Authors notes deleted 12/01/13
Chapter 6
When everything stays the same, even the smallest change can seem world altering.
Dark circles appeared under my eyes, their deep brown lost that tell-tale hardness that unnerved Charlotte at times and became lifeless, hopeless. I began flushing my food down the toilet, so I lost weight, my ribs becoming prominent and my cheeks sallow. I couldn't sleep, nothing was right; the room was too big and bright at night, too empty.
From my window I could see our tower, the window at the very top glowed. If I waited long enough I could see a passing shadow and would wave, even though I knew she couldn't see me.
I imaged I heard her crying at night, curling herself up into a ball and hiding underneath the covers. I wondered how much they had told her, if they had told her anything at all, or if she had just come back from classes to find me gone, with no explanation. Did she think something terrible had happened to me?
Esme stayed with me that first night, till I asked her to leave. She told me she understood and locked the door again when she left. I liked Esme, but she was the mate of one of the enemy. I no longer liked Carlisle, I felt as though he had betrayed me, by simply doing his job.
I had no idea what was happening outside of my room, but I knew the Major was here. I had heard growling as someone was dragged away from my room door. I had been looking out the window when I had heard the commotion; I hid under the bed like a frightened child. It was an idiotic thing to do, he would have followed my scent, heard my breathing or heartbeat, but still, I hid anyway.
I discovered I liked it under the bed. It was dark, the covers coming down over all four sides, it was enclosed and I couldn't move to far or too quickly. Removing a pillow and a single sheet from my bed, I slept under it, my hips became bruised the more they protruded, but I could hide all that under my robes.
Only one person visited me. A human maid, would bring me my food, collect old dishes and then leave, I had nothing to hide from her, and I didn't even look at her after her first visit. She couldn't help me, so she held no interest for me; I just stared out of my window at the tower, and then retreated under the bed for the night when Charlotte's window went dark.
When my week of isolation was over I knew Carlisle would be coming back. I stood in the middle of the room, my head down when he entered. He locked the door behind him, as if I could ever get around him too it.
"The Major," I flinched. "-has decided to stay, he has a room on the other side of the guest wing." I sealed my lips and nodded my head.
"No one will make the mistake of even thinking to touch you, not again." He told me, I nodded, though my shoulders stiffened. I wanted to know what had happened to Aro, but it wasn't my place to ask.
"Am I allowed to go back to my rooms?" I asked quietly, hoping he didn't hear me at all.
"No." He sighed, my shoulders slumped and my eyes began burning, I nodded again.
"Sir."
"Isabella, look at me." I took a deep breath and raised my head; he recoiled as if I had slapped him.
"Are you ill?" He asked, lurching forward and grabbing my wrist from behind my back.
"No, Sir." I muttered as he sniffed my pulse point, I withheld my grimace.
"Have you slept?" He asked, still analyzing my scent. I wanted to lie, I owed him noting, and he was a betrayer.
"Not much, Sir." He nodded and stepped away from me.
From that day on, Esme brought my meals, and stayed whilst I ate them; only leaving after she was sure I wasn't going to throw up. They were fattier than usual; I had meats and pasta, and some weird rich sauces I had no name for.
She also came at night after my teachers had been and gave me a pill to take, to make sure I slept. I couldn't save it in my mouth and spit it out when she left, because she tucked me into the bed and only left after I had fallen asleep.
The Major was still around. He made the odd, noisy appearance, whenever I became remotely comfortable. I would be okay, and then hear a monstrous noise I just knew instinctively it was him, before I imagined he was dragged away.
"Finished, Bella?" I stopped myself from rolling my eyes and wiped my mouth on a napkin instead, using it as an excuse to keep my head down. The plate was clean, of course I was finished.
"Yes, Miss." I answered, I knew it annoyed her, but I had also began calling Carlisle- 'Master', he was after all. Now I knew he wasn't a friend I saw no reason to skip the formalities.
