Okay, so this may be a little rough because the McDean story line i was watching on youtube got removed or something so i had to watch another one which is kind of different than the one i used first. Still I hope this is good.
Once I left the house I couldn't resist but do a little dance. I mean come on, John Paul, the love of my life, has just slept with me and went off to break the engagment off with Kieron. Who wouldn't be happy from that? I decide to go off and buy some wine to celebrate with Steph. Jeez, I don't think I've seen her since I've been back! I pick up my phone and call Mom.
"Hey Mum," I say when she picks up, "I'm just going to pick up a bottle of wine them I'm gonna go in on Steph."
"Okay, have fun love." she says.
"M'kay, love you." I finish and snap the phone shut. Of course I buy an expensive brand because this is a very special occasion - I mean wouldn't reuniting with your love be special? - and then head off to her house. I'm still doing my litte jig and people are just staring at me. I laugh at them, they just don't know how good you can feel when you're flying high. I walk into the apartment building, run the up the steps, skipping every other one, and knock on her door. Once she opens it I exclaim with a big smile, "Suprise!" like a dork and show off the wine. We hug and I give her a peck on the cheek.
"Think it's about time that you and I caught up don't you think?" I ask her walking in. I look back at her and see her face is long and the sorrow in her eyes. She shuts the door slowly and sighs a little. Slowly the smile retreats from my face and I ask hesitantly, "What? What's up?"
"Hav-Have you spoken to John Paul?" she wonders.
"No. Why is he alright?" I ask worridly. If anything's happened to him when I was gone I swear-
"He's fine, but.." she trails off a little, "but Kieron's not." I just stare at her with confusion written all over my face.
"Well," she continues, "Kieron...police say that...that Kieron had...killed him-himself." she finished and her face looked strained, as if it was hard to get out. I freeze up. What was I supposed to do? I guess I could've cried, but I didn't know him that well.
"Craig?" Steph call after a few moments of silence.
"When was he found?" I wonder, dreading for the answer. "When did it happen?"
"I don't know, and hour or so before when he had a phone call from John Paul." Steph answered shaking her head. I got up and paced whispering to myself, "Was it before or after?"
"What?" Whoops. Should have said that in my head. I turn and face her, "John Paul, had left me, to go to tell Kieron that it was over and that we had gotten back together." Steph hesitated before asking, "Are you?"
"Yes," I say softly with so much joy in my voice, but apparently she wasn't sharing that happy moment, for she frowned and looked down at her shoes.
"It doesn't make sense though," I say looking over Kieron's death, "I mean, there wasn't enough time. He must of done it before John Paul could tell him." I finish a little relieved that his death may not be my fault.
"But he knew you were back," Steph told me taking away my relief.
"Yeah," I sigh sitting back down. I run my fingers through my hair, "I think he was jealous or something...but this?" I ask myself with disbelief. I just can't believe that someone could envy John Paul and my relationship so much.
"You weren't to know that-" she began.
"I should have come back ages ago." I cut her off, "Day after day in Dublin I'd want too...but he ran out on me. How could I?" I ask on the verge of tears. I start to pour my heart out, letting all the pain seap into my voice so she could atleast get a taste of what I'd felt over the past year. I continued, "So I went traveling, but I was only running away from John Paul as well." I walk up to the counter, lean on it, and then realize, "I'm going to lose him all over again."
"You can't say that," Steph said shaking her head. I had a sudden impulse to go comfort him and hold him.
"I've got to go see him," I tell her. I start towards to the door before she stops me, "No!"
"No, I do Steph. I need to talk to him, I need to be with him, I-I know how upset he must be." I finish a little desperatly. She shakes her head and replies softly, "Not now. John Paul's with his family. You've waited months to see him, you can wait till tomorrow." I stare at her with anguish in my eyes and at that moment, I literally wanted to scream and fight, or crumple up and cry. Just pathetic.
The next morning when the clock read 10:00, I sprinted to the McQueen's house and knocked on the door. I needed to see how John Paul was doing, I was desperate. I swear, you'd think I was in a desert and have no water. Finally the door opened to reveal...Mercedes. Ugh.
"What are you doing here?" she snaps. Okay, someone didn't have their peppy juice this morning.
"Um, is John Paul in?" I ask her in a kind, gentle voice. She scoffs, "You're not very good at picking the right time are you?" I scratch my eyebrow, "Look, I know it's early but..." I trail off a little.
"What's he doing here?" Myra asks from behind Mercedes. Oh great...just what I needed. I open my mouth to answer, but then just leave it hanging when I catch sight of John Paul. He looked like a sad puppy. His usually neat blonde hair, sat on his head like a dirty mop, his usually blue eyes looked clouded over and his skin wasn't glowing like usual. It actually broke my heart to see him in this state. Instead of answering Myra's question, I look at John Paul and say with understading in my voice, "Look, I heard about what happened I'm-"
"You shouldn't even be here," I hear Mercedes tell me. I ignore her and ask John Paul, "Well if there's anything I could do..." I trail off again.
