Two chapters in one day!? I hope it makes up for my long lack of updates. I know it doesn't, but I'm trying!!! xD

Listen to 'Summer of Darkness' by Demon Hunter if you haven't already (look it up on youtube or playlist dotcom) and remember I don't own it or Twilight! Review!

When I woke up the next morning, I pulled the piece of paper with the song written on it out from under my bed. I looked at the lyrics with sleep-filled eyes and heaved a sigh. Too tired to think right now.

I shuffled along to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and got dressed. I looked at the clock as I threw my shoes on. 11:24. I had slept late, wow. Jacob wouldn't be home for a few hours. He worked as a car mechanic, a job that he loved and a job that had great demand. It worked out very well.

Once I put my shoes on, I went out to get the mail. Normally we don't get anything good, unless Renee of Charlie decide to send me a letter. Of course there was really no reason for them to do that, since Charlie lived close enough to visit, and Renee preferred email.

A plain, dainty envelope with no return address caught my eye. It had my name on it. Confused, I ripped it open. A few pieces of paper fell out, written in a fancy script and each page was numbered. I smiled slightly, amused but still bewildered. After I read the first few sentences, though, I knew who the letter was from and I wondered how long she had waited to send it.

Bella,

You've finally remembered. Finally written the song.

Don't be so shocked, I see the future, remember? I knew this was coming.

Also, the song has already been written.
I don't quite know how to explain it.

See, Edward wrote the song after he left you. Bella, he never stopped loving you, and I hate that he lied to you. He obviously didn't know how much it would break you. But I do know that he would be happy that you moved on, that is what he wanted. He felt that he wasn't good for you, so he left.

I was not happy with his decision at all, Bella. I knew it would hurt you, and it broke my heart not to be able to see my sister ever again.
I thought of you as a sister, Bella. I know you weren't into shopping or any of that, but that's who you were. And we loved you for it.

Please understand, I'm not trying to make you feel sad. I just needed to explain to you why he really left, even though it makes no difference now.

Anyway, back to the song…
For a long time, he was dead, doing nothing but wallowing. Barely existing.

When he finally got it together enough, it was because he wanted to write a note to tell you how much he regretted leaving and how much he loved you. He planned to send it at a later time, after you moved on, of course.
But the note turned into a song; a beautiful, heartbreaking song.

One time, I snuck into his room and hid under his bed with my laptop and recorded him singing it.
Later on, I added music and altered parts of his voice to fit the tune and the rock-style it encouraged.

When I finished that, Bella, I made it into a CD. Then, every night, I snuck into your room and played the song for you.
Part of me wished that you would wake up, so I could see you and tell you everything.
But the other part of me knew that this song needed to be planted into your subconscious.

Something I didn't mention yet, this was after your cliff-diving experience.

You scared me with that, Bella. I saw you jump, and then your future disappeared. I raced to Forks, knowing he would hate me if he knew, but I had to make sure you were alive.

Carlisle called me and convinced me to keep a low profile until I found out what had happened.

Suddenly, I saw you cooking dinner for Charlie. He looked sad, but you were alive. It confused me for a minute, especially when your future disappeared again.
I followed your scent all the way to the La Push line, where I sat for a long time before I realised that the only possible solution was that I couldn't see the werewolves.

It explained a lot. When you were involved with them, your future disappeared, too. But when you decided to make Charlie's favourite dinner, your future reappeared.

So I concluded that a werewolf must have been with you, or helped you out of the water after the cliff-diving experience.

I quickly called home to tell them that you were alive, but that's when I learned that it was too late.

There's no nice way to say this, Bella, or I would. Rosalie told Edward about my vision, and he went off to Italy.

I am so sorry, Bella. I followed him there to try to stop it, but I was too late.

I hate myself for it, I let him die. And I know that if I had been there sooner, you two would have gotten back together. There was nothing else that I'd rather see.
But I was too late. I'm sorry, Bella. I'm not going to ask you to forgive me, because if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't forgive me. I don't know if I have forgiven myself.

But that's when I decided that you needed to hear the song, even though you were choosing Jacob at that time.

You weren't sure about your path then, Bella, but your future disappeared way too often.

Edward finally got what he wanted, you moved on.

