Chapter Seven

A/N: See Chapter One!

"Clip!"

"Shut it!"

QUIRRELL: "Master, master! The shipments for the First Task of the tournament have arrived!"

VOLDEMORT: "I know Quirrell, I hear everything that you hear."

"That would get annoying after awhile." Moony said, glaring at Sirius.

"What? I forgot you were standing next to me."

"You shouted it to the heavens Padfoot!"

"Do you know what they're talking about?" Harry leaned over and asked Malfoy.

"Not a clue."

QUIRRELL: "Isn't it wonderful master? We made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawn from the cup and soon he will be ours."

VOLDEMORT: "Yes…It's really happening isn't it Quirrell? You know…with the plan going so well maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell, how about we's go out? I hear it's karaoke night down at the Hog's Head."

"Ah, a ballad?"

"Or maybe hip hop?"

"Or maybe the I'll kill the wolf and the mutt song?"

"Shutting up now."

QUIRRELL: "I don't know…I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind."

VOLDEMORT: "Come on Quirrel, you've been working so hard all year…you deserve a night off!"

QUIRRELL: "But the papers…"

VOLDEMORT: "Oh just give them all B minuses and be done with it!"

"I would have know something was up if that had happened." Dumbledore said.

"So that's how I got a B- on why food is so good." Ron muttered to Harry.

"And the fact that it was written on a napkin helped your grade." Harry snorted.

QUIRRELL: "Now that's evil."

VOLDEMORT: "Ha, yeah thanks, I am the Dark Lord. Come on…just a few drinks. Hey, we'll try to pick up some chicks!"

QUIRRELL: "I wouldn't know what to say, I'm no good at that!"

VOLDEMORT: "Come on, it'll be fun! You just move your lips and I'll do the talking."

QUIRRELL: "Uh…"

VOLDEMORT: "Quirrell man listen...I may just be a parasite on the back of you head, literally devouring your soul every time I take a breath, but I can see that you're too good a guy to not have a little bit of fun once in a while. You deserve this."

"I do have to agree with him there," voiced Harry "Any guy who spends a year with Lord Voldemort attached to their body deserves a bit more than a round of drinks."

"Harry, you need help." Ron said.

"I'll get you to a shrink when I'm freed." Sirius promised.

"Oh shut it the both of you."

QUIRRELL: "Well if you put it that way then yeah let's just go wild tonight!"

VOLDEMORT: "Wahhaha! That's the spirit Quirrell! Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts and grab your tunic- Quirrell, we are gonna get you laid! Seriously man, back when I had a body- woo- I had mad game with the bitches- just ask Bellatrix Lestrange!"

Ron spoke in a loud clear voice, "If you think that Voldemort did indeed have 'mad game with the bitches', raise your hand!"

Only Snape, Harry, and Ginny raised their hands and they appeared uneasy that they shared opinions on something like that.

"Why?" asked Ron disgustedly.

Harry spoke up first, "I saw what Voldemort was like when he was younger, and he was pretty charming."

"Yeah," added Ginny "and he was admittedly quite dishy." It was obvious from how she said it, that there was no attraction to him, it was just a statement of fact.

They all turned to Snape who grudgingly answered, "As I said before, being in the inner circle means you hear things you wished you hadn't." he shuddered as though reliving a Bellatrix Lestrange kiss-and-tell moment.

"One thing." Sirius asked. "How does my godson know what snaky looked like when he was younger?"

"Pictures?"

"Oh. Okay." Sirius said, not really believing it for a minute but wanting to watch the rest of the clip.

RON: "Whoa, uh this cloak isn't as big as it used to be…"

"We're going to outgrow it?"

"Harry's going to grow?"

"Why do pillows keep hitting me?"

HERMIONE: "Shh! Someone's coming!"

MALFOY: "Did you just hear something?"

Malfoy grimaced at the return of his character. Everyone else just laughed.

GOYLE: "No, only quiet. Maybe…one raindrop…"

MALFOY: "No matter…tell me Goyle, who do you think is the ugliest girl in school?"

GOYLE: "Uh…Oh, Buckbeak for sure."

"Buckbeak's a guy." Harry stated, then seeing Malfoy turn to him suspiciously he amended, "Was a guy. Yeah, he's been dead since last year though so it doesn't really matter…" he turned back to the screen and tried to ignore the calculating look on Malfoy's face.

"Smooth mate." Ron muttered.

"Shut it."

