A/N Okay, I'll admit that the last chapter wasn't my best. After that, I was seriously thinking of ending the story in this chapter, but then I read your reviews for the last chapter. I think it was MTG(?) who sparked this concept of a Mac POV for this chappy. Once given that idea, this seriously just flowed from my fingertips smoothly. I didn't stop typing for a second lol! Ok hmm... rating is T and characters belong to CSI NY. Enjoy!
The next day, a very weary Mac Taylor awoke with a fine sheen of sweat across his brow, panting fearfully. He had the dream again. He sat up fretfully, opening his eyes slowly, hoping that his nightmare hadn't been realized and that Danny was still sleeping soundly on the chair he had collapsed on the night before.
But Danny wasn't there.
Mac tried to reason with himself that Danny probably just stepped out for a bit, knowing Mac would be alright by himself for a few minutes. That's right… He'll be back any minute… Suddenly, Mac discovered that even thinking logically was painful to him, a sharp pain erupting in his head. He rubbed his temples thoroughly, trying to ignore that the motion was pulling at his wound, making it throb as if he had been shot all over again.
"Shit, that hurts…" Mac dropped back onto his back and stared at the ceiling, contemplating through the pain. The hazy blur of the last few days was coming into focus as he awakened more fully. The shooting, Danny leaning over him, waking up from surgery to freak the nurses out by yelling for Danny. Mac chuckled out the thought but let his mind continue to peruse the events. The night of the nightmare was the first time in a long time that he had really been scared, so much that he was willing to confess everything to Danny. And oh God, did Mac remember that first kiss. It was poignant and clumsy and reaching, everything that defined two lost souls suddenly found in each other. Mac smiled faintly, closing his eyes and embracing the memory, allowing it to play out in vivid detail.
But somehow, his mind crept onto the next day, waking up to be constantly interrupted as he and Danny were trying to figure out where they were in their relationship. The nurse, that… that bitch, and then Flack, the copilot to the whole Mac and Danny covert operation. It was frustrating to the detective that he couldn't satisfy his hormonal urges, and Mac was worried that this look-but-don't-touch rule set by the ever-so-cliché Nursezilla was going to result in serious injury. To Danny or himself, Mac didn't know. All Mac knew was that he was human and longed for physical contact.
"Think, Taylor, think! You know that the average length of stay for patients with firearm-related injuries is about six days.¹ Soooo about four more days of this crap, and I'll be free to do whatever I want with Danny." He frowned, remembering that he still had all that bedrest bullshit to deal with. "Or not… DAMNIT, why the FUCK did I have to get shot?"
He was interrupted by a knock at the door. Danny was standing, very amusedly grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Mac stammered, a steady blush creeping across his cheeks. "How long have you been listening to me talk to myself?"
Danny shut the door, leaning against it with a smirk on his face. "Long enough to hear the 'whatever I want' spiel. And what does 'whatever' entail, Detective Taylor?"
The blush burned even darker, as Mac barked playfully, "Hey, don't remind me of what I can't have right now!" He looked down at his hands folded carefully in his lap and exhaled softly. He muttered darkly to himself, "I sound so self-centered, don't I?" His hands contorted and twisted garishly. "I mean, I'm alive… I'm not exceedingly hurt… And I have you." He looked up at Danny, trying and yet failing to avoid letting his eyes show the younger man how much pain his heart and body were in. "Danny, I'm so sorry…"
"Hey, you weren't about to let me take the blame, so I sure as hell ain't gonna let you either." Mac looked away, not wanting to reveal anything else with his eyes; it wasn't like him to wear his heart on his sleeve, but somehow, Danny was changing him. "Mac, look at me!"
No reply came from the older man, as he continued to stare at the wall. He couldn't tell anymore if the pain in his chest was physical damage or the damage caused by five years of hidden emotions. Mac wasn't going to cry again. He just wasn't.
Or so he thought: tears began sailing down his worn and exhausted face, trickling into the sides of his mouth. They tasted like salty and bitter guilt. Guilt from feeling so hormonal and selfish. Guilt from being in love with someone other than his wife. Guilt from nearly letting that someone die. Guilt from realizing that if he died as he often wished he would, people would be left behind as he was when his wife died.
"Damn…" Mac cursed softly at himself and continued to inundate his cheeks with liquefied remorse. The room was as silent as the grave, except for the occasional sharp intake of breath from Mac.
Danny's eyes had never left their position, still gazing at the broken man before him. He let Mac's grief run its course, as he waited for Mac to seek his support, which was held out with bated breath by Danny's reaching heart.
