Not-so-warning: The first line of the chapter is Tatl breaking the fourth wall and Link and Saria think it's a good idea to try and make this story 'what it originally was meant to be'.
The Bizarre Saga: Majora's Mask
Chapter 7: Cruisin' Along
Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link broke a lot of doors, Navi suddenly became more mature,
Saria realized they were mature and ate a lot of sugar with Link, Tatl hardly ever spoke and really, not much happened that had to do with the plot.
Now for Chapter Seven.
"HOLY CRAP WE HAVE TO HURRY," Tatl yelled all of a sudden. "We've hardly started the swamp and we're already at the seventh chapter!"
"Well, those three days did take up a lot of time," Navi said. "Like, four chapters."
Three monkeys suddenly jumped down in front of them. "You have strange powers, no?" one of them asked.
"Umm…" Link started. "Maybe?"
"Me been watching you! Lately, this swamp, filled with poison water. Temple above waterfall strange… Brother go to temple. But brother no able to find temple entrance. Temple for Deku only. Brother captured by Deku. Now in palace. Help!" All of the monkeys ran off and were gone.
"Uh, was that supposed to be understandable?" Saria questioned.
"They said that the water is poisonous and their brother was captured by the Deku Scrubs and taken to a palace," Link said.
"How did you understand anything that he said?"
"He wasn't speaking a different language, he was phrasing them incorrectly."
"Link, it was just a monkey making stuff up. Come on."
"I'm telling you…"
"Hello there!" Koume greeted as they entered the tourist center.
"Hey people," a fat person spoke. "You wanna show me that pictograph you've taken for the contest?"
"Excuse me? I was talking to them!"
"Oh wait, you haven't entered the contest. Here's a pictograph box then."
Link got a Pictograph Box!
"Go take a picture of something cool at the swamp and bring it back here. Just so you know, it can only take one picture in black and white."
"Wow, that's cheap," Navi stated. "This must've been a really long time ago. I can't imagine how much farther in time that Wind Waker was. Color cameras that can take three pictures exist then."
"EXCUSE ME!" Koume shouted. "It's my job to give them the pictograph box!"
"Whatever," the fat person replied.
Koume sighed. "Would you like to take the boat cruise?"
"Yep," Link replied. "Is it called the boat cruise because it's a giant luxury boat or it's just a boat cruisin' along the water?"
"Um, the second one."
Link snapped his fingers. "Dang it."
"And besides, giant luxury boats haven't been invented yet. Now get on the boat before it leaves without you."
"How? Is it automatic?"
"Somehow…"
"Welcome to the boat cruise," a voice said, but there wasn't a speaker anywhere. "Please set your pictograph box to C, then press C to look through it. Please enjoy the swamp scenery to your heart's content."
"Buttons," Saria muttered. "It's always buttons."
"Camera ready," Link stated, taking out his pictograph box. "Wow! That is one magnificently colorful tree! I think I might take a picture of it!"
"Link, you have to take a picture of something exciting. Taking a picture of something colorful is useless because it's a black and white camera," Navi told him. "You're probably not going to see anything on this boat cruise that will be impressive in black and white."
"Oh…"
A little while later…
"Holy crap! We're heading straight for a giant octorok!" Link screamed. "Abandon ship!"
"No Link, we're not abandoning the ship," Saria said. "It doesn't look like it's going to attack the boat. It's just sitting there."
"I don't care! We're going to die!"
Suddenly the tip of the boat hit the giant octorok, killing it.
"… Oh… Well, I guess maybe they made the tip pointy for a reason…?"
"I told you," Saria spoke.
"Hey, the water's turning purple! It's poisonous! Just like the monkeys said!"
"Really, Link? The water is not poisonous." Saria stuck her hand in the water and immediately withdrew it. "Holy crap! That was painful!"
"Ha. I was right."
"Shut up."
The boat stopped once they came to a dock. "Now arriving at Deku Palace. The swampwater is poisonous here, so please watch your step," the 'speaker' said. "Are you disembarking?"
"What does that mean?" Link asked.
"Yes, we are," Navi answered.
"I think that's the entrance to the Deku Palace," Tatl stated, pointing to a nearby entrance. "It's wear the Deku King lives. Come on."
"For Termina's sake, we need to get there no matter what stands in our path!"
