Disclaimer: Is it true? Do I finally own Vampire Knight now? Eh, do I?
No, Sarah, you do not.
Damn it all.
Guilt
Yuuki slouched on the couch miserably, one hand over her tummy, listening to Zero persistently argue over the phone with the secretary at the nearest chapter of the Council's hospital.
"No, I'm not trying to get you to help us, we just want an ultrasound!"
"It's no good, Zero," she murmured, tenderly rubbing the area cradling her baby. "There's no fighting these people." She herself had tried to get an ultrasound back when she'd first discovered she was pregnant, but was horrified to discover all the vampire-run hospitals had been shut down by the Council of the Ancients. Now, the only vampire-friendly hospital was the one belonging to the Council itself, and they refused to assist with vampire reproduction in any manner.
"We are immortal," they had told her, "and the more of us are born, the greater the risk of humans discovering our existence, and the more the war with the hunters would worsen."
"But—"
"I'm sorry, Miss Kuran," she'd replied, "but there are no exceptions."
Yuuki hadn't tried again. But Zero wasn't so easy to convince.
"Dammit!" He slammed down the receiver and fell onto the sofa next to Yuuki. "They won't even give you the ultrasound."
"I tried to get one earlier," she whispered. "They turned me down then too. Said they never supported vampire births, and they closed down the clinics that did to control the rise in population." She raised her huge brown eyes to Zero. "The way they see it, if I die in childbirth, that's two less vampires they have to control. One less pureblood to create monsters."
"Those bastards," he swore.
"It'll be okay, love," she soothed, pulling him into her arms. "We're strong. I promise we'll be all right."
Of course, her little white lie didn't relieve his anger one bit.
--
June passed slowly and lethargically. Yuuki slept with Zero every night, more at his insistence than her own. He wanted to be right there if anything happened to her.
But he breathed a sigh of relief as the early summer months passed without a single sign of her illness. It seemed all their time together did nothing to force them apart; on the contrary, the more time they had to talk, hug, and constantly get on each other's nerves, the closer they seemed to become. Without really realizing it, they began avoiding time apart like one would avoid a great white shark.
Even if it meant Yuuki had to prepare lunch.
"I'm amazed at how much better you've gotten," Zero smirked, amused, as he watched Yuuki roll sushi without destroying the leaves or crushing the rice.
"I'm not that pathetic," Yuuki countered, glancing toward the headmaster, who sat reading the newspaper in the dining room. "I remember my mother being a good cook. Anyway, it's just tekkamaki." She wasn't even sure if she was doing it right, just rolling tuna in rice and seaweed and slicing it up. But she wasn't about to tell Zero that.
"Sure."
"You're a bastard, Zero."
"You've told me." Zero grabbed a steak knife and unwrapped a giant slice of meat the Chairman had found at the locker in town. Orange, watered-down blood leaked from the inside around the cellophane. Yuuki's mouth watered at the sight and smell, her gut clenched with the sudden thirst, and just as he was placing the first slice on a plate, she reached over and grabbed it away from him. She relished the rich taste and, albeit spoiled, texture of the fluid washing through her mouth and down her throat.
"Don't be an animal," Zero scolded as she licked the blood from her lips and chin. "It's not that appealing."
"Says the pregnant male," Yuuki snorted. "Okay, I won't do it again." She turned away and began counting the number of sushi rolls on the platter in front of her. Fifteen. The five more the roll in front of her would produce should total enough for the three of them.
The sight and smell of old animal blood didn't bother Zero much, because it was watery and had lacked the enticing promise of life for an indeterminable time. He cut six slices without batting an eyelash and began to cut those into smaller strips for the frying pan.
Yuuki, however, had only been able to cut two pieces from the final tekkamaki roll before her lust forced her eyes to flick back to where Zero was preparing the meat. Blood. Luscious, flowing blood. Seeping from the meat, onto the cutting board. Sliding down the knife, soaking into Zero's graceful hands.
