They love me like I was a brother
They protect me, listen to me
They dug me my very own garden
Gave me sunshine, made me happy
Nice dream, nice dream
Nice dream
I call up my friend, the good angel
But she's out with her answer-phone
She says that she'd love to come help but
The sea would electrocute us all
Nice dream, nice dream
Nice dream, nice dream
Nice dream, nice dream
Nice dream
If you think that you're strong enough
If you think you belong enough
If you think that you're strong enough
If you think you belong enough
Just as well Just as well Just as well
Nice dream, nice dream
Nice dream, nice dream.
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NICE DREAM by Radiohead.
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Oh Crap!
This is… this is… there is not even a word for it… this is… soooo freaking wrong. What the hell are you doing, Meredith?
She ran inside her bedroom and closed the door behind her, leaning her back against the door trying to control her heavy breath. She was so nervous, she felt like the biggest fraud in the history of filthy and deceiving people, all she could think about, was how nice and loving all the people down stairs were to her. She was going to rot in hell for sure.
The woman, Elizabeth, she was the sweetest lady she'd ever met in her life. The whole night, through dinner, she kept feeding her all kinds of delicious delicacies, as if she thought she'd been malnourished, or something. She looked at her with such love, adoration and happiness to have her amongst that huge family of hers. If was almost unbearable for Meredith to look at her in the eyes.
Apparently she was not the only one, every time she looked up to Derek, at the other side of the table, for some reassurance he had his eyes glued to his plate.
Every single member of that family had a smile for her and a welcoming attitude.
Kathleen the eldest of the sisters, she seemed to be in her late thirties, she was a very good looking woman, with a beautiful long black hair, and bright blue eyes, the psychiatrist of the family, someone told her. It was not surprise to Meredith, cause she had a calm and understanding quality in her. She was the one who showed Meredith, Marie's old bedroom and gave her a small tour upstairs, she was warm and friendly with her and gave her an unexpected hug the moment she was about to leave her alone in her room to clean herself up. It felt nice.
Then there was Beth, she was the one who snooped her head inside her room, and brought her downstairs for dinner. Not without showing a spunky, talkative and fun personality. She had honey blond hair and green eyes. Meredith had to admit the both of them looked very alike, like… well… like sisters. Beth was the youngest; well… she was now, without Marie. She seemed to be in her late twenties, maybe her early thirties; she was beautiful inside and out, and extremely friendly. She treated her as a part of the family, as if they'd known each other their whole life, and Meredith was just returning from a short trip. Most of the detailed info about this family, she got it from Beth. Meredith couldn't believe a person could say that amount of words in such a short time. Beth was the rebel of the family, the one who went against the current and said "NO" to the family tradition of becoming a doctor and choose to be an artist. She lives in Manhattan on her study where she works on her paintings. She's the unmarried sister, the free spirit.
Once on the table she got to meet the rest of the family. Nancy, she's younger than Kathleen but older than Derek, she seemed like the most stern of the bunch, but not in a bad way, every time Meredith made eye contact with her, she welcomed her with a soft and discreet smile. She was the only one of the family who didn't smothered her with hugs and kisses and old stories to share with her, she just observed her gently across the room, and smiled at her warmly. Beth told her she's and OBGYN, and lives in Connecticut just as Kathleen, and Momma Shepard.
Bryan, Nancy's husband, a nice guy with blond hair, kept trying the whole night to sell the other guys some real-state. Meredith didn't had to work hard on that one, it was obvious for her what the guy did for a living. He kept discussing politics and football with Aaron, Kathleen's husband, a nice guy also, but calmer, gentler.
Then there were a bunch of kids running around who's names was too hard to remember. All she knew was that five of them belong to Kathleen, who had identical twin girls on her first pregnancy, and on her second she had triplets, non identical, but all of them girls. Yeah! The woman was 'blessed' with an army of noisy girls. One of them, she couldn't tell which, cause for Merdith the five of them looked exactly the same, kept staring at her through the whole diner. Didn't her mother taught her not to stare at people cause. That's just rude!
