Chapter 7
Sat in her most comfortable arm chair with a mug of freshly brewed coffee in one hand and a good book in the other, Kathryn was annoyed when her peace and quiet was disturbed by someone at the door to her quarters. Inwardly she sighed, "enter," she called out, expecting to see her first officer skulk into her private space. She was more than a little surprised to find Xanthia standing hesitantly by the door.
"Cadet?" she frowned, putting the book to one side and standing slowly from her chair, "is there something I can help you with?"
Xanthia looked uncertain, "I'm sorry to bother you in your quarters, but I didn't think I could wait until tomorrow to speak with you."
Kathryn nodded, clutching her coffee cup in both hands, "you'd better come in and take a seat," she said, moving over to the dining area. The young woman made her way cautiously inside, unable to stop herself taking a look around the space as her curiosity got the better of her. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
"I'm fine thank you," she said as she took one of the chairs at the dining table and Kathryn took one opposite.
"So what did you want to speak with me about so urgently?" she was hoping that Xanthia wasn't there for personal reasons as she was unsure she was ready for that conversation just yet.
"Lieutenant Ashton is worried that Starfleet will agree for you to incorporate the transwarp coil into Voyager's systems…" she started to explain her presence there.
"The lieutenant didn't send you here to try and talk me out of using the transwarp coil if that is what's decided?" she eyed the other woman suspiciously.
"No," Xanthia seemed genuinely alarmed by the assumption, "but Ashton did approach me earlier tonight and suggested that if Starfleet does not agree to give us back the transwarp coil that we should… take it anyway."
Kathryn's eyes widened, "how does he plan to do that?"
The other woman shrugged, "I'm not sure, but I thought I should let you know that lieutenant Ashton is willing to go to extreme lengths to ensure his immediate return to Earth."
The warning itself did not come as a surprise to Kathryn as she had noticed some instability to Ashton's character earlier that day, but who was delivering the warning did surprise her. "Why are you telling me this?" she studied Xanthia carefully.
Xanthia frowned, "I thought you would want to know."
"I do," she quickly confirmed, "I'm just not entirely sure why you would risk a sure and fast return to Earth by informing me of Ashton's plans."
"Because using the transwarp coil for Voyager would cut your thirty year journey down to five years," she felt uncertain why the captain was questioning her motives when it was obvious she was doing the right thing.
"And what about you?" Kathryn folded her arms, "would you be happy to remain on Voyager for those five years?"
Xanthia's expression hardened, "I will follow through with whatever Starfleet decides," she said neutrally. Kathryn realised she was unnecessarily antagonising the cadet, but before she could apologise or commend Xanthia for her actions she continued. "Unless of course you want rid of me so desperately that you're willing to travel those extra twenty five years."
"Xanthia, that's not why I'm questioning you for coming here," she tried to rectify the situation, "I'm just surprised at your selflessness."
The younger woman seemed content at the explanation and forced herself to relax, "I don't want to be here any more than you want me here… but I'm willing to remain if it means bringing this crew closer to home."
Kathryn nodded, but before she could make a response they were interrupted by the sound of someone else at the door. She shot Xanthia an apologetic look and got up from the table to open the door. This time she wasn't surprised at the identity of her visitor when she found Chakotay standing patiently outside her quarters.
"I need to speak with you," he said quickly as if afraid she was going to close the door in his face.
"Chakotay, this isn't a good time…" she tried to indicate that she already had company, but he spoke before she had the chance.
"Kathryn," he pleaded, thinking that she was just trying to blow him off again, "we need to talk about what happened last night."
"I'm not alone," she muttered the moment he gave her the opportunity to speak.
Chakotay felt his stomach knot, knowing that what he had just said could easily be interpreted by anyone who had overhead, "you're not?" he dropped his voice. She shook her head, "who are you with?"
She stepped back to allow him entry, and his eyes widened when he saw Xanthia sitting at the dining table, "cadet," he greeted, unable to hide both his embarrassment and surprise.
"Commander Chakotay," she gave an acknowledging nod.
He shot Kathryn an apologetic look, "I'm sorry, I'm obviously interrupting…"
"It's okay, I was just about to leave," Xanthia said as she stood, suddenly wanting nothing more than to get out of there as quickly as was politely possible.
