'Persistence is the key when it comes to stubborn people like him and I, so don't give up'.
Iruka banged his head on the steering wheel a few times. That sentence had been playing on his mind for the last fifteen minutes. He'd still not moved from the car park. Every time he considered turning the key that sat patiently in the ignition, a ripple of guilt would pass through him. At the same time, every time he glanced out of the windscreen in the direction of the entrance he'd have to avert his gaze to stop his heart from trying to beat out of his chest.
'If I go back in there, I'm trespassing and completely going against his wishes to not go in his house. Not only that, he'll be furious in the morning. He hates to look weak in front of anyone; if he knows I've seen him in that state and, even worse, try to get him out of it, he might never talk to me again. I can kiss goodbye to trying to get closer to him; he'll close up completely once he gets back to his senses.'
Again, the teacher went to the keys in the ignition. This time he turned them and heard the rumble of the engine starting up. Putting his hands back on the steering wheel, he tightened his grip in an effort to subside the shaking. His foot was hovering over the pedal and he knew he should be driving, but as his eyes glanced again at the entrance to the apartment complex he turned the engine off, sighing deeply.
Even with all the reasons he had to leave, he couldn't do it. The picture of a frail looking Kakashi, hunched in his shower, was stuck in his mind's eye. He was going to catch hypothermia if he stayed as he was.
'All I have to do is get him out. I just have to knock on the shower door, make sure he wakes up and leave before he has chance to get furious and ban me from his life'.
Looking at the entrance once more, he could tell he was shaking slightly; dreading what lay on the other side of those doors. It had to be done though. The thought of leaving him like that filled him with too much shame, primarily because if that had been him, his sensei wouldn't think twice about helping him. Hadn't he told himself that he was going to be there for Kakashi, whether he liked it or not? What kind of saviour falls at the first hurdle?
With a new resolve, but his hands still shaking, Iruka stepped out of his car, locked it and headed for Kakashi's door. Standing in the elevator, the teacher took controlled breaths, clenching and unclenching his fingers in an effort to prepare himself. He couldn't cry this time.
The ping signifying Kakashi's floor came all too soon. He found himself outside the unlocked door and gingerly reached out for the handle. He opened it and once again found himself outside the bathroom. He'd left the door ajar but he didn't dare raise his eyes to the sight before him yet. Another deep breath and he'd be ready.
Iruka slowly raised his eyes from the ground that they had been glued to. There he was; still curled into himself, his head lowered and the water still pounding at his back. The brown-haired man hadn't realised he'd been staring until he felt the familiar prickling of tears behind his eyes. Shaking his head and raising his eyes to the ceiling to keep the tears from falling, he took a few more deep breaths before stepping over the threshold of the bathroom.
It was incredibly modern. The floor, and the wall up to waist-height, was tiled with black granite, a sharp contrast to the white roll top bath to the left of the room and the white toilet, bidet and sink at the right. The upper half of the wall was the same crisp white as the bath, interrupted only by various mirrored cabinets and one extremely large mirror at the left of the back wall. It was beautiful really, if slightly dirty. There were a few rings of grime at different levels around the bathtub. The white mirrors were marred with watermarks that disturbed the reflection and there were assorted towels and clothes across the floor.
He looked at everything in the bathroom in meticulous detail; avoiding what he was really there for. His eyes had scanned everything and finally they roamed toward the right corner of the back wall. The glass shower wasn't steamed in the slightest; in fact it was crystal clear. There was no chance of the water being anywhere near warm.
Walking towards the cubicle, Iruka stepped over a navy blue towel and a pair of black boxers before he found himself in front of the door. His hand hovered over the handle as his eyes were trained down on Kakashi. From here he seemed to tower over the usually taller man. He was so close he could see the goosebumps that ran all across his skin. So much skin. So much exposed skin.
A red tinge ran up Iruka's face at the realisation that Kakashi was naked.
'Of course he's naked, you idiot. He's in the shower. You just have to get him out...while he's naked. No big deal, you can do this'.
His mental pep-talk did nothing to subside his heavy blush. His bottom lip gripped between his teeth, he knocked on the glass. Kakashi didn't move an inch.
"Kakashi?" Iruka called out this time, but on receiving no reply he knocked louder. Still nothing. His worry mounting, Iruka furrowed his brow and pulled slightly at the shower door. It easily popped open. The sound of the water hitting skin was much louder now. Iruka wondered for a second whether that was the reason Kakashi hadn't heard him calling or knocking, but as it was the silver-haired still hadn't moved.
