Clementine was drowning.
She was drowning, and out of breath. Her hand weakly moved forward, aiming for the light in the distance, wishing she could pull herself out of the water, but she couldn't.
She turned her head slightly, finding herself face to face with Luke.
His eyes were empty, his skin had no color to it.
"Why did you let me drown, Clem?"
She closed her eyes, letting the darkness consume her for a moment, before opening them again. She was met with the same events going through her head, every time.
She was on her knees, covered in snow, shivering, as she stared right into Jane's eyes. The woman stared back, lying in her own blood.
"Why did you let me die?"
"I thought we were friends, Clem." A hand touched her shoulder, and she turned to the sight of Sarah. The child was covered in blood, missing chunks of her body. "Why didn't you save me?"
"That's just what she does, kid." Kenny walked towards her, carrying an arm… Sarita's arm. "She kills everyone around her."
Clementine couldn't tear her gaze away, not even when she felt a knife penetrate her. She slowly looked down, seeing a blade coming out her chest. She slowly raised her hands towards it, and before they could touch it, the knife was taken off her back.
"She stabs friends in the back. That's justwhat shedoes." Clementine turned to see that her attacker was none other than Jane.
She opened her mouth to say something, but any words that could have come out of it, were replaced by blood. She stood up, pressing her hands tightly against the hole in her chest, but she could not stop the bleeding.
She took a few steps forward, and stopped for a moment, as she saw Christa walking towards her. The woman stopped, only a few inches away, before placing both her hands on her shoulder.
"Why did you take everything away from me, Clementine?" She said, before pushing her backwards, and Clementine fell.
She fell and fell into darkness, finding herself drowning again. She closed her eyes, wishing she could cry, wishing she could do anything, but she couldn't escape it.
"Clem? Clem, snap out of it."
That voice… It sounded so familiar…
"Come on kid, stay with me."
She gasped, and opened her eyes, and for once, she wasn't met with any of the people who haunted her nightmares, instead it was…
"Javi?" She looked at him, confused, before pulling herself up. She was in Richmond, lying on a bench, and he was staring down at her. "How… Why are you here?"
"Ask yourself, Clem. This is your dream."
"Oh." Helpful as always. She sighed, wondering why she had to dream of Javi of all people, wasn't he alive? He was alive. So why was she seeing him? And why was he… poking her cheek. "Javi, what are you doing?"
"I'm poking you."
"Why?"
"Because you're making that face again."
"What face Javi?" She asked, and grabbed his hand, glaring at him.
"The one you pull when you're overthinking, and trying to solve everything by yourself." He said, before sitting beside her. "You can't do everything on your own, Clem." He said, smiling softly at her.
She looked away.
"I know that." She stated, clenching the hands that she was resting on her lap.
"Then, why are you pushing everyone away?" He asked, and placed a hand on her shoulder, which made her look at him again. "I only survived this far, because I had my family with me. Guilt and trauma gets to us all, and we can't always deal with them on our own."
"I don't know, Javi." She shook her head, allowing a few tears to escape. "I'm scared."
"It's good to admit it, Clem. That's the first step." He gave her a supportive smile, before looking away, seeing Kate and Gabe waving at him. Clementine looked at them too, and she felt a smile make its way to her lips. "You can never forget those you lost, but you have to focus on the ones you still have." He stated, as he started to stand up. Clem subconsciously reached for his arm, grabbing it. He looked at her in surprise, then smiled again. "It's going to be okay, Clem. The people you lost? They don't hate you. They want you to keep going, so you have to let them go, to let the guilt go."
He slipped out of her hold, and walked towards his family. He then turned to her one last time.
"When you do that, come and visit us, okay? We miss you."
Clementine gave him a weak smile, before looking down at her hands.
"You look tired, sweetpea." She looked up in surprise, finding herself in Kenny's trailer, sitting next to Lee. She blinked, and looked down again to make sure that she was indeed in her current age and form. She looked up confused.
She was usually a child whenever she had dreams about Lee.
"I am… I am tired, Lee." She whispered, hugging him.
He smiled down at her, kissing her forehead. He wrapped his arm around her, allowing her to cling into him.
"Then sleep for a bit. I'll be right here." He said, in the loving and soft tone he always used with her. Sometimes she wondered if he only used it with her, if it was something reserved for just his sweet pea…
"You won't… You're dead." She whimpered, burying her face in his chest.
"I'm always with you, Clementine."
She shut her eyes tight.
"I love you, Lee."
-What the heart wants-
"Is she going to be okay?" AJ asked, staring at his guardian.
Louis carried Clementine back to her room, as the others kept interrogating the stranger. Only AJ and Violet stayed by her side because of the situation at hand.
The boy was sitting on his own bed, while Violet was on the chair.
"She's fine. She just overworked herself and, had a panic attack." The blonde explained, sighing. She was both disappointed and worried. She could have helped her if it weren't for this person showing up.