She didn't say a word, but sighed. I excused myself and got up to take my plate to a small table by the door and then went to brush my teeth. When I was done I returned to my desk, I had to do some work. The vase for flowers sat empty, I kept sending the flowers back with the empty dishes. I hated the smell, and the happiness they seemed to exude, the life. Esme persisted, bringing fresh ones every day, all different kinds, but I hated them all.
Once I was situated at the desk she went to sit on a chair in the corner. I ignored her, she wasn't there for me, therefore she wasn't there to me. I fiddled around till I had my 'basic submission' notebook. I had a routine quiz sheet to fill in; it was basically the same one I had been given every week since I was forced here. The questions changed slightly but the answers were always the same. Prof. Athendora was a weak looking, mousy vampire that jumped at any noise we mere mortals couldn't even hear. It was no wonder that she was teaching submissiveness.
1.a) When your mate is angry with you, what stance should you take?
When my mate is angry, I will not look at his face or into his eyes. I will clasp my hands behind my back and lower my head.
1.b) When you mate is angry with another, what should you do?
When my mate is angry with another, I will maintain a submissive pose, and will not interfere.
2.a) When you and your mate are separated for a period of time, what are you expected to do?
When my mate and I are separated, I am to follow any and all instructions he leaves. I am not to look at another man, touch another man, nor let another man touch me.
2.b) When your mate comes home, what are you expected to do?
When my mate returns home I am to give him complete submission immediately, in any and all actions he asks of me.
3.a) How are you to address your mate?
I am to only call my mate, Master.
4.a) Define ten meanings of being a good mate, as you understand it.
-To be a good mate I am to submit to my vampire in any and all situations.
-I am to never question my mate's will, disobey or ignore him.
-I am to help my mate mark his territory.
-I am to allow my mate his dominance in his territory.
-I am to be willing and ready whenever my mate wants to mount me and to participate in any other sexual act, in public or in private.
-I am to allow my mate to drink my blood whenever he wants it.
-I am to accept punishment as my mate sees fit.
-I am to never seek out or show an interest in any other man than my mate.
-I am to keep my mate's, den, lair, nest, or home tidy, clean and secure.
-I am to help nurse my mate when he is injured, and heal his wounds with my blood or venom.
I spent an hour filling it all in, there were questions on scenting, claiming, and turning as well as the human side of things. I was lead to believe I wouldn't remember anything when I was murde-turned. My human memories would be burned away with my human life.
It was all up to the Major of course, as to what punishment I was to receive for any disobedience he saw or thought he saw. It was also up to him as to when I was to die. There was nothing I could do to stop it, he could turn me the night he claimed me, or in twenty years time. I wished I could remember how old he looked, and then I would have an estimation of how long I had left. Was he older than eighteen, older than twenty? I couldn't remember.
Esme made her excuses and left. The sun had already set, it was getting late. I checked the window again. Char's candles were already out, and all I could see was the faint glow from the fire.
I stacked everything up neatly and switched on a lamp before heading to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me I pulled my towel off of a drying rack and set it down on the vanity, by the mirror. There were no windows in here at all, but there was a vent in the corner that delivered air, or prevented mould. It had some purpose surely, probably harbouring spiders and other bugs.
I stripped my clothes, hanging them up, before I looked at myself in the mirror. You could see all my little pink and white scars in the bright light, it reflected back at me from the white tiles, tub, flooring and sink. I pulled my hair over my shoulder and traced a particularly bright one on my shoulder. I was pretty sure I got that one from hitting a rock when I was plunged into the sea. That shoulder still ached on cold days.
I closed my eyes and gripped the sink in front of me. Showering alone was strange, in the few weeks I had been here I hadn't gotten used to it. My whole body was tense, I hadn't been able to remove kinks from my shoulders on my own, and had refused Esme when she noticed and asked if she could help.