Oh but lets not forget, the other bunch… Nancy's bunch, one big girl, three younger brothers. And two of them, were twins, the youngest ones. What's with this family and multiple pregnancies? Makes one fear for the ones who attempt to reproduce with them. Meredith felt sorry for the eldest sister she seemed like a very girly girl, in the middle of three tornados.
By the middle of the night, a new family addition showed up. Dr. Mark Sloan, a plastic surgeon. He seemed the same age as Derek 35 or 36. Apparently he's the adopted stupid child. The ass kept hitting on her the whole night. Does he have no respect? Seriously! Although Meredith had to acknowledge, he was very hot… very steamy.
The whole evening was perfect, filled with laughter and love, and family memories. She could almost enjoy the evening if she wasn't feeling so guilty. Everyone tried to tell her a story that involved Marie in it, every time they finished it they looked at her with expectant eyes, waiting to see if she could remember, but found nothing in her. And every time she had to meet that hint of disappointment in their eyes, her heart broke a little. All she wanted to do was to run away from that place as far as she could.
The worse part of the night was when Derek stood up and left. Seriously! He just left. Now that she thinks back, she must have looked like a crazy person, but she couldn't help it. She ran behind him to catch him before he climbed to his car.
'You'll be all right here. I have to go back to Manhattan, that's where I live. I have to work, I been absent long enough.'
He said, when she questioned him, about him leaving her in this place alone with this people. He seemed as if he couldn't take it anymore, as if he had to run away from this place... and get as far away as he could from her. At least she wasn't the only one in the need of a run.
Sadness crept all over her small frame as she watched him driving away from her. In that moment she wanted to throw herself to the floor and sob like she did the day she watched her dad drive away, to never come back. Why was he leaving her, like this?
Was he nuts? Why would she have to stay here, if Derek himself didn't have the guts to stay? The coward left her here to face the lie he built. A rush of terror filled her all over, and she just ran to her room, not even considering what the whole family thought about the previous scene.
All she knew, was that she had to escape from all that kindness. It felt like a knife piercing through her soul, every single time a smile came across her way.
Of all the stupid things she has done in her life, this was definitely the stupidest. As soon as she could control her speeding heart, she unglued her back from the door, she ran to the closet and started packing up, there was no way she could ever spent a night here. How could she? How could she sleep in this roof and look at that lovely woman in the eyes tomorrow morning knowing what she knew? This was it, she was going back to Boston.
A soft knock on her door interrupted her frantic race, to pack her stuff.
"Meredith! May I com in." Elizabeth's soft voice came from outside the room
She swallowed something dry in her mouth, she could swear her saliva was missing. Her mouth was dry as a desert, she had to face this woman, and this was going to be one of the most difficult things she's ever done in her life.
Elizabeth didn't waited for Meredith to answer and walked herself inside the room.
"What's going on?" The woman asked in shock as she realized Meredith was packing her clothes.
"I'm sorry… You're all so nice to me, but… I… I don't belong here… I'm going home."
"This is your home."
"No… It's not… This is not my home… and you are not my mother… I'm Meredith Grey, daughter of Ellis and Thatcher Grey. I don't belong here and I wanna go home." She sounded as a 10 year old having a tantrum.
"Ok! Let's not make any rushed choices, lets sit down and talk about this."
"There is nothing to talk about… I'm not your daughter. Why would you want your non daughter to stay?"
"Let's just calm down and talk." Elizabeth responded in a calm and collected tone.
"I don't want to calm down. I wanna go." The spoiled brat in her talked.
A small chuckle came from Elizabeth, who was looking at her, like a mother would looks at her kid when she just accomplished something extraordinary, like walk for the first time or graduate valedictorian from college.
