Illumi cussed as he perused the hallways. He couldn't find Hisoka. He couldn't find Kalluto. He was a total failure.

And failure was not an option.

"Get back up," Father told him, grasping Illumi's jaw in his hand. "Are you a Zoldyck or aren't you? Are you my son or aren't you? If you aren, then you'll do what had to be done."

Illumi was four and never closed his eyes when killing someone again. It was always killing. That was their way of life, their business, and even here, it followed him, which really wasn't surprising because everywhere people died, everywhere people wanted to live, to die themselves, or wanted other people to die for as many reasons as there were people. Illumi heard rumors swirling throughout the ship. Rumors of more people dead, slaughtered by Morena Prudo and her minions, he reasoned.

He had to kill Hisoka, get Kalluto, and leave. He had long ago resolved never to pick a battle he couldn't win. The rest of the troupe could die, he supposed. But if they wanted to come and it was feasible, he'd allow that.

A scream echoed. Illumi whirled. He flew down the stairs and paused among a crowd. A dead body lay crumpled on the floor like a disgusting caterpillar, missing its throat. Really a rather inefficient and gruesome way to kill. Which only had one purpose: inciting fear. Not Hisoka's game no matter how he loved chaos. Morena, again. He spotted her among the crowd. She met his gaze, and slipped away.

Illumi followed. He reached out and snatched her shoulder.

"What is it, Zoldyck?" Morena glanced at him, her eyes scarred.

"Do you want to kill everyone on this boat, or have everyone kill each other?" Illumi demanded. He could hear the arguing erupting already, with some calling for each cabin to be searched individually, some calling for—

"Answer a question for me and I'll answer one for you," Morena responded. She adjusted what looked like a crown of thorns on her head. "Do you think all the pain your parents put you through was love? We heard rumors, you know. Even in Kakin. Was it love because you had a nice mansion and a guard dog?"

Illumi felt cold. "Of course it was." His parents only wanted him to be the very best he could be. If that wasn't love, what even was it?

Morena tapped her scars. "These weren't love." A smile twisted her lips. "Love doesn't exist."

Your father threw you away. Illumi narrowed his gaze. How dare she try to compare—

"If you were useless," Morena said. "You'd be fed to that dog, wouldn't you?" She turned and stalked off.

"Hey!" Illumi sucked in his breath. She wasn't going to answer his question, which meant he would need to find his own answers. And it wasn't true.

Are you a Zoldyck or aren't you?

He killed the person with his eyes wide open, and Father didn't so much as give him a nod of approval. He told Illumi he spilled too much blood, though. Illumi studied his hand.

The third tier was getting dangerous, certainly. He tapped his chin. He didn't want to have to worry about Kalluto with all that was going on. He was a Zoldyck, and a Zoldyck protected their younger siblings. I'll track down the actual killer, then, and get my answers. It shouldn't take him very long.

And it didn't. Within two hours, Illumi had an overweight man, red in the face and with ill-concealed bloodstains on his belt, trapped in a storage room.

"Hello," Illumi said pleasantly, shutting the door behind them. He sent a needle at the man. Now he would—

The man caught it. Just like Morena had. Illumi blinked. "You—"

He lunged at Illumi, with a strength he shouldn't possess. Illumi dodged. And then the man fell flat on his face. Illumi swore. He yanked the man up by his thinning hair, stabbing a needle into his throat. "What is your plan?"

"We have the same question," said a voice behind Illumi. He turned to see Machi swinging herself out from behind a crate, the diminutive one Kalluto seemed to admire popping up behind her. Feitan.

"I make him talk," Feitan said as the man thrashed like a fish out of water. He withdrew a tiny knife.

I don't need your help! Illumi was offended. "What are you doing here?"

"I just tripped him," Machi said, holding up her nen thread.

"Civilians are worth one level," the man finally said. "Nen users, ten. Princes… fifty."

"Levels?" Illumi glared.

"I'm only ten," mumbled Feitan.

"Destroy everything," the man warbled. "Because—just because. We can. Nothing matters—your life, my life—any life—"

His family mattered. Fuck this nihilistic fool. And what a disappointing answer. Nihilism.

