Chappy Seven:
"Sooooooo, you want us to help save this Jasmine character, right?" said Link slowly as the calculations took their toll. Aladdin, for that's who Link was speaking to, stared at him awaiting a response.
"Ya that's what I said," replied Aladdin as he lounged back in a giant chair with a gold and purple robe on, while smoking a rather large pipe.
Link stared at him incredulously. Then an idea popped into his head.
"Um why don't
you go save her."
Aladdin, who had been smiling keenly the
whole time suddenly gaped at Link.
"Why didn't I think of that?" he exclaimed and threw off his robe (he was wearing his normal get-up under it) and dashed off into the desert.
"Well that was easy, lets go back to the gummi ship!"
Just as the trio turned, purple smoke filled the surrounding area.
"What's with all the purple?" questioned Link as he stubbed his toe through his temporary blindness.
"Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" a voice rang out. Link, Donald, and Goofy all turned in the general direction of the 'sinister' laugh. You wondering why there are little 'quotes' around 'sinister'? because, one, it belonged to Jafar, and two, the laugh sounded like that of a valley girls'.
"You weren't supposed to do that." said Jafar as everything went back to normal except for the morbid mug of Jafar himself.
"Do what?" asked Link innocently as he avoided eye-contact and promptly began to whistle.
"It's not how the story goes. Your supposed to go through agonizingly long dungeons and giant-head involved kick-ass fighting in the dessert." Link stared at him.
"And that implies…" Link said slowly, looking like he was taking a long time to think this over. Jafar was visibly irritated.
"It implies that you have to follow him you dipstick!"
Link was confused.
"Soooo you're saying you want me to help him out?"
"YES!"
"But that would involve me to kick your ass."
Jafar bit on that one for a second.
"Well not really…"
"Yes it does! You want me to go with the storyline which involves you losing to me in a super-blammo fight! Right?"
"Well no-"
"Then me leaving here and letting Aladdin work out his own problems, figures to your advantage."
"I suppose so-"
"Great! Then it's settled! I'll just be going then."
Jafar was still collecting his thoughts when he realized that if he didn't make Link go with Aladdin, then he would be fired. Uh oh…
"Hey wait! Get back here!" he cried in his valley-girl voice again, but it was too late. Link was already in the gummi ship and halfway through hyper-space right then.
"…crud…"
--
It has just occurred to me that Sora has been somewhat of a sissy-whiner baby ("HEY!"). I'm am not sure if that is really true, or if it has something to do with the author ('You don't value life do you?"). It's just with Sora being such a baby and Link is such a sexy bad ass, it made me think, "What would they do if they were switched back?" Would Sora still be a sissy? Well if you've played the games, he's not so much a baby. So my notion was that the author is trying to say something. So we're going to continue now and Sora will have grown somewhat of a backbone.
Carry on…
"Okay, this getting a little weird," stated Navi. Sora looked up at her with a sullen face.
"A LITTLE!" he panted as he leaned against a near by wall of a hallway with nothing more in than two doors and a treasure box.
"Well I'm not the kind of person that freaks out about these kinds of things!"
"Person?"
"…fairy." she huffedededed!
"Okaaay…maybe there's some secret door here or something…"
"Hey! Go try that welcome mat over there!"
Sora obliged as there was nothing else in the room that he himself could see to work with. He approached it and nothing happened. He touched it with the tip of his shoe. Nothing happened. He lifted it up a little, then he gasped.
"What is it?" asked his nonchalant fairy.
"It's a big blue and yellow treasure box," he said as he flipped the mat over to reveal a hidden treasure box. Navi hovered there silently for a moment. Then Sora put the mat back on the box.. It disappeared under it and there were no lumps. He picked it up again and treasure box was still there.
"Now how does that figure?"
They both stared in wonder for what seemed like days but was actually two weeks. Then Sora had the sense to open the treasure box and extract the big shiny golden key from within.
With it, Sora unlocked the door in front of them and entered the room beyond.
"It looks like some sort of boss room," commented Sora as he walked up a small flight of stairs. When he reached the top, he eyed the several old portraits that lined the walls in a wide circle. After a few minutes of fruitless searching, Sora found nothing that even slightly interested him, and decided to leave. But as he approached the exit, a set of spikes bared the way.
