SM owns a little of this, but not much.
Big hugs to my new Beta Jean also known as OwnedbyTwins.
I have a Rec, a SERIOUS rec that needs to be read like ASAP, its Called Mens Rea: a Guilty Mind by Forbidden-fruit81 – its owning my ass hard. Go Read it. Here is the DL on it:
Edward Cullen is accused of murder for the slaying of his girlfriend. No one dares take on his case, until defense attorney Isabella Swan, that is. Edward proves to be a difficult client & the biggest challenge of her young but promising career.
And she owned my ass in the first chapter with this:
"Does that bother you, Eddie? That I've had better? That you're not the best fuck I've had? You're actually kind of boring sometimes. I swear to God. If I have to fuck you missionary one more time, I might fucking run away on my own accord."
Now she was hitting him where it hurt.
"So you want to marry me," he spat the words out with venom, "so you can have horrible sex for the rest of your life? Are Manolo Blahniks really worth the trouble?"
6. Suffer in Silence
The guy we normally got coke from said that Naomi had already come and gone, with a guy in his twenties who had several tattoos; Mr. Spencer.
I asked my dad if I could use my car to look for Naomi, and he agreed. One of the perks of living in a small town, is I knew where Mr. Spencer lived. He lived in the only apartment complex in Winchester, right in the town square.
I knocked on his door, and waited nervously for him to answer. He finally did and I couldn't help but notice his drastic change in appearance. The white wife beater he wore didn't hide his nipple rings at all and I had no desire to see or know about them. His jeans were torn and hung low on his hips, and more ink than I would have expected covered his chest and upper arms. He looked nothing like the professional he attempted to be in school.
"I need to talk to Naomi; I know she is here," I said.
"I don't think she wants to talk to you," he said, leaning against the door frame and crossing his arms.
"No, it's okay…let him talk." Naomi said, coming out of hiding and crossing her arms.
"Come home with me…please," I said, extending my hand.
Naomi let out a chuckle at my expense. "Is that the best you got? To make me leave with you…seriously, G…not good enough." She shook her head at me.
"I know that things between us are pretty much beyond repair right now. And I wouldn't ever presume that I could make everything better with a conversation, so that's not what this is… but I just wanted to tell you, I wanted to say ... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. I'm sorry for my part in it. But mostly I'm sorry because I miss our friendship. And however far off it may be, I look forward to the day that we can be friends again."
"Gabe, I am here because of you, because of the shit my parents know about me because of you…and your lack of birth control!" Naomi yelled at me.
"I know you're scared. And don't tell me that you're not, because I know that you are. I mean, I've known you too long and have seen you push away too many good things to let you push me away right now. My whole life, you have been the most beautiful thing in my world. And my feelings for you were what proved to me that I could be great. And those feelings were stronger and wiser and more persistent and more resilient than anything else about me. And I made mistakes and bad choices because of that, too! I used to be able to look in your eyes and know everything you were thinking…but these days…I haven't got a clue. I don't know much, but I know this…you being here…is not going to make shit better…only worse…for you and him." I said, motioning to Mr. Spencer in disgust. "So come with me…not for me, for you."
"I'll be down in a minute," Naomi said, after a few tense moments.
I drove Naomi back to her house in silence. I pulled into her driveway and she just sat there staring at the stone house. "You gonna go in?" I asked after several minutes.
"Come with me?" she asked, finally making eye contact with me.
I could never say no to her. I got out of the car and opened her door for her. She linked her arm with mine and walked up to the door, holding me close.
Her black eyeliner was smudged into raccoon eyes from all the silent tears she had let fall during the car ride.
I opened her front door slowly and let her walk in first.
"Naomi! Is that you?" I heard Rose's footsteps approach us, getting louder with each step she took.
"Yeah, Mom," Naomi said, taking off her jacket.
"What is wrong with you? Why do you do such idiotic things?" Rose yelled. She didn't even seem to notice me.
