A/N: First things first... some of you are some serious horn dogs. This is Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray we are talking about the 'only two girls in school that wont put out'. And you want them to just jump each other the first night and have it be realistic? Tisk, tisk. Lol. Patience. You might be as 'frustrated' as they are when that time comes, but that will make it even more worth the wait. ;)
This chapter just kind of took off. I didn't really know where I was headed with it at the time I wrote it, but I also couldn't make myself erase it either so... yeah. I'm also having to pick up some extra days at work over the next few weeks. I will still update, they just may be a little bit shorter than normal.
Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I am thrilled that you had such a positive response to that last chapter. You'll find that the steps forward and backward are there, just simply smaller for now. But the angst will still be around, growing and waning in the future as well. Now we just get some more fluff in there too. Thank you and enjoy.
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Their cuddling lasted about two minutes before Quinn's lips found their way to Rachel's mouth and the blonde had slowly rolled the diva over on her back. God, Rachel was loving this. Each time they took a break for Quinn to debate morals between the first time she kissed Rachel to now, she was allowing the brunette to be more affectionate without fear of her pulling away. The problem with that was now that Rachel didn't have to worry about her actions, her hormones were overriding her mind. Even now as she fisted her hands in the light tresses and Quinn's hand was already under her shirt, resting just below her left breast, her mind was screaming that this was going too fast, but her body was moaning, asking for more instead as she arched her body upward slightly.
While Rachel was loving it, Quinn was hating the way the diva was making her feel, weak, shameful, dirty, immoral... alive... understood... supported... loved, not just desired.
"Quinn." Rachel whispered as she pushed on the blonde's shoulders lightly, separating their faces as she felt the first tear fall from the blonde's cheek to hers. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
Quinn sniffed back and wiped her face quickly before she moved over and collapsed face down on the other side of the bed, looking away from the diva as the tears started to flow freely. "I don't know."
"You have to have some sort of idea." She stated, propping herself up on her elbows to catch her breath and looking over at the back of the blondes head. She wanted to be sympathetic and nurturing, but she had to get her body to calm down first.
"But I don't. That's my problem. Every time I start to get comfortable with one way of thinking, the other tells me I'm wrong, so I switch only to have it happen again." She sniffed away the last few tears and turned her head to look at Rachel. "How are you so okay with this?"
"Honestly? I'm not. I'm actually really scared about it all." Rachel confessed as she sat up indian style on the bed and looked down as she fiddled with her fingers. "I mean... I never really thought about this happening because I never considered you would feel even remotely similar. Now that I know you do, the reality of it all, I find, to be quiet intimidating. That is completely avoiding the fact that you are indeed a girl and I have never experienced something so... feminine or tender before. Tonight and my past experience differ greatly in their overall effect on me as well, and have left a little shaken on my once solid beliefs regarding my sexuality."
The blonde turned her head away and smiled lightly. She never would have imagined a moment where Rachel's rambling were actually comforting to her. "How long?"
"How long, what?"
"Have you had feelings for me?"
The diva paused and thought about it. "Well, I use to think it was simply a recent development. But now... I think I have always had some underlying feelings for you and just chose to see them as admiration or perhaps jealousy, both mixed with a little apprehension. And perhaps maybe this is why you insisted on using sexually degrading names when referring to me?"
Quinn wasn't too sure about that. Santana had actually come up with most of those names. "Maybe that was some of the motivation for the drawings in the bathroom..." The blonde offered instead.
Rachel smiled at the small stage of acceptance Quinn had just willingly committed. "You and I are in the same position. There may be some differences, of course, but we are still there together... just figuring this out."
There was a long moment of silence between them as Quinn stared off, lost in thought and Rachel watched over her. Quinn remembered talking with Kurt about how hard it was for him to come out. It had just been a random conversation they had fallen into when she was pregnant and really started to feel like an out cast. He was simply explaining his own struggle. He had said that his hiding and denial were reflexive, but part of him always pulled back to his own personal reality. The same was happening to Quinn. She wanted to just lay there and go to sleep, waking up to say it was all a mistake in the sober morning. But part of her wanted to roll over the other way and explore what this was with Rachel.