MALFOY: "Crabbe?"

CRABBE: "Uh…Winky the house-elf!"

"Who's that?" asked Malfoy, distracted from the Buckbeak talk.

Harry, who was happy to see him off the subject of Buckbeak answered quickly, "Oh, that's Dobby's girlfriend."

"Dobby…?" Malfoy muttered confusedly, "Why do I know that name…"

Ron spoke up smugly, "He was your old house-elf, Harry tricked your father into freeing him and he's been working at Hogwarts ever since."

To stop Hermione from lecturing all of them on the importance of house elf freedom, Sirius let the thing play.

MALFOY: "Good one. Obscure! You know who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That Hermione Granger…you know what I would give her on a scale of one to ten, one- one would be the ugliest and ten would be pretty, I would give her…an eight."

Malfoy saw where this was going and snarled. No way would he ever be in love with that mudblood Granger!

"Wow Malfoy, I'm flattered." Hermione said smirking.

"I'm trying to insult you."

"It's not working."

"An eight point five! Or a nine…Not, not over a nine point eight because there is always room for improvement. Not everyone's perfect, like me. That's why I am holding out for a ten- because I'm worth it. Come on, let's go!"

Everyone, but Malfoy, burst out laughing at this statement and Ron crowed, "You are so not worth it!"

"Yes I am." Malfoy sniffed.

HARRY: "Wow, what a bunch of jerks!"

HERMIONE: "Alright, forget them- now where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?"

RON: "Well, I think they were being delivered to the auditorium so they should be at the end of this hallway and to the left. Look!"

HERMIONE: "A goat?"

HARRY: "A goat! God, I have to fight a goat? I don't know if I could do that morally."

Dumbledore nodded approvingly, "And that's what sets you apart from Aberforth, Harry."

Snape chuckled. He knew Dumbledore just spread that around because it explained the goats at the bar. Truth be told, the goats were Aberforth's way of sending messages. Handy if you're talking to someone in the mountains.

"You know, I'm not quite sure that's what he did to the goats…" Ron whispered to Harry grinning. Seeing as they were teenage boys, the first thing they did was tell it to Sirius. They had to wait for five minutes so that Sirius could gasp for air.

SNAPE: "And the goats have all been set for feeding time, Headmaster."

"Yay! Snape's back!"

"I never thought those words would ever come out of Potter's mouth."

DUMBLEDORE: "Feeding time? Dragons don't wanna be fed, they wanna hunt!"

HARRY: "Did he just say dragons?"

SNAPE: "Did you just say, 'did he just say dragons?'"

DUMBLEDORE: "I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to have shut up Potter!"

Harry laughed, remembering how he felt that his headmaster could see thought the cloak.

Everyone else just laughed because it was funny.

SNAPE: "Headmaster, do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?"

DUMBLEDORE: "No, Snape! I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore, like here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you tomorrow…"

SNAPE: "Why, that's absurd!"

Malfoy burst out laughing at this managing to say, "You know, maybe this musical-thing isn't too bad…"

"He's lost his mind." Ron muttered.

"No body help him find it." Harry told him.

"He's nicer insane." Cedric added in his two knuts.

DUMBLEDORE: "Severus let's go to bed, have you ever seen my room? I have some pretty kickin' posters on my wall…"

SNAPE: "Well, I am rather tired…"

HARRY: "Oh man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a little kid!"

"Really, how old am I supposed to be in this musical?" objected Harry.

"Ummm? 14?"

"Shut it Malfoy!"

RON: "Alright, well maybe it won't be that bad Harry, maybe you'll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan, or I don't know maybe you'll- maybe you'll have like Puff the Magic Dragon or something…"

Hermione laughed at the reference to the cartoon dragons.

"What are those?" Malfoy pondered aloud and everyone else either nodded or continued wearing baffled expressions. Hermione pulled up another tab on the internet and googled both of the dragons.

"Wow. Muggles are insane."

"But cool!'

"Sirius,don't make me stun you."

HERMIONE: "Ron, this is serious okay- Harry could die! Now look, there's still time, we just need to figure out a plan…"

HARRY: "Okay well, we should probably do that back in the common room…w-wait where's the invisibility cloak?"

RON: "Well, I threw it over on that magical walking chair over there- oh…"

HARRY: "Oh, that's- that's gonna be an issue…"

"Fail!"

"Next clip!"

A/N: All right, another chapter done! I rock! You're all worth this! Review!