DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gokusen or any of its characters. I can't own it, even if I want to. Anyway, at least the mangaka put Shin and Kumiko together; so I'm kinda happy. But this fan fiction is dramaverse so I'm still upset and waiting to see Matsujun and Nakama Yukie together…I'm a poor fan fic writer, so please don't sue me. You see, I do not make money doing this or anything else!!!


Author's Notes: A special thanks to Anon-chan (this is what happens when you don't leave a name but nevertheless, thanks for your review!!), yurika'chii, phantom, FreakChick42, andromeda14, always-kh and pictures-of-the-night for their fabulous reviews!! Hugs to all of you!!! I'd also like to thank everyone who read the fic or added it to their alerts. I hope you've enjoyed Love Actually so far. Let me not take anymore of your time! Here's chapter seven – enjoy reading! ^_^


CHAPTER SEVEN – THOUGHTS

Two weeks later –

Kumiko's P.O.V.

I headed to school, thinking about Shin. I hadn't met him since that encounter. It's been two whole weeks since. I haven't even been to dance class. When Shin did call once or twice, I told him I wasn't feeling too well. I knew he wouldn't fall for any of my excuses; he probably knew why I was avoiding him. But he didn't press on any further. He simply told me to get well soon and hung up. I felt bad about doing this yet I kept hurting him and myself too.

My behavior probably hurt me more than it hurt Shin. Or maybe I'm being delusional here. I can't say I knew what Shin was going through. But I certainly didn't like the way things were going in my life. And what made it worse was that I had brought this upon myself. I could have easily chosen Shin that very night and then I probably wouldn't even be this low and sad but it wasn't as easy as it seemed. There were many issues to consider here. Many…

So while in the two weeks, I tried to make sense out of everything that had happened and all that would happen if I took the wrong step, life was being harsh with me. It was as if even the winds were screaming at me and telling me to choose Shin. I knew it was all clear ahead of me, but there was still one last worry bothering me. As I struggled with that worry, I lost all the motivation that I was usually overflowing with. Yeah, I actually began to feel like I was down in the dumps. I didn't feel like teaching anymore, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to sit by myself in an empty, dark room and cry my heart out. And I did that too. Cried, that is. I would return home from school in the evenings and silently go up to my room, not so much as smiling at anyone, lock the bedroom door and cry.

I know crying never helps. It's not a solution to anything. But it lessened the weight of my worries. It helped me find a temporary release for my frustration – my frustration at not being able to decide what I wanted. I was battling with myself all along – one part of me knew what I wanted while the other part kept bringing up the issue I didn't want to confront. I was afraid of thinking about it, that's why. I was afraid of what would probably happen after what I dread happened.

I was worried to lose Shin as a friend. That's what kept bothering me. I had found such a good friend in him, what if turning him into my lover spoiled what we had as friends? What if we broke up just a little after we started to go out due to some differences? Wouldn't that affect our friendship? I may not know a lot about relationships but I certainly knew that once you are romantically involved with your friend, you cannot go back to being best friends after your breakup, like you were before the relationship, despite what people said. At least I wouldn't ever be able to think of Shin as just a friend again. And if he dated other women, I wouldn't be able to take it at all. That's the reason I was still having trouble deciding if I wanted to be with Shin. Because I knew I wanted to, but I had to know if I was ready for all possibilities.

And while I contemplated over my feelings, I thought I needed a change from what I was doing. That's when I started to go out with Shinohara-san again. I know it was terrible of me to do this while Shin lay in wait of my answer, but I wasn't just hanging out with Shinohara-san. We went on Goukon with Kawashima-sensei, Fujiyama-sensei and Kashiwagi-san. It was a good change – chatting about insignificant things, laughing away unnecessarily. Yet, even though it was a good escape for a while, there were times when I was suddenly overcome by emptiness whilst I was still with them that left me feeling sick. I felt isolated and alone and an impulse to dash out of there and into Shin's arms would seem like a good idea to me. But I just never followed it. I waited. I don't know what for but I just waited…

I was mistaken if I ever thought Ojiichan hadn't noticed my strange behavior for all this while. His eyes would crinkle up in worry whenever he looked at me. I couldn't meet his eye. If I were to explain everything that had been happening all this while between me and Shin, I doubt he would be very impressed. And even if he didn't mind me romancing my student, he wouldn't like what I was doing now. I couldn't bear the thought of even my own grandfather looking down on me. Ojiichan did ask me if there was something I had to tell him. I denied each time. He would nod and ask me to go back to what I was doing but he would worry even more. His worries increased when I stopped joining everyone for dinner and would eat in my room instead. Tetsu would come to call me a few times, but my negative answers ended up putting a stop to his visits. I knew it was not because they didn't care about me anymore. They just didn't want to force me into telling them stuff.