"What are you thinking about?" Quinn asked suddenly, not even looking back to the brunette.
"You."
The blonde's heart stopped. "Me?"
"Yes." Rachel was going through a similar struggle, wanting to curl up to the blonde and soak in her closeness, but also reminding herself that this was Quinn Fabray who could very well push her away and then call up half the senior class and tell them that Rachel tried to hit on her just to protect herself. Rachel needed to take the pressure off of her. "I know, personally and... socially, you are probably worried about this. But... I... I want to be there for you. To figure this out without having to... you know, put a label on it. Whatever it would take for you to truly think this through. I don't want you making your decisions based upon fear and uncertainty."
Quinn turned her head to look at the shorter girl with a dropped brow. "Did you just... like, offer to be my fuck buddy?"
Rachel rolled her eyes and blushed as she looked away at the blonde's crassness. "No. I was simply suggesting taking this last week of summer as time to experiment and search our emotions thoroughly, knowing that once the school year commences, those emotions will become blurred with the stresses of peer pressure and the desire to uphold one's social status. This is the most beneficial for you. I won't seek anything in return or try to force a label on our interactions until Sunday before school starts. At that time, I will voice my feelings, and allow you to make your decision. You would have one week to figure it out between now and then."
"Yeah... that's kind of a fuck buddy."
"Then let me be clear that certain boundaries will be put in place, of course. While I am sexually attracted to you on an elevated level, I will not engage in any sort of sexual intercourse, to include oral, before I have the promise of a long tern, committed relationship."
Quinn sat up in front of the brunette and looked at her curiously. "So, you're saying that I am free to explore what there could be between you and I, without you requiring me to date you... and all I have to do is decide by the time school starts, if I'm ready to say I'm... gay or not." Rachel nodded. "And I'm free to do anything with you that's not actual sex?" Rachel was a little hesitant but nodded her head. "So... I could, like, kiss you again, and that would be okay?"
"Yes." Very.
"I could... you know... hold you tonight?" She seemed so shy asking the question but the brunette nodded her head, trying to hide her smile of adoration. The blonde dropped her eyes to the diva's lips and Rachel had to confess to a wave of arousal washing through her at the sight of lust she caused in the cheerleader's eyes. "And... what if I was curious about..." Rachel waited, unsure of what Quinn was getting at, but knowing she was embarrassed. "About what it would be like to touch you... or... like... see you."
The touching, Rachel was ready for. The seeing... she hadn't thought of that. She diverted her eyes as she silently contemplated. Slowly she shifted her hands to the bottom of the shirt she was wearing and began to lift it, watching Quinn's eyes darken as they followed her movements. She had never felt so exposed as she did when she dropped the tee shirt to the bed next to her, but witnessing Quinn's interest in her body made her feel... desired.
Quinn licked her lips unconsciously and then finally pulled her eyes away from Rachel's perfect breasts, meeting the diva's waiting gaze. "You're beautiful." Rachel's head pulled back slightly, not expecting the compliment. The shock only hit harder as the blonde leaned forward into a light kiss, taking Rachel's bottom lip gently between hers and pushing gently for her to lay back on the mattress. For someone who was in such denial, she was incredibly willing to make the first move.
"No sex." Rachel reminded her in a whisper between kisses.
"No sex." Quinn echoed. "Hands above the hips." She promised, placing a warm hand on Rachel's stomach, the muscles of which jumped under her touch. The blonde was losing herself already, trailing slow kisses down the brunette's jaw line to her neck and loving every fidgeting movement, every muted moan, and ragged breath she was causing as her hand inched steadily high.