"Go lie down," Zero ordered, catching her reaching for a strip on the platter. "Being around this raw meat isn't good for you. I'll finish the sushi and potatoes."
Yuuki stared at him with imploring eyes. "Can't I just have a little? I'm really, really thirsty, Zero."
Zero frowned at her. "You are? But you just drank my blood and took five tablets about four hours ago."
"I know, but that…that thing…" Yuuki tried to force a small amount of saliva down her suddenly desert-like throat.
"It's not really going to help you," Zero pointed out. "It's all watered-down, and there's no life in it. I think all it will do is make your thirst worse."
Eyes downcast, Yuuki turned to leave as Zero had ordered. She trudged upstairs and fell onto her bed with a huge sigh and closed her eyes, hoping sleep would carry the nagging thirst away.
It didn't, because she couldn't. The smell of raw meat hung heavy in her memory, tormenting her bloodlust with an angry vengeance. Desperate for a little peace, she pricked the skin on her wrist and let the blood seep into her mouth as she tried to relax.
It wasn't helping...
--
A suddenly fatigued Zero emerged from the cellar, having returned the leftover meat to the giant freezer down there. The slices for that night were safely wrapped and stashed in the refrigerator, but the kitchen still reeked of old blood. Worried for Yuuki, he threw open the kitchen window and stuck a fan on the sill to suck the rancid air out. He opened a few more windows on his way upstairs, calling to the Chairman to do the same.
Yuuki's room was cool and dark, her form lying still on the childish pink comforter. At first, Zero was quiet, wondering if she was asleep. But then he saw the giant eyes glowing blood red against the darkness, and he slipped into her room and sat next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder. The slight depression of his weight on the mattress caused her body to slide against his.
"Not helping, huh?"
A loud smack filled the room as Yuuki drew her lips from her throbbing wrist, and Zero realized with mild shock she had been sucking her own blood. He took her hand, and she stood slowly, her legs a little wobbly from the increasing thirst. Realizing how weak she was becoming, Zero unbuttoned his shirt to expose his throat, and Yuuki locked her arms around him and gently pushed him against the wall beside her bed. Her warm lips, drenched in the cool, slippery blood, touched his neck gently. He knew how guilty she felt; the pain radiated from her body and washed over him like a wave. Wishing desperately for her safety, he rubbed her back and whispered to her gently,
"It's fine."
"I'm sorry, Zero," she muttered, and he braced against the imminent stab. A solitary tear dripped from her eyelid; she was mournful that she had to do this to him so often now. His skin gave way to her fangs and the familiar liquid that tasted like a sour, delicious fruit filled her mouth once again. The sheer pleasure feeling his blood and life inside her created turned her to a cruel, ruthless monster, and she heaved an isolated sob as the thought inundated her mind.
"It's okay, Yuuki. It's okay…" Zero couldn't seem to remember how long it had been since such a mountain of tenderness had occupied his aching heart, nor how long it had been since he'd let all anger melt to make more room for love.
As the pain of the bite faded into oblivion, he gradually relaxed while her tongue picked up the blood flowing over his collarbone. At least this sudden attack hadn't left her as rabid as had the one a month before. It seemed almost ironic to him, how she had always been giving him her blood to stave off his torturous hunger, and now, here he was, doing the same for her. He was supposed to be the monster in this relationship, but now, seeing it from her perspective, he knew there was no way he could have been a monster in her eyes, even as he'd tasted her blood. Just a desperate, innocent human, doomed to a hellish existence.
Another tear slid from Yuuki's eye, landing delicately on Zero's shoulder. "I don't deserve you," she whispered against his broken, bleeding skin. Her sentence reminded him of all the times he'd thought the same thing, all the times he continued to think the same thing….whenever he wallowed in the sensual, luscious taste of her life, whenever he sated his thirst by feeding on her, whenever he looked at her with hungry red eyes. She was right—she deserved someone so much better than he. And she thought he deserved someone so much better than she—did that mean they were perfect for each other?
"Yuuki…" was all he could manage to say.
"It's such a cruel existence," she whimpered.
