wonder he was always nervous to drive!
I saw Sasuke swallow and his eyes widened. Sasuke had resented Naruto for being healthy and for being able to do all the things he couldn't do. And now that he knew the truth I bet he felt like shit. I could see I would have to have a talk with him to alleviate his worries. Naruto would never hold that against him and we both knew it, he just needed to be reminded is all. I tried smiling at him in a comforting matter but I could tell he was already berating himself in his mind.
"What exactly triggered it, the episode I mean." Neji asked.
Minato looked over at me a sheepish smile on his face. "I was hoping Hinata could tell me, you two were talking when it happened right?"
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.
This was my fault! I stressed him out when I told him the truth and now he was in the ICU. I suck! Aside from lying to him for months I also almost killed him, I had to be the worst girlfriend known to the human world. I swear to God. And how was I supposed to explain that to his father, and mine and Sasuke's and ahhhh!
"We…I…well…yeah we were talking. It was umm, personal?" It came out like a question.
"You told him?" Sasuke asked me and I was sure everyone around me was confused as to why we were being so vague. I mean, my family knew I was probably going to die soon but they hadn't actually heard me say it. I had only ever told Sasuke and now Naruto and with such disastrous results I doubted I would tell anyone else.
"Yeah." I told him, detached.
He seemed to understand this wasn't the time or place to have this conversation so he turned back to face Minato. "The point is he has a heart condition that's dangerous. Why the hell didn't he tell us?" Sasuke growled out.
"He didn't want to worry you, especially after your surgery and just, there's a lot he was worried about." Minato answered, eyes glancing towards me making my heart swell up in pain. I was one of those worries. I just wasn't sure if he was worried about me or worried about telling me.
I sighed aloud, looking intently at Naruto, waiting patiently for his eyes to open. Much to my relief they opened shortly after I started running my pale fingers through his hair. He groaned slightly and shifted on his bed.
"Hey." He greeted me when he noticed me, his voice was still sleepy but he looked adorable.
"Hi." I answered softly, still caressing his unruly hair. I could tell he was enjoying it from the smile on his face.
"I was telling the truth you know." He said suddenly, sitting up on the bed. I didn't know what he was referring to but I knew what I wanted to talk to him about.
"What're you talking about?"
"I'm in love with you." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I don't care if you've given up on your own life, I won't give up on you."
His words caused my eyes to glisten and I had to look away from fear of breaking down in front of him. Those words were the ones I had dreamed of hearing from him, that he would love me no matter what. But I knew it would be better if he didn't love me at all. Still, I couldn't find it in me to tell him otherwise. I loved a grenade too and there was nothing I could do to stop, I didn't even want to stop.
I smiled sweetly at him. "I'm quite in love with you too." I tell him honestly causing the biggest grin I had ever seen on his face. He yanked himself out of bed and kissed me soundly on the lips, something unexpected yet treasured nonetheless.
The kiss didn't seem to last very long but I savoured the moment like I had savoured every other time our lips had met. Something about him was magical. He made my useless, cancer infested body feel alive and it was a feeling I wish would never end. Still, I needed to have another conversation with him.
"So you're in love with me too?" He asked rhetorically. "What a relief, I thought it was a one sided thing for a while." He was talking about my reluctance to be his grenade, I had done it for a good reason though all my attempts failed at the end.
"Yes, I am in love with you. Even with your heart condition." I tell him, letting him know I have been filled into his situation.
The reaction was immediate, his smile faded and he sat back down on the bed to steady himself. "My dad?"
"He found it necessary to fill me in."
Naruto sighed loudly. "It wasn't his news to share."
"You wouldn't have shared at all!" I retaliate feeling a little defensive.
"I don't think there's much room for you to talk about this with me Hinata." He was being serious and he was right. It was like the kettle calling the pot black. We were both lying and I knew my reason but I didn't know his.
"I was trying to protect you." The words came out small and useless.
"Protect me from what? From you?" His voice was rising steadily and but I took a look at the heart monitor and it seemed to be normal.
"I wanted to protect you from losing me." I say seriously, I didn't want to seem boastful but it was the truth.
He growled slightly at how I worded my phrase and he looked at himself in disgust. I didn't know why until he started speaking. "I guess I should've protected you too."
"No." I answer him honestly, I did not blame him for not telling me. He was still fine and he had a better chance of living than I did.
"That's somewhat hypocritical Hinata." He had a joyless smile on his face, I never wanted to see that one on him.
"It's different." I mumble out, immediately knowing that was the wrong thing to say.
"No it's not!" He yelled, the heart monitor picking up speed. "If what you did, keeping your distance from me was right than me trying to get close to you with this fucking piece of shit heart was wrong. So which is it?" His voice was strong, the heart monitor staying at the same speedy pace.
"I was wrong." The words tumbled out in an attempt to placate him. His emotions were getting the best of him and his heart couldn't handle such things right now.
He shook his head, calling out my lie. "I couldn't stop myself." He replied honestly, heart beat back to regular making me sigh in relief. "I saw you and I knew I shouldn't have but I wanted to so bad." The words coming from him weren't making much sense.
"When you were in the ICU I begged you to come back." He looked away from me, onto his lap. "I wanted you to fall in love with me. I wanted you to love me as much as I loved you. I wanted a future for us."
