27 October 1993

The wind was thankfully still that morning as Hadley stood out by the lake. It was her first venture out of the castle walls in the last two months at Hogwarts, and she'd brought Milo with her just in case. For extra precaution, she had her patronus trotting around a ten-foot perimeter. The gauzy white fox flicked its tail as it swished back and forth, hovering above Milo's head and driving the dog mad.

She smiled as the dog tirelessly leapt at the patronus, which paid the dog no mind. Milo had been her only constant companion over the last six years, and incredibly helpful when it came to managing her anxiety. Now, at the castle, he proved invaluable. Because while the dog and her patronus were enough to keep the dementors at bay, the nightmarish creatures hovered around the edges of the lake and just behind the tree line not far away. The fox flickered as she caught sight of one, but she took a deep breath and gripped the palette knife in her right hand, using it to ground herself. It took a moment, as the tattoos along the side of her neck tingled, but eventually she opened her eyes and the fox glowed steadily once more.

The painting was a little more difficult than she imagined, as clouds kept moving across the sun and affecting the colors of the scene in front of her. A cloud cleared and the water of the lake brightened once more. Hadley sighed indignantly, tossing her pallette knife onto the small table next to her. She was about to give up and wait for a brighter day when Milo barked happily.

Turning, she saw a familiar shabby blondish man making his way across the lawn. Milo sat and patiently waited for the man to approach him, barking all the while. Hadley watched as Remus made his way over to her, pausing to pat Milo on the head.

They hadn't spoken much since term began, mostly because Hadley had purposely kept her distance. She figured his classes would keep him busy enough and she didn't want to push in where she wasn't wanted. It wasn't like she had been playing games with him, making him come to her and playing hard to get; they were perfectly friendly during meal times and in passing, but she hadn't actively sought him out.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" He asked as he got within earshot.

"If only these damn clouds would make up their minds, sure." Hadley agreed, turning back to her painting. Remus stopped just behind her, looking at the painting appraisingly.

"I wish I had a better eye for art," he admitted to her for the thousandth time in their friendship, "Then I could tell you if it's good or bad."

"You don't need to know art to have an opinion," she told him in a matter-of-fact tone, "And besides, I'm going to give up on this one for now. The clouds are too spotty for me to get a consistent color."

Reaching into her robe, she pulled out her wand and cleaned up the paint that dirtied her pallette.

"I didn't mean to interrupt," Remus apologized, "I actually came out here to speak with you."

"Oh?" She had thought as much, but hadn't wanted to assume anything. Facing him now, she met his green gaze with her own, trying not to trace the new scars with her eyes. They were standing rather close, she could detect the faint smell of chocolate and black tea wafting from his robes. It was comforting and familiar, something she hadn't felt in a long while stirred in her chest.

He looked at his feet and shuffled the toe of one in the gravel beneath their feet, "Hadley, have you been avoiding me?"

"Right out with it then," she chuckled nervously, "A little. I figured your new job as everyone's favorite professor would take up most of your time."

"I'm hardly everyone's favorite," he smirked.

"That's not what I hear. Anyway, I figured you wouldn't have time for your old...friend to be hanging round all the time."

The wind picked up, whipping the loose strands of her hair about her face. He took his hand out of his pocket and pushed a troublesome strand behind her ear. His fingers left small trails of warmth as they grazed her cheek. "I always have time for you, Hadley."

She could scarcely breathe. He was standing so close, if she rose to her tiptoes they'd be kissing. Which, if her memory served, was incredibly pleasurable. The last time she'd been kissed so well was during hers and Remus's last fling nearly two years ago. He was so tall that he nearly towered over her, he could devour her if he so wished. And, Merlin, would she let him. It had been much too long.

With another flick of her wand, she packed up all her painting supplies and her patronus disappeared. "Fancy a spot of tea?"

"Of course. May I?" He reached for her portfolio and easel and she nodded, calling Milo to her side.

