I apologise for how long it has taken me to get out a new chapter. Rest assured, I haven't abandoned this fic, but life took some unexpected turns and it took me a while to recover. Your messages begging me to keep going really did help, so thanks everyone! I really do appreciate it! 3 Nightshade

Two and a half years ago ...

The air sat sharp and icy in the sewers. Winter was underway and the cold penetrated into the hollow bones of the city until the very air felt sharp enough to slice you from the inside out. The tunnels crackled eerily in the dark, worming through the underground like the dirty veins of some great beast, crusted and gleaming. Raphael sat in the relative privacy of the carriage he shared with Mikey and brooded in the dark. He felt the cold, but he didn't care.

Everything is going to shit, he reflected.

He was shivering but he refused to draw the blankets up from his bed. It felt more right that his body should feel as miserable as the rest of him. It had gotten to the point where he wasnt sure if the wracking shivers were from the cold or a result of the fucked up craziness in his head.

Another fight. Another stupid, useless argument with Leo. It had always been a struggle between them – sometimes it seemed like they were just stuck in their bullshit version of some crazy kata. Bruises, slammed doors, violence and words that came exploding out before he could reign back the things he didn't even want to say. He wanted to know why. Before it had always been enough to just feel it and react, but now he was starting to wonder, starting to question ... why the hell couldn't they get along? No. He forced himself to face the truth. It's me. I'm the one who takes things too far. Every fucking time. It's not Leo getting called up in front of Splinter, it's me. And its not cuz Leo never starts the fights, its because I'm the one who crosses the line. Raph had been fighting with Leo for his entire life. He knew where the line was and yet he still couldn't stop himself from either leaping across it or dragging his brother over it. Either way, the result was the same.

He stared at his own clenched fist, still raw where Leo had dodged his punch and he'd smashed into the unyielding brickwall. The knuckles were still swollen and ached painfully when he flexed, but he didn't care. He sat there in the dark flexing it just so he could feel the pain, something to distract him from the blackness in his heart. The dark embraced him, as did the cold, and it didn't numb the raging confusion so much as provide a masochistic sense of satisfaction. Raphael the emo-turtle. He snorted darkly.

For so long now they'd been clashing, working their way up to greater and greater levels of anger and frustration he felt they were nearing a point of no return where one of them was about to do or say something that could never be taken back. Or do something they'd never be able to forgive him for.

He knew if someone crossed that line, it would be him. Raphael had finally started to pay serious attention to the creeping fear in his guts. What's wrong with me? Why am I always fucking things up? Questions that had plagued him as long as he could remember. Leo wasn't so hard to understand, the things that drove him were obvious in every scathing lecture Raph had ever been subjected to. Always the patronising words would get under his skin, driving him nuts until suddenly sarcastic foreplay was a roaring argument between them. Don and Mikey disappearing behind bedroom doors, frightened of the crackling anger in the room, unable to stop the disintegration happening right in front of them.

He was starting to feel so tired. They were 18 now, not quite so young anymore. So much had happened in the last two years since the Shredders death, not the least of which was their new agreement with Karai, the new leader sent from Japan to reorganise the Foot clan's holdings in New York. It had all come down to a shadowy meeting among rooftops, weapons bared, trust a fragile strand called honour between the two groups. The truce was forged, the rules were simple. Neither clan would interfere with the other. One warning would be given should the line be crossed and then all honour-bound codes would disintegrate back into war. It was a respite they dearly needed, a truce they couldn't afford to break.

Raph had been almost bored until he realised the local street gangs were on the uprise. With only the skeleton of the old Foot clan to compete with they were surging forth once more in numbers and even the media had begun to take notice. There were a few out there, the Black Wolves, White Hawks , Purple Dragons - like badly named superbowl teams, smashing their aggression out on each other and anyone who got in their way. Dumb humans doing dumb things so they could pretend they were clever, had power and belonged to something greater than themselves. He snorted to himself in disgust, aware on a deeper level that his own situation wasn't so far removed.