Rachel's senses were all over the place as she turned her wide, uncertain eyes to the ceiling, only to have them snap shut in efforts to suppress her response to the pleasurable sensations she was experiencing. This was faster and further than she had ever moved and it was actually scaring her a little, but at the same time, she wanted it.
Quinn lifted up and propped herself on her elbow as she looked down to where her hand rested just under Rachel's left breast. She slid her thumb up to lightly graze the underside of the fleshy mound and then looked up to the diva's eyes for her response. Rachel swallowed hard and brought her right hand up to Quinn's face, cupping her cheek and running her thumb over her cheekbone. She was okay with this. Inexperienced and a little nervous, but okay.
"I've never done this either." Quinn stated, hoping that it ease Rachel's fears. The brunette gave her a quick smile and the blonde tried hard not to frown. This wasn't right. Not her and Rachel doing this, but just moving this quickly. Rachel might have thought that she was ready, selflessly so, but the blonde could tell that she wasn't. Not yet. She was just as confused about what was right and wrong as Quinn was. The diva was a little more confused when Quinn reached over her and grabbed the discarded shirt before draping it over her bare chest.
"W-what's wrong?"
Quinn smiled out of the side of her mouth before moving to lay down next to Rachel, her one arm draped over the brunette's waist still. "Nothing. I just want to go a little slower." Rachel furrowed her brow. "I mean, you gave me a whole week, right? What's the rush?" It was true. Doing anything more than kissing or cuddling tonight would just feel like she was molesting the girl, no matter how much Rachel said otherwise. They were barely friends, now exploring each other's bodies intimately?
"A-are you sure?" Rachel asked, moving the shirt to cover more of herself.
The blonde nodded with a faint smile, resting her head to the mattress by Rachel's shoulder. "Let's just stick with that cuddling you had suggested earlier."
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When Quinn woke up, she was laying on her back, staring at her ceiling but noticed Rachel staring at her from her spot on the bed next to her. "Morning."
"Good morning." The brunette answered sheepishly. She was hesitant to start the morning off with any pressure on the blonde, but she wasn't exactly the most patient person in the world either. "So..."
The blonde took in a deep breath, knowing what Rachel was waiting for. Now that Quinn was 'sober', was it all a mistake? Had it just been the alcohol? "So... would your dads mind if you stayed over here all day?" She watched as Rachel started to smile, and tucked her chin to try and hide it as it grew to cover her face. Quinn was actually a bit surprised that the diva didn't wrestle her into a hug.
Rachel tried to lessen her smile as she propped herself up on her elbow and fiddled with the sheets between them. "I don't think they would mind, but what about your mother?"
"She's already at work, I'm sure. What time is it?"
"Eight."
"Oh my God. You slept in past 6 am?" The blonde teased and Rachel blushed. "You didn't, did you?"
"No. My body is use to waking up at that time. So I took a shower and everything in the mean time. I used some of your shampoo, I hope you don't mind." Quinn shook her head slowly, still not looking at Rachel. Things were different. It must have been the alcohol mixed with hormones last night that made it so easy for Quinn to say and do what she wanted without feeling so nervous. Right now, just having Rachel next to her made her feel funny. Then again, it felt more like what it should have last night, not being able to rush into things they weren't ready for but rather hold a conversation. "So, what are we going to do today?"
"Mmmm, I don't know." The blonde stated as she stretched. "How about breakfast first. Can you cook?"
Rachel laughed lightly at the little smile Quinn was giving her, hoping that she could so she didn't have to. "Yes. I'll cook for us."
"Sweet."
If nothing else, their breakfast experience was reassuring for Rachel. Despite the fact that neither of them spoke as she cooked, she could feel Quinn's eyes on her the whole time. The blonde was still interested, just more unsure of how to go about this week of exploring. Quinn sat at the little table in the kitchen where her and her mother never ate together and watched Rachel as she worked, almost studying her as if she was noticing the brunette for the first time. Then again, in many ways, she was. She watched Rachel's hands do their work, how her eyes followed what she was doing with an intense focus in them but still managed to somehow see everything, and that little smile she always seemed to have on her face.