"I am standing in your path!" a Deku Scrub yelled, standing in front of the entrance to the palace itself. "Have you some kind of business with the Deku King?"
"Now where have I heard that before?" Link wondered.
"Whether you do or not, we can't let you pass! This is a restricted area in which only Deku Scrubs can enter!"
"SCREW THAT!" Saria yelled. "I'm not putting that mask on!"
"Get lost already!"
"I'm the Sage of the Forest! You have to let me through!"
"I told you to go away so get lost!"
"Hmph!" Saria tossed a rope she took out of no where and it wrapped around a pole on the top of the palace. "Later suckers!" She swung around the palace, hitting a giant octorok in the face before swinging back and climbing up the rope, into the palace.
Link, however, just put on the Deku Mask and the guards let him through.
"Saria, always going the risky way…" Link sighed, going into the room straight forward.
Inside, there was a prison cell with a monkey in it, a throne with a crazy king on it, a butler beside him and a few Deku Scrubs jumping in front of the throne.
"The Deku King! It's perfect!" Link snapped a picture of the Deku King. Then he realized there was a fire in the middle of the room. "Holy crap! Fire!" He ran over to the Deku King. "Don't you think that it's a bad idea to have fire burning in a wooden palace in the middle of a forest? What if something goes wrong and the palace catches on fire, eventually leading to a forest fire making this place a burnt wasteland?"
"Hmm… Good idea! We need to dunk that monkey into a pot of disgusting, thick, boiling broth from the Stock Pot Inn instead!" the Deku King said.
Saria suddenly climbed through a window, up near the top of the room, onto a platform that happened to be there.
"This story is getting really long," Saria thought. "Back in Ocarina of Time, it took four chapters to cover all three Spiritual Stones, and we haven't even completed the first area and we're already in chapter seven…" She secretly swung into the cell where the monkey was. (The wall of the cell didn't go all the way up, so she could easily get in)
"Oh, thank goodness you're here!" the monkey whispered. "Try to cut my ropes!"
"What happened to the monkeys speaking language that we can't understand?"
"I'm the only one who can. You have a sword, so try to cut my ropes and we'll escape through that open door right there."
"Why is that door open?"
"I'm tied to a pole! They have no reason to lock it! Now cut the stupid ropes!"
Saria reached up with her sword, but couldn't reach the monkey, as the pole was quite high.
"Ugh, no use… Wait… You don't happen to have something that can make a lot of noise… like a loud insturment with sound that carries a long way? If you have one, show it to me!"
"No, I don't have one," Saria told the monkey. "But he does." She pointed to Link, who was looking at the Deku Scrubs setting up the pot with the broth in it.
"Well, I need you to teach the song that lets you into the Woodfall temple! It has to be something really loud or else you can't get in. By the way, who are you?"
Saria fell over anime style.
"Oh, whatever! Just listen to me! I was trying to find out about the poison in the swamp, so I went to the Woodfall temple above the waterfall. But the temple had become a monster's lair, and the princess was captured by the monster… Since the Deku King thinks I kidnapped the princess, he won't listen to a word I say."
"But if you kidnapped her, why aren't the Deku Scrubs searching the swamp for her?" Saria asked.
"I don't know! The Deku Princess is in trouble now, so I must somehow hurry to the temple and save her! Do you understand my plight?"
"I guess so…"
"Good! Since I have no way out of this, you will go in my place and save the princess!"
"Of course I will…"
"Okay, now I'll teach you the melody that opens the temple. The princess taught it to me! We can't let them hear us, so I'll sing it softly. Open your ears and listen hard!" The monkey sang a song very quietly.
"Wait, I didn't know monkeys could sing at all."
"That doesn't matter! Play the stupid song already!"
"Okay, okay." Saria played the song on her ocarina, which slightly caught the Deku King's attention.
"This is the Sonata of Awakening, the song that opens the temple! Now go get the princess!"
However, the monkey had said that too loud and the Deku King took that phrase the wrong way.
"That monkey! Everyone, did you hear that? This melody, which only the Deku Royal Family know… It proves the foolish monkey deceived the princess so he could enter the temple! Everyone! Let the monkey's punishment commence! And kick the human out of the palace!" the Deku King ordered.
"Well, technically, I'm not human…" Saria started, but they grabbed her and tossed her out of the palace. Link was already out there.