Of all people Raph understood the need to belong. In the entire world, the only place any of them would belong was their little family. There were no gangs, no youth groups, no shelters they could join. There was only four brothers and a father who would always be isolated from the outside world. April and Casey were exceptions to the rule and still.. as humans they could retreat to their own world whenever they needed a break, whilst he and his brothers remained in the shadows. All they had was each other. He understood what that meant. There was no running from problems in this family because in the end – there was nowhere to run to. They would never exile him from the lair because he was the only family they would ever have – so they would put up with his shit, day after day until one of them ended up almost killing the other and then ... he knew ... he'd probably leave. There was nowhere to go, no sanctuary in that option. It was just one of only two choices he could see in his future. Bend or break. Toe the line or lose everything. And what was out there for a lone mutant? A life spent running, hiding, scavenging for scraps. No life at all, but it was still better than the alternative.

A black tide of self-hate rose around him as he reluctantly recalled their last fight ... he'd seen red. Literally seen red. A haze of anger and he'd lost complete control, their fight vicious, no restraint as he leapt at his brother sai's drawn. He was only deeply grateful that Leo was always prepared for trouble. Only Mikey's shouts of horror had penetrated the foggy rage, the anger clearing, finding himself pinned to the dojo floor Leo's katana to his throat. Hot blood was trickling down his arm from the slice of the blade. A drip hit his beak as a deep red droplet rolled down Leo's beak from the neat slice across his cheek ... close enough beneath his brothers right eye to make him freeze. They'd stared at each other as his rage cleared, breathing heavily.

Mutual bleakness in each others eyes, regret, a silent recognition. That he had finally lost it. Leo had released him slowly, backing away as if he couldn't risk turning his back and finally walked away without a word. Raph had stayed there staring at the ceiling, breathing hard through a cloud of despair until Don finally came in, tentatively asking if he was ok, did he need stitches? Raph felt the wound absently. Stitches rough against the scab formed across the neatly sewn line. It still hurt a bit and he wasn't looking forward to getting the stitches pulled, but he didn't care – wished it was worse. He'd almost blinded his own brother. Just one more inch and he would have permanently taken something he could never give back. He folded his arms across drawn knees and sank his head against the taut muscle.

He was supposed to be so strong. What was the point of working to be the strongest so he could protect his brothers, if he wasn't strong enough to protect them from himself? If he could be so diligent with ninjitsu, so focused with weapons training and learning the skills he knew would help defend his family, the world, then surely he could learn to reign in the monster he was becoming? Three weeks ago he'd punched Mikey in the face, a full on belt across the cheek that had sent his little brother sprawling in shock. Not a gentle smack upside the back of the head for cheekiness, not a light thump on the top of the shell for mischief, but a right hook with enough vicious anger behind it to knock him flying. Raph's throat tightened in pain. It was one thing to fight with Leo, quite another to be smacking around Mikey who forgave every harsh word he'd ever said, was always working to make him smile, dispel the tension, unite them again in laughter while he... did his best to piss everyone off. He couldn't recall the shocked pain in those blue eyes without feeling another wave of self loathing.

Would it be so hard to take a deep breath once in a while and instead of saying the first wretched, stupid ass thing that came to mind ... choosing to say something different? Was he really such a dumb jock that he couldn't turn 'Fuck You' into 'No problem'? A frustrated and confused, hormonal teenager had turned into a dark, bitter jerk with a chip on his shoulder the size of Manhattan and nobody to direct it at except punks on the street or family. Too often, it was his family who felt the brunt.

