I apologize for the wait! I was stuck for a long time on how to start this, but then I had a wonderful epiphany a few days ago while working in the library. I got really excited and I think the books were judging me.
Not Like You
The moment the door closed behind Ciel, Sebastian let out the breath he'd been holding since their lips had parted, putting his head in his hands. The room felt degrees warmer than it had only minutes before, and he felt a thin layer of sweat beneath his palms.
What in the world had he just done? He'd kissed a student. Right there. In his own classroom. He'd kissed Ciel Phantomhive.
I kissed Ciel Phantomhive.
Sebastian stood because he could no longer stand sitting. He made a few paces across the room, only to double back to his desk. This wasn't something that he could just let brew in his head all on its own like this. He had to do something. He had to talk to someone. It would drive him crazy if he didn't.
But who? Who could he tell that he'd just kissed a stu-
Claude.
Sebastian hurried to gather up his things, dropping an entire stack of papers in his haste. The loose pages fluttered out of his hands like so many released butterflies, floating down to litter the gouged tile floor. Sebastian stared at them for a moment, weighing only briefly the time it would take to gather them up against the likelihood that Claude had already left for the day, and opted to leave them there.
Nearly forgetting to lock the classroom door behind him, he walked as quickly down the hall to Claude's classroom as he could without running. He knocked once, and when there was no response he tried the knob, which rattled locked. An irrational feeling a lot like panic began to rise in his chest, and he fought it back as best he could on the way to the staff lounge. He marveled briefly at how he had managed to keep his cool so well in front of Ciel. While he knew that he hadn't broken a sweat when he'd kissed the boy, he had felt sure that the moment their lips touched that the younger would pull away to call him out on the wild beating of his heart. While externally he showed that he held all of the control in that moment, the slightest resistance from Ciel, he knew, would have sent him off down a spiral of rejection he didn't dare ponder.
Sebastian took a moment at the staff lounge door to collect himself. He ran a hand through his dark hair and straightened his jacket. He was determined not to let the slightest thing betray his collected exterior, and the smallest sign of dishevel was his enemy. After he was confident that he looked his usual cool self, he turned the knob and entered the room.
The staff lounge was a generously sized rectangular room at the center of the school. There was a kitchenette in the corner where the staff prepared their thin, watery coffee (topped off with varied amounts of slipped drink) that would allow the tired, underpaid teachers to get through another day. There were a couple of tables near the kitchenette where they ate their lunches and gossiped with each other about the gossip that the high schoolers gossiped about. At the opposite side of the room were a couple of couches where teachers would pretend not to sleep while they were pretending to spend their break periods doing something constructive. But when Sebastian walked in, there wasn't anyone sleeping on the couches. Instead there was his colleague Claude Faustus, who taught a history class that, out of the norm of his coworkers, didn't stoop to toe the line of mediocrity.
Claude was lounging relaxed, his head rested on one of the armrests as he looked up into the book in his hands, a glass of red wine sitting inoffensively on the floor next to him. As Sebastian watched him, he turned the page of his book lazily. "Hello, Sebastian."
Sebastian frowned, walking over and sitting on the other couch. "Claude." Sebastian picked up the wine glass and took a generous sip from it. "What are you still doing here?"
"Hunting elephants." He glanced at Sebastian out of the corner of his eye, not setting down his book. "I'm reading, Sebastian. Clearly. What are you still doing here?"
Sebastian licked the sheen of wine from his lips, tasting its sweetness and comparing it to that which they'd tasted back in his office. "I was meeting with a student."
"Mm." Claude looked back to his book, clearly unimpressed. Sebastian appreciated working with Claude because he was one of the few others that taught at the school that had any real level of intelligence, though he found that he let it go to his head considerably more than anyone else he knew. Generally speaking, he was actually a rather unpleasant man, albeit a good teacher.
Sebastian let the silence hang for a moment before throwing the only loop he had at him, hoping to get his attention. "…I hear you're sleeping with Alois Trancy." Sebastian glanced over at him, waiting for a reaction.
Claude finished his sentence before quietly closing his book and sitting up, looking at him carefully. "…Indeed." He set down the book and took a drink from the glass. "And?"
"And…" Sebastian wet his lips again, trying to find a way to wind his words together in a way that didn't betray his calm. Claude clearly wasn't perturbed that Sebastian knew about his relations with the Trancy boy, so there was really little he could say about it. Whether he liked it or not, he needed to broach the actual subject. Claude might be an arrogant asshole, but he was the only person he knew who might have some idea as to what to do in this situation. But when he opened his mouth to relay the story, Ciel's name caught in his throat, its warmth and pervading sweetness spreading up the back of his throat and effectively muting him.
Claude must have seen something in his face that Sebastian couldn't hide, because a slight smirk pulled at the corners of his mouth. "…I see. So I'm not the only one. Who is it?"
Sebastian cleared his throat to unstick Ciel's name from its hold there, his voice slightly graveled with the glue that held his unruly emotions together. "Ciel Phantomhive. Alois's friend."
"Mm. Interesting." Claude leaned back on the couch, swirling the wine around in the glass. "I wouldn't have thought it of you, really. Him, on the other hand, I believe. Thankfully he's of age. His family has the money to strip you of everything you own in a lawsuit." Claude grinned and took a sip of wine. "Though the taboo really is part of the draw, isn't it?"
Sebastian felt himself color ever so slightly. "It's nothing like that, you idiot. I only kissed him. I'm not like you."
Claude raised his eyebrows slightly. "Oh? And what is it that I'm like?"