"Uh oh…"
Now I bet you're thinking that Sora said this in a reply to the spikes popping out of the ground. Well, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that when the spikes came out of the ground, Navi happened to be in the way of them and was skewered indefinitely! Okay and the bad news is that you were wrong in the assumption that Sora said uh oh because of the spikes. And the only reason Sora didn't react in any panic to the appearance of the spikes, is because they were only knee high in the first place.
"Navi!" he cried as the tiny corpse fell down the length of the spike. Then he caught himself.
"Wait a minute, why am I worried?" He then promptly began to dance around the room in a celebration that only takes place every…never.
As he danced his sacred dance of the perished fellows, (?) he ran into something he hadn't noticed before. It was warm, fuzzy, and muscley. (What are yooooooooooooouu thinking about, hmmmmmm?)
It was a horse you perverts! And not just any horse, but Phantom Ganny's horse. Sora looked to the face (or rather skull) of his new opponent. The stared each other down waiting for someone to make the first move. Showing no sign of weakness, Sora straed into the ghost's hollow eye sockets unblinkingly. The ghost just stared right back. This mini staring contest went on for some time. So whilst we wait for the two to finish, we will head back to Link's part of this little adventure.
…
"You know this is getting rather boring." commented Link as he watched Donald steer with an evil look in his eye. Donald profoundly ignored him, intent on keeping the wheel.
"You know what, FINE!" declared Link as threw up his hands.
Donald still ignored him. Link was getting real twitchy as Donald just sat there. A vein ticked profusely on the side of his head.
"You can have your stupid wheel! But guess what that means! Me and the checkered floor get all the alone time we want!" Link was losing it fast.
"Huh? What?" Said Donald loudly as if something like a shrill whistle had been going off. I think Donald is deaf. You heard me, deaf.
Link was furious, so he decided to sit in his own corner for the rest of the ride.
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Raise the bars. Verison Wireless.
"WHAT!" everyone present shouted in disbelief. Hey you're not paid to read the dialog. Everyone present then huffed.
"Okay I mean really boring," said Link again.
Everyone present sighed.
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"Sora," whispered Navi quietly into his ear, "I think you can stop staring at him now."
"W-h-y d-o y-o-u s-a-y t-h-a-t-?" Sora said retardedly.
"Because that heart container that appears after you beat a boss is sitting on the floor behind you."
"Hold on, if I break eye contact, I'll lose."
"Sora," Navi said regretfully, "he's already lost. He's dead. Watch," and thus, she walked, or flew, over and poked Ganny in the head. Her finger went right through him and he fell over.
Sora stared at the mess.
"HAHA I won!"
Navi sighed.
Then Sora stopped his little victory celebration and stared incredulously at Navi.
"What?" she asked innocently. Sora fainted.
……………
HOW THE HELL DOES SOMEONE SURVIVE BEING SKEWERED BY A MESS OF SPIKES!
……………..
That thought alone went through his mind over and over. Then he snapped out of it.
"Wait a minute!" he exclaimed in sudden realization.
"What?" said Navi.
"If you've died and you're still alive, that must mean that I can't die either! WOOT!"
"Uh no Sora that's not it…"interjected Navi but she was too late. Sora promptly threw himself upon the before mentioned spikes, killing himself.
Everyone present stared at the butchered corpse. Then Navi sighed.
"Could someone come clean up this stunt double?" Someone obliged and stepped up with a jumper of the colour orange and began to clean up the mess. Sora, after coming back from being snatched out of the air, gaped at the body.
"That's not fair! I wanted to invincible!" Sora then began crying. Anime-style of course though…Oh wait. I forgot. Sora's supposed to be a bad ass. Rewind!
!dniweR .ssa dab a eb ot desoppus s'aroS .togrof I .tiaw hO…hguoht esruoc fo eylts-eminA .gniyrc nageb neht aroS "!elbicnivni ot detnaw I !riaf ton s'thaT"
Okay that's good. Now Sora, you know the drill.
"Okay got it. clears throat …uhhhhh…"
Oh for goodness sake! Here just read this!
"Okay. Oh…wouldn't…want that…to…happen again uh…huh Navi?…Man you have some really bad handwriting."
You know I may just have to end this chapter soon than planned just to take you out.
"Okay, okay, cool it. I'm going, I'm going…"
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… (-) uh hee hee…
YAY THE COOKIE GOODNESS!
Alrighty I think I'm done…or am I? gasp BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUUUUM!
…okay one more page ought to do it.