"He's a lovely dog. All my students love him." Remus mused as the trio began their trek back up toward the castle. Hadley didn't doubt it. Whenever she would take meals in the Great Hall, which was usually after the initial rush of students, Milo would wander between the tables searching for scraps and charm the remaining students into giving him more. The Australian Shepherd was quite a ham when he wanted to be, and had gained a full five pounds since their arrival at Hogwarts. It was getting to the point where Hadley was of a mind to ask Dumbledore to tell the students to stop.

"Yes, he's a good boy. Spoiled as hell, but he earns it." she rubbed the dog's hindquarters and he turned in a circle. "He's been a big help."

It was true. There was hardly a night she didn't fall asleep with the dog nestled against her legs, and if she awoke to a nightmare the dog would help calm her down. He wasn't a specially trained dog, but he was highly intuitive. Adopting him had been one of the best decision she'd ever made.

They dropped off her art supplies in her temporary studio space before heading to her chambers. She put the kettle on and they sat across from each other on the sofa. "You look tired, Hadley."

"Haven't been sleeping well," she dismissed, looking down at her hands. One of Remus's closed over hers, the warmth of his hand was reassuring.

"I know it mustn't be easy for you, having those things flying around."

She chuckled mirthlessly, "To say the least."

"I would like to compliment you on your patronus. It seemed rather strong for someone who was so out of practice," he retracted his hand as the kettle whistled. "Splash of milk, if I remember correctly?"

Hadley hummed her response, looking about the room. She'd done as much as she could to make it feel like home, hanging photos (both muggle and wizard) and some art pieces from her own collection that she was fond of. The space was a little smaller than her one bedroom flat in London, with a fireplace in the living room and one of the most luxurious bathtubs she'd ever used in the bathroom.

Remus's footsteps approached the couch, but abruptly stopped. Hadley turned her head and saw him, a mug in each hand, standing in front of a framed photo hanging on the wall next to the entrance to the kitchen. Her heart sank, for she knew exactly which photo it was.

It was the group of them at James and Lily's wedding. The memories of that day were bittersweet when cast in the light of all that happened. James and Lily, wrapped in a newlywed embrace seemed to radiate love. Hadley and Sirius to James's right, for a moment in a similar embrace but the Sirius turned, shouting something at Remus and Peter. The group broke out laughing, and the photo started over.

"I don't remember this one," Remus commented sadly, his demeanor shifting and making him appear at least ten years older.

Hadley joined him, brushing a hand across the fabric of his shirt along his arm. He flinched away, splashing hot tea on his hand and cursing. Without saying a word, Hadley moved him to the sofa and picked her wand off the coffee table, healing his mild burn once he set the mugs down.

"Have I said I'm sorry?" he rasped, keeping his eyes on his and Hadley's hands, clasped together as she'd healed him.

She squeezed his large, calloused hand in her own, "Yes. Many times. Unnecessarily."

He squeezed back and looked away toward the fireplace, "It's more than necessary, Hadley."

"Hey," she disengaged one of her hands and turned his face to her own, forcing him to meet her gaze, "That's the past now. We can't keep punishing ourselves for what happened, we can only move on."

The corner of his lips quirked up for half a second, "You sound like James."

"Or did James sound like me?" she lifted one of her eyebrows at him and he chuckled. A warm feeling blossomed in Hadley's stomach with the pride of being able to make him laugh. Ever since they'd reconnected after her return from Azkaban, Remus had been a tough nut to crack. The weight of what had happened threatened to drag him under, even after all these years. Though Hadley supposed that if she'd stayed in the wizarding world she would be much the same.

Now that she'd pulled him back from the brink, however temporarily, she steered the conversation to Harry. She was more than a little curious about her best friend's son, her almost-godson.


A few days later it was Halloween, what had been one of her favorite holidays at Hogwarts. The floating jack o'lanterns and the warm cider were her strongest memories of fall, and this year was no different. She and Milo had gone for a long walk, retracing the trails she'd traversed in her youth around the lake and through the Forbidden Forest, her patronus keeping the floating dementors away.