"I always knew that you would be the most stubborn of all my kids, you should've seen the troubles I had to convince you to stop wanting all the things you wanted. You were such a brat, I guess that comes with being the younger of the family, everyone gave you too much attention. Like the day your brother gave you a bunny for your third birthday, and you fell completely in love with it. But Derek never asked me, he never said anything about giving you a bunny, and I read somewhere that bunny's feces have a bacteria that can be very toxic to a child so small, so I had to take the bunny away from you. You cried so much… I had to tell you a story about how the bunny's mommy came for him, cause he missed her so much. Then I had to buy you a cat to calm you down. Which I had to get rid of too, cause you were always scratched in the arms and face."
"I don't like cats."
"I know… It was until I bought you a puppy, that you were finally happy. Our beloved Lucas, that dog loved you so much. Since you disappeared he slept every day at the door waiting for you until he died. We buried him in the garden beside the old oak."
"Have you not listened to anything I just said? I'm not your daughter. I know nothing about bunnies, or cats, or dogs."
"Why you came, then?"
"I… I came because I knew Derek would not take no for an answer. He loves you very much... So there, I came… I kept my word… I met you… It was very nice to meet you Mrs. Shepherd. And now I'm going back home." Merdith said as she kept packing.
"Derek told me about that young man you were living with, in Boston."
"Of course he did." She hissed in a sarcastic tone to herself.
"There is no home waiting you back there Meredith. You have no family in Boston. This is your home, we are your family sweaty. Now… I understand you want to go to med school."
"Haven't anybody tell you people it is rude to snoop into other's peoples lives."
"Yale is a 30 minutes ride from here. All my kids went to Yale. Except for Derek, he went to Johns Hopkins. My husband –your dad- used to teach there. I'm sure it would take just a call to the dean, and you can be there Monday morning. The classes just started, it wont be too hard for you to catch up, you're a Shepherd after all, medicine it's in your blood. It was not a surprise for me to learn you tried to get into med school in the past."
"Did you know too, I was rejected cause I have a juvenile detention file, for vandalism? I can be really… really dangerous."
"Nice try, honey… But nothing you ever tell me about your life will make me think any less of you. You did the best you could, with what you had. I love you just as you are, with all your mistakes and faults included. To me you're perfect. And don't worry about that file. The dean owes this family a few favors, if I'm telling you can be in Yale by Monday morning, it's because it's the truth."
"I can't"
"Why not."
"I can't pay for it."
"Oh baby! That is not a problem at all."
"Do you really think I can take advantage of a crazy woman, who claims to be my mother and use her to go to Med school? I don't think I can be that evil."
"Why not? Everybody does it. Everybody takes what they want, whenever they want, no matter the cost."
"Well… I'm not everybody."
"The more I talk to you, and listen to you, the more convinced I am, you're her."
"You must be blind then."
"Maybe I am. But right now all I can see is how beautiful you are, and I'm in awe at what a fine young woman you grew up to be… You did it all by yourself… I'm so proud of you baby… Stay! Stay with us… You have nothing to lose… and a lot to gain. Give it a try. Please! Don't run away from me just yet, let me love you just a bit more."
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A/N. This is a boring update, cause it has all the description stuff, the who's who… and who does what… And as you can tell, my laziness made me shorten the kids introduction into Kathleen's bunch, and Nancy's bunch, but since this is Mer's side of the events, I don't think she would remember all the kids names and ages and stuff. We'll get to know them better as the story goes forward. I hate all the description stuff and I always try to avoid it, but it had to be done, cause you had to know who's who and what's what… :) But I loved the song, of all the songs I've chose this one is the one that fits the most. My decision to use only Radiohead songs for this fic, is starting to worry me cause I realize I might be running out of songs. I still have a few I want to use, but then what? Maybe I'll have to move along to Coldplay or Oasis or something. ;) Oh and the bunny story… A real life story, it happened to me. He he. Of course when I grew up and realize the story about the mommy coming for her baby bunny was total bullshit I was very pissed at my mom. And for those expecting me to update my other fic, I'm on it girls. ;)