CAUTION: THE FOLLOWING MAY CAUSE INSULT OR DROOLING. I AM SORRY FOR EITHER. THOUGH IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT YOUR MINDS ARE SO FRAGILE. BEWARE, THE IMAGINATION WILL HAVE ITS WAY WITH YOUR HEAD…THEN YOU'LL END UP A NUT CASE LIKE MY BROTHERS…crashing sounds are heard from next room OMG THEY'RE REVOLTING AGAIN! RUN!
falls …JUST GO ON WITHOUT MEEEEEEEEEEE-----
…………………dead phone line
Um author lady? Author lady? I don't she made it through that one. But back to my caution. I'll give you a heads up. The next world is --
"Shhhhhhh! Don't tell them. I'm gonna have a lot more drooling fans after this." said Link as he put his hand over the narrator's mouth.
Well okay. But I have a bad feeling about this…..
-BacktoLink'ssideofthislittleadventure-
"Wow that was easy," said Goofy as he sat back in his recliner chair sippin' his cherry Pepsi. He was of course referring to the incident concerning the valley-girl speaking Jafar boss. When the author found out that he wasn't following the story-line, she sent him after Jafar. But it turned out that Aladdin had already kicked the old man's so-called ass. Then it was a wasted trip as none of the Disney characters are actually in on this charade. 'Cept Donald and Goofy of course.
"Land Ho!" shouted Donald from the controls.
"Ho? Where?" said Link sitting bolt upright…
"What?"
What?
"You're making faces at me."
Hey don't blame me for anything because you're the one that said it.
"I know…."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that…" mumbled Donald as he massaged his temples.
"Anyway there's another world dead ahead. It looks to be covered entirely in water so I'm going to have to-"
"Water? That's not good. How will we breathe? How can we search the place-"
"And not to mention the environment is terrible for my complexion." stated Link and everyone looked over at him including the undermining Jiminy Cricket who has been hidden away under Goofy's hat for the trip. And for good reasons that will not be explained here.
"What?" asked Link innocently.
"You're right. That was not to be mentioned." said Donald.
"Hmph."
"Anyway, again, I'll have to use my magic to help us breathe under the water. Though I warn you not to go past 37 kilometers. It can be pretty nasty."
"Why?" asked Goofy and Link together.
"Just…just trust me…"
-5 minutes later-
"I don't wanna do this anymore!" cried Link as he was being held an arms length from outside the Gummi Ship over the murky waters.
"Just shut up and take this." said Donald as he shoved a blue-looking pill into Link's mouth. Then Donald let him go and he plummeted to his death to the waters below.
Link choked and gurgled his way to the sandy bottom of the massive ocean. He panicked as his breath became less and less wanting to stay inside his lungs. After an amount of time Link just had to let go. So he did. He gasped, and gasped, and gasped expecting that choking feeling you get when you're drowning Though it didn't come.
"Well crap. I'm already dead!" whined Link in his mind. He swore then and there that if Donald survived this, his ass was so haunted.
Then Link realized that his breathing was just like normal. Like he was on land.
"What did that crazed duck do to me"? Link asked himself aloud to find that he had a voice he could hear underwater.
"What did you say?" came a threatening voice from behind which actually wasn't so threatening considering it was the gurglified sound of quacks.
Link turned around to face his 'friend' when he saw Goofy swim by…with a turtle shell on his back and flippers. Link stared. Then decided he wanted a few answers so he turned to Donald…only to find the same confusion in Octopus tentacles.
"WTF?" said Link. Donald shook his head.
"This isn't going to be pretty…"
Then Link looked down at his own…tail-like flippery fins.
"Holy fberries…"
cries What have I created?
Run! The fan girls are swarming.
Every present swam, ran, crawled away as the fan girls gained on their prey….who couldn't seem the figure out how to work his new fin.
"Uh guys. A little help."
I would help, but if I did then the fan girls would burn me alive…plus this is too much fun.
"I hate you." replied Link as he was buried under the fan girl mob.
Taps then began playing
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Okay that will be enough for Chapter seven.
Just so you know, the number 37 is the scariest number in the entire galaxy of existence. It's stalking me at the moment. Voice grows to a whisper It pops up everywhere!
Well I'm getting very sleepy because I stayed up all night watching The Full Metal Alchemist movie. It was freakin sweet ! XD No spoilers for you though! Haha
Okay byes nows!
