Goodbye

AN: this didn't quite turn out as poignant and moving as I would have liked but I wanted to put it out so I could move on.

Summary: What if Bonnie doesn't become a vampire but doesn't get to grow old either? What if she died before Damon has the chance to convince her to spend the rest of forever with him?


She wouldn't let him change her. She was absolutely adamant about it. And oh how he'd tried to change her mind. He'd tried everything, coercion, seduction, threats (she'd laughed those off), pleading, he'd even attempted an intervention but Stefan wouldn't get on board, not wanting their life for the witch anymore than he did for the doppelganger.

"I love you, Damon, but I can't love what you are."

She barely even drank his blood, she didn't trust him enough not to snap her neck and keep her for himself forever (not that he really blamed her; the thought had crossed his mind on more than one occasion).

The rare times she diddrink his blood was to boost her power as she took on more powerful spells than he was comfortable with. Even just to boost her power, she didn't do it nearly often enough.

The proof was right here in front of him.

A closed casket with his witch inside.

She was all of 23 years old. 6 years, not even, that's all he got with her, only 2 years of which as her husband. At Emily's bequest he'd looked after her for her entire life and the one time she was actually faced with real danger she was too damn stubborn to let him help her and he loved her too much to force her.

He could remember the day she'd discovered that spell, to create a permanent, indestructible, unbreakable force field around the boarding house to give them one safe haven, a sanctuary. Now it was his own personal hell.

She'd poured all her power, all of her, into that spell to give them all some peace of mind in their own home (the boarding house finally living up to its name). If she'd drunk his blood like he'd begged her to, and their bond had been active, she would've poured his power, his life force, into it as well and either they would have had enough together or his empty coffin would be lying next to hers. As it was he was left alone in the world again.

He stood silently on one side of the coffin, eyes trained on the wood as if it would burst open and she'd coming rushing towards him. As if, by some miracle, she'd had enough of his blood in her system to come back to him.

Stefan, Elena, Jeremy, Caroline, Matt, Tyler, her other friends, stood on the other side of the coffin.

He was the only family she had. Father never around, Mother gone, Grandmother dead, but her husband there always.

The only change to the traditional vows had been changing 'till death do us part' to 'forever and always'. And he would love her forever; he just didn't know how to do it alone. Or if he could.

"ThoughIwalkthroughthevalleyofdeathIwillfearnoevilforthouartwithme."

The priest droned on as images of her flashed through his mind. Their wedding day, their first time together, the first time he'd kissed her, the first day he'd met her, she'd been 2 years old and he'd come by to check up on Shelia only to see the old woman playing with her granddaughter in the grass. It wasn't the first time he'd ever seen her though, he was present at all of the Bennet births or as close after as he could get. She'd only been a few hours old and he'd held her in his arms in the hospital while her mother slept and Shelia watched over them both.
"She'sgoingtobespecial,thatone,"Sheliahadsaid."Mylittlegrand-baby."
Damon had just nodded mutely, blue eyes trained on the sleeping girl in his arms. He and Shelia had never really gotten on and he knew something was special about Bonnie the second Shelia let him hold her.

There was something unbelievably special about her. She was amazing, perfect, good, the best part of his entire existence.

And now she was gone.


"I half expected to find you sitting inthe fire this time," Stefan remarked, finding his brother on the roof staring up at the stars, playing with the ring on his finger. In place of a wedding ring his lapis lazuli ring had been resized to fit on his left ring finger, her name and his engraved on the inside. "You seem to get a little closer to the fireplace every time something big happens and you need to think about it."

"This is bigger than that," he said quietly.

Stefan nodded as he sat down next to him. "I know."

"Do you think she's up there, Stefan, in heaven or whatever? She's definitely not in hell, not like I'll be." He sighed looking away from the dark sky to the old tiled roof. "That's what I hate about this. You know that if Elena died, you'd see her again because you two would end up in the same damn place. I'm not going to see Bonnie again, not in this life or the next, I've done too much."

"You're right," Stefan agreed. "The things you've done…even Bonnie couldn't wash those sins away. You're not going to see her again, but that doesn't mean she isn't with you, with all of us, everyday, because she is. And she will be along as we continue to remember her."

"I loved her, Stefan, I really loved her. Not like Katherine, not like Elena…and now…I don't know how to be without her, I honestly don't. I…I've been around…I've done things…and now there's nothing I want except her. There's nothing I want to do, nothing I want to see, nowhere I want to go except her and that can't happen," he finished with a shrug.

"You do what you have to," Stefan said before he stood up and headed back down off the roof.

"Stefan, wait." Damon stood up too and placed something in his brother's hand. "Thank you, for not hating me even when I deserved it. And for everything else."

Stefan looked down and saw Damon's ring in his hand.

"Give that stone to Elena when you turn her."

Stefan looked back up at Damon and saw that even though his body was alive, his brother was already dead inside. He'd died the moment Bonnie had, all that was left now was an empty shell and in a few hours that'd be gone too with the sunrise.

Stefan nodded, knowing there was nothing he could say to convince him and also that it'd be wrong of him to try. He'd been selfish enough once when it came to his brother, he refused to do it again.

"Goodbye, brother."