"I know. But..."
"But?"
"…you make every hellish day worth it."
"Oh, Zero…" She began drinking again, this time sucking gently and creating a whirlwind of feeling that spun through his body like a hurricane. They slowly slid down the wall until they reached the floor, just as they had in the bathroom, so many years before, when she had first offered her blood to him. "You're wonderful…" She gripped the sides of his shirt and moved her leg between his. He could feel the intimacy of their touch escalating, just as it had the night Yuuki had conceived.
"Bullshit," he whispered, and cupped the back of her head. Her hair was cool and soothing against the rough, hot skin of his hand. She was so cruel, stealing his heart and running off with it. He didn't think he'd ever get it back from her. And as long as he had her by his side, there was no way he wanted to.
He had just undone the final button of her blouse when the doorbell rang, startling them both from their love-induced stupor. They lay frozen for a second, waiting for a call that would send them down to the door.
"Yuuki-chan!" The Chairman's voice echoed from a long way off. "Kaname-kun is here! Yuuki-chan?"
Zero swore. Yuuki groaned. "Coming." She began hastily re-buttoning her shirt.
"Wait here until I check to see how much the house has aired out," Zero muttered, gently pushing Yuuki off his lap and standing. He dropped her a light kiss on the cheek before bolting angrily out the door.
Yuuki stood up slowly, disappointed and slightly anxious. She knew relations between her brother and her boyfriend would never be peachy, but this sure didn't help at all.
"I think it's all right," he called. "Come on down."
The smell was still pretty strong, but, she hoped, would prove tolerable. She had left her kimono draped over a chair in the kitchen. Desperate, she slipped into it, but, looking down at herself, was forced to admit it wasn't hiding her baby bump so well anymore. Anxiety slashed through her like a flaming sword. Oh, shit. This was it. Kaname was going to find out that she was carrying Zero's baby, and, God, why did Zero have to be there to witness it?
God damn it. That was the problem with pregnancy. Their intimacy, something private and beautiful that they'd shared, something that was supposed to be their secret, was officially out there for the world to see.
Zero was back to mashing up the potatoes. Yuuki glanced at him a moment, and when she turned back, realized Kaname and Chairman Cross had entered the dining room and were now staring into the kitchen at the two of them. Her wind was knocked away in one moment of panic.
Yuuki hadn't seen her brother since the end of the school year because he had been traveling Asia and eastern Europe for a couple months. Now, he seemed taller, older, more knowing, than he had the last time she'd seen him. When she saw his shock-free expression, she realized the chairs and counters were hiding her well enough that he couldn't see it. But he could see her. And his eyes were warm with love.
Oh, God.
"Yuuki," he said, reaching a hand to her. She hesitated. Chairman Cross bit his lip. Zero tried a little too hard to keep his attention focused on the potatoes, pretending not to notice the tension around him.
"Is something wrong?" Kaname asked, concern misting his face. Squeezing her eyes shut, steadying her breath…
"Kaname…"
…trying to calm the pounding drum in her chest, Yuuki took a step to the side of the table to reveal her whole self to her former fiancée.
It didn't take Kaname too long to grasp the sight before him. He maintained his usual air of calm, although Yuuki saw a tidal wave of emotions charge through his eyes, too quickly for a human to catch: bewilderment, shock, confusion, realization, fury. A deadly fire alit in his irises as they slowly moved back to Zero, the man he knew responsible for getting his little Yuuki pregnant.
Yuuki forced back a flood of tears. She suddenly wanted nothing more than to run back to Zero and bury her face in his chest. Kaname knew now. He knew just how far they had gone together. And she couldn't bear shoving it in his face like this.
Yet what choice did she have?
"Just fixing lunch," she muttered, knowing he could see through the lie. Knowing he could smell Zero's blood linger on her breath. "You can stay, if you want."
The electricity zapping between the two young men's eyes was nearly tangible. Yuuki could feel the silent fight accelerating, so she searched quickly for a distraction.