Always he'd felt like this life had made him what he was, but he was older now, starting to understand things about himself on levels he'd never really explored before. Sometimes being the leader meant Leo made choices he didn't want to make. Words always considered, actions weighed with responsibility, expectation. Not because he was trying to be a righteous prick (though fuck he was good at it), or that he even wanted to be leader (a realisation that he still found confusing), but because this role had been put on him by their father long ago before he even fully understood the burden of taking such a position on. It didn't matter that he was perfect for it, the point was Leo didn't waste time bitching and moaning when things didn't go his way, he just did what he had to do. He felt another wave of self hate .. somewhere along the way Leo had risen to the challenge Splinter had placed before him. Raph knew he'd not only failed to master his, he'd gone backwards if it was even possible.

He had finally begun to see what Splinter had been trying to teach him for years ... of the two of them, Raph was the only one who now had a choice. He was the one who chose every time to make it even harder on Leo than it had to be. Who chose to resent their positions in the family hierarchy as if Leo had ever had a choice. When even the act of resenting it all proved how unworthy he was for the position in itself. His head hurt from thinking about everything, he'd spent the last week locked in his room, just ... brooding it out. Trying to find an answer that didn't involve killing a member of his family, himself, or self exile. Bend or Break. The blackness in his heart kept whispering that he wasn't capable of bending ... that breaking shit had always been his m.o. and he was kidding himself if he thought change was even an option.

There was a gentle tap at the door and he grunted, dropping a knee, not wanting to be caught with such vulnerable body language, curled up as if he was still a little kid. Mikey's face peered hesitantly around the door.

'Um... I made you a sandwich, dude. S'not much - Leo's gone up to get the shopping from April, but we still had a bit of cheese left over...' His voice trailed away, uncertain of his reception.

'...Thanks.' Raph grunted.

Mike took that as permission to enter and slid inside, closing the door behind him, a good indication that he wanted to talk. He stumbled over a dumbbell in the dark with a wince of pain and Raph impatiently flicked on the small nightstand light before he ended up with sandwich on his face. Mike handed it to him and Raph slid it onto the nightstand, not yet ready to put anything in his churning stomach.

'Dude aren't you cold?' Mike asked, shivering as he stared at his brothers exposed arms. Mike was wrapped in a warm coat, beanie and had a bright blue scarf wrapped around his neck. In contrast Raph was just about naked.

Raph shrugged halfheartedly and tried to sound convincing. 'I'm fine.' They both pretended not to notice his goosebumps.

Mike fidgeted for a moment, obviously trying to think of something to say to lighten the mood. He'd seen Raph angry before, but lately things were just downright scary. He was afraid. Afraid because usually Raph bounced back from these fights a bit calmer until the guilt wore off and another argument brewed, but this time Raph wasn't full of attitude. This time his brother had completely isolated himself from the rest of them. He hadn't spoken to any of them for days. The Lair was eerie quiet except for the echo of Leo's training as he sought to purge his own personal demons the only way he knew how.

Raph suddenly heaved a slow sigh. Gathering himself. Bend or break.

'Mikey...' He began roughly.

Mike blinked.

'I'm sorry.' The words came hard, his pride swelled darkly but he forced the beast back and said them anyway. He met the wide blue eyes with difficulty, but forced himself not to look away.

'For not eating the sandwich I made you yesterday? Total waste of peanut butter and jelly man. The bugs got more out of it than you did.' Mike gave him an anxious half-smile.

Raph shook his head slightly. His voice gruff.

'You know why. For hittin' ya. It wasn't right, you didn't deserve it an I'm sorry.'

Mike's hand shot to his cheek. It was no longer swollen and red, that had been weeks ago. He grinned suddenly and shrugged.

'No problem, man.'

Raph shook his head and grabbed Mikey's wrist firmly so the younger turtle was forced to listen, forced to consider what he was saying seriously. Why did it always have to be so hard? He had been a jerk and they shook it off like it was normal, acceptable on some level, but when he tried to apologise nobody took him seriously. Always that edge, as if they expected him to be an asshole all the time and apologies were too far above him. Above a monster. He grit his teeth.

'No, it's not alright. Don't ... don't act like it is, cuz it isn't.' He squeezed his eyes shut angrily.