"Come on," Mercedes tells Myra, "Lets get that tea now." and they both walk away with Myra still looking at me with disguist in her eyes.
"Last night," I start, steping in once Myra and Mercedes leave, "did you tell him?" I dread for the answer, but soon am filled with relief when he shakes his head. I don't know what I would do if this was all my fault.
"So, it's not because of us-" John Paul cuts me off and says strained like it was hard to get out, "Craig, please. I really can't talk now," I don't think he know exactly what he's doing to me when he's in this condition. He may be heartbroken, but seeing him like this makes me feel like someone's stabbed my heart a million times, then ripped it out of my cheast, and it's not a lovely feeling to be having at the moment.
"Wha-" I begin but then stop when I look in the kitchen to see Myra and Mercedes staring at me. I don't think this is a very good place for me to be talking about us so I tell him, "Why don't we just go outside and just..." Just what? Talking wouldn't be enough for me. Kissing him, well that'd be good for me, but I don't know about him.
"I'll call you," He tells me after a moment. This to me feels like a rejection. I don't think that he meant for it to be like that, but it just felt like one. I sort of nod and walk out the door. I thought he wanted to be together. I thought he wanted this...wanted us. "I'll call you,"? That's all? No, "Just a moment and I'll be with you," or "Meet me at The Dog," I may be a little selfish, but I've been going on for a year with no real love. He atleast had someone to love, he was engaged for Pete's sake! I for one didn't even have a realtionship for more than half a year. My life is just one big wheel of drama, and it all started when he met stupid Spike...
"So," I start when Sarah, who was hanging on my arm, Hannah, and I walk out of The Dog, "you going to the loft?"
"We should wait for him!" Hannah exclaims. Jeesh, she really needs to get over John Paul. I just want to take her by the shoulders, shake her, and shout, "John Paul's gay! He won't be running back to you!" but that would just be plain old rude wouldn't it?
"He's fine," Sarah tells her, "plus he's probably gone already." Me and her both know that he's probably not. That's he's probably with that guy he met. What was his name again? Sky? No...Spike I think. Stupid name.
"You know what?" Hannah says, breaking me out of my train of though, "I'm tired why don't you guys go ahead." You're not tired, I think, you're just waiting for John Paul.
"Besides, I've got my head in a-" Hannah breaks off looking in a direction that me and Sarah both look at to find her staring at John Paul and Sky - no Spike - in a tight embrace practicly sucking each other's faces off. She quickly turns around, her blonde hair swinging, and runs back into The Dog. I feel Sarah's hand slip off my arm, but I don't follow. I'm transfixed on both of the men with something bubbling in my stomach. Disgust? No, I don't feel disgusted towards it...Suprised maybe? Couldn't be, I knew he was out here somewhere with him. I try to indentify the feeling when suddenly my brain goes into haywire and I start to imagine that...I'm the one kissing him. That I'm the one stoking that gorgeous, flawless, pale skin of his. Oh dear God. I'm jealous.
"Watch where you're going!" I hear a voice snapping me out of my memory.
"Sorry," I mummble to the women passing by. I keep on walking to who know's where when I spot a blonde man sitting by himself on a diserted bench. John Paul. First thing I think is: Liar, he said he would call. Then: He looks better. Because he did. Instead of his hair being all over the place it was neetly brushed, his skin was again glowing, but his eyes still looked clouded over. I slowly make my way over there and tell him softly, "I know you're hurting...I want to try to help."
"I don't want to be with you anymore." He tells me not meeting my eyes. Well that just about tore up and stomped on what was left of my heart.
"Please," I beg him and put all of my misery in my voice. I will not loose him again.
"How can I?" he asks with equal amount of misery, "Kieron took his own life because of you and me." he said the last part like he was ashamed. Now if my heart was whole again, you could say "bye-bye heart!"
"No," I try again, and sit next to him putting my arm around him. He pulls away a little and all of my hurt is shown in my face.
"It's not our fault," I continue trying to reason with him, "You never told him" John Paul starts breathing heavily like he's going to throw up or something and looks at me.
"It is my fault, and I'm going to feel like like this forever."
"I'll wait as long as it takes," I tell him. John Paul get's up from the bench at says something that could have just about killed me, "It's over Craig,"
"No!" was my instant reply.
"It has to be."
"No it can't be!" I tell him with a little bit of anger in my voice. Niall and Steph come up - funny, didn't even notice them - and John Paul runs to Niall and Steph tries to hold me back from running to John Paul.
"Come on, Craig." Steph calmly tell me, "It's too much for him." Niall and John Paul start to walk away and I hear Niall say, "Let's go get some coffee eh?"
"What am I going to do Niall?" John Paul asks with tears in his eyes. I watch them walk away, close to tears myself, and lean into Steph to try and just cry myself out.
Huh, huh, huh? You liiikee? Well if you do then you know the drill! Read, Reply, Subscribe, and Enjoy! =D
~Swirley
