I DO NOT OWN THE MENTALIST!
I stop to take a deep breath as I continue to gaze at my son, I wished he'd open his eyes or even move. He seems so still, so silent. I wish he'd wake up, I wish I could hear him speak. I tighten my grip on his hand and choke down some tears, I wish he's be okay.
"Well as you probably know it was a long while before I did actually return to Sacramento. I did try though, I did quit drinking and clean up my act quite a bit but it took time and even then I was afraid to go back. Van Pelt told me later how you did as you were told, how you helped out with chores... how you kept your room spotless and packed a suitcase every evening morning in case I would come.
It still breaks my heart how much you listened to what I'd said, even after what I'd done. It was actually 2 years before I went back, I couldn't quite muster the courage to return. Tommy realized I think that as long as I was welcome there I wouldn't have to go back so he... kicked me out so to speak.
Told me to pack my things as I couldn't stay there anymore so I did. I was forced to return to Sacramento or face the wrath of my other brothers who had fallen out of odds with me due to my neglect to communicate with them so to Sacramento I went.
My house looked so desolate and empty, even more so than usual I mean. It was a dark dusty place, no one had really bothered to do anything to it but it had still been empty. Both the front and the back yard had become overgrown with a tangle of grass and weeds, my car had inevitably been towed and destroyed also.
I remember groaning as I thought of all I had to accomplish now I was back, take care of the house, buy a new car, get my job back or get another job and you... They seemed like quite daunting tasks to me. I spent the first few days back cleaning the house, brushing away the dust and cobwebs and cutting the grass etc, etc.
Then I had to face the CBI. I don't think I'd ever been more nervous about anything in my life as I was walking through the familiar halls to Hightower's office. Walking past the gaping faces, it reminded me of the shock everyone had felt after I had to arrest Patrick, dark days Julian, dark days.
`Come in,` had come Hightower's crisp tone, I had gulped before taking a deep breath and going into her office. I remember how her eyes widened as she saw me standing there, `Agent Lisbon, long time no see,` she'd said finally.
`Nice to see you too boss,` I mumbled staring at my feet.
`Why don't you take a seat?` she'd offered and I'd sat down still boring my eyes into my feet on the floorboards, `so... where have you been these past 3 and a half years?`
`With my brother Tommy in Pittsburgh, in Pennsylvania,` I'd muttered in reply not wanting to meet her eyes.
`I was thinking more, why did you vanish off the face of the planet without a word to anyone?` she demanded and I told her, I told her everything. About what I'd done, about the alcohol... I told her everything and when I was finished she sat there looking at with an expression blank enough to give Cho a run for his money, `and now you want your job back?`
`Err... yeah,` I'd replied blushing at it occured to me this was more like something Patrick would have done. Vanishing for years then coming back and asking for his job back except he would have done it with more finesse and without feeling so embarrassed.
`Well Lisbon I'll think about it but I suggest you need to have a conversation with your old team... and with your son,` she'd said and I'd finally looked straight into her eyes as she mentioned you.
`Julian...` I think I'd whispered under my breath or else she'd guessed what I was thinking because she'd then said.
`He worships you, did you know that? He tells everyone one day his Mommy is coming back for him if he is good.`
`Really?` I did actually say that although I was again surprised by your love for me.
`Yep, he's a good kid. Sweet, kind... you should meet him.`
`Maybe I will.`
`Then go,` she'd practically commanded and my resolve finally felt strong enough to go to you, I'd gotten to the door before I realized I had no idea where you were, `Van Pelt's house, sitter's called Marla.`
`Thanks,` I remember saying before hurrying away, stopping to glance at the empty bullpen and Patrick's couch... that had brought back some memories I tell you.
I'd got back to my rental car and drove to Van Pelt's house. I remember sitting in the car for about half an hour arguing with myself about this before I finally went and knocked on the door... but I'd chickened out and ran back down the path throwing myself into the bushes so I wouldn't be seen.
`Hello?` you'd called and my heart had clenched at hearing your voice again.
`Julian, get back inside,` commanded a new female voice after a minute.
`But there was a knock...`
`Of course there was Julian,` mocked the woman sarcastically, Marla the babysitter I'd realized by this point, `must have been a Chupacabra to come eat Julian for not listening to me and getting back inside the house.`
I heard you sigh and then the door closed. For a minute I remember lying there before I found the courage to go up to the door again and ring the bell this time. It chimed loudly before a plump Hispanic woman opened the door and looked at me curiously.
`Are you Marla?` I'd asked.
`Si, y yo?` replied Marla raising an eyebrow at me.
`I... I'm Lisbon, Teresa Lisbon... Julian's... Mom. I'm here to see him,` I'd answered in a sort of pathetic nervous way. To my surprise the woman had smiled.
`About time you came to see him, he's in his room. First on the left,` explained Marla letting me inside.
She walked away in the direction of what looked like the kitchen as I forced my feet to climb the stairs and look at the first door on the left. Your name was spelled out in green letters, I had raised my hand stiffly and rapped on the door a few times letting out a nervous breath.
`Entrar,` you'd called clearly back and I'd opened the door.
You had your back to me as you were making your bed. The room was clean, the blue carpet looked recently vacuumed, all the books and toys were all neat and in place. You really had took me at my word.
`Julian,` I'd whispered gently and immediately you'd turned to look at me, your whole face lighting up as you saw me.
`Mo- Teresa, I knew you'd come back,` you exclaimed still beaming at me, `no one believed me but I knew you wouldn't let me down.`
`Julian,` I remember saying again before you threw your arms around me, I knelt down and hugged you tightly back as tears rolled down my cheeks..." my voice trails off as present day tears wash my face, "please wake up Julian, please...
