A/N: A big thanks to those of you who continue to read after all this time!
Disclaimer: You know the drill. Please consider yourself disclaimed. :)
Part Seven: "Missing the Signs"
"Duke, you son of a bitch!" Nathan balled Duke's denim overshirt in his fists, forcefully pushing the other man against the wall. A framed picture fell. Glass shards littered the wood floor.
"Stop it right now!" Audrey tugged at Nathan's arm, grateful that Duke had not escalated the situation by retaliating.
She had seen the two men angry with each other countless times—even seen them come to blows a few of those times—but the pained expressions on both their faces now only made the reality of the situation clearer. In twenty-four hours' time, she wouldn't be there.
She had always come back before. Not again. Never again.
Thoughts flitted through her mind. How strange to know her end in finite terms. How bizarre to finally have answers, only to wish the questions had never been asked.
And then there were the questions to which she still clung.
Had she ever been aware of the Troubles ending before?
Had she ever been in love before?
She couldn't imagine that she had. Certainly not like this.
Nathan.
Audrey felt like she'd been punched in the gut. She wouldn't be around to deal with the fallout. But Nathan—what would happen to him? He wasn't like other men she had known. In the shadow of his stoniness ran an undercurrent of emotion that he rarely let anyone except her—and maybe Duke—see.
From the beginning of her time in Haven, her friendship with Nathan came easily. It was an easy rapport. They challenged each other, brought out the best in each other as partners and as people. And over time, that friendship ran deep. It was the only thing that had sustained them both when things were at their darkest—or had seemed that way. But now that they had finally allowed themselves to acknowledge something more between them, their situation seemed the ultimate in cruel.
Life had been brutal to Nathan. Simple as that. And it was about to be crueler.
Audrey could feel the tension in Nathan's body, even as he released Duke and backed away from the other man. He had let go for her sake, but she knew he still wanted to tear into Duke.
"Look, I don't want to lose her either," Duke replied, trying to keep his voice even as he straightened his rumpled shirt.
"I'm not going to let it happen." Gone was Nathan's typical matter-of-fact tone. He sounded fierce, almost like a wounded animal.
Audrey ran her hand down Nathan's arm. She took his hand, squeezing it. "For all the questions I've had about myself, this is the first thing that makes sense. We wanted to know why Holly was here. Now we know."
He pulled away from her. "Parker, you can't seriously be considering this!"
"I have to," she replied simply.
Nathan pointed at Duke. "And you—what game are you playing?"
"You really believe I'm lying about this? I wouldn't, Nathan. Okay? I believe what Holly said. Audrey…future Audrey believes it, too. That's why Holly is…was….here."
"She's sick! The nosebleeds. You saw her yourself. And she makes people sick. Maybe she's making herself sick, too." Even as he spoke, the words rang hollow. Nathan was grasping for anything.
"I have a theory about the nosebleeds," Duke began.
Nathan rolled his eyes. "Right. Because spending half an hour with her makes you an expert."
Duke glared at was the one lost in all of this. It was so damn unfair that her whole life—all her experiences—would be snuffed out. And Duke would be the only one to have known her. Sanctimonious ass Nathan. Of course he felt no connection to her. He'd never spent more than five minutes with her, his own daughter. "It was closer to an hour, but yeah, I'd say it makes me more of an expert on her than you are." And that wasn't long enough. Holly intrigued him, but there was to be nothing between them.
"Stop," Audrey said sharply. "Both of you."
Duke turned to Audrey. "Whatever it is that makes you different, she has. I think you repel each other. She can't be around you. Present you anyway. Not for long."
"Parker—"
"It makes sense, Nathan. In a strange way all of it does. Why I keep coming back. Why the Troubles come with me. Why Driscoll has managed to influence so many people." She looked to Duke. "How long do we have?"
"Holly said tomorrow's the turning point. The beginning of the end of Haven."
Audrey turned to Nathan. "The meeting on Tuwiuok Bluff."
"A coincidence," Nathan quickly replied turning away from Audrey and shoving his hands in his pockets.
Audrey squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath before opening them again.
"You going to be okay?" Duke asked. Almost as soon as the words fell from his lips, he grimaced.
Audrey, on the other hand, chuckled. It struck her that the reaction was wholly inappropriate and odd. Story of her life. But it was either laugh or cry. She muttered something indecipherable before asking, "Was Holly okay?"
"She was spouting off about the greater good with a straight face."
"Not bad for a snarky little..."
"Hey now," Duke warned. "I think you would've been proud of her."
"I wish I could've known her," Audrey admitted wistfully.
"Me, too." He looked over Audrey's shoulder and saw Nathan, still with his back to them, perfectly motionless.
"I should go. Let you two have some time to…yeah."
"Thanks."
Duke hesitated before pulling Audrey into a hug. "If you need anything, anything, you know where to find me."
"I know. You've been a good friend."
"You too," he whispered against her ear.
She pulled away from his embrace and walked him to the door. Once Duke was gone, she looked back to the silent figure. A lump formed in her throat as she went to get a broom and dustpan for the broken glass.
As she swept the shards, she wished that the remnants of her life would be as easy to sweep away. Tidy. No remaining signs of destruction. Looking at Nathan, she knew that was impossible.
Why had they let themselves go there? Knowing what little they did about Lucy, about Sarah, about Madeleine…what were they thinking? Were they really so arrogant to think that this could end any other way?
"You going to talk to me?" Audrey asked as she dumped the glass in the trashcan.