Mac eventually did flail out for that support, turning around to look at Danny. His eyes were swollen and red with their endeavors; the light was barely crackling behind their deadened gaze. He croaked hollowly, "I'm… I don't know what to do anymore, Danny… I'm so sorry for all of this…"
Danny choked back a sob of his own, wrapping his arms around Mac carefully and pulling him into a tender embrace. "Shh… Like I said, it ain't your fault… God… Well, God does everything for a reason, you know…" Mac pulled away and gave Danny a skeptical and bitterly amused look. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, right? Religious nonsense from me? But seriously, I had given up on God for a long time… but… but this whole thing made me think about a lot. You getting shot was awful, something I would never have wanted in this lifetime to happen. Ever. But… God works in strange ways, and maybe this was His message to us that we have to make the most out of life and move on with the people and opportunities before us."
Mac smiled faintly and then cracked, "Couldn't he have sent a FedEx? Or at least a Hallmark saying, 'Hey, you two! Get off your asses and use those detective skills I gave you to figure out what's in front of your own damn eyes'?"
Danny snickered quietly, looked at Mac, who was beginning to chuckle, and then bust out laughing. "See? See, what I mean? Damn, Mac, you're actually pretty funny when you let go of your inhibitions." The laughter ebbed away, both men left to stare at the other thoughtfully. Danny brought a hand up to Mac's cheek and let it glance along the contours of his boss's face. He gently wound his fingers through Mac's short hair, twisting it slowly and deftly. "And you're not selfish, you know."
Mac tilted his head and raised one eyebrow, as if to challenge Danny to defend his statement. But Danny didn't, instead, laughing almost maniacally when he saw Mac's look. "Just what may I ask is so funny?" The eyebrow went higher, as the smile grew wider.
"Oh God… It's just… It's just that look! I just wanna either cringe in fear or jump you when you do it, cuz it's so intense!" The look abated, another blush taking its place. "And it's fucking hot…" Danny grinned wickedly. "That's what I was saying… You aren't the only one wishing the circumstances were different for erm… you know…"
Mac raised his eyebrow again coyly and sniggered when Danny yelled in mock frustration. It was then Mac realized how much he was secretly loving this. This teasing build-up, this sexual tension. It would magnify the real thing significantly. When it ever happens, Mac added to his thoughts.
Mac reached out with his body and kissed the unsuspecting Danny on the lips. He ignored the screams from his body that his movement was doing damage, as he continued to explore with his tongue. Mac's eyes stayed opened, watching Danny and his reactions carefully.
Danny had his eyes closed and was moaning softly. Mac noticed how Danny scrunched his face up every time they moved, and Mac realized how worried Danny was about him to hurt himself.
Mac pulled out of the kiss, putting his mouth next to Danny's ear, whispering, "I'm happy with what I have now, but you better believe that when I can have it all, I will." He paused before gently leaning away from Danny to see if it had the effects he had hoped for.
It did. Danny was the one blushing now, trying to avoid looking at Mac's mouth, which was now twisted maliciously into a wicked grin. Danny fiddled with his hands, trying to do anything to keep from ravaging that mouth which was taunting him.
He finally found his voice, which was a bit croaky. "That… that wasn't nice, ya know." Danny didn't mean it scornfully, and Mac knew it.
Mac still smirked at him. "Oh, you know you're enjoying this, Messer."
Danny scooted forward, so that he could take his turn to whisper devious things into Mac's ear. "Yeah, boss. I am. But I'll have you know that when the time comes, you will be mine."
Danny had not meant it all of it, of course. There was no way he was going to take the chances of hurting Mac if he was the one in control. But still, it had been fun to say, if only to see Mac desperately try to avoid blushing.
"Ah, don't fight it, boss. You know you want a piece of this."
Mac was able to keep the redness out of his face, becoming slightly serious. "Okay, okay. We had our fun, but we should probably keep it to a minimum, so we don't actually do anything too soon. I guess it'll be like dating…" He glanced about the room disdainfully. "A lousy place to date, but hey, it's who you're seeing that counts."
Danny smiled happily at Mac. He knew Mac was moving on and getting better, at least in his heart, so he was contented. And Mac knew it too. So, all they had to do was let the next few days play out and wait to see where the wind blew them.
A/N No, I am not ending it yet. and the superscript one thing was because I actually found that stat so as to give a timeline for the story. i'll put the link up in my profile.