"Thank you for coming to see me," Kathryn tried to act as if nothing had happened, and Chakotay's interruption had been nothing more than a mild inconvenience instead of a much larger revelation into her private life than she wanted anyone on Voyager to know about. "If you can come to my office early tomorrow morning, we will discuss this further."
Xanthia nodded, but said nothing as she made a quick disappearance from the captain's quarters.
"Do you think she overhead?" Chakotay turned to her once the cadet had gone.
Kathryn glared across at him, "the question you should be asking yourself is if you think she's stupid enough not to have had a clue what you were talking about?"
"I'm sorry," he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"You'd better hope she doesn't mention this to anyone," she scolded as she stepped towards the coffee that was now getting cold on her dining table, "the last thing I need right now is to hear the crew whispering about our relationship."
"Do you want me to talk to her?" he offered.
"No," she pinched the bridge of her nose and perched herself on the arm rest of the sofa, "you'll probably just make things worse."
"I'm sorry," he said again, but wasn't sure what he could say to really make things any better. "What was she doing here anyway?"
"She wanted to talk to me about Ashton… she doesn't think he's going to react well if Starfleet chose for us to use the transwarp coil on Voyager."
"Oh," he said thoughtfully, making himself comfortable in her armchair across from where she was sat, "and how do you think Xanthia will react if she finds out she'll be spending at least another five years away from her home?"
Kathryn shrugged, "honestly I don't know, but she didn't seem too daunted by the prospect of it when I asked her."
"Well if she's anything like you she'd look the Borg queen in the eye and come away afterwards acting like nothing had happened," he joked softly, disappointed when not even a trace of a smile emerged on her face. "You know, having her onboard could give you both the opportunity to get to know one another better," he suggested helpfully.
Frowning she looked up to meet his gaze, "how can you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Until yesterday you didn't even know I had a daughter, now you're giving me advice about how to deal with her… aren't you in the slightest bit mad at me for having not told you?"
Chakotay dropped his eyes from her gaze, "we've never pretended to be completely open with one another Kathryn. I'm disappointed that you felt you couldn't trust me, but no, I'm not angry." A silence overcame them, and although he saw an opportunity to question Kathryn some more about this part of her past, he sensed that it was the wrong time to bring it up; if she wanted to tell him, she would do so in her own time.
"So you said you wanted to talk about last night?" eventually she broke the silence.
Her words surprised him; it was quite unlike her to be willing to talk about such things, usually he had to force a discussion on her. "Yeah…" he said, but the speech he had carefully prepared had slipped his mind.
She looked across at him expectantly, "you wanted to come here and apologise for last night," she prompted when she realised his hesitation.
It was more a statement than a question, but he answered it anyway, "yes," he said slowly, glad that she was doing so much of the talking for him. "Last night was a mistake. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have kissed you like that."
Kathryn was a moment in responding, "are you saying that because you understand there are boundaries between us that we shouldn't cross. Or that you're suddenly feeling guilty for cheating on Seven?" His jaw dropped; she knew. Her face was now a mask he was unable to read, and he was unsure what her true feelings about it were, "you're not the only one to be disappointed by our lacking ability to confide in one another recently." She said, and he knew instantly that she had known about his relationship with Seven for some time, which explained her distant behaviour towards him over the past couple of weeks.
"I was going to tell you," he stammered, feeling inexplicably nervous, "but Seven and I wanted to keep our relationship quiet until we knew where it was going."
A silence hung over them, and Chakotay was uncertain what to say or to do next, fortunately Kathryn spoke before the quiet became too awkward, "I hope that you treat her with the respect that she deserves Chakotay… unlike last night."
He felt like reminding her that she had kissed him back, but felt it was a bad time to get into a debate over who was further in the wrong as he knew he would easily lose. "That's why I wanted us to deal with this now," he admitted.
"Do you feel like we've dealt with it?"
"I guess," he frowned, now reconsidering if they had actually accomplished anything by confronting what had happened.
"Then maybe we should call it a night."
Her suggestion was said in such a way that he knew he had no choice but to leave and reluctantly he stood from her arm chair, "good night Kathryn," he said.
She offered him a tight smile, "good night," she replied, and watched silently as he left her quarters.
To be continued.