'Raph, it's cool bro, I forgive you.' Mike said softly.

How? How could Mikey just forgive things so easily? Raph knew if Leo had hit him like that unprovoked, he'd have been carrying it around for months... not Mikey. He'd looked hurt and avoided his big brother for maybe two full days before he was back again, pretending like nothing had happened, like his brother hadn't hurt him ... again. Even though your cheek was puffed up like a golfball, and you had a blackeye, you still somehow managed to smile at me, though I know it must have hurt like hell...

Raphael searched those wide blue eyes for a moment before releasing Mikey's wrist, staring down at the rumpled sheets of his bed. Words weren't enough, he didn't know how to put them together to make things right and his actions were always so rough. All bicep, no brains, as Don liked to say in his more irritated moments. But the brainiac was right, it never got him anywhere. He was so tired of it.

'And If I'd killed, Leo? Would you have forgiven me then?' He demanded roughly, his eyes bleak.

Mike shifted awkwardly, unsure what to say. He was rarely privy to Raph's black moods. The angry ones sure, but not this strange black depression he was seeing. It scared him more than the anger. Anger was normal in Raph's world.

'Raph you'd never have... you and Leo you fight pretty hardcore, but you wouldn't have really hurt him! You both drew blood, sure, but they were only scratches.' Somehow the words sounded hollow. He hadn't meant them to, but they both knew deep down that something was very, very wrong. A scratch didn't usually require stitches. Scratches were accidents, not made with deliberate intent.

Raph suddenly slung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. He was a good few inches taller and Mike stared up at him a little apprehensively. Not expecting the sudden warm hand on his shoulders, a gentle touch. He couldn't' believe it when Raph suddenly drew him into a hug, big arms wrapped around him, a beak settled against his shoulder, arms cradling his shell. He wrapped his arms around Raph's shell in awed delight, nestled his face into his brothers neck. It was so rare. This gentleness that he rarely showed to anyone. They stood like that for a long time, Raph's breathing harsh, Mike simply soaking up a moment he knew was one of the few times he'd ever hold Raph in his life. The one out of all of them who had the most trouble with showing affection.

Finally Raph's voice, low, tight as if he held back tears.

'I'm sorry Mikey. I.. I don't want to be this way anymore, but ... I'm losin' it... feels like somethin' I can't stop.' he whispered, anguished.

Mike gripped Raph's carapace tighter.

'Don't say that, Raph. Don't talk like everything is set in stone and you and Leo are on your way to killin' each other or something. Dude, you're like, changing things right now.' He'd gripped Raph closer again then, when it seemed like his brother might pull away, surprised when those hands didn't push him off. It felt so good, this contact, so soft when Raph was usually so hard, unyielding, pushing away when someone wanted to be close. It was also terrifying, like a goodbye moment out of a movie ... as if Raph didn't expect to ever be this close to Mikey again and was etching their closeness into his mind so that he could carry it always.

'You really think I can stop?' A desperate whisper, harsh, strangled. 'You really think I could ... be different?'

Mikey squeezed tightly, his voice soft and tried not to sound afraid.

'Raph ... you're strong, stronger than me. Sometimes I even think... stronger than Leo. You can be whatever you wanna be. You just gotta decide what that is, bro.'

And there it was. A question he'd never even thought to ask. If he didn't want to be like this anymore ... then what did he want? Confusion welled within him and the walls suddenly felt suffocating. He needed to move and stretch in the fresh air, he needed to think.

Mike felt the moment come to an end as his brother's muscles shifted and drew back, smiling. Raph med those blue eyes with effort. It was so strange to think that Mikey still believed in him. After everything. Raph knew he didn't deserve it. He never had. He managed to force a half-smile.

'Thanks Mikey.'

Mike tried to grin, knowing the moment was over, the embrace forever tucked away into the precious memories in his mind.