"Um, I should get back to making the sushi. Kaname, you can, uh, have a seat there, or in the living room, if you want." She was speaking more and more rapidly. "I can make you some tea or coffee, or get you a blood tablet, or—"
"Calm down, Yuuki, it's fine. I don't need anything; I was just stopping by to say hi."
"You sure you don't want to stay for lunch, Kaname-kun?" Chairman Cross asked, the tension in the room sobering any cheer in his heart.
"No, thank you, Chairman. I just wanted to see Yuuki." Kaname opened his arms to give her a hug. Zero dropped his head as she walked over to Kaname. It killed him to see her in the arms of another man. And he was too angry at him and terrified of losing her to notice how irrational and uncalled for his jealously was. Deep down, he knew Yuuki didn't love Kaname anymore. And he knew that she never again would. So why on Earth was this information not processing in his emotions?
"Take care, darling." Kaname turned and stoically walked out to the entrance. Yuuki cringed as the front door slammed with unnatural force.
"Kaname-san," she whispered, and chased after him. Zero slammed down the knife and stepped forward to follow Yuuki, but the Chairman stopped him with a firm hand to his chest.
"Let her go," he commanded. "Don't be so insecure—you know she won't betray you."
Zero bit the inside of his lip.
"Have you always been this possessive, Zero-kun?" the Chairman asked quietly. "Or is it because she's carrying your child now?"
Zero dropped his eyes to the plate of sushi still sitting innocently on the counter. Sighing, he put the last roll on the plate and set it on the dining room table.
--
"Kaname-san, wait!" Yuuki's breath was coming raggedly, even though she had only run a few dozen meters from the front door. "Kaname-san!"
Kaname's rigid form stopped, although he did not turn. Yuuki struggled to catch up to him, gasping for oxygen as she slowed.
"What is it, Yuuki?" he asked in a surprisingly detached voice. Hurt, Yuuki dropped her head; Kaname had never spoken to her so stoically.
"It's just, I…Kaname, I don't want to hurt you. I swear, you weren't supposed to find out this way!"
His head turned ninety degrees so she could see his profile. One piercing red eye stared her down with a thousand daggers. "So I was supposed to find out when I came to see you and you had a baby sucking at your breast?"
"No! I mean, I was going to tell you—"
"But you didn't."
"I was going to do it in—"
"If you were going to tell me, you'd have already done it, Yuuki. Long ago."
"I'm sorry, I just…I just…I didn't want to hurt you!"
Kaname turned the rest of the way, and, for the very first time, Yuuki saw tears dance in his eyes. "And you didn't realize how much it would hurt me to find out like this? That you've carried his baby for over six months, and you never had the guts to tell me?"
"I was scared to hurt you!" she cried.
"Well now you don't need to be scared anymore." Kaname's voice dripped venom he usually reserved for those he despised. The very thought that her older brother could hate her turned her heart inside-out.
"Please don't do this, Onii-sama…"
"It just kills me, Yuuki. It was supposed to be you and me. That baby should be ours. Not his. Ours."
"I'm sorry, Kana—" she started to say, but stopped herself. Sorry for what? For loving Zero? She stiffened. So she was wrong not to tell Kaname before. Hell, she was wrong not to tell anyone before. And he was right, it was supposed to be between the two of them. But that didn't mean this baby had no right to exist. It didn't mean it wasn't supposed to exist. And, seriously, if Yuuki was with Zero and not Kaname, wasn't that was what was supposed to be? Because if it weren't what was supposed to be, it couldn't possibly be happening.
"I'm happy, Kaname," she finally stuttered out. "I'd hope that would mean you were happy, too."
Kaname shook his head. "Jesus, Yuuki," he sighed. "Eighteen years, a mother, and still so naïve." Turning, he strode dutifully away, and Yuuki watched him fade, cradling her baby under her hand.
--
My favorite line in here has got to be Sorry for what? For loving Zero? It's just too adorable for words.
So school started Wednesday. I really enjoyed Japanese class, although I think Latin will always be my "soul language," hehehe.