Illumi sent another needle into his brain. Dead. Efficient. He hadn't needed these two.

"Chrollo, Nobunaga, and Phinks are acting as a bodyguard for one of the princes," Machi said. "I'll text them."

"I don't even want to know," Illumi decided. "And does it matter? We get Hisoka, and then we leave."

"Ah, do we?" Feitan eyed Illumi. "Your brother ask us to watch you."

Kalluto—what? Illumi laughed, but the looks on Feitan's and Machi's face crushed the sound. They were serious. Kalluto, why?

Everyone betrays you, or you will betray them.

Except family.

Including family.

Illumi wanted to scream. His breaths echoed in the dim room, harsh, sloshing around. "I have never failed a job in my life."

I'm a Zoldyck. I'm a Zoldyck. I'm a ZoldyckZoldyckZoldyck the only ones I can rely on is family always family love they're here.

"I know," said Machi. "See that this isn't the first. My life depends on it." She put her hands on her hips.

"Besides," said Feitan. "These fools, we can practice with. Killing them." He gestured to the crumpled body on the floor.

"I could have handled him just fine on my own," Illumi said finally. Irritation was not present in his tone. He kept it all inside, swelling, itching.

"Probably," agreed Machi. "But we don't know that, do we?"

"I thought members trusted each other."

"We do."

"Except Hisoka," Illumi said. "Fine. I understand."

"He was no member." Feitan jabbed his finger at Illumi. "Time tells whether you are a member or not."

"If someone is in trouble, do you help them? Or just Chrollo?" asked Illumi, thinking of Shalnark and Kortopi. He perched on the edge of a crate.

"Those who can't help themselves can die," replied Feitan.

Shadows covered Machi's face. "We help when we need them."

"Then why," asked Illumi. "Are you so angry at Hisoka? Would not Shalnark and Kortopi deserve to die, if they were so weak for lending their powers to Chrollo?"

Feitan glared at him.

Hisoka's only using your own philosophy on you, Illumi realized. How trickster-like. "Did you not save Chrollo when the Chain User kidnapped him?"

Feitan and Machi exchanged a glance. Machi folded her arms. "Yes. Because we needed him."

"I said not to," said Feitan. "But what's done is done."

"Why not?" Illumi wanted to know. Give me answers, dammit! I don't—I need to

"Following what Danchou wanted shows that we are his legs," responded Feitan. "He want his legacy to continue. The Spider needs to survive."

"Saving him showed that we care," Machi shot back.

Feitan shrugged and rolled his eyes. "This is why we don't debate finished things."

Illumi had heard enough. He pushed past them. "Don't worry," he said. "I am a Zoldyck. I am an assassin." He slipped out of the room.

Kalluto, why?

He was only doing the right thing for Killua, Kalluto, all of them. And Hisoka…

Following what he wants shows that we care. Illumi pushed open the door to his room.

"Hello," said Hisoka, shuffling cards on his bed.

Illumi produced his needles. "You went after my brother."

"Spared the little brat, but yes," Hisoka agreed. "And my, my, Illumi, darling. You don't seem to be doing a great job of watching over him. Maybe you should take care of his friends since they're certainly more a risk than Gon ever was." Hisoka pushed himself up to a sitting position. He tossed a card into the ceiling.

Illumi sent a needle through the card. "What are you talking about?"

"He's made a friend aboard," Hisoka said, scowling at the ruined card. "A short, bald man. Goes by Cathuria." He tilted his head back. "Since it seems no one respects friendship anymore, I thought you might want to intervene and respect family bonds."

Sweat prickled at the back of Illumi's neck. "I don't understand."

Hisoka turned his face away from Illumi. "Who did you just kill?"

Illumi leaned back against the wall. He felt his heart rate increasing and he didn't like it. The last time he felt like this he was a child of five and Dad had caught him huddled into Mike's fur. He was supposed to be awake for seventy-two hours to train, and he was at hour sixty and just wanted to close his eyes. The dog was comfortable. Illumi wasn't able to sit for a week after that. "Are you a bastard, Hisoka?"