""Why can't you see me, Mom? When did you give up on me, when I was five? Ten? Twelve? I'm sixteen-years-old, Mom. I'm here and I'm not perfect. I try so hard for you and it's your job to love me no matter who I am or what I become. Because you're my mother, Mom. You're supposed to love me so much."
"Naomi! You break every rule, every value your father and I taught you! You lie like it's your full time job! I don't know what to think of who you have become! I think I'm going to send you to a boarding school, I just don't know what else to do!" Rose continued to yell.
I watched the black tears run down Naomi's face. I pulled her close and hugged her. "No! I am not being shipped off! You can't make me go!" Naomi yelled back.
"Gabe, this is a family issue. I think you should leave," Rose said a little more calmly.
"No…because Naomi is my family, and you don't know anything about her. She's great. I mean she's...she's smart. She's beautiful. She's funny. She's a big scaredy cat. If you creep up behind her she'll jump out of her skin. It's pretty amusing. Um…she's honest. She always calls them just like she sees them. You can always count on getting the truth from Naomi, even if it hurts. She's stubborn. But you are so busy telling her how to be, she can't be herself! So busy passing judgment, she hides things from you, afraid of disappointing you! We can fight a lot. She can be so frustrating sometimes. But she's a really, really good friend. And loyal to a fault, and God, if she goes away I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean she's...she's my best friend…so she made some mistakes…we both made a lot of mistakes, but she doesn't need to hear you yell at her and put her down about them."
I most likely just completely over stepped my boundaries.
"Gabe, I think Rose and I need to talk to Naomi in private. I appreciate you finding her. And I appreciate your friendship with her. But, we need to talk." Emmett said, entering the room calmly. "Come here, baby," he said to Naomi, who immediately left my side and ran for comfort in her father's arms. Naomi peeked at me as I turned to go, and I looked at her, and in that split second it was like she forgave me for everything.
I was incredibly depressed the following week. I lost my best friend…then I lost a baby. I was too depressed to give Lola anything worth a shit, even though I wanted to.
"Gabe?" Zoe said, standing a few feet from my doorway. I wanted to tell her to get lost, but for some reason, I thought I'd act like a decent brother.
"What's up, Zoe?" I asked, motioning for her to come into my room.
"Are Mom and Dad going to get a divorce?" she asked, crawling on my bed.
"That's crazy Zoe, where the hell would you get such an idea?"
"Mom and Dad…I heard them fighting. I never heard Dad yell at Mom like that," she told me, tracing the design on her flannel pants.
"What were they fighting about?"
"You," she said, bringing her eyes to mine. "Dad said they should have been more proactive about the whole church thing, and Mom said it didn't do any good for Rose and Emmett."
"But it's not like one of them said divorce…right?" I asked to make sure.
"No…but isn't that how divorce starts? With a yelling and blaming?"
"It's just a fight, Zoe, they love each more than any other couple I have ever seen. All couples fight, even the strongest ones," I assured her. "Divorce isn't even in their vocabulary, Zoe."
"You're sure?" she said, testing me.
"Positive," I told her with a smile.
"Jacey told me you kissed Lola…is it true?" Zoe asked me with a wide grin.
"I'm not talking to you about who I kiss," I told her, cocking an eyebrow at her.
"Whatever…I just like Lola…I think you should keep kissing her."
"Get out!" I laughed at her. I wanted nothing more than to keep kissing Lola. I was not about to confide that to my little sister, though.
Zoe retreated to her room before I ventured downstairs. I entered the kitchen to see Lola attempting to reach for something on a high shelf. Her shirt was riding up slightly, and I could see her taut stomach, and I noticed her belly button was an outtie. I wanted her.
"Need a hand?" I asked. She came off her tip toes and adjusted her shirt.
"Sure," she said, trying not to make eye contact with me. I walked over and brushed against her arm, reached up, and easily grabbed the glass.
"Here," I said, handing it to her. I stood and stared at her, backing her into the corner cabinet. "How can I simply be friends with someone when every time I look at them all I can think of is how much more I want?" I asked her quietly.