Rolling up his sleeve, the teacher leaned over Kakashi's pale body to reach the shower faucet. Wincing at what felt like icicles pounding at his forearm, he quickly turned it off and drew away his freezing arm.
Still no movement from Kakashi.
Kneeling down to get a look at the profile of his face, Iruka winced at the blue lips and utter lack of complexion. He gently placed a hand on his shoulder, biting his bottom lip at how his palm seemed to burn in comparison.
"Kakashi, wake up," he spoke in the man's ear, giving a tender shake to his shoulder. Nothing.
Iruka got up. The nervousness he'd felt coming here had simmered to the back of his mind as worry rose to the forefront. This wasn't good; Kakashi was completely unresponsive. Pulling open various mirrored cabinets in search for a clean towel, he found a large black one in the third cabinet. Bringing it over to his sensei, he wrapped the man in it, drying him in the process.
Still no movement from Kakashi.
Once again knelt outside the shower, Iruka gently dried the silver locks and all the skin that was exposed to him. He wasn't even embarrassed anymore. He was more scared than anything else.
"Kakashi. Kakashi, please. Please get up." Iruka was mildly aware that he was getting a bit frantic. His voice had been steadily rising as he repeated the man's name over and over, begging him to get up. His hands on the man's shoulder and knee shook a bit harder and he could feel the tears, that he'd done well to keep in, start to roll down his cheeks.
He wasn't sure how long this went on for but he stopped dead when he heard a quiet groan.
"Kakashi!"
"Hn." It was quiet, but it was a response.
Relief flooded over the teacher and he smiled despite the tears that were still cascading down his face. He was awake. Completely out of it, but awake; not unconscious or comatose.
"You idiot. What are doing? You're going catch hypothermia. Come on, you need to get out".
"Hn." He groaned again; much louder this time.
"Come on, you have to get up." Iruka stood up, lifting with him Kakashi's elbow in an effort to get the man up. His arm raised but none of the rest of him moved. Iruka placed his hand on top of the silver locks, pushing them gently back to get a better look at his face. His eyes were still closed. Placing his other hand underneath his chin, he slowly tilted the head back.
"Kakashi," he spoke to closed eyes and blue lips. He saw eyelashes flutter before one eyelid rose revealing a bottomless pit of black. His pupils were impossibly dilated and unfocused. "Kakashi, it's Iruka. I need you to get out of the shower and into something warm."
"Ruka?" His voice was so small and so broken and the eye was still unfocused.
"Yeah, it's me. Get up, please".
Kakashi's pupil focused, finally looking at Iruka; their eyes locking. The teacher's heartbeat accelerated. He was still clearly absent-minded, but his stare seemed so intense Iruka couldn't help but squirm. It was then he realised his hands were still stroking the top of Kakashi's head and the bottom of his chin. He let go as if the contact had burned him.
"Umm...can you get up?"
Kakashi didn't answer; he only continued to stare at Iruka, who squirmed under the intense gaze. There was a dense silence between them and the brunette felt the need to break it, along with the eye-contact.
"Y-you really should get out of the shower Kakashi."
"Why." It was less of a word and more of a croak.
"Well, you shouldn't sleep in the shower, and the water was on all this time so you could catch hypothermia or something if you stay in here, and you can't be comfortable in there and if..."
"Why are you here?" Kakashi ground out. Iruka stuttered, stumbling over his unfinished sentence as he tried to come up with something to say.
'This is it. He's about to blow a fuse. He's about to kick me out and tell me never to come back'.
"I-I came back to pick you up for dinner like you told me to, and you didn't answer, and I was about to leave but I-I kind of fell into the door, and I grabbed the handle but the door was unlocked, so I fell into the corridor, but I was going to leave, but then I heard that the shower was still on, and it had been more than an hour, and I knew it must have been freezing by then, so I called your name, but you didn't answer and I got worried and came in and saw you here."
By the time Iruka got to the end of his rant he was out of breath. He was looking at the floor, waiting for the inevitable onslaught. He couldn't see that eye but he could still feel it boring into him. "If I...no. I-I know I crossed the line. I'm sorry. Just...please get out of the shower".