They didn't return to the castle until after dark, and found it in chaos. Students flooded the corridors, moving toward the Great Hall and abuzz with whispers. Hadley found Professor McGonagall standing on a stool in the middle of it and made her way there, holding Milo in her arms so he wouldn't get lost.

"Professor, what's going on?"

"There you are Miss Sinclair," her old professor declared in her Scottish brogue, "Albus will fill you in, he's organizing the search outside the library. You'd best hurry."

Hadley was confused, but made her way toward the library, fighting the current of students. She arrived and took a spot next to Pomona Sprout in the circle of adults, Dumbledore in the center. He was speaking calmly, but the other professors were shifting uncomfortably. Pomona was shaking next to her, a look of panic across her face.

"Pomona, I need you to secure the greenhouses before you attend to the Hufflepuff dormitories, Severus, take the dungeons and Slytherin house, Remus - Oh, Hadley, I didn't see you there." Dumbledore's tone set her teeth on edge.

"I just got here, Headmaster," she explained as respectfully as possible, "Milo and I were on a walk."

"Headmaster, if I may interject," Severus Snape intoned and Hadley bit her tongue. "How do we know she didn't aid Black into the castle? The timing of her arrival seems suspicious to say the least."

"Wait, Sirius is in the castle?" she asked, looking across the circle to Remus for confirmation.

"He attacked the Fat Lady trying to get into Gryffindor Tower." Remus confirmed. Hadley felt her knees turn to jelly and Milo's ears perked up. Her pulse quickened as her mind spiralled into a panic.

"But...how? Why? What is- where is he now?" she knew her voice must be half an octave higher than normal as she felt her airway constrict. Milo braced himself against her leg and nudged her hand with his muzzle. She used the softness of his fur to help ground herself.

"We don't know. We are going to search the castle for him if you wish to assist." Dumbledore said, his icy eyes taking her in. The mild look of pity in his eyes seemed to galvanize her. She stood up straight and took in a deep breath, willing the panic to die in her chest.

"Yes, of course I will." she declared, forcing her voice to remain steady. "I'll take Milo and search a few of the secret passages I know Black knew about."

Dumbledore nodded, "Thank you, Miss Sinclair. Remus, if you would help Minerva and myself secure the Great Hall, I think we should disperse. Black will not stick around for long."

Hadley nodded as the circle broke into pieces. She let memory dictate her course as she led Milo around the corner, bracing herself against the wall for a moment to regain her composure once the other's' footsteps had disappeared.

Sirius was in the castle. Even with the dementors searching the area, even with all the protections Dumbledore had put up. But her ex had been trying to break into Gryffindor Tower, not her personal apartments. If he was after her wouldn't he have sniffed around for her living space?

Her stomach dropped. That's how he was doing it. Of course he wasn't out there walking around in his very recognizable human form. He was walking around as Padfoot.

She looked down at Milo and caught the dog's attention, "Milo, go."

The dog's ears perked up and he tilted his head, so she repeated the command. A second later, Milo's nose was to the ground and he was running ahead of her. She jogged to catch up with him and followed him closely, her wand raised defensively.

Eventually, Milo sat down in front of the statue of Gregory the Smarmy. Hadley gripped her wand tighter, her eyes wide as she scanned the area. They'd used the secret passage here many times to sneak to the Three Broomsticks, so she was careful to check the secret entrance by shaking the smarmy wizard's outstretched hand and kissing him on the cold rock cheek.

It was empty. Sighing with relief, she waited for it to close before letting her guard down and stepping back into the corridor.

With no more than a light swishing sound, a pair of ice cold hands clamped over her mouth and pulled her back into the shadow behind the statue. Hadley barely had time to squeak before she felt a hard, bony body behind her own.

"My, my, my," a familiar voice rasped in her ear, "the years have certainly been kind to you, Hadley."