Not to mention that this person seemed to be connected to her.
The woman wanted to run towards the unconscious girl, but they wouldn't let her. Everyone was protective of Clem.
"What's a panic attack?" He asked, and Violet's eyes widened.
"Uh… That's hard to explain buddy, why don't you ask Ruby?" She said, trying to escape this. She was not the best at explaining things, hell, she wasn't the best at anything, yet here she was.
Well, she was the best at being sarcastic, but that's another story.
"Does this happen often?" She asked, wondering if those panic attacks weren't as recent as everyone thought.
"It happens, sometimes, but she never fainted before." He frowned. "She can't breathe sometimes, and she starts shaking, so I have to hold her hand until she gets better. That's what you call a panic attack?"
"More or less." She said, staring at the girl again. "She's so stubborn, it drives me crazy sometimes…"
"Yeah I know." AJ said, giving her a knowing look, to which she squinted at.
"You know?"
"Everyone talks about how Clem drives you crazy, but not like, mad crazy, but more… love crazy?" He tried to explain. "That's what they told me."
" .God."
"Louis said that 'if you had a picture of Clem, you'd put it under your pillow and stare at it every night and cry like the useless lesbian you are'? I'm not sure what that means but he said that."
"Louis better fucking shut up before I cut off his tongue."
"But, I don't know why he said that." AJ said, innocently. He smiled at Violet, and whatever anger she felt, disappeared in an instant. "I don't think you're useless. You're like, the coolest."
"Thanks, AJ." She said, smiling softly at him.
She still needed to kick Louis' non existent ass though.
"I see you two are bonding." They both turned in surprise, to see Clementine awake, and slowly pushing herself up. The two quickly ran towards her, helping her sit, each one of her hands. She smiled at them both. "I'm fine."
"Clementine, you don't just faint out of nowhere then tell us you're fine." The blonde glared, and the brunette quickly avoided her gaze, feeling guilty for causing them trouble again.
"Clem, do you want some water?" AJ asked his guardian, and she rested her hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile.
"I'm fine, kiddo." She repeated, before letting out a long sigh. "So, the woman I saw… that wasn't me having another nightmare, was it?" She asked, and Violet looked at her in worry.
Another nightmare?
"No, she is here. Clem, this better not be another child snatching asshole." She answered, and while her words made the other girl flinch, she was right to worry. The last person that had a connection to her got her friends killed.
"No, at least, I don't think so. I haven't seen her since… The last time I saw her was right before I met your parents, AJ." She said, wincing at the memories. They were good people, broken, crippled by fear, but good people nonetheless. "We… before Lee died, he entrusted me to them, and they took care of me for a while. We were happy, well, Omid made sure we were."
"Omid?" Violet asked, holding her hand. She had a feeling this wasn't a happy memory, after seeing the painful expression the girl made at the mention of his name.
"He was my favorite, always cracked jokes, even during tense situations. He was a delight to be around, maybe that's why I like Louis so much, he reminds me of him." She smiled for a moment, and Violet returned it, already liking this guy, but that didn't last as Clem let out a shaky breath and looked away. "A girl tried to rob me, and she took my gun from my bag and started waving it around, and I saw Omid slowly approaching from behind, but the door closed and the girl turned around and… she shot him… I killed him." She whispered the last part, and closed her eyes shut, refusing to let any tears out.
Silent fell on the three, and the young boy looked at her for a moment, before hugging her.
"It wasn't your fault, Clem." He said.
"Christa probably thinks it is." She said, resting her arm around him. "They were a happy couple, and they expected a child, and I took that away from them… She took care of me for almost two years, but things were different. She was cold, and nothing like she used to be."
"Then why did she take care of you for so long?" The blonde asked, tightening her grip on her hand.
"Because she's a good person." She sighed, her eyes darkening for a moment. "But so was Lilly, a long time ago…"
She stood up, letting go of them, and reached for the hat sitting on the desk, then stopped.
That girl, when she was robbing her, she asked for the hat.
And Clementine refused. Would have things gone differently if she-
"Clem?" She turned to AJ, who was looked at her with a conflicted expression. He looked down for a moment, contemplating what to say, struggling to form his thoughts into words. He was just a kid after all. "You always tell me to be strong, and to be brave."
"Yeah, I do."
"But I can't always be brave and strong. And… you can't either. You always have nightmares and, you have panic… attacks? You get scared too and that's okay." He said, and both girls looked at him in surprise, one because of the mention of nightmares, the other because of the meaning behind those words. "You're just a kid, like me. If you're scared to do this, I'll hold your hand and go with you, just like you let me sleep in your bed."
Violet looked between the two, and grinned. The bond between them was something that always warmed her heart, and while AJ was just a kid, and he struggled to understand a lot of things, he understood her the best.
Clementine smiled, and put her hat on. "I would feel better if you came with me." He took her hand, and looked up to her, as she gave him a squeeze. "Can you wait for me outside for a moment? I want to talk to Violet."