She shook her head quickly, and pursed her lips together, before she mumbled, "I don't know."
I nodded at her and admitted, "In the best, most desirable way…you scare me. I love the way you scare me, but it makes me nervous, so I spend all this energy coming up with ideas to be smart so that you don't think I'm stupid and those ideas backfire and just make me look even more stupid. It's a vicious circle, and I'm at the end of my rope because all I really want to do is kiss you and feel if I don't kiss you soon I'm gonna explode."
"How long have you wanted to kiss me?" Lo asked, sounding as if she was out of breath. I moved closer.
"Well, it's just something that I've been thinking about, and I wanted you to know that I was thinking about it. You know, I was just gonna... keep my mouth shut and let you go, but," I let out a sigh, "it's not me. That's some merchant ivory movie, you know, where people suffer in silence, and you're supposed to be so impressed by their restraint. Well... sorry, but screw that," I said, cupping her face in my palm.
"You can't," her words didn't match the tone of her voice. "I don't know why you want me…is this just a game to you?" she asked.
"No," I told her, furrowing my eyebrows together. I couldn't blame her for thinking that. "I want you because you're beautiful, and you don't know it; because you're smart, and you don't believe it. You're the kind of girl that guys never get over. Lo, you're the kind of girl that other girls get compared to… The other day, when I told you what happened with Evie, I wanted to kiss you so badly."
"Even when you were yelling at me?"
"Especially when I was yelling at you."
"When you kiss me…it makes me feel alive."
I titled her chin up, sucked in a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. "Okay, Lo, I am going to kiss you now," I told her.
"You can't," she said, shaking her head nervously.
"Lo, you can't say something like that to me and expect me not to kiss you, so that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna kiss you in about ten seconds. And if you don't want me to kiss you, well, if you don't want me to, I guess then you're just gonna have to stop me. One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…ten," I held her jaw as I leaned down slightly and felt the silkiness of her lips against mine.
"I mean it," I assured her, against her lips. Those words seemed to free her. She began to kiss me back. Her tongue started moving sensually against mine. I held her close against my body feeling her curves as her hands grabbed frantically in my hair. It was as if we couldn't get close enough.
We had denied each other as long as either of us could bear it. I pulled her away from the counter and walked backwards towards the couch. I didn't dare break the kiss. My hands moved to her silky hair as I stumbled over the huge history book I had left in the middle of the floor earlier. I kicked it across the carpet and nudged Lola down on the couch. I fell on top of her, my leg between hers as our kiss intensified with each passing second.
I moved my hand to her tit, and began to feel her through the outside of her shirt. Her hand darted up and removed mine.
"What's wrong?" I asked, breaking the kiss. Lola started to push me back, and I wasn't happy that our make-out session was being cut short. I kneeled in front of her on the couch as she sat up straighter, pushing her hair behind her ears.
"It's just…too fast. I'm not really ready for things to go that far," she told me.
"Um..I…I," I didn't really know what to say. Was it okay that things with her would go slower than I was used to?
Yes. With Lola it was.
"Okay…I didn't mean to push your limits. Slow then?" I asked.
"It's just… I don't want to rush anything. I don't want to get hurt, or be forced to grow up too fast because I wanted to feel good or whatever. I don't want to have sex for the first time for any reason. I want to have sex for the first time for every reason."
"I love it when you ramble," I chuckled at her. "So, are you like saving yourself for marriage or whatever?" I asked.
"If I am, is that, like, a deal breaker for you?" she asked me back.
"I didn't say that; I just want to know where it all stands," I told her.
"I didn't say that I was waiting for marriage; I just said I was waiting for every reason."
"Slow it is," I said, sitting on the couch. "Just so I know my boundaries," I said, looking at her with a smile. "Is this okay?" I asked, holding her hand.
She looked at me and nodded yes.
"And this?" I asked, kissing her lips.
Again she nodded.
