Chapter 11: Jacob's POV
When I got home my dad was still at the hospital with Harry. The house was empty, so I put in a Simpson's Rerun, trying to fill the silence of the empty house. Before it had really even started, I zoned out. What would I do if Bella didn't choose me? I knew I couldn't kill the leach, as much as I would want to, because one, that would hurt Bella; and two, that wouldn't make her choose me. In fact, she would probably hate me and never speak to me again if I did. Not that I could talk to her anyway if the leach was back. Still, that would be because I couldn't be around the stinking parasite, not because she didn't want to-I hoped.
If she did choose me, I wondered what the leach would do. Would he try to kill me? Somehow, I didn't think he would. If he tried to hurt Bella though, I would kill him. Surely she couldn't hate me for killing him in the process of trying to protect her? Why would she? I looked at the clock and realized I needed to get going. It was time.
Chapter 11: Bella's POV
They arrived at the exact same time. Both had the same expression on his face: angry, hopeful, and nervous. I knew that in just a minute I was going to hurt one of them very badly-there was no way for me to avoid it. I wanted to do it in the gentlest way possible, but I didn't know how. How could I soften this blow? If there was a way, I didn't see it. They were walking towards me and I stood up. This was it. They stopped at the same time; an equal distance from me. I would have found that funny, if the circumstances had been different. But they weren't, and in that moment I didn't think I would find anything funny ever again.
Both boys were waiting for me to speak. Jacob's Bella was screaming at me to run into his arms and to forget Edward. Edward's Bella was telling me to forget Jake and be with Edward. Even though I knew I could never forget either one of them, one of my halves was bigger, and she was screaming louder. That was the half of me I was going to go with.
"First," I said, "I want you to know that I love you both." Then the tears began to pour down my face. Edward and Jacob started forward, but I held up my hand to stop them.
"For this whole time, I've been thinking about both of you. When I told you earlier that I needed to think about this because I didn't know what to do, that was a lie. I'm sorry, but it was. I already knew who I would pick. I've sat on my couch trying to think of a way to do this so that nobody would go away with their heart broken, but I can't see how to do it. Part of me loves Jacob, and part of me loves Edward. But it's not an even divide; I love one of you more. The one that I pick today, when I tell you I love you, I mean it. But I also love the one that I won't pick. I'm sorry that I can only choose one of you. Believe me; if there was a way to be with you both, I would do it. There isn't though. There isn't a way that I can love you both. I hope that the one I don't choose can still be friends with me, but I understand if you can't."
Now the tears came harder, and for a moment I couldn't speak. I had to continue though. There were no more way I could say that I loved both of them. I had to tell them my choice.
"I'm sorry, I don't want to cause either of you pain, but I can't see a way around that." I had to stop again because I was now sobbing so hard it was absolutely impossible to keep going. When I regained control of myself, I had to finish the mess I'd started.
"Jacob, I'm sorry. You've always been there for me, always. I wish I'd never met you so that this wouldn't be happening. I know I'm hurting you, and that I'm being selfish. After everything you've done for me, I should be choosing you. I love you, but it's not enough. I'm so, so sorry Jacob, more than I can say."
I saw his expression, the pain in his eyes, and the absolute agony on his face, and I lost the small amount of control I'd had on myself. I started bawling so hard that I couldn't stand up; I sank to the ground and barely had time to see him take off at top speed to the woods, before I buried my head in my hands. After a moment or two, I felt a pair of strong, cold arms come around me and pick me up. I'd wanted for so long to be in Edward's arms again, but never like this. I'd imagined a reunion a thousand times, but there were never any tears in the daydreams; they had always been happy. He didn't say anything, just began running inside and up the stairs, and we got to my room, he laid me gently on the bed and let me cry. At that moment, that was what I needed most. I needed to stain his shirt with my tears, I needed to feel his arms around me and know I wasn't crying like this for nothing.
After that small part of me finally cried herself out, I looked at Edward. He was staring down at me, and I could see that my pain was causing him pain.
"I'm sorry." I said, my voice still horse from crying.
"Bella," he whispered brokenly, "Are you sure I'm really the right one for you? I've never seen you in so much pain…" He broke off then and I tried to reassure him that he was the one I really needed.
"Yes, Edward, I'm sure. And I've known worse pain," I told him gently, "You just weren't around to see it."
I could see that my answer had caused him pain. That was the opposite of what I was trying to do. First I hurt Jacob, and now Edward. Was there anyone I loved that I hadn't hurt? Was there anything I touched that wasn't spoiled? So I leaned my head against his chest, where his shirt was still wet with my tears, and wrapped my arms around him. He put his arms around me, put his cheek against my hair, and sighed.
"I love you, Bella Swan. I'm so sorry. I will never forgive myself for what I did to you. You should never have been hurt by having to choose between us. You defiantly shouldn't have been hurt because of me. This is all my fault, and I am more sorry than I can say. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"
I could hear in his voice that he still didn't believe that he had been forgiven. How much would it take before he realized that I had forgiven him? How long would it take before he forgave himself?
"Edward," I said, "I forgave you a long time ago. If I couldn't forgive you, I would have chosen Jacob." When I said this, his arms tightened around me, and I snuggled closer to him. "Besides, there isn't really any thing to forgive. You left because you wanted to protect me. You need to stop feeling so guilty. I mean, I love you and you love me, I think, and that's all that matters, right?"
After I finished, he put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me away so he could look at me in the face. He looked furious.
"Isabella Marie Swan. Did you just say that you think I love you? How can you doubt that I do with everything that I am?! Didn't I explain to you that I never stopped! Of course I love you!"
And after he said that, how could I doubt him after he spoke with such feeling? Inside I knew that he had never stopped. I smiled as I hadn't smiled since he left and I leaned back into him. He wrapped his arms his arms around me again, hugging me tightly. We stayed like that for a long time, then he put a finger under my chin and lifted my face to his. The kiss that followed was night as careful as I remembered them being, and as my fingers twisted into his hair, he pulled me tighter. I knew that he was the one I would spend the rest of my life, and preferably longer, with. He was my past, my now, and my future. He was my everything. He would be with me forever and always, he was my eternity.