Sebastian shook his head and looked away. He wasn't sure why he'd thought this would be a good idea. Sure, Claude was the only other person he knew to have had any kind of relations with a student, but clearly their cases were very different. Alois had slept with Claude for his grades (and quite possibly bragging rights), and Claude had slept with Alois because it was a kink. Sebastian wasn't like that.
So… why had he done it? He hadn't had any thoughts of actually having sex with Ciel, for sure. It wasn't like that was his ultimate goal. And it didn't feel… exploitative. So why?
Because you wanted to.
Okay. Fine. He'd admit to that now. But why did he want to? He'd be lying if he said that he didn't find Ciel attractive. Frankly, he was one of the most beautiful people he'd ever laid eyes on. And he'd never hesitate to say he was intelligent. Creative. Talented. But all these things aside, he liked to think he had more control than to act on these attractions. Partially for his job's sake (not that it was much to fight for), and partially for Ciel's. Of course being kissed by a teacher, a man much older than yourself, would be an uncomfortable experience. By every right, he should have been certain that Ciel was going to pull away in disgust.
But he didn't. And he hadn't been. When he kissed him, there was a part of Sebastian's confidence didn't waver for a second. Part of him knew that the kiss would immobilize Ciel. Did he… Did he really think that Ciel might actually be attracted to him, too? Or was he banking on the fact that he'd be too shocked to react negatively?
Maybe…
"Sebastian?"
"Hm?" Sebastian looked up, pulled from his musings by Claude's amused drawl.
"Preoccupied?" He smirked, clearly enjoying everything about the moment.
Sebastian sneered, deciding that coming to him had been a mistake. Claude was as much of an asshole as he remembered, and he couldn't help him anyway. "Never mind." He stood up, feeling an anger course through his veins that wasn't entirely justified. "Oh, and you'll want to find a new toy. Alois Trancy is done using you." He quickly left the room, knocking over the wine glass as he went and not feeling bad for it in the slightest.
Sbastian started down tha hall, letting the door slam shut behind him. He wasn't sure why he'd told Claude that Alois wasn't going to sleep with him anymore. Ciel had said it earlier, but he had no way of knowing if it was really true. But he liked the idea of upsetting Claude too much not to. He also wasn't certain why in a moment he had begun to despise Claude so completely. Perhaps it was the way he had inferred that he treated his relationship with Alois. Even though the Trancy boy wasn't the best kid in the school, he was still just that. A kid. And whether he consented to their acts or not, Claude was exactly the type of person to exploit a student, and it made Sebastian sick.
It won't be like that with Ciel.
Sebastian stopped in the middle of the hallway. What made him think there would even be the opportunity for it to be like that with Ciel? He was probably shocked and disgusted right now. He'd show up at Victoria's office on Monday making accusations against Sebastian of sexual harassment, and he'd be right.
Sebastian started down the hall again, and exited the building to his car. On his way back to his apartment, he imagined the scene as it would unfold. Ciel, distressed and uncomfortable and maybe a little bit frightened, telling Victoria how Sebastian had advanced on him. He would probably accuse him of setting up the tutoring bit all with this sort of end in mind. Victoria would be shocked, staring at Sebastian in disbelief, hoping he would deny it. And he wouldn't. He'd accept his dismissal and perhaps his arrest calmly and quietly.
He was probably being a bit dramatic. He didn't think he would really be arrested just for kissing someone. But it wouldn't matter to him if he did. He couldn't deny the fact to himself any longer. He cared about Ciel, and if he had to see him as distressed as he was imagining him as the result of his actions… Well, he'd deserve any sanctions imposed on him anyway.
Once he got back to his apartment he went inside and straight to the kitchen. He took a glass from the cupboard and a bottle from the pantry, and went into the living room. He got a folder of essays to grade out of his bag and tried to read through the same paper four times (while he nursed his first two glasses of bourbon) before giving up on the pretense and turning on the television. He watched a good twenty minutes of something he didn't see until he gave up on that too and shut it off. After he'd finished another drink, he made himself a bowl of soup that could have tasted of grapefruit for all he noticed, and he ate in silence before returning to his spot on the couch.
The rest of his evening consisted of more failed attempts at keeping himself occupied and successful ones at finishing each drink. Eventually he fell asleep there, on the couch, images of Ciel's face after he had broken their kiss floating between those of Claude's smug expression.
He probably dreamed, but he didn't remember it when he was awoken sometime in the middle of the night. He opened his eyes and squinted at the ceiling, trying to figure out of he'd imagined whatever sound had awoken him. It had begun to rain sometime in the night, and there was silence but for the soft sounds of water on the walk outside. He was just beginning to think it was nothing more than the rain that had pulled him from his slumber when the sound came again, and he realized that it was a knock at his door.
He looked at his watch. 3:35. Who would be calling at three-thirty in the morning? He sat up, scowling at the dull ache in his head. He laboriously brought himself to his feet and over to the front door of his apartment, staggering only slightly. He squinted through the peephole, but it was too dark and wet to make out the shape standing on the other side of it. With a tired grumble he opened the door.
The moment he did, he felt his heart skip a beat. He could feel his stomach turn over, and he instantly regretted the amount of bourbon that turned with it. He stood there, stalk still, for a good twenty seconds before he was shaken from his shock.
"Um… hi. Can I come in?"
Sebastian just stared for a moment more. For standing there outside his door, dripping wet and shivering slightly, was Ciel Phantomhive.
Thank you once again to those of you kind souls who have reviewed. You should know that I resisted being a pairingslut again with Claude and Sebastian earlier. You should be proud of me.