"This?" I asked, kissing her again, but this time adding my tongue against hers.
"Yes," she whispered against my lips.
"And asking you to go to the movies with me Friday night, where I will hold your hand, and stretch my arms so one conveniently rests on your shoulders during the movie, is that acceptable?" I questioned, placing my hand on her cheek and stroking her face with my thumb.
"Very acceptable," Lola nodded.
"And tomorrow on the drive to school I can hold your hand? I can open the car door for you and take your hand in mine as I walk you to class?"
"Everyone will think I'm your girlfriend," she said, her eyes diverting down to my lips.
"As they should," I told her, lifting her chin up.
"Technically, I am not allowed to have a boyfriend until I am sixteen," she told me shyly.
"Huh," I said, a bit caught off guard by the fact Jasper was that conservative. "But you can go out on a date?" I asked, since she did agree to go to the movies with me.
"I have to be in a group," she said shyly.
"Not a big deal," I said shrugging it off. Although, I was a little disappointed, to say the least. I just hoped that she couldn't tell.
"Do you care if we just…not make a big deal out of this?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" I wanted her to clarify what exactly she wanted from me. I didn't understand girls at all.
"Just, I don't…I guess I just want to take things slow, wait to tell people," she attempted to clarify. It only left me more confused.
Five minutes ago she was telling me I have to mean it, now she is telling me she doesn't want people to know. I was beyond confused.
"So, you want to be with me, and you want me to be serious about wanting you, yet you don't want me to treat you like my girlfriend in front of anyone, is this correct?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.
"Yeah…I know it's strange, and it's not like I don't want you to hold my hand in the hallway of school, or whatever, I just am not ready to fight with my parents over all those things. And trust me, my Dad isn't ready."
"Even for me? I mean your Dad and I are close, he might even like it," I told her.
"Ummm…no, not at all. He would hate it actually. He doesn't hate you, I'm not saying that! He loves you. But he says and I quote, 'my Lola will not be allowed within fifty feet of any boys that are like me,' and Gabe, you are so much like he was as a teenager."
"So this is just between you and me," I stated, to make sure we were on the same page. It was so hard to navigate through this book.
"For now, I think that would be best."
"Are you sure you aren't going to go run and tell Jacey?" I teased her. Because that is exactly how Zoe had found out about our first kiss. "Cause she tells Zoe everything and Zoe can't keep a secret to save her life." I smirked at her.
I backed away from her when I heard the front door open and close. It was hard to hide the laughter as my mom walked into the kitchen. I couldn't keep eye contact with Lola… I knew if we kept looking at each other we wouldn't be able to keep it in.
"Lola, give me ten minutes and then we can go - are you ready?" Mom asked her, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge.
"Yeah," Lo nodded, walking to the other side of the kitchen island.
"Okay, I will be down as soon as I change," Mom told her, heading upstairs.
"Where are you going?"
"I have a doctor's appointment," Lola shrugged.
"Are you sick?" I asked her, not only because I just made out with her, but because I was concerned.
"I don't think it's a big deal, but my mom wants me to go. I just haven't had that much energy. If it were up to me I wouldn't even be going, but my mom says I have to."
"Yeah, sounds like your mom being a Mom," I told her. I didn't think that it sounded like a big enough deal to warrant a trip to the doctor either. "See you when you get back?" I asked quietly. I could hear my mom's footsteps coming closer.
"Sure," she smiled, answering both me and my mom who called for her by the front door.
"See ya," she said, throwing a hooded sweatshirt over her head.
I had to push back the desire I felt to kiss her good bye. I wanted to just simply kiss the side of her head, tell her to be safe.
But she didn't want me to do things like that. There was one thing I was sure of - girls thoroughly confused the fuck out of me. And Lola was the biggest offender.
Please Review!! I love to read them all! I would offer teasers, but RL is kicking my ass...I actually should be studying for my med surg test tomorrow, yeah, my school sucks and I have 3 days for spring break...kicking my ass!
