Chapter 7 – Accidental Testing
LaECOS was relaxing when he heard giggling. Opening his eyes, he saw three very small ponies staring at him, now openly laughing. "Okay, what's so funny?" he asked, then deployed a mirror from the ceiling. His helmet was covered in squiggles. "Oh, that's just not cool," he muttered. "Betcha can't catch us!" Applebloom yelled, then ran off, with the other two members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders close behind. "Where are they going… oh HECK NO," he said, and quickly utilized Emergency Area Shutdown Protocols. He also patched in to the intercom. "Why does every little pony have to invade this place when I'm not in charge!? You three are not supposed to be in there. That area isn't safe for you. OH NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING AAGH!" he yelled as they entered the one place he feared for them the most:
The Test Chambers.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE MAKES GUNS?!" Celestia shouted at her faithful student. Twilight cringed; she had never seen the princess this angry before. "Well, they're little white egg-shaped things that shoot ponies really fast." Celestia was horrified. The same human who made the most wondrous things made these monsters? "Guards, get me a chariot," she called. Another visit was due…
Luna had decided to visit the Enrichment Center all on her own. She saw no one in the lobby, and LaECOS wasn't speaking. The digital board had a map of the facility, with lifeforms listed as red dots. Luna was confused: There were already three other ponies here, and LaECOS was in his chamber. So why wasn't he talking? She noted the direction to LaECOS's Main AI chamber and set off, marveling at all the technology that popped up everywhere.
Celestia, meanwhile, was just outside the door when Luna's guards were spotted. "Is Princess Luna in there?" she asked, looking desperate. They nodded. Celestia ran in, and saw Luna walking down a hallway and turning the corner. "Luna!" she yelled as she galloped to catch up. And why wasn't the human saying anything? Was he hiding?
The three CMC's entered Chamber 01, where the rotating portals were featured. The intercom came on, but LaECOS's voice was different, and strangely monotone. "Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. Due to mandatory testing cycles, we can no longer communicate with you directly, and we apologize for the inconvenience. During testing, you may be exposed to hazards such as deadly lasers, acid, high-energy gamma-leaking portal technology, fire, radiation poisoning, vaporization, asbestos poisoning, psychological damage, emancipation of select body parts, falling, and formerly shooting. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have concerns about these policies, and in fact would not have started testing at all had you not entered this chamber. Please do your best to make it out alive."
Both Celestia and Luna were hearing this, as LaECOS had not yet found out how to only broadcast to individual chambers. At this time, Celestia had caught up to Luna, and both of them looked at eachother. Then they raced off to LaECOS to confront him.
Meanwhile, LaECOS himself was desperately frightened. If he couldn't pull these ponies out of testing, he'd have murder charges on his hands. For what appeared to be innocent children. Just then, both princesses burst into his chamber, to see one very frustrated LaECOS. On all of his screens was "Testing Cancellation Protocol," and "Denied" was popping up on the screen every few seconds. "That one… no… RRGH! What is the password?!" LaECOS yelled, startling them both. Then he went still as another message came out in the monotonous voice. "Very good. You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. With it, you can create your own portals. These interdimensional gates have proven to be completely safe." Celestia and Luna relaxed a bit. "The device, however, has not." They tensed again. "Do not look directly at the operational end of the device. Do not touch the operational end of the device. Do not submerge the device in liquid, even partially. Most important, do not attempt to remove the device from the testing area without prior authorization." Celestia noticed a keyboard with the same screen as LaECOS was displaying, and she used magic to type on it. "Err…. CaveJohnson? No…. 3tier? No! This must have some password that nobody knows… rrgh!" LaECOS raged. Celestia was trying passwords as well, but she had no idea what she was doing.
In the meantime, the three-pony team was charging through the tests at an incredibly fast rate, and were already at Test Chamber 16. Luckily for them, this was the actual Test Chamber 16, involving complex combinations of buttons and cubes. No turrets were present anywhere. They easily solved it, and LaECOS was impressed at their cognitive abilities. These ponies were excellent problem-solvers, and didn't seem to mind the dangers. Then again, he was desperately trying to get them out of there. He didn't want them to even get to Test Chamber 17, let alone up to 19. Finally, a screen came up that said "Password Accepted." LaECOS stared. He hadn't entered a password in that time. A panel opened up in the wall adjacent to the three, and they exited the testing labs. They were shortly brought to the main chamber. "Now…" LaECOS said. "What did you enter? There's no way someone who's never used a computer could be so experienced as to find the password in that time." Celestia glared at him. "I entered 'pony', she said. LaECOS was fairly stunned. That was it? This whole time, the password was 'pony'? He zoomed back in to reality to see Luna looking scared, but still curious, the three Cutie Mark Crusaders happily exhausted in a corner, and Celestia looking furious.
"I just looked through the memories of those three, and what I saw infuriated me. How could you expose anyone to those conditions? HOW COULD YOU?!" LaECOS gave no reaction, which was odd. "Answer me!" Celestia said, stomping a hoof. LaECOS suddenly swiveled until his helmet was a few feet away from her face, and she jumped. "Do you really want to know what we do for science, here in Aperture?" he whispered. Celestia carefully nodded, she had a feeling she was on thin ice here. "I was a Test Subject once," LaECOS slowly said, and what appeared to be his own memories of his testing were playing on the screen. "I had to go through much worse. I had bullets through half of my brain, and yet I grabbed the medicine and repaired myself to continue." Celestia was shocked. "But why didn't you just give up? Death sounds better than this," she replied. "Because," LaECOS began. "I had nothing else to live for."
A/N: Next chapter, we hear of Josh's own past! And… stuff! Yeah, stuff. Anyway, review.
