Chapter 7 - Nothing
Nothing.
I can't do anything about it.
I can't run away.
I can't face it.
I can't ignore it.
So I don't do any of that.
I live my life as normally as possible. Sometimes, I talk to him about it. At first that was hard, his memory was zilch.
But, I decided to give him the diaries. For both of our sakes. It was the best, and only, option.
I sat opposite him, the other side of the table, hands clutching each other -knuckles turning white- watching him turn every page. Raising his eyebrows every so often, laughing, tears brimming but disappearing. Once he was finished he tried to fit together his side of the story. But he couldn't imagine what it would've felt like to want to kill me. I smile at that. That was not the throttling Peeta I knew and loved. I'm not saying that matters, because it never did or will.
But he hasn't looked at the diaries in ages, because he doesn't like using them as his source for memories. He prefers to create new ones in new and present moments. For instance, having a boy, then twin girls.
Now tell me that's not a good memory. He does still refer to them sometimes though, if I accidentally get reminded by something...a rose. But we live peacefully.
Small towns were made, and bridges and more towns were made in between the gaps of buried districts. We don't live near the District 12 or 13 remains, too painful for both of us I guess. It's not a commonly discussed topic for this household.
We live around District 4. It's funny, where we live. Our town is quite a big -yet peaceful- one, name New Capitol. Nowhere is busy though, never. So ours is the busiest it'll be.
Sometimes people our age or older than us will pat us on the back; "All you see has grown from the seeds you have sown."
They thank us for new-found tranquility, which can annoy Peeta because he feels he had no part of it. He jumped any revolution scheme.
Willow, Pippa and Thresh have no idea about how broken their father is. Thresh does not know there was ever another boy called Thresh. Willow has forgotten her unanswered question; "How did you two fall in love?". Pippa eyes the book in the corner, containing memories, but never dares to venture a guess, or a peek. She forgets from time to time.
Case closed. We cope. We are fine. We are in love with our life.
Grudges are buried. I never hear from Gale. Haymitch lives a street away. My mother is God-knows-where.
So be it. My life is better than it ever was.