Sometimes I console myself by thinking that if he had known you were alive but moved on, he would have made the same decision. But I honestly don't know for sure. After all, it wasn't like he made plans for such an event, so I couldn't see it at all. But I have developed a great instinct over the years, and I knew that he could only live without you for so long.

I don't know what else I can say to reassure you that he did love you, but convince you that you are on the correct path. Just know that I love you. We all do.

Don't be too sad, Bella, please. He'd never want that.

I hope this letter helped. I apologise again.

Love,
Alice

P.S. I know the lyrics can be confusing at times, so I took advantage of my Interpretive Literature degree and deciphered the song for you. (And I may not be a mind reader, but living with someone for over a century makes it easy to get into their head).

So, I hope this helps you to understand the song and understand how much he really cared for you, Bella.

xoxo

P.P.S. Please throw out that hideous sweater Charlie got you for Christmas. It just doesn't work and it pains me that something so atrocious exists!

I'll be the one last breath
before this death
(I suppose this has many metaphorical meanings, but I'm taking it to mean that the death of you would be the death of him and vice versa. And yes, he saw the end of your happiness as your death.)
I'll be the final glimpse of truth
when there's none left
(I realise that this may not make much sense, but he always wanted you to know that One Solid Truth would always remain: His love for you.)
And if I shame your face,
degrade your faith
I'll be the first to hide behind disgrace
(Of course, he felt horrible for loving you, because he knew it wasn't the wisest option. He felt that he was hurting you by making you love him. I told him it was crazy, but it never changed how he felt. He didn't want you to love a monster, especially since you thought he wasn't one.)
Blood-loss
On account of my failing aim
(I think this is sort of obvious. Your 18th birthday, when Jasper lost control, and Edward threw himself on you to save you. He always saw it as his fault. That's also when all of this started, for which I truly apologise.)
Treason
At the root of my shameful name
(Again, he thought lowly of himself because you loved him. He felt that you were betraying your humanity and all that life had to offer you because you loved an immortal, soulless demon. I roll my eyes at that, by the way, but that's how he felt.)

I found my way to fall
I never meant to break your heart
(That should really be self-explanatory, Bella. Believe me, he never meant to break your heart, and for that he did fall.)

Breathing in this pain
(Rejecting all I am)
I hear you cry again
(He hated himself for being a vampire, and he hated that he always hurt you no matter how much he tried not to.)
(Is this my final stand?)
Before I go
(Before I lose it all)
You should know
I hate myself for hurting you.
(This is why he started to write the song: Just to let you know that he hated himself for hurting you, and that he would always love you. Despite the depression and self-hatred, I hope these words will comfort you, even though you've already moved on.)

I see the burn of light
from within my grave
(I think he saw his disappearance as the one way to bring you light again.)
I feel the pain of contradiction
despite decay
(Somehow, I think he knew subconsciously that you weren't doing too well without him. If only more time had been given, maybe he would have realised that his subconscious was right eventually, and gone back to you. I'm sorry that it never happened.)
And if the shadow of doubt
will betray this gain
Then put an end to me now
while the hope remains
(He doubted so much. Doubted that you should love him, doubted that he should love you. He hated himself for that, too, because despite his doubt he knew he never wanted to lose you. He'd rather die first.)

Blood-loss
On account of my failing aim
Treason
At the root of my shameful name

I found my way to fall
I never meant to break your heart

Breathing in this pain
(Rejecting all I am)
I hear you cry again
(Is this my final stand?)
Before I go
(Before I lose it all)
You should know
I hate myself for hurting you.

This is not my life
This is not our life
Every day I die
This is not my life
(I think this was his way of apologising for the living hell me turned your life into. That was the whole point of the song, to apologise and to let you know that he would always love you.)

This is not my life
This is not our life
Every day I die
This is not my life

After I read Alice's letter, I felt tears coming to my eyes, even though I was still shocked.

He had always loved me.

I suppose a part of me always knew it, but to know for sure now? It was mind-blowing.

Maybe moving on had been the wrong choice. It had only been a year, after all. Well, almost two, but still… I had never expected to get over it at all, but to be over him so quickly?

No, I wasn't over him. I never would be. Just because I loved someone else didn't mean that I stopped loving him. I know I'll always love him.