"Are you going to stare at me all day?"
Quinn's eyes lifted from Rachel's mouth to where her eyes were, but she wasn't even looking at the blonde. The cheerleader's jaw dropped but she couldn't find any words. All she could do was eventually smile and blush. "Sorry."
"It's okay. I'm actually thankful that you are still showing interest. However, since you asked the question last night, I shall ask it now. How long have you been attracted to me?" Rachel kept her eyes on the food, not wanting Quinn to feel pressured in her response.
"I... I don't actually know. I kind of started to notice it when we went shopping the first time."
"The dressing room?" Rachel asked with a knowing smile. "It's ready by the way."
Quinn stood up and began walking towards the diva and the food, but forgot about the food half way there. This was their week. She couldn't just wait until she got comfortable around Rachel, so she stopped right next to the brunette, her arm resting under Rachel's, bare skin on bare skin. First contact. It might not seem like much, but it had both of them smiling.
Rachel knew that Quinn was gay. She knew that she was interested. There was no doubt about that. The whole point of this week was to try and get her comfortable enough with the idea of being gay, that hopefully she would be willing to at least consider a relationship in spite of what would most likely happen at school. She could only hope, because if not, this last year of school was going to be emotional torture, wanting something that she couldn't have dangling right in front of her.
The diva tilted her head slightly towards Quinn as she stood there, holding their contact with their arms. She wanted more and knew Quinn did too. They liked each other. If one had been a boy, there wouldn't be any question as to what they were going to be doing. They would be all over each other right now, not tip toeing around their feelings and desires. No one was even around to see them so what were they so scared of? Apparently the same thought passed through Quinn's mind when she grabbed Rachel's arm and turned her so they faced each other. And to continue the fluid movement, cupped her face with the other hand and pulled her into a deep kiss.
The brunette blushed as she let out and most erotic moan as their bodies pressed against each other, being pulled closer by hands on hips and lower backs. Their bodies were vibrating with excitement and need like neither of them had ever felt before.
"Fuck." Quinn whispered as she dropped her mouth to Rachel's neck, gently gliding her teeth over the tan skin.
Rachel's head rolled back at the sensation, giving her more access to do whatever she wanted. "What?"
"Nothing. I just... I don't know... needed to say it." Quinn tried to explain as she stepped forward until Rachel was leaning against the other counter and then moved her kisses back up to the diva's perfect lips. Quinn felt like she was trying to crawl out of her own skin to get at the other girl, needing more of everything. Fuck, she could have taken her right then, up against the kitchen counter if she had any less self control. Rachel wouldn't have really minded at this point either. Her body was aching for the blonde's touch, quivering as one of her thighs unknowingly slipped between her legs and was pressing against her, sending waves of pure pleasure through her body as Quinn went in deeper and more aggressively for each kiss.
The cheerleader seemed oblivious to what was going on and every time that Rachel tried to tell her, she was either cut off by Quinn's lips on hers, or a strangled moan as she worked closer and closer to her climax.
"Quinn." She finally managed to whisper as the girl in question, suckled her ear lobe.
"What?"
"Hold on. Just... just wait a second."
Quinn did as she was asked, panting against the diva's neck as her hands continued their own slow and sensual exploration of the other girls body while Rachel rested her head forward on her shoulder. "What's wrong?" The blonde asked out of concern as she stood up slightly, cradling Rachel in her arms, holding her like she wanted to last night, so close she could feel her heart beat.
Quinn could hear a faint laugh from the shorter girl. "Nothing's wrong, exactly."
"Then why..." She trailed off as Rachel tried to shift her weight back, away from Quinn's leg. "Oh.. Oh my God. I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I-" Quinn panicked, trying to move away but Rachel hooked her hands under the blonde's arms to her shoulders.
"It's okay."
"But you said no sex and I was... you were.."