"Hey Saria-" he started, but Saria cut him off.
"We're going to the temple. Now. I'm sick of being here."
"But where-"
"Just shut up and follow me…"
"It should be right around here…" Saria said, jumping onto another platform.
"Hoot hoot," a voice hooted. "Guess who!"
"No. Oh no. Please no."
"Holy crap," Navi muttered.
"NO!"
"IT'S HIM!" Link screamed.
"AAAAAAHH!"
"Yep, you guessed right! It's me, Gabe!" Gabe told them. "You thought you saw the last of me back in Ocarina of Time, didn't you? Well you guessed wrong! Just because I don't have my job anymore doesn't mean I'm gone forever!"
"It's been two freakin' years! I thought you were gone forever!"
"Actually, I was looking for a place to move when I ran into that tunnel and ended up here! So I've settled here in Termina, but I never expected to see you here!"
"So what are you going to do, blurt out useless information endlessly?"
"Who the heck is this?" Tatl asked.
"This is an annoying owl that stalked us all throughout our last adventure," Navi answered. She looked at Gabe. "Look, we're kind of on a time limit here, so could you please move aside?"
"No, no! I'm here to help you with that time limit situation," Gabe explained.
"But you just said you didn't know we were here!"
"Okay, I just made that up because I ran into you. This rock here has a song carved into it that lets you warp to certain places, and while you were talking I thought of that."
"Really? You're actually going to be… like, actually helpful? Not just giving us some information that we could've found out ourselves?" Link questioned.
"Yep. It's called the Song of Soaring. All over Termina, there are statues that strangely happen to look like me. If you strike them with your sword, then you can warp there when you play the song to make traveling easier, just in case you need to come back here for whatever reason. Now, I'll be on my way." Gabe took flight and was off.
"… Wow." Link hopped over to the rock, took out his ocarina and played the song on the rock. "I wonder why he signed that contract in the first place…"
"Gah," Saria groaned. "This place stinks of poison."
"We've been here for ten minutes and you just noticed that?" Tatl asked.
Link pointed to a large cave off in a distance, "I wonder what's over there."
"Probably another Great Fairy Fountain," Saria replied.
"I'll just fly over there really fast to find out," Navi spoke and flew over to the cave. Inside, there was indeed a fountain, but there were stray fairies flying all over it.
"Please hear my plea!" the stray fairies begged. "I have been shattered and fifteen of the fairies are hidden in the Woodfall Temple! Oh please, help me!"
"Sure thing…" Navi flew back to the others. "It was a fountain with a broken Great Fairy, but we have to find fifteen fairies in the temple to help the her this time."
"Oh great," Saria muttered. "Okay, Link, put on your Deku Mask and play the song I'm about to tell you…"
"Okee dokee!" Link said. He put on the Deku Mask and took out his nicknamed Hornicus.
Saria took out her ocarina and played the Sonata of Awakening and Link played it on the horns. There was an earthquake and the Woodfall Temple rose out of the poison water.
DA DA DA DA DAAAAA!
"Hey, is that one of those statues Gabe was talking about?" Navi wondered, looking at a statue behind them. Saria smacked it with her sword and its stone wings spread. "… I guess so…"
Link spotted a flower in front of them, "… Cool! We get to fly over!"
"Oh crap, I don't wanna be a Deku Scrub!" Saria complained.
"There isn't anything for your rope to wrap around, so I guess you have to."
"Gah! Drat!" Saria put on her Deku Mask and turned into a Deku Scrub.
"Why do you hate being a Deku Scrub so much?" Tatl asked.
"Well, first, I hate not having a sword, I hate being short, I hate that my only weapon is a bubble you can hardly aim with, I hate not being able to do anything I want because people think I'm a little kid with parents, I hate having wooden skin… I could just keep going on and on!"
"This story doesn't seem very parody-like," Link randomly stated. "You know what? Starting next chapter, we're going to make it what this story was originally created to be!"
"Yeah!"
"… Um, yeah?" Tatl said slowly.
"Oh crap," Navi mumbled.
Voice: Are you disembarking?
Link: What does that mean?
This is actually a true story. When I first played Majora's Mask, I was like "What the heck does 'disembarking' mean?" and I was super torn… so I just said yes and realized it meant "Are you getting off the boat?". Hahah…?