I opened my mouth to console him but he shook his head, a few lone tears trailing down his face. "I was selfish for not telling you. Hell, I doubted I would've told you if my father hadn't. I…I'm still selfish Hinata, I'm holding onto that dream. I'm not giving up on you…on us."
More tears followed his confession and the heart monitor started picking up a lot of speed, making me nervous. It appeared stress and sadness made his heart more fragile than it already was. What luck that he was dating a grenade.
"It's okay." I soothe with the calmest smile I had in my catalogue. "I was selfish too, it was stupid not to tell you right away."
He smiled at me, a nostalgic smile I couldn't help but find breath taking. "I forgive you. I didn't even really blame you for anything. I can't blame you, I didn't even give you a chance to tell me. Every time you tried I waved it off, I didn't want to hear it because…" He trailed off and went on to smile a real smile. "I'm sorry too."
I laughed slightly, my heart beating slowly while I took in the machines hooked up around him, his heart beat was still erratic. It hurt to see him in a hospital because he was sick. A frown made it's way onto my face and I held back tears.
"Naruto…" I cooed, climbing on the bed with him, hoping to calm him down before his heart gave out again. I couldn't possibly be witness to that again, it was traumatic. I smiled slightly when his heart beat settled. I sat sideways on his lap, something I knew he loved and laid my head against his shoulder. "I don't want to lose you." I admit softly.
He holds me tight against him, breathing harshly against my hair. "You're not going to." He assures me and it soothes me, even if he was lying to me. "And I'm not going to lose you either." He added gruffly. He sounded so much older than he actually was, but then again we weren't so different after all. We were both dying and it seemed that just made you mature earlier.
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I sat at my kitchen table that night pondering Naruto's condition and mine as well. It seemed completely unfair that not only my very life was being taken but his too, the boy whom I loved dearly. I didn't want to think about it but I knew I couldn't stop myself. Without Naruto beside me I'm ashamed to admit most of my thoughts revolved around my death and now that I knew the truth about him too it didn't even matter if I was with him, death chased me.
"Hinata, you haven't even eaten anything." My mother admonished. She sat right in front of me, her eyes glistened with unfallen tears.
"I'm not hungry." I answer, my voice cold.
"You have to eat." I heard my father speak from beside me causing my head to spin in his direction. His words weren't soft like my mother's, this was an order.
"I don't have to do anything. " I assure, my voice smug. I knew this was rude and it was probably the rudest I had been with my parents but I couldn't contain the anger I felt inside of me. It felt like everything was being taken away from me at once.
"Hina…" My cousin and my sister spoke at once. It was a warning but I ignored it wholly. What could my parents possibly do to me at this point, nothing could be worse than knowing he was going to die. Possibly sooner than I would.
"Honey." My mom called to me in such a caring voice I wanted to cry.
"No!" I shouted standing up leaving my chair empty. "I don't want to fucking eat okay?"
I saw my mom's look of surprise and my dad's look of weary. I didn't care.
"Don't you understand? There's no point in eating! I'm going to die. DIE, MOM."
My mom choked on her tears but I felt no remorse, I didn't feel anything but burning anger. A desire to hurt anyone I could as long as I knew they could get over it, nothing would be worse than hurting them with my death anyways.
"Get it through your head, you won't be my mother anymore. Dad won't be my dad, Neji won't be my cousin and Hanabi won't be my sister. Do you know why?!" I didn't wait for any responses. "Because I'll be dead!"
I huffed in anger, my sobs rising from deep within my throat until they came to surface. Shamelessly my head sunk onto the table and I sat back down. I had never cried so hard in front of my family, not even when they had told me the cancer had come back. It was never my intention to cry like this but I couldn't help it. Knowing that Naruto wouldn't be able to live a long and happy life shifted my emotional balance off scale. I was a monster waiting to be unleashed.
It took a few minutes for them to get themselves together. When I felt a hand being placed on my shoulder I stiffened, I didn't want to look at them and their crying faces. I didn't want them to see me crying either. I just wanted them to know the truth that I would die and that they couldn't just spend their lives crying over me, especially my mother.
They waited as long as they had to before I fully opened my eyes and turned to look at them. I was pleasantly surprised to not see any of them crying. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay, you needed to let it out. For years actually." My mother answered me. "But you're wrong about what you said."
I tilt my head at her, confused. The rest of my family seems to know what she's talking about since they're all giving me similar smiles. "I will always be your mother." She told be earnestly, not a hint of sadness in her voice.
"And I will always be your father."
"As I your cousin."
"And I your sister."
I couldn't help myself but sob out loud. "You'll be okay?" I question, hoping they would know what I was talking about.
"We will deal with any future plans as a family, Hinata." My father told me and even though it wasn't a response that said 'yes' it still relieved me.
"That doesn't mean you can stop fighting." My younger sister told me. I only nodded my head telling her I wouldn't stop fighting, even if it wasn't entirely true.
"Go get some sleep, Naruto should be out of the hospital tomorrow and I know you really want to see him." My mom smiled at me and led me up the stairs to my room.
I wondered what conversation I would hear if I stayed by my door instead of entering it. I wondered if they would all break down at once, letting me know their strength earlier was a mere lie or if they would hug each other and prove to me it was real. I would never know because even if it was a lie, it was a lie I wanted to believe and I wouldn't ruin the only good thing that had come out of this.
