Chapter 7:
Jealousy:
After their day at home Jane went home and fell quickly asleep until she received a disturbing phone call.
"Rizzoli." Jane mumbled checking her watch.
"Yeah it's me, what are you doing, and what are you wearing?" A woman asked.
"Nina, Geez you're drunk, where are you?"
"I'm in front of the Candy bar, but I'm on my way home if you wanna meet me there."
"You're not driving home drunk like that wait for me there , I'll pick you up and drive you home." Jane instructed as she stood up and quickly put her clothes on.
"Alright I'll be waiting."
So Jane drove to the popular gay neighborhood stopped in front of the club, went in and dragged her friend out.
"Thank you for picking me up, you're such a good friend." The girl mumbled obviously still intoxicated.
"I don't want you to kill yourself on the road."
30 Minutes later Jane was parked in front of her friend's house hoping she wouldn't be stupid enough to go back to a bar after that.
"Thank you gentleman. " The brunette said leaning over, kissing Jane's cheek.
"You're welcome. Have a good night, I'll call you tomorrow." Jane said leaning over to open the passager's door..
"Wait, I haven't thanked you yet." Nina seductively said her hand on Jane's thigh.
"Knowing that you're safe is enough." Jane replied pushing her hand away.
"Oh, come on Jane come upstairs , I'll make you see stars, or we can do that here in your car."
"I didn't come for that, please go home." Jane uncomfortably said thinking that this situation was going to put her in trouble with Maura later.
"Oh, come on, since when Jane Rizzoli passes on a good shag? Don't you remember how good we are in bed ?"
"I remember, but I'm seeing someone and it's serious. " Jane explained realizing afterwards that it was actually the first time she said it out loud.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I have a girlfriend and it's serious, I'm in love with her, so for the last time get out of the car." Jane ordered more threatening this time.
"Alright, but you'll be back Jane, you're not a one girl type of woman and you know it. Soon she won't be enough for you, you're going to loose interest and dump her, call me when that day comes." Nina said picking up her things as she stumbled out of the car.
On her way home Jane couldn't stop thinking about Nina comment. Was she right?Would she get bored of Maura and dump her at some point?Was it the challenge that Maura was that kept her interested?Will she loose interest as soon as they finally sleep together?
Jane refused to think about any of those questions, she knew that she was truly falling in love with Maura and that sleeping with her would only make her feelings grow , as well as her interest in her, or at least she hoped.
The next day Jane drove to Maura's house, to pick her up for some shopping.
"Hello darling, I missed you ." Jane said as Maura opened the door.
" I missed you too. Please come in." Maura said grabbing Jane's hand inviting her to follow her into the living room where she was watching tv.
"What is that?" Jane said disgusted by what was on the screen.
"It's a video of an autopsy of a burn victim, very educative I must say, what's that on your hand?" Maura asked inspecting Jane's hand.
"Crap, it's a stamp, I thought it would go off after I showered this morning ." Jane said rubbing the top of her hand with her wet thumb trying to get rid of it.
"I can see that, where is it from?"
"From a club."
" But you didn't have it yesterday." Maura frowned disliking what that meant.
At that moment Jane knew that Maura would probably get jealous and even freak out, so she knew she needed to be as clear as possible explaining what happened.
"I know, I went home last night, I was sleeping when a friend called me completely drunk telling me she was going to drive home like that. " Jane explained seeing the worried expression on Maura's face.
"You went out after you went home.?"
"Not exactly . I went there and dragged her drunk ass home. I mean to her house. That's all." Jane quietly rectified .
"Right, you know I'm not stupid , if you went out last night you can tell me." Maura groaned standing up avoiding Jane's touch.
"Why would I do that? I was exhausted, I fell asleep in like 5 minutes."
"Well I refused to let you take things further yesterday when we were in my room…" Maura hinted not willing to throw the sad truth in Jane's face.
"So what?You think my way of dealing with it would be to go out and pick up some random girl?" Jane asked offended that Maura would make such a assumption.
"Well isn't that what you usually do?" Maura jeered irony and bitterness in her voice.
"It was, but that was before I met you. Well I guess I can't hold it against you that you might think that."
"I'm sorry Jane, it's just that you have needs that I can't fulfill right now so I would understand if you needed to go elsewhere to fulfill them."
"You think I slept with all those women because I'm a sex addict? Because I need sex so much?"
"I don't know…" Maura said looking down at her feet.
"I just….I'm screwed up, I know that but my needs are perfectly taken care off, by you. I'm happy to be with you and what I have with you is perfectly enough. I don't want to sleep with any other women than you. I promise." Jane said standing up cupping Maura's face with her right hand.
"But I can't give you that, not yet and I don't know how long it's going to take."
"I told you I would wait. Look Maura if you really want this to work you 're gonna have to trust me and believe me when I say this."
"I know I'm sorry, actually It was very nice of you to take care of your friend."
"She drinks a lot, she was smart enough to call me for help. You know before she called I was in bed dreaming about our day together and telling myself that I was probably the luckiest woman on earth. I don't want to ruin what we have."
"I know, but did she try?I mean did she made a move on you?"
At that moment Jane was split between telling Maura the truth and worry her or lie to her and there fore hurt her. She knew that if she wanted Maura to trust her that she needed to be honest with her.