Hisoka let out a laugh. He folded one of his legs, tucking his foot under his knee. "No idea."

"Do you know what happens to the Kakin king's bastards?" Illumi asked. "He scars their faces and abandons them. One of them wants to kill everyone on the ship, because she can."

"Is she powerful?" asked Hisoka. "Maybe I'll—"

Illumi hurled needles at him. Hisoka blocked them with cards. He swung. Illumi had to do it. He had to. Here and now. He was a Zoldyck. He was an assassin. He was a Phantom Troupe member because he was a Zoldyck and an assassin and because he and Hisoka had made an engagement for—I'm a Zoldyck, Father I'm your son, Father I'm enough, no matter what, Mother, I'm cold enough—

He wasn't letting his guard down today. No Bungee Gum would stick to him. He found himself on the floor, Hisoka pinned under him, grimacing, straining.

I'm enough.

"I win," said Illumi, hair cloaking their faces. Despite the shadows, he could still see the golden glint in Hisoka's eyes.

Hisoka let out a laugh. The sound overpowered the mantra chanting in Illumi's mind. "Go ahead."

Illumi aimed the needle at his head. He pressed the tip into Hisoka's forehead.

His heartbeat thumped. He was alive. Hisoka was about to be dead.

"Don't hesitate again, Zoldyck," Hisoka snarled. The name sounded lilting, teasing, from Hisoka's tongue. "Or I won't be so nice next time."

Blood dribbled down Hisoka's forehead, just a droplet. Hisoka glared, annoyed Illumi was making it painful. Illumi's fingers tightened around the needle. He heard his father's voice. Keep his eyes open. He watched Hisoka's lips curve up. In a second, they would be frozen. The skin was warm.

Following what he wants

Everyone will betray you

"Do it," Hisoka said. "Do it!"

Shows we care

I'm a Zoldyck, I'm a Zoldyck, I'm—

"Illumi," cursed Hisoka.

Or you will betray them

Zol—trait—you—every—

It's true, Illumi thought, giving in. You were right, Father.

He was the traitor, this time. He would betray Hisoka.

He threw the needle into the wall. Illumi gaped at it just as much as Hisoka did. But he couldn't think. Not now. Illumi leaned down and pressed his lips against Hisoka's, opening his mouth with his. His lips felt hot against Illumi's. His teeth knocked against Hisoka's. Illumi pressed deeper. He wanted to forget, to lose himself in something else, someone else. A pulse pounded in Hisoka's throat.

Hisoka threw Illumi off him. Illumi staggered back. So you—could have thrown me off earlier.

But you didn't want to. You want to die so badly?

Hisoka wiped his mouth. "You're really—" He couldn't finished.

Illumi just stared at him. His legs felt weak.

Hisoka opened his mouth as if to say something else, and then shook his head. He turned and stormed from the cabin.


Kurapika meandered towards Prince Tserriednich's chambers. He needed to focus at least a little on getting the eyes, even if protecting Oito and Woble was his primary goal.

I shouldn't be alive.

He should have died long ago, with his family, with his tribe. He should be a rotting skeleton by now instead of something still wasting air and time.

No, not wasting. So long as he could bury them, it was good he survived. Kurapika's hands shook. He put his hand on the gun tucked in the waistband of his pants.

He only survived because he was a coward who wanted to leave. And who wanted to save his friend whom he lost. Maybe… maybe…

"Find me some better looking ones from down below," called a thick voice. Kurapika froze, pressing himself into the wall of the passageway. "No one will miss them; they're basically worthless cattle anyways. I heard rumors some of the rats have already started chewing each other apart. Some serial killers."

Kurapika gritted his teeth. He hated people like Tserriednich. Hated entitled brats who thought that some people's lives were worth less just because they happened to be born with less money, just because they weren't them.

Are you really so special? Are you really such a complete and total

Footsteps sounded. Kurapika hesitated, and then dated sideways down the passage. A lamp glowed, but the hallway still seemed dark.