"That wasn't sex. It was just... something I wasn't ready for just yet. But the kisses, I'm ready for those." The brunette smiled up at her.
Quinn's confidence in her actions was shaken, so Rachel stood up on her toes and kissed her gently, letting her know that it was okay. To her relief, the blonde lightly kissed back before they slowly drifted apart. This was awkward, but progression nonetheless. "Breakfast?"
Rachel nodded. "Don't want it to get cold."
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The rest of the day had been relatively uneventful, filled with movies and music, all while they tentatively explored with touching of feet, gentle grazes of fingers down each other's arms, and exchanging quick but subtle smiles. It was touch and go with moments of awkwardness followed by moments of comfort when they allowed themselves to forget about outside eyes and opinions, who they were in other's minds. Before Rachel left, they agreed to spend the next day at Rachel's house, if that is, Quinn wasn't grounded for her drinking. That was to be decided now as the younger blonde sat across from her mother at the kitchen table.
The pair just looked at each other, Judy studying her daughter as Quinn sat patiently, waiting for the first inevitable question of many regarding her behavior over the past week.
"What is wrong with you lately?" Judy asked finally, sliding her glass of ice water away from her hand. "You haven't been acting like yourself over the last week. You've been withdrawn, quiet, moody... Honey, are you getting depressed? Do you need to see someone?"
Quinn was actually tempted to say yes. Maybe they could help her figure things out, but then again, they would be reporting back to her mother, so she shook her head.
"Then will you at lest talk to me? I thought you said that you wouldn't drink again?"
"I know."
"Then why did you?"
Quinn shrugged and looked away but could tell her mother was still looking at her, silently begging for any information so she could help her daughter. This is where Quinn was torn. She didn't want to cause her mother anymore stress by worrying about her, and thought about just opening up and telling her everything so it was out on the table. But at the same time, she was still a little bitter about what the woman had done to her... or rather, not done for her in the past. The guilt was too much for her though.
"I just wanted to forget..."
"Forget? About what?"
"I'm just... confused about a few things and I wanted to stop thinking about them for a while."
Judy leaned forward on her forearms and thought for a few seconds. "Is this about Rachel?" Quinn's eyes widened. "About her not being accepted by Santana? Is it causing problems?"
The younger blonde couldn't help but release a nervous laugh. "Um... It's kind of about that."
"Sweety, you can't let what other people think affect what you do. I know that may sound a little hypocritical coming from me, but I've seen how it wears on you." Judy stated with remorse in her voice. "I lived like that for so long and I regret it everyday. If Santana can't accept Rachel as you're friend, then maybe you shouldn't be friends with Santana."
"It's not exactly that easy, Mom."
"And why isn't it?"
Quinn looked at her in disbelief. "If I choose Rachel over Santana, I'm going to fall back down to the bottom of the social hierarchy?"
"But is popularity really all that matters?"
"It's not the popularity itself I'm worried about, but what it gets you: immunity. Without it, I'll be slushied every day. I'll be cast out, looked down on again. I'll be called names. Have my stuff thrown in the dumpster or flushed down the toilet."
"So, you're saying that if you want Rachel's friendship, you have to become Rachel? Why not the other way around? Hmm? You were saying a few weeks ago that the clothes you helped her pick out would raise her a notch in school. Why not try to finish that?"
Quinn had to stop and think about why she abandoned that plan in the first place. Oh! Maybe because it didn't involve the word 'queer' at the time. "It's not that easy." Before the persistent woman could speak again, Quinn continued. "Am I grounded or not?"
Judy closed her mouth and looked at her struggling daughter, knowing there was something more to it. Quinn wouldn't be this stressed out over a simple popularity crisis. On edge, maybe. But not this. "No. I don't want to ground you. I would just rather you talk to me instead of going out and drinking in the future. I don't want you to end up in a similar situation, Sweety."
"That's one thing you don't have to worry about. Trust me."