A lot had happened in these two weeks. My confusion had begun to affect my concentration. There were times when I'd get onto a bus and forget the place I had to go to, thus remaining on the bus longer than necessary. Often, while teaching, I'd lose my thread and then wonder what I had been saying before. I was sent to Kawashima-sensei more than once by Kyoutou-sensei. They were all worried about me…I could see it in their eyes – Kawashima-sensei, Fujiyama-sensei, Kyoutou-sensei, Shinohara-san. And I couldn't be more thankful for having made such close friends.

But the most important of everything that had happened in these days had been last night's date with Shinohara-san. We went out alone. Once again, I found myself turning into the sad, muddled Kumiko I had been, a few months before Shin reappeared in my life and completely changed it. However, there was a huge difference between my sadness and confusion then and now. Then, I was struggling to get out of a loveless relationship with Shinohara-san but hadn't been able to be strong about it because I was unaware of whom I loved. Now, I knew too well who the love of my life was. I was just not sure if I wanted to be with him as more than a friend. However, when Shinohara-san bent in for a good night kiss, for a minute, I thought I was back in Shin's house, wrapped in his arms, about to kiss him. That's when everything got clear. I pulled away from Shinohara-san, hastily opened the car door and stumbled out, leaving Shinohara-san shocked. I rushed towards my house, with only Shin on my mind. I had to call him tonight.

However, I reached home to only be distracted by Tetsu and Minoru telling me about Kyoutou-sensei who had called in my absence to remind me of the pile of test papers I had to correct and hand in tomorrow. I took a fleeting look at the wall clock. It was 10pm. I had to get to work right away if I ever wanted to finish. And while love is important, I had been slacking on the work front with the excuse of love. It was high time I worked more seriously. I started checking the papers. Bundle after bundle went by; I kept glancing at the clock. It was much too late to call anyone at that time. And my work was far from over. At last, when it finished at 3am, I yawned and slumped onto my bed, for a few hours of sleep before school. I would have to call him in the morning.

After what seemed like an eternity, morning came and now, I'm finally out of the house, away from my family. I pulled my phone out of my bag to call Shin. However, I realized that if I called him, there would be a lot to say. Instead, I typed out a text message –

'Hi Shin, we need to talk. Could you meet me this evening, at 5, outside Shirokin?'

I read the text once before sending it. It seemed all right. We really had to talk…


Shin's P.O.V.

I woke up frowning at the glaring sun outside my window. Another damn day. I doubted anything nice would happen today. My list of nice days ended when I tried to kiss Kumiko anyway. So I didn't think today would be all that different. I scrambled out of bed and got up to freshen up.

As I brushed my teeth, I reflected on how horrible the past two weeks had been. Not talking to Kumiko was probably the worst punishment anyone could ever mete out to me. And what made it worse was that it was brought on by Kumiko herself…

I still regretted trying to get close to Kumiko the other day. If I could, I'd go back in time and change that day. I was sure that she was scared of me now. After all, which girl wouldn't me if the one guy she thought of as her friend turned around and tried to kiss her? This fortnight had forced me to believe that Uchi was mistaken. And anyway, even if what he had said was true and that she was only guilty because she was dating Shinohara, did it honestly take this long to break up with someone? If she wanted to be with me, she could have easily left him. Yet, she still hadn't. That meant I had gone wrong somewhere. I was to blame for all this…

Why had I acted so rashly then? Why couldn't I control myself? She didn't want to see me again because our proximity had scared her. Had I stopped myself then, we'd still be spending time together. I knew just the way to ruin things when they were going perfectly!

I slipped my night shirt off my back and stepped into the shower. As the warm water trickled down my face, I felt a stab of regret. I hadn't gone to see Kumiko even once in all this while. I know, she probably wasn't unwell but what if she was? That may have been an excuse to not see me but what if she was truly ill and I didn't go to meet her even once to check on her? I felt sick. Why was I always regretting my actions after I had done them? Was something really wrong with me? Back then, I didn't meet her because I felt she was just not too eager to meet me. That might be true but I could still have dropped by to check if she really wasn't well…I really felt stupid.