'Anytime, Raphie. Y'know you're my favourite bro!' they both paused at that little slip. None of them were supposed to have favourites, since they were kids and fights had erupted over who was best friends with who and who was left out, Splinter had forbidden it, saying there was no room in their lives for such selfishness. Raph stared at Mikey for a moment, the awkuard blush, something flickered between them, something different and then his little brother was backing out of the room, babbling about video games and how Raph should really come out and watch Underworld with him because vampires were really too cool and then the phone rang and he'd zipped out to answer it, leaving his big brother standing there feeling oddly confused, but aware that he'd come to a kind of decision within himself.

Bend or break. In the end, breaking would just be too damn easy and he'd never been one to take the easy way out in anything. He laughed at himself darkly and finally forced himself to unclench the fists at his side, breathed deeply, composing himself. He glanced at the sandwich. If Mikey could still believe in him after everything ... then surely there was still some way of turning things around. He picked up the plate and walked to the door. Light flooded across his face as he slid it open and stepped out.

Donatello sighed to himself. He just couldn't crack the algorithms for the security software he was trying to hack. He opened a web browser on the closest screen, ignoring the dozen others that were still open on the three monitors before him and began running searches for cracks and hack information. The program was giving him a headache, as riddled with traps as it was. It was mostly research for the design he'd had mulling over in his mind for the last month now, an idea for a security program based on an entirely new method of motion and heat detection, linked back to certain database cross-referencing systems.

He was so absorbed in his work he didn't hear his brother's approach until the bag came down beside him.

He looked up expecting to see Leo and flinched.

Raph stared down at him, completely impassive, ignoring the flinch as if he hadn't noticed it. Don flushed a bit guiltily. It wasn't that he thought Raph would hurt him, they never argued like he and Leo, but things had been so tense lately that he was on edge. They all were. Raph had become an unpredictable element.

'Raph ... Sorry, I didn't hear you come in.'

Raphael nodded briefly and Don suddenly sniffed, his eye catching on the mug of steaming coffee in his brothers hand. Raph placed the mug down beside him carefully and waited as Don picked up the mug and took a cautious sip. He almost churred with pleasure as the creamy, coffee slid hot down his throat.

'Raph, what did you put in this? It tastes amazing ...'

'Bit of cream left over from the pie Mikey made last night. Thought you might like it white if it tasted a bit richer.'

Don stared up at his brother bemused at this sudden act of generosity.

'Cream? I mean, yeah, usually I prefer it black, but this ... tastes like heaven.' He took another sip to cover his confusion. Raph wasn't one to wait on others, he'd barely spoken to any of them for weeks unless it was to snap or fight with Leo. His eyes caught on the bag and he glanced up.

Raph crossed his arms and nodded at him to open it, eyes unreadable.

Slowly Don reached in and pulled out two motherboards and what looked like an external hard drive, possibly terabyte. He stared. Each item was almost new looking. There was some minor damage to a couple of components and the cases, but nothing he couldn't fix with about ten minutes at the soldering station. He looked up, stunned.

'Raph, where did you get these?'

His brother shrugged vaguely.

'Around. Found a spot they tend to chuck stuff. Not sure if this is any good to ya but I heard em' talkin' when they threw it. Seemed pretty pissed off to have to toss it, so I thought, must be worth somethin'.'

'These are some of the latest models, Raph. They'd be worth thousands in the stores! It's not that I don't appreciate it, but I mean... coffee and gadgets?' He laughed. 'Did I work right through my last ten birthdays or something?'

Raphael frowned, looking away. His muscles seemed to bunch and Don gave him a moment by sipping his coffee again. Finally, Raph seemed to unwind himself. His arms came down though he still seemed tense.

'I just wanted to give ya something ... after all that shit I broke.' He said gruffly, eyes down.