To say Kakashi was confused would be an understatement. Everything seemed to be in a haze, and not the kind he usually welcomed. He didn't appreciate the blur at the edge of his memories; he wanted to be aware, to remember why he was in the shower and why Iruka was in his bathroom. He was sure he could feel gentle strokes through his hair and at his chin but it stopped before he could fully grasp what it was. He focused on the younger man stood above him. He looked so concerned, so worried, so hurt but he couldn't figure out why.
"Why?"
He watched as Iruka began babbling in the nervous way he did when he was younger. He was making no sense. He was confusing Kakashi more. 'Hypothermia?'
"Why are you here?" Kakashi watched fascinated as the tanned skin on the man's cheeks flushed under his gaze and how he began tripping on his words. The monologue that followed was too hurried for the weary man to catch it all. The last part was considerably quieter, but much slower, so he clearly heard the apology and the plea to get out of the shower.
"Okay," 'If it'll get that worried look off his face.'
Kakashi attempted to get up, but winced at the feeling of his muscles resisting. He was so tense, so rigid, as if frozen. As he reached up to grab onto the shower door he noticed his hands were shaking. His whole body was shivering. He gripped the shower door and made an effort to hoist himself up, to no avail.
Iruka watched as Kakashi tried to get up. He was too weak. His strong, reliable, responsible, invincible sensei was too weak to lift himself up. The brunette bit into his lip and pushed back his tears with all his might. It was evident that the older man was not yet completely conscious of everything so he was sure he wouldn't notice how his eyes must have been glistening with unshed tears.
He couldn't stand there watching the man struggle, so in a swift move that would have made his sensei proud, he bent down slipped an arm behind Kakashi's back and placed the man's arm over his shoulder before the fatigued man could blink. The quicker he did this the less time there was for the man to resist or protest.
Iruka blushed as he became vaguely aware that the towel had remained in the shower cubicle, but he persevered nevertheless, quickly walking the man to what he assumed was the bedroom across the hall.
The skin at his back burned where Iruka grabbed him. Everywhere his skin made contact with the other man seemed to sizzle. Before he knew what was happening he was hoisted onto his feet. The movement was so sudden everything around him spun out of focus. It was like vertigo. The only thing keeping him from falling was the man at his side keeping him upright. Everything else seemed so distorted and unclear, he was sure if the man let go he too might fade into that obscurity, but he held him tight, not letting him drift into the darkness that was trying to overcome him again. He was like his anchor.
Iruka reached the corridor and opened the door opposite. The room was dark but he could make out the silhouette of the bed. He moved himself and Kakashi towards it and upon reaching it, pulled back the covers.
The teacher was more than a little surprised at how complacent the silver-haired man was being. Yes, he wasn't completely in his right mind, but Iruka was still expecting a little resistance.
Covers aside, he lowered Kakashi onto the bed. Though it was too dark to see anything, Iruka was still blushing as he covered the naked body on the bed.
The spinning seemed to subside substantially as he was lowered on his back. Everything was still so dark though; so shady and unclear. The once sharp edges of his psyche were so blunt and it was confusing how a state that had been his source of comfort for months was now causing him such anxiety.
He felt the covers being tucked around him; a toasty cocoon that held in his shivers. He could feel his anchor smoothing out the covers over his torso. A hand came up to smooth away the stray damp hairs at his forehead, lulling him into a sense of calm despite the darkness still lurking at the fringes of his consciousness.
The hand went to pull away and Kakashi was filled with a sense of dread. If his anchor left surely he would drown under that darkness; the haze would surely overcome him.
"Don't go."
"...Uh. I-I have class in the morning and it's probably best if you get your rest and I wouldn't want to..."
"Please."
How could he say no to that? If Kakashi needed him here tonight, and every other night until he was better, he would stay.
Iruka sat on the bed, on top of the covers, his back against the headboard and his legs swung over the bed besides Kakashi. Pulling out his phone from his pocket, he sent a quick text to the teacher he'd covered for two weeks ago, hoping she would forgive him for the short notice.
He looked down at the man beside him and began to smooth his fingers through his damp hair once again.
The inebriated man laid his head on Iruka's lap and once again calmed at the feel of those warm fingers running through his silver locks.
He had been wrong before. This was it; this was contentment.
A/N: There you go guys. Hope you liked it; I think this was the hardest chapter to write. Please review!