I didn't look at my reflection again, but I climbed into the shower and closed the sliding door. Once the water was the right temperature I leant against the wall and let it rain over me.
There was no one here to help me, so I guessed I would have to de-stress myself. Soaping my hands up I ran them down my chest, sighing as I gave them a little squeeze, then let my hands drift lower. My breath began coming in shorter pants, as my hips rocked forward of their own volition, just waiting for my hands to slide between my legs.
A roar and several resounding bangs had me sliding into the corner of the stall and curling my knees to my chest. Relieving tension was forgotten, and I instead felt like I was now trying to keep the ceiling up using only my shoulders.
When there was no further noise I finished my shower up and climbed out, wrapping myself in my towel before daring to peek into my room. Esme was waiting, perched on the end of my bed.
"Come in," she murmured. My anger immediately spiked, who was she to invite me into my own room? I stepped in, grabbed my night gown and some clean underwear before dashing back.
When I was dry and dressed for the night I began towel drying my hair, biding my time. When it was what I deemed dry enough I French braided it and let it hang down my back. I had cleaned my teeth and moisturised my face before I noticed my hands were shaking.
When I went back to my room I fisted my hands by my side and headed straight for the bed. I grabbed the pill from the bedside table, swallowed it without water and settled in, switching of the light and waiting for Esme to leave.
My eyes were getting heavy when she finally did; I gave it a few minutes before I crawled under my bed, taking a pillow and a sheet with me.
As my environment had changed, so did my routine.
I no longer paced, there were too many people coming and going. My teachers had to come after when my class should have been, so my schooling routine was screwed up, and if I began to pace I was often interrupted.
There were one thousand two hundred and two tiles in the pristine white bathroom, they were all different sizes, but still white, so they all got counted. There was carpet so I couldn't count stones or floorboards, and the walls were covered. One of my new obsessions became the door, I would turn my desk chair around and watch the wooden door. It was made up of two lots of four, long panels of treated wood. I couldn't tell what kind, it was so darkly stained I could barely see the grain anymore.
But, outside that door was the corridor, and people passed that door constantly at all times of the day and night, vampires, humans, and I had sometimes heard a crying baby, or distressed children. I had no idea what babies would be doing in the castle, well I did, but I didn't want to think about it, it was too ghastly.
Several vampires had shown identifiable shock when they walked in to see me sat, unmoving, in the middle of my room, looking right at them when they entered. It made me feel a little better. I could get the best of them in a small way. I could stun them, if only for a second. I hoped I had freaked them out a little too.
My other obsession had one hundred and four diamonds of glass, three cracked in a corner and five replaced with newer clearer glass. The window and the courtyard. It was so cruel to know I was only a glass' width away from freedom, yet I couldn't do anything about it.
I knew it was safer back in my tower, where corridors and various staircases had to be navigated. I had my thick walls, my door guard, and no hallway for people to pass outside my door.
Here, I had a seemingly busy corridor, a thin double wide wooden door and too much shared wall space. I didn't know if there were people or vampires in the rooms flanking mine, but I was sure there was someone. There was no door guard, well, not that I had seen when my teachers had entered the room. But I could have overlooked one vampire when they stood off to the side I supposed.
There was also that big green courtyard outside my window. I was only one floor up, the grass looked soft, and the window was old, one knock and it would shatter. That didn't stop people getting in, and it definitely wouldn't prevent me getting out if I tried. If only Charlotte were with me, and I knew where the vampires around this part of the castle where. There was a wooden door, covered in vines at the end of that courtyard, I never saw it opened, and I never saw people on the grass.
The yard was surrounded on two sides with a tall stone wall, nothing but sky visible beyond it; there was the wall my room was on, and the wall that contained the Cullen dormitory, the tower visible just past the wall. I couldn't see past the wall, obviously, but I was intrigued as the door must have lead somewhere.
The window to the courtyard had hinges, and a small lock, a poor attempt to prevent me from being able to open it.