"She did, but nothing happened, I told her that I was seeing someone and that it was serious."
"Were you tempted?"
"Of course not, you're the only one I'm attracted, Maura please sit down." Jane implored pulling Maura towards the sofa.
"No, can you please just go, I'll call you later." Maura said as she walked away leaving Jane speechless.
"Maura…." Jane sighed watching her walk away.
Jane stood there looking the woman she love walk away and didn't know if she should go after her or give her time.
Following her instinct Jane waited for a few minutes to give Maura time to calm down and went up to her bedroom.
"Please Jane, just go away." Maura begged.
"I'm coming in Maura you like it or not." Jane said as she pushed the unlocked door.
When Jane entered the room Maura was in bed, curled in a ball.
"I don't want you to see me like this." Maura sobbed hiding her face.
"Oh baby, I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I promise that nothing happened." Jane said as she crawled in bed next to her.
"I know, that's the problem."
"What?"
"I mean, you weren't even attracted to her, when I met you, you were " chasing women" As you put it, now you don't even feel desire anymore. "
"No, I never said that I wasn't feeling desire anymore. I said I'm not feeling desire for any other woman except you. Trust me, I might hide it very well, but I'm so attracted to you, yesterday she we were cuddling on your bed, I felt shivers down my spine and butterflies in my belly. You made me so horny, really."
"See, you were horny and you had to restrain yourself, I feel like you're a wild animal that I'm putting on a leech by refusing to sleep with you."
"Oh Maura, not that's not what I meant. Yes I have to restrain myself, but its okay, I don't feel sexually frustrated. We might not have slept together yet, but you're giving me more than any woman ever had. I enjoy talking to you, listening to you talk, holding you against me. I never enjoyed those small moments before I met you. "
"It's called intimacy, being close to someone emotionally …"
"Yes, that's the word I was looking for. I share my bed with many women but I never shared any intimacy with them. When I look at you Maura I see a future. I know I can be the woman you deserve, you just need to trust me and tell me what's on your mind."
"What makes you think that there is something troubling me?"
"Because most woman would be flattered to have a patient girlfriend who doesn't try to push them into bed. You can tell me, I promise no matter what's causing you to react like that , we'll face it together."
"Alright…Remember when I told you I didn't have as much experience as you?"
"Yes…"
"I might have exaggerated the truth. I actually don't have any experience at all."
"You told me you had flings before right?"
"One fling, last year, I met this girl in school, she was part of an international exchange program and we kissed twice, but that's all. I have never been with any other women, or men for that matter."
"You're a virgin?"
"Yes, I know , pathetic right?"
"No, no, of course not, I'm just surprised, that a beautiful, smart and educated woman like you never had the chance to take that step."
"I had, but I never met any body who could match my high standards, I know it's naive and childish of me to fantasize about the perfect woman who would take me on her white horse and give me a fairy tale love story."
"No, it's not stupid, it proves that you have values and that you want to give yourself to someone who truly deserves you. At worse it makes you a helpless romantic, but it doesn't make you stupid."
"Thank you. You're right, I just want my first to be perfect and…."
"And….?"
"You know I was raised by nannies and sent to boarding school when I was 10."
"Yes, the day you told me that was the day I officially started to hate your parents."
"Well, I've never had an affectionate relationship with them or with anybody else, so now the idea of being intimate and physically close to someone scares me because I was never taught how to be affectionate and be comfortable with displays of affection."
"You seem pretty affectionate to me, does that mean I don't make you feel uncomfortable?"
"In a way I feel close to you and I feel comfortable being in your arms and kissing you. Unfortunately after a while, when I feel your pulse rising and your breathing being heavier …"
"You can feel that I want you and it scares you…"
"Yes, and I can't blame you, you're attracted to me and kissing me makes your heart beats rise, it's a perfectly normal physical reaction. I'm sorry for provoking you and than reject you."
"Oh darling, stop saying things like that, you're not provoking me. I have to say, it's a bit frustrating to see you shutting down completely after we kiss for a long time but now I understand and I'll try not be too tactile and obvious ."
"I'm sorry, I know I have a lot of issues I have to solve before I can be ready…"
"Alright then . I told you I would wait for you to be ready and now that I know why you're not ready I'm even more willing to wait and to help you to feel more comfortable with me and your sexuality."
"Thank you…"
"No, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this, I know it must have been hard."
"It was, but I trust you and I couldn't make you wait without telling me about my situation and why I had waited until now."
"I'm happy you told me and to be honest I'm happy you waited."
"Yeah I figured you'd enjoy the idea of being my first."
"You bet I enjoy the idea of being the first and possibly the last woman to make love to you."
"Last?"
"Yes last…"
So Jane stayed in bed with Maura holding her thinking that she was definitely the luckiest woman on earth. She was flattered that Maura was considering giving her virginity to her, but she was also scared. She knew she couldn't screw this up, that Maura obviously had put a lot of hope in their relationship, no she couldn't screw up, she had to grow up and be the woman deserved her to be, even if she didn't know what that meant yet.
So guys, what do you think?Yes Maura is still a virgin and has intimacy issues, so it's going to take a while for her to allow Jane to touch her and make love to her...