The blonde looked surprised, and watched as AJ nodded and left the room. She stood up, wondering what Clementine needed her for.
Clementine looked at her for a moment, seeming thoughtful.
"You okay?" Violet asked.
"I'm sorry, Violet, for pushing you away." She finally said, and looked down at her girlfriend's hands, hesitating for a moment, before taking them in hers. She made sure her grip was weak, so that she could pull away. "I trust you. You know that, right?"
"I know, Clem." Violet said. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me everything."
"I don't ever want to talk about the past, but…" She chuckled, surprising her. "A friend told me that I can't deal with everything on my own."
It was funny how things work out.
Back when she thought she lost AJ, she lost all hope with him. She woke up every day, with no reason to fight. She had no reason to go on, and at times, she was reckless to the point of being suicidal.
Then, she met Javi and his family.
They gave her hope again. They made it through everything, and they worked together through the highs and lows.
She could still remember their smiles as she walked away.
And now, they came back to her and pulled her out of her nightmare.
"I don't know where to start, or how. I'm not good at opening up, and I'm… I'm scared of reliving the past, but I feel like I've been losing myself ever since I met Lilly and…" She took a deep breath. "I need you. I need every one of you. I can't do this alone." She finally confessed, and it was one of the scariest things she has ever done.
It was also one of the most relieving moments of her life.
Violet's expression softened, and her heart ached at the vulnerability that her girlfriend was showing her.
"Can I kiss you?" She asked, and panic took over. She wasn't supposed to say that, it wasn't the right thing to say to her, so why was she being an idiot?
Violet wished she could stop being so in love for at least minute.
Clementine's eyes widened, and she looked away for a moment, bashful. She was thinking the same, but considering that things between them were still patching up, she didn't think it would be appropriate to kiss her.
She couldn't form any words, so when her eyes moved back to Violet's, she leaned forward, locking their lips together.
It was a short kiss, but in that moment, it was all they needed.
When they pulled away, they were both smiling, and Violet wished with all her heart, to be able to say those three words to her, to watch her face lit up as she hears them.
"You're doing it again." They both turned to the door, to find AJ giggling as he watched the exchange.
"AJ!"
-What the heart wants-
"I was just looking for food." Christa said, shaking her head as Minerva ignored her. "Look, I'll just go away, and won't come back again."
She was met with a glare.
The kids tied her to a chair in the basement, and they let the redhead guard her, considering she was used to keeping prisoners.
It was a bitter reminder, and she wanted to start a fight, but decided against it.
"Is Clementine okay?" The woman asked, making sure her worry was visible.
The redhead just growled.
Fortunately, she no longer needed to resist the urge to put an arrow between her eyes, now that she heard someone coming down.
It was Clementine and AJ.
The girl in the hat slowly walked towards them, and to an outside, she would look confident and unfazed, but to Minerva, someone who has spent some time with her, she noticed that something was off.
"Minnie, you can go. AJ and I will take it from here." She said, and the redhead gave her a disapproving look.
"Just so you can faint again? No thanks. I can keep guard while you do whatever you want."
"I won't faint, and AJ is with me, so if anything happens he will take matters in his hand." Clem tried to reason, while the boy nodded with confidence.
"What the fuck? He's a kid!" Minerva shook her head. "I'll keep guard in case anything happens, so stop being a fucking idiot-"
"This isn't Delta, Minerva!" Clementine raised her voice, feeling frustrated. "You don't have to do this and you don't have to feel like it's your job."
The redhead glared at her, before taking a few steps back. She still refused to leave.
"That's exactly why I need to make sure what happened to Delta, doesn't happen here, Clementine."
Clementine sighed, rubbing her temples. She took her knife, startling Christa, who wasn't sure what to make of the exchange. The woman kept her cool, and decided to remain silent. Her expression hardened, and Clem could see that the strong survivor side of her was still intact.
She cut her ropes, to Minerva's dismay.
"Oh, what the fuck…"
"Minnie."
"If she touches you, I'm putting this arrow in her head." Clementine rolled her eyes.
She took a step back, sitting on another chair. She didn't like the idea of standing too long with that wound still healing.
She took a deep breath, and AJ gave her a nod.
"Hey, Christa." She finally spoke, and brought herself to look at the woman. She couldn't read her expression, and it was making her anxious. "I never thought I would see you again."
Christa remained silent for a moment, her eyes wandering from clem's hat to her feet, letting her current appearance sink in.
"Still wearing that old rusty hat, huh?" She said, giving her a small smile.
Her tone was a contrast to the one she has heard many years ago, different to that cold and broken voice.
Her tone carried years of loneliness and pain, and tragedy, but it also carried a hint of warmth.
"I thought I lost you too."
I wanted to write the conversation between Clem and Christa in this chapter, but i felt like this would be the best place to end this, and that can wait for the next one.