She couldn't respond, as his fingers were closed over her mouth like a vice. She could feel her limbs start to tremble and her eyes whipped back and forth. Milo growled low, his hackles rising.

"Shut that dog up," he loosened his grip, but pulled her back flush against him, "But don't scream."

Hadley trembled as he let her go and she crouched down to Milo, "Shh, Milo. Good boy. It's okay."

The dog didn't seem to believe her, but sat obediently and kept a wary eye on Sirius. Hadley followed the dog's line of vision and took in the man the entire castle was searching for.

Her first thought was of a scarecrow come to life. Sirius seemed to be drowning in his Azkaban uniform, his cheeks sunken and his once lustrous hair matted and dirty. The only thing that even remotely resembled the old Sirius, the one she'd loved, was the mercury gaze that seemed to eat her up. The look in his eyes wasn't one of malice, but she couldn't place it either.

Sensing no danger, Hadley couldn't help herself. She launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. This seemed to surprise him, as she could feel him tense beneath her.

"I fought, Sirius, I fought for you as hard as I could," she confessed into his foul-smelling shoulder. "But no one would listen. I tried to tell them...but they wouldn't listen…"

"I know you did," he rasped. His tone was gentle and steadying. Her Sirius was still in there somewhere, under all the layers of dirt and sweat and years of torture. She felt her heart rocket into space. Tears had sprung into her eyes and she let out a sob. His skeletal hands caressed her back, the slow gentle action snapping her back to reality.

She pulled away from him and brushed the tears away, "You have to get out of here."

He nodded slowly, turning toward the statue. The action seemed so final, but she couldn't let him go so easily. As his hand grasped that of Gregory the Smarmy, she gripped his prisoner's uniform.

"Swear to me that you're not trying to hurt Harry," she demanded, narrowing her eyes.

His eyes fell and his shoulders slumped, "Not unless he gets in my way."

With a quick peck on Greg's cheek, the entrance behind the statue opened and Sirius was through it, transforming into Padfoot as the door closed.

Hadley sighed as the passage closed. The first she'd seen of him since that horrid night in Godric's Hollow, and it was much too brief. Her heart deflated in her chest and she let out a long, sad sigh.

Milo's cold nose against her hand brought her attention back to the present, and she scratched his ears before moving to continue her search even though she'd already caught and released him. She scanned the hallway, hoping a stray ghost or member of staff hadn't just seen the whole exchange. No one was there, so she and Milo proceeded to the next corridor.

As the duo rounded the next corner, Hadley was forced to skid to a stop to avoid slamming bodily into Severus Snape. The greasy-haired man raised an eyebrow at her. Milo ignored Snape, much as Snape ignored him, and continued down the hall, sitting and waiting at the end of it.

"And just...where have you come from?" he asked, not bothering to mask his suspicious tone.

"Searching the hidden passageways, like I told Dumbledore I was going to do." In return, she didn't hide her annoyance at the question. Ever since she'd arrived Snape had held her in nothing but contempt. She knew of his past as a Death Eater, his strange obsession with Lily, so she figured he didn't have a leg to stand on when it came to matters of questionable loyalty.

"You and this...mongrel," he gestured down the hall to Milo who hunched over and let out a low growl, "Were merely out for a walk when Black entered the school?"

"Of course we were. You don't think I would help him break in, do you? Up until an hour ago I thought I was just as likely to be his target as Harry was."

"If memory serves, you and Black were engaged to be married once. Old habits die hard and all that. One can't be too careful," He nonchalantly picked some lint off of his sleeve with an air of annoying superiority.

"And if my memory serves, Snape, you once swore a blood oath to he-who-must-not-be-named to serve him for life," she took a step closer to him and glared daggers at him, "One can't be too careful."

He sneered at her, "If I find out you helped Black into this castle-"

"Why don't you brew up some veritaserum so we can settle this?"

"Veritaserum is strictly controlled by the Ministry. You know that."