"Sorry about your picture."
"I don't care about the picture."
Nathan was silent.
"What do you want from me?"
"What do I want?" Nathan spat back. "For starters, I want you to stop acting like what Duke said is true or inevitable."
"He has no reason to lie. Neither does Holly."
Nathan shook his head. "Did she think she was doing us a favor by passing this message along?"
Audrey considered his question. "Is it better to know something important but painful or to be oblivious? I suppose people have been weighing that for a long time. Think of how many people could have clued me in about my past but chose not to. Vince. Dave. Your dad. Most anyone who's lived in Haven for more than three decades…" Audrey stood next to Nathan, staring out at the darkness. "But Holly didn't do this to be cruel. If she fails, I have to do it. I have to kill Driscoll before he destroys everything. Finally end this cycle."
"There's got to be another way."
"I won't live at the expense of this town. Or at the expense of you," she added softly.
"I'm here. I'm not the one going anywhere."
"You think Duke's right. That what Holly said is the truth."
Nathan deflected. "We can talk to the Rev. Convince him."
"You've known him a lot of years. Since when have you ever known him to be reasonable?"
"I'm not going to let you die. If I have to stand guard around Driscoll myself, I will."
"Nathan…"
"I love you, Audrey. Have for a long time. I'm not letting you go."
No one had ever told her those words. At least, not in this lifetime. Coming from his lips, the words sounded so beautiful. But she couldn't afford to dwell on the beauty of them or how his intense gaze made her feel so incredibly alive. "How many people have died since I showed up this time? How many people have died all the previous times? The Troubles have to end."
"It's not worth it."
"Yes, it is. If you step back and stop fighting me on this, you'll see. Things will finally get back to normal. Good people like Marion won't have to look over their shoulders anymore. And you—you'll be able to feel again. Have a normal life." She swallowed hard, steadying herself. "And I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will meet someone to build a life with, a family. I want that for you, Nathan."
"I want you, Audrey. I don't—I don't care about whether I can feel again. If I can't feel you, what does it matter?"
She took a deep breath, trying to find the strength to utter what needed to be said. "You need to let it go. Let me go and move on. I shouldn't mean this much to you. Not when…not when I don't love you." She spoke dispassionately.
His gaze met hers. The set of her jaw was steely. He would almost have believed her if he didn't know her so well. "Doesn't work like that. Besides, I know what you're doing."
"Look, we blurred some lines. I'm attracted to you. You can feel me, and that's alluring. I understand. But that's it."
Despite the weight bearing down on them both, he managed a half-smile. "Liar."
And with that, his hands encircled her waist, pulling her to him. His lips descended on hers, nipping her, tasting her. She tried to push him away, but he was strong, insistent, and the last thing she wanted was to be apart from him. Her body gave way to him, melding against him.
Sometime later, the two lovers lay in bed, tired but not sleeping, their bodies still entangled.
"What are you thinking?" he murmured.
Audrey didn't answer him right away. Finally, she replied, "One night isn't enough. And it's too much."
"Do you wish we hadn't made love?"
"I wish we'd done it a long time ago," Audrey admitted as she nestled against him more closely. "But at the same time, this really isn't fair to you."
"If we had a million nights, it wouldn't be enough."
"You were right when you called me a liar. I don't feel easily. I have no frame of reference or patience, really, for the heavy emotional stuff. But I love you, too. I just—I need you to promise me a few things."
"We can negotiate."
"Fine. Make up with Duke. Whatever falling out you two had, just let it go."
"Easier said than done."
"Just do it."
He stroked her hair. "What else?"
"Don't shut yourself off from the world. You aren't allowed to listen to Patsy Cline and drink Jack Daniels every night."
"You're the one leaving me. You don't get to dictate how I deal with it."
"Let me pretend that I do," she murmured.
Moonlight reflected off the white clapboard siding of the Good Shepherd Church, illuminating the building in a bluish tint, all but where blood stained the painted wood. Audrey still remembered the first time she had climbed those wide steps into the building—to question Edmund Driscoll about a giant metal ball plummeting into the Rust Bucket. Driscoll had seemed so innocuous back then. Judgmental, perhaps, but no more so than the nuns from the orphanage that she grew up with, or at least the real Audrey Parker had grown up with.
Had she really been that naïve when she first arrived in Haven she couldn't see the signs of danger in the reverend? The fanaticism was evident in the sermon she witnessed at the baptism of a child she didn't even know. But those were just words. What did words mean, she reasoned back then.
Fast-forward a year, she knew what they meant. People were willing to turn on their neighbors at Driscoll's word. The Troubled lived in fear of discovery, and the seeds that Driscoll had been planting all along were finally about to bear fruit.
"It's late to be out here alone."
The harsh voice and accompanying footsteps behind Audrey had her instinctively feeling for her holstered weapon. "Rev," she responded to the black-cloaked reverend.
"I don't see Nathan anywhere. Or your unnatural spawn, for that matter."
Audrey felt a flash of pained guilt. Nathan had finally fallen asleep, though she knew he had fought it. The advantage of sharing a bed with a man who couldn't feel anything was that once she managed to extricate herself from his arms, he didn't feel the shift in the bed when she rose and began to dress. Nor did he feel the slight shake in the floor as she walked back to the bed to leave him a brief note.
"It began with us. It will end with us."
"I see you've been busy putting the pieces together," Driscoll replied. "I think we have a few things to discuss."
"No. We don't," Audrey replied, withdrawing her gun from its holster.
To be continued...