I thought back to when it all began…

When his voice whispered "Be happy" to me, it surprised me. But it was as if I could not react to his wishes like I know I would have, my mind was already made up. My head turned towards Jacob's bare shoulder and I let my face lay against his skin softly.

I remember hearing his sharp intake of breath and trying not to giggle. I twisted my head more to look up at him and doing so made my lips brush his shoulder gently.

Then, before I could see his face, his lips were on mine. Hesitant at first, but then moving urgently and roughly. He knotted his fingers into my hair, drawing me closer to him.

His kiss was so unlike Edward's, so carefree and desperate. Pretty soon, we both got breathless.

"Bella," he whispered huskily and I could see the hunger and love in his eyes. I could also see that he was wondering, surprised, not sure why I let him do that or if it was okay. I smiled at him and his lips caught mine again, this time slowly and gently. His lips lingered on mine for several seconds as he pulled away extremely slowly.

He grabbed the sides of my face gently and stared at me in the eyes.

"I love you," he said.

"I know," was my reply, a reply that barely had time to be made before he was kissing me again.

After that night, Jacob and I just became… together. We never really talked about it, didn't do much normal teenager dating. We hung out like always, plus a few kisses, and eventually got married.

I had never questioned whether or not I had made the right decision.

Sure, I had still loved Edward. But I loved Jacob too. And Edward left a hole in my heart that only Jacob was able to mend. It was still there, but he kept me from thinking about it, kept me from falling apart.

And I had always thought that Edward had told the truth, that he didn't love me anymore.

But now that I knew that information was false, I was confused. Alice said why he left, to save me, but I still didn't understand it. Surely we could have worked something out if he had only stayed?

Suddenly, I felt a flash of anger towards Edward for the first time in my life. If he had stayed, none of this would have ever happened. I would be with him, never knowing the pain of being left and unloved, and he wouldn't be dead.

Oh, crap. Dead. Why had I ever gone cliffdiving? It was my fault he was dead. But how could I have known? He said he didn't love me. It shouldn't feel like my fault. Logically, it isn't. But emotionally, that's another story.

Maybe Alice was right. Maybe he would have been glad that I moved on.

But what if he wouldn't have been? Would he have come back? Would I be living my life with him? Or would it still be the same, just with him alive? Which option did I like more?

Of course, if I had the choice, I would go back to my 18th birthday and keep myself from getting that stupid papercut. Then Edward would have never left, he never would have wanted to, and all would be well.

But I couldn't stop feeling like, even if I hadn't gotten that papercut, he still would have found some excuse to leave and try to make me safe. So it would be the same either way. Which means I shouldn't be second-guessing everything right now. Just because I had new information didn't mean that things could change. I obviously was destined to be with Jacob. No matter what, Edward would have left. And with Edward gone, I would become friends with Jacob and then eventually become more.

There was no point in denying it, especially with Edward gone. If he was alive, I'd be having some serious trouble right now.

Not that I was glad that he was dead. Of course not! I could never be glad about that.

But there was nothing I could do to change it, either. Things were the way they were, and even if circumstances had been different back then, it would still be what it is now, so I'd just have to accept it and move on.

It had gotten so easy, not thinking about him. Now I'd probably have to work at it again, especially knowing that he had always loved me. But it was better for me to know.

I only wished I could go over this song with him, really get inside his head. Though I was sure that Alice's interpretations were spot-on. Still, it'd be nice to sit with him and discuss it, especially the self-deprecating parts. I had never liked when he thought of himself as anything less than perfect.

Now there was nothing else I could do except resume my life, knowing this is how it would have turned out no matter what. And I was happy this way. Jacob was my sun. Everything that I needed right when I needed it most. My brightness in the midst of darkness. I'd found my light in the black, and I wasn't going to let it go.

Never.

I totally love the ending. And yes, it is the literal ending! Wow, I haven't finished a story in so long.
I'm hoping that the lyrics interpretations will make sense to you all. If not, well then read the lyrics and make your own bloody interpretations, lol.
Please review. And listen to 'Summer of Darkness'!

Thanks to my amazing beta, Obsessedwithwriting, who has updated more than I have, thus inspiring me to update. Beta's note (This is going to be constant from me now lol) I have tears in my eyes, fantastic, now go review or I'll hit you with my big pile of books! Or chase you with a stick. I'm not sure yet.