Don's eyes widened. He remembered. A moment of anger so intense Raph had taken the edge of his worktable and crashed it over. A number of little projects completely destroyed. Like a bull in a china shop, his fit of fury had ruined hours of Don's careful work. Time spent searching for rare components, time spent trying to fix them and turn them into something workable. Raph had never apologised for that before though Leo had lectured him five ways from Sunday about it.

He looked up at his brother, really seeing him for the first time in months. Raphael had dark hollows under his eyes like he hadn't been sleeping. He looked thinner somehow, like the anger was finally starting to eat him from the inside out. For that matter was he eating at all? Don tried to remember the last time they'd sat down to a proper meal together and failed. They'd all been fending for themselves, avoiding group gatherings that might provide an opportunity for more antagonism to develop. Training was brief as Splinter tried to give his more volatile son time to sort himself out. Splinter, all knowing and wise, had finally decided to let Raph and Leo sort out their issues on their own. Now 18 he expected them all to start walking their own path within the family. Looking at Raph, Don wasn't sure if he agreed with Splinter's thinking. His eyes fell on the line of stitches on Raph's bicep and he counted back in his head.

'Let's take those stitches out. It's about time.' He offered.

Raph nodded and sat in the chair Don drew up, as he collected scissors and solid tweezers from their supplies. They were all skilled at simple first aid. Stitching each other up was a fairly common occurrence when you practiced martial arts with real weapons. Accidents happened. Raph could have pulled the stitches himself but he sat silently as Don snipped and yanked the first stitch out cleanly, though it must have stung like a bitch. It disturbed him a little ... Raph usually gritted his teeth and cursed roundly in situations like this. Now he sat there looking impervious to what must obviously hurt.

Don smiled softly to cover his concern. 'The parts are great. Apology accepted, Raph. Thanks.'

His brother looked at him and for once there was no hint of anger in Raph's eyes, no defiance, just a strange ... bleakness that he'd never noticed before. Don frowned and pulled the next stitch, concerned now at the lack of reaction.

Raph's hand suddenly caught Don's wrist and he looked up in surprise.

'I'm sorry, Donnie.' Raph's voice was rough with emotion, his eyes dark and intense. 'For... being such an asshole lately.'

Don frowned. 'You're not an asshole, Raph. We all know what a temper you have, you just... need to learn when enough is enough. '

Raph frowned and looked away. Finally, the emerald turtle grabbed the tweezers out of Don's hand and tore out the last stitch himself as Don gaped.

'Thanks for the stitches.' He walked out leaving Don to ponder why his words had completely altered his brother's mood. He turned to stared at the bag of goodies Raph had given him. It was the nicest thing Raph had really done for him in ... a long time. Even just the coffee itself would have been enough. He sighed, taking another sip. Something was wrong. Raph wasn't himself... hadn't been these last few months especially, but, that look in the amber eyes bothered him. He got up and stretched, poked his head around the corner and heard the faint echoes of Mike watching TV. No sign of Raph. Had he gone out? He wandered back to his desk and studied the hard drive wondering how many gig it was and if there was any unformatted data remaining. He'd fix the hard drive first then talk to Mike and Leo later, see what they thought.

"What do I think?"

Don shifted uncomfortably as Leonardo repeated his question. The elder turtle had just come to the end of an especially difficult kata. He held the final stance, blade swept high, his gaze steady on some spot across the room. Don watched a few lines of sweat trail down Leo's plastron and let the silence play itself out.

"I think the last two weeks have been a relief. I'm tired of his attitude, Don." The words were measured. Don blinked slowly at this and finally reached up and put his fingers on the dull side of the blade, applying pressure. Leo resisted him for a moment and then released a controlled breath, lowering the blade and turning to meet his brother's concerned gaze.

'What do you want me to say, Don? Raph's been a loose cannon for months now. He finally shuts up and leaves everyone alone for a few weeks and you want me to do something about it?' He wiped a trickle of sweat from his brow with the back of his wrist and continued. 'We both know I can't talk him out of this funk he's in. What do you expect me to do?'