He paused outside a compartment. The footsteps still clicked and clacked, like heels. Kurapika jiggled the handle. Locked.

It had to be here, then. The eyes. The treasure. But where were the guards, if so? Kurapika frowned. He crouched, examining the lock. The footsteps sounded in a different direction.

Something cold washed over him. Sticky. Like an aura, but worse than anything Kurapika could even imagine. His throat felt coated in slime and he gagged, desperate for air, but he couldn't—he clawed at his throat, head slamming into the door.

This is whatever attacked Chrollo and me.

This time, Chrollo wasn't here. This time, he didn't have Bandit's Secret. Kurapika yanked out his chains. He activated Emperor Time, pushing himself to his feet. His head felt light. Every skin cell felt as if it had been injected with lead, as if it was being tugged towards the floor. The air coagulated inside his lungs.

A head emerged from the wall. Kurapika's jaw felt wired in place. He couldn't even scream as the creature wiggled out.

Tserriednich's guardian spirit beast. Huge breasts dangled from it, almost giving it an obscene appearance. It raised its head, attached to a snake-like neck, slithering it closer to Kurapika. Its forehead almost touched his own. Two fat legs, trapped in high heels that even Hisoka would condemn, moved towards him. A claw extended from the front, reaching for Kurapika's throat.

Move! Kurapika commanded himself. But only one foot stepped backwards, and only slightly. He felt like running through sand.

How on earth was anyone to have a chance against this thing? Woble, where's your spirit beast and why isn't it useful?

Its mouth opened. Another, more hideous face, leered at Kurapika.

A whistle cut through the air. The beast retracted its neck, sinking back into the wall, into the locked chamber. Air whooshed back into Kurapika's lungs, air that felt clean, crisp, life-giving. He clutched his knees, chains disappearing.

"Tserriednich," called a voice.

Kurapika jerked his head up. Theta stared at him. Fuck. His fingers grappled for his weapon. But if he were to use it, that beast…

The prince's blasted face appeared around the corner. Kurapika nodded at him. "Prince Tserriednich."

Tserriednich crossed his arms. "What are you doing here?"

"Queen Oito wished to talk to Nasubi," Kurapika lied. "I was on my way there."

"I see." Tserriednich tugged his hair back from his face. "It sounded as if you were in a bit of distress."

Dammit, they must have heard him gasping for breath. Kurapika straightened his shoulders. "Your nen beast appeared to have thought me a threat."

Tserriednich's eyes glittered. "And are you a threat?"

"Not at the moment," Kurapika answered honestly. His heart hammered inside his chest.

Tserriednich chuckled. "Indeed, I suppose that's an honest answer." He had his feet planted on the edges of the narrow hallway.

Oh, gross. Kurapika's stomach churned. His phone rang. He ignored it as per usual, though for once not because he wanted to. In fact, if Kurapika could have answered it and demanded help, he would have.

But no. He snuck off here by himself, so he would deal with the consequences.

"Theta, after you find some girls for me, call Cathuria," Tserriednich directed.

"Yes, sir," Theta said quietly. She slipped past Kurapika.

"My father is that way," Tserriednich said, stepping aside.

Thank goodness. Kurapika let out his breath. "Thank you. Have a good evening."

"You know," Tserriednich said as Kurapika moved past him. "If you wanted to stay, you could. You're no woman, but you look like one. I'd be curious to see just how strong you are, Nen Teacher, in other senses." His hand landed on Kurapika's shoulder, squeezing.

Now Kurapika really might vomit all over Tserriednich's shoes. "I'm afraid I decline."

"Shame." Tserriednich pulled his hand back. "We might be able to work out an accord, you know. For the other prince's benefit."

Kurapika spun on his heel. "Are you actually suggesting I prostitute myself for your sister's life? You're a sick man." He wished he could send his foot into Tserriednich's crotch, watch the man writhe in pain.

Tserriednich leaned back against the wall. "And you're the one choosing yourself over her life."

Fuck you! Kurapika glowered at him. "I've chosen to save her life. And I will. And I will do it with my dignity in tact, thank you very much."