"Then get this through your thick, greasy skull," she took another step closer to him, invading his personal space as much as she was willing, "Dumbledore asked me here, same as you. And since you're one of the people in this world who think the sun shines out his arse, that should hold some clout with you. Drop. This. Now."

With that, she shoved past him and met up with Milo at the other end of the hall. She'd never been the best liar, so she hoped she was convincing. However, she hadn't technically lied. She hadn't helped Sirius into the castle; she hadn't specified that she hadn't let him out. But she didn't regret her actions. Sirius was alive and free because of her. The Prophet had reported that when he was caught he would receive the dementor's kiss. After reading that, she nearly had a panic attack in the Great Hall.

Exhaustion made her stop in the middle of the corridor and brace herself against an old tapestry. Her trek with Milo had taken more of a toll on her than she realized. At that moment, she realized that her last meal was lunch, which had been over ten hours ago now. Hadley yawned, and her stomach growled angrily.

All she wanted to do was quietly make her way back to her apartments and go to sleep. Milo whined and sat in front of her, nudging her with his nose. Without looking up, she grabbed a handful of his thick scruff. His fur was soft and thick and reminded her so much of Padfoot.

The first night she'd met the shaggy black dog, before she knew who he truly was, she had wept into his scruff. Indeed, she spent many nights cuddled with Padfoot. When they'd gotten their first flat together all they had was her double bed from her parent's house. Since it was too small for two humans, Padfoot often slept curled down by her feet to save space.

Tears welled in her eyes. That Padfoot was gone now, replaced with a skinny, mangy stray.

But at least he's alive, a small internal voice said to her.

"Hadley?" a real voice said to her left and she turned her head, "Are you alright?" Remus put a hand on her back and crouched down so they were level with each other.

"Long day," she managed a small smile, "haven't eaten in a while, too much exertion, then I came back to…" she trailed off, not wanting to divulge too much information about the past hour. No one, not even Remus, believed in Sirius' innocence. His reason was more forgivable than most, as he'd been mostly absent for two years before that night. His was more of a plausible deniability excuse. Everyone else just thought of Sirius as a traitor, and Hadley was a lovesick fool.

"Let me take you back to your rooms, I can take over your part of the search and tell Dumbledore you're in for the night."

Hadley nodded and grabbed his outstretched hand, allowing him to help her to her feet. The entrance to her apartment wasn't too far away, and she planned on summoning a house elf to bring her some food.

"Did you see any signs of him?" Remus asked as they started walking, and Hadley avoided his gaze.

"Oh, um, no. Nothing." She lied.

"In all honesty, I was hoping to find him," Remus admitted, "If for no other reason than to see him again."

"Yeah, that would be nice." They reached her door and she magically unlocked it. Milo bounded into the room but Hadley stopped in the doorway.

"You really still love him? After all this time?" Remus asked, almost incredulous.

She turned back to him, "Of course. Maybe...definitely not like I used to, but it's still there. And I don't think it's ever going to go away."

"Why not?"

She sighed, "Because I never got to say goodbye. He never got a trial, I never got to testify. It all happened so fast and then he was just gone."

Remus nodded, "You didn't get the closure you wanted?"

"Exactly. Shouldn't you be getting back to the search?" She was tired, and wanted to crash in bed.

"Right," he turned to leave, but turned back, "Do you think you'll ever want to actually move on with your life?"

The question stung, but she knew he hadn't meant the comment to be malicious. He was asking if there was a modicum of hope for something to grow between them. And Hadley wasn't sure. They'd been friends since their seventh year at Hogwarts, and after her time in Azkaban they became something much more complicated than that. Now that they were on even footing here at Hogwarts, could they start something? What would that even look like? Was this the universe's way of telling them to go for it? In that moment, her mental exhaustion felt comparable to her physical exhaustion.

"I have moved on. Even though I'm back where I started."


So sorry it took so long to update! Depression is a bitch, you guys. It really blows. Do not recommend.

BUT I got some new meds so I actually feel motivated to do stuff (you know, like write!)

Reviews make my heart and brain happy! Thanks for reading!