Don frowned. Leo sounded defeated and that wasn't like him. 'I don't blame you for feeling that way, Leo. Things have been so tense, but ... is it really ok for him to be so isolated all the time? He's barely spoken to any of us in weeks. He rarely leaves his room and I can't remember the last time I saw him eat. Shouldn't we talk to splinter about this at least?'

Leonardo turned, placing himself in the starting position of a new kata and raised his sword again. He stared down the wicked edge of the blade held at a perfect parallel with the ground. 'I don't want to talk about it anymore, Don. I am sick to death of talking about Raph and what I am failing to do about him. Everyone seems to have an opinion about how I should be handling Raph as If I have any control over what that jerk does from one moment to the next. Just let him be. Soon enough he'll snap out of it and you'll wish he hadn't.'

Don blinked slowly at this completely uncensored comment. Leo was already leaning into the flow of his next kata, the moves faster and less precise than they had been just a minute ago. It wasn't like Leo to ignore an issue so deliberately. But if Raph didn't want to talk and Leo didn't either, it would take a stronger force of will than Don's to make them sort it out.

Don walked back to his lab slowly feeling anxious. Something wasn't right with Raph, but getting him to open up would be like drawing blood from a stone. Trying to force it might even make things worse. Leo was right, Raph had been in funks before and he always bounced back. The lair was peaceful at the moment. Maybe Raph just needed this space to sort himself out ... but in his heart Don knew this time was different.

Despite his attitude to Don's query, Leonardo thought over his brothers words. It was enough to disrupt the fluid rhythm of his training, tainting graceful katas with the subtle edge of his anger and frustration. Raphael. The truth was he didn't know what to do. He was out of ideas. The sheer violence rising between them had frightened him and all he could feel at the moment was relief that Raph was keeping his distance, because he didn't know what to say anymore. He finally gave up on the kata in disgust at his own lack of focus and scrubbed his face with a towel. The small scar on his beak twinged tenderly and he paused to finger it . So close.

Raph was good with the Sai. Lethally good. He had chosen to draw blood and Leo had lost his own control and retaliated. That had shaken him badly. Not only had Raph completely lost control, he had managed to take Leo with him in those moments of insanity and if there was one thing Leo demanded from itself, it was self control. What did he do if it happened again? Raph had genuinely attacked him. If he hadn't defended, he would at the least, be seriously injured. How did he respond to that? How many times was that horrific scene going to replay before one of them got seriously hurt, or worse? He shook his head. It felt like there was a lead weight in his chest.

Splinter had been pushing him to take Raph aside and try to talk it out - but he knew it would only make things worse. His brother was too angry at the moment, too unpredictable. Leo wasn't a psychologist or psychiatrist. He wasn't experienced in this kind of thing. All he could do was watch over Raph and try to keep him from hurting himself and everyone else, but that had already proven difficult. He'd struck Mikey, of all people. Leo felt anger rise again as he recalled Mike's swollen, bruised face. The spark that had ignited their big fight. It was one thing for Raph to lash out at Leo, who was prepared to deal with his temper fits ... but to punch Mike?

He sighed heavily in the middle of the dojo, wishing the answers were easier, that he was wiser. Gradually, he came to a decision and headed for the showers. He would apologise to Don for being unreasonable and then see what his little brother thought. Maybe there was a tangible reason for Raph's temper, something they hadn't yet considered, and if there was, he had been avoiding his responsibility and Raph was suffering for it. He had to stop ignoring the problem and approach it in a new way. He had to find a way to reconnect with his little brother, before things went any further and they lost him to his own rage.

When he emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later and checked the lair, he realised Raphael had slipped out while he was in the shower. He considered following, but decided against it. It was a rare opportunity to speak with Mike and Don about the situation without risk of being overheard and Raph wouldn't appreciate being cornered the second he'd stepped foot outside. He called everyone into the living room and the meeting began.