"Oh, will you?" He was enjoying taunting him.

"Kurapika!" A new voice rang out.

Kurapika wanted to scream. Why you?

Chrollo appeared. Tserriednich's eyes lit up even further.

"Oito summoned you," said Chrollo. "It's urgent." He bowed, but not before Kurapika saw the mocking gleam in his eyes. "Your Majesty."

"See you," Tserriednich relented.

Kurapika hurried after Chrollo. "You know, there is one person I hate in this world more than you, and that's him."

"He didn't seem particularly pleasant," Chrollo agreed.

"What does Oito need?"

"Nothing. You weren't picking up your phone and it didn't take a genius to assume that you'd be looking for eyes. I wanted to ask if you could cover for me tonight. I need to meet with Machi and Feitan."

"No."

"Two-faced scheming—"

"The nen beast," Kurapika interrupted. "The one that locked us in that room. The one with the—that almost suffocated us."

"The what?" Chrollo turned to gape at him as they emerged onto the deck.

"It's Tserriednich's nen spirit guardian."

"This family is too wild for me," Chrollo declared.

"It's dangerous," Kurapika said. He spun to face Chrollo, halting. "If he—if he decides to target us, we can't—we're through."

Chrollo paled. He gave a nod. "I suppose we better hurry up and kill Hisoka, then, and get you off."

"He's evil," Kurapika said. The setting sun glowed orange against Chrollo's skin. "He takes women every night—they're never seen again, more often than not. Oito's seen it."

Chrollo scowled. "Lecherous scum."

"Pretty much," Kurapika agreed. "He said if I slept with him he'd spare Woble."

Chrollo arched his brows. A chuckle emerged. "What did you say?"

Kurapika's jaw dropped. "No! What kind of person do you think I am?"

"A murderer who will do anything to achieve your goals," Chrollo responded. A bird cawed above them, swooping and diving, but all alone. Golden clouds disintegrated, resembling decaying mackerel skin. "Including saving those you care about, so I'm actually surprised. If he asked you to in exchange for the eyes, would your answer have been different? Then you wouldn't have to steal them."

"No," said Kurapika. "And it has nothing to do with me being—"

"Frigid?"

"It has nothing to do with me!"

"Liar."

"It's the truth." Kurapika glanced at him. "I could not imagine being with someone I hated. Not when other options exist. I have choices. In everything."

The sky darkened, indigo blossoming. "Were there no other options besides killing Uvogin, then?"

Kurapika started. "He had a choice. Reveal where you were, and then—"

"Would you have killed him anyways?"

"It was what it was," Kurapika responded.

And he felt it again. That gnawing emptiness. Kurapika clenched his fists. He grappled to grab rage.

It wasn't there. Just—nothingness, as vast as the sea. He swallowed. "If I had a choice, so did you. If you want to see me regret it, then so should you."

"What were you thinking?" Chrollo asked. "When you did it." He faced the ocean too. And a teardrop rolled down his cheek.

He could cry? It had to be an act. But the hollow look in Chrollo's eyes—it was a mirror. Kurapika closed his eyes. "I was angry. I thought—I would feel better."

"I thought having the eyes would make me feel better. They're beautiful."

"And did you?" Kurapika already knew the answer.

"I've never slowed enough to ask myself," Chrollo responded.

"Ask yourself now." Kurapika restrained himself from adding a curse to the end of that sentence. He opened his eyes.

"No," said Chrollo. "It wasn't worth it. I'd rather have Uvo and Paku alive. They were like—a big brother and a big sister. I met Uvo when I was nine, or maybe ten, you know? He stopped a group of people from attacking me. We didn't talk for a few more years after that, but he just said it wasn't funny." He leaned over the railing, resting his chin on his folded hands.

"If I said I was sorry, they'd still be dead."

"Are you sorry?" Chrollo turned to him. Umber hair flew around his face.

"I don't know." If he was, he'd have to rethink his goals. And he was scared to shift that foundation. "I think so. It's just—" He stopped.

"I understand." Chrollo looked out at the water, where sunlight glimmered red on the waves, in scarlet shards.