I hoped she had been alright all this time and didn't go through the trauma I did. Staying away from her reminded me that we only value things once we lose them from our life. It held true in my case. Not being with Kumiko made me aware of the emptiness surrounding me. It made me realize that she was my reason for living. I woke up each morning, with the hope that I would hear from her. But I waited and waited in vain. And thus passed each day – it started with me waking up, getting dressed for work, leaving for office, reaching there, working, leaving work in the evenings, returning home, watching some mindless TV, having dinner and going to bed again. The only strength that pulled me through this was Kumiko. I knew I could wait forever for an answer from her. At times I did feel negative but I called up Uchi on those occasions. And he did what a friend would – boosted me with so much optimism that I couldn't think of even one negative opportunity. In fact, he helped me remember that on the rare occasion that I spoke to Kumiko in these two weeks, that is, when she told me she wasn't well, she hadn't sounded mad or upset at all. On the contrary, she had sounded completely like herself. So maybe I was reading too much into the situation. Maybe she didn't hate me after all…

This morning too, I awoke with a silent prayer on my mind. I wanted to hear from her again. And I hoped today would be the day. Not that my patience was running low, not at all. As I've said, if it's Kumiko I'm waiting for, even forever does not mean much. Still, I didn't like being miserable like this and wanted this emotional turmoil to end soon. So I was hoping everything would get better soon…

I got out of the shower and wrapped my towel around my waist tight. My body was still moist from the shower with beads of water slipping down slowly. I toweled myself dry and slipped on a freshly ironed shirt. Glancing around my room, I noticed my phone. It flashed. There was probably an unread text message or a missed call. I grabbed it and noticed that it was a text I had received while I was showering.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw who the sender was. It was Kumiko! I blinked a few times and took a deep breath. Was this it? Would all matters settle today? I was a little afraid to read the text – what if it bore bad news? But I couldn't ignore it, could I? I had waited for days – it had to be now or never. I closed my eyes and pressed the 'open' button. I opened my eyes and read the message. It was short and didn't say much –

'Hi Shin, we need to talk. Could you meet me this evening, at 5, outside Shirokin?'

I took another deep breath and let out a sharp laugh. 'This isn't so bad,' I thought. While it wasn't a 'yes', at least she didn't turn me down right away. Somewhere, inside me, I knew a positive answer awaited me. Maybe it was intuition, I don't know. I smiled at my phone and was about to type out a reply to her text with a heavily relaxed mind, when my phone rang. I was hoping it was Kumiko but my hopes were dashed when I saw that it was an unknown number. I pressed the 'talk' button–

"Moshi moshi?" I said cautiously.

"!!!!!!!!!!!" a hyper, female voice screamed into my ear, "I've missed you so much!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Ai?" I repeated disbelievingly. Why was she calling me?

"Yes, my love! Have you forgotten me already? I knew I shouldn't have let you escape to Japan!" Ai said, her voice mounting in that way I was very familiar with. And though I couldn't see her, I could bet on myself that she was pouting.

"Why are you calling me at this hour, Ai? Isn't it really – " but she continued her own rant, "You didn't call me even once! Is this the way you treat me?"

"Listen, Ai. I can't talk to you at the moment. I have to leave for work soon. And I have an important text to send. So…"

"I knew you'd come up with an excuse. You always do. That's why I've come to Japan myself."

"What?!" It was as if lightning struck me. What was she doing in Japan?

"Yes, sweetheart, I'm in Japan now. There's no way I could have spoken to you over the phone without you hanging up on me. So I decided to come to Japan for you instead. Now, we can meet up and talk for hours, just like we used to before. Isn't that cool? I've missed you so much!!"

"Ai, I'm really busy. I don't think I'll be able to meet you today."

"Is it because you have to meet your girlfriend?" she asked slyly, "Want me to spill the beans on her about our grand engagement in America, my dear fiancé?"


Author's Notes: Yes, I like being evil. So what? Kill me!! Muahahahahaha! Hope you liked the cliffhanger, people!!! Oh and also, I hope you guys liked the fan-service Shin scenes I put in – you know the "just-out-of-the-shower" scenes. I just thought that Matsujun used to be really hot back when he was Sawada Shin and I simply had to add a few special scenes for all you fangirls to nosebleed over. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed chapter seven. If you did, please review. If you didn't, still review and tell me where I can improve! I love getting your feedback!! Ok, I'll cut my rant short. Enjoy your holidays, everyone!! Hope this chapter serves as an early Christmas present!! Take care and have lots of fun!!!!! Merry Christmas!!!! Jaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!! \(^o^)/