Morning tiptoed in quietly, casting cheery shafts of sunlight here and there between the pines. Lynxpaw found herself seated next to her mentor in the Clan leader's den. Why am I here? I have no right to intrude on the Clan leader! she thought, as Skywhisker repeated in hushed tones what Lynxpaw had told her the night before.

The medicine cat apprentice started as she realized both Skywhisker and Dawnstar were looking at her, mismatched gaze and depthless blue both glittering intently. She wanted to shrink away but forced herself into an agitated stillness.

"I wish to speak to Lynxpaw alone, please," the ShadowClan leader said softly. Her voice seemed to cut smoothly through the air, like paws on fresh snow.

Skywhisker dipped her head and exited the den, her piercing yellow eye glancing briefly at her apprentice as she walked past. Alone, Lynxpaw and Dawnstar stood face to face, motionless. It was Dawnstar who spoke first.

"Do you know what it is you saw?" she asked lightly.

Lynxpaw shook her head. "N-no, Dawnstar."

The exotic she-cat blinked, expressionless. "You saw into the past," she stated, rising to her paws. A sharp look kept Lynxpaw from doing the same. Dawnstar began to pace about the den, her tail tip twitching ever so slightly. "It can only be through the will of StarClan that you saw that event so I feel that I can trust you with the knowledge of what it was."

Lynxpaw swallowed nervously at the air of gravity surrounding her leader. She nodded.

"What you saw took place many moons before you were born. It is a memory I have tried time and again to erase, to no avail." Dawnstar sighed and stopped pacing. She focused her gaze on the ground, but her thoughts were far away. The yowls of angry, battling cats seemed to float through the den as she went on.

"I was the newly made leader of ShadowClan, after Snowstar. Tensions with WindClan were higher than ever as they had been leaving scent markers farther and farther within our border. There were minor skirmishes along the boundary, and many of them. Finally one night, WindClan decided to storm the camp. We were caught unawares, our warriors on the watch had been ambushed and killed. My mate, Shadepelt, was one of them." Dawnstar paused for a moment, choking back emotion.

"I later found out it was Blackear who murdered him, a dangerously quick and silent warrior. Meanwhile, I was laying in the nursery, my kitting having just begun, when Grassfoot, a personal WindClan enemy of mine, rushed in and killed the two queens attending me. Gathering all my strength, I hauled my swollen body out of the den, hissing at Grassfoot, keeping him at bay with my claws." Dawnstar paused and looked at Lynxpaw with a wry twist of her mouth, not quite a smile. "There is no creature more deadly than a mother protecting her children," she said.

"In my weakened state," the ShadowClan leader went on. "I suffered many wounds, but my drive to save my kits numbed the pain. Finally, as my body reached exhaustion, I dealt one last blow and ripped the flea-pelt's ear off! But he knew I was finished. Grassfoot hurled himself at me, knocking me off balance. With my belly exposed, he stood over me, mocking me. When he cut me open, he did it with such slow, deliberateness that I felt as though I were dying over and over again, every time I jerked back into consciousness. When I woke up, my kits were gone. All dead, all torn from me. Except for one: Owlscream. I lost my first life that night, but I felt like I had lost much more than one. In a way, I did…" she trailed off.

Lynxpaw stared at the floor, then at her leader's paws, then at her own. She never would have begun to guess that something so horrific could have happened. Can there really be such depraved violence in this world?

"Only the elders and some of the senior warriors know of this event," Dawnstar said. "The rest were killed that night. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how important it is that you keep this to yourself."

Lynxpaw nodded, aware of the veiled warning in her leader's tone. "Dawnstar, if I may ask…"

"You may not, Lynxpaw," Dawnstar said tiredly. "I need to rest. Dredging up these memories is…taxing." She waved her tail, dismissing the medicine cat apprentice.

Lynxpaw dipped her head and retreated from her Clan leader's den. She was overwhelmed by the gravity of her nightmare's meaning. ShadowClan's leader was brutally maimed many moons ago and hardly any cat knew about it. But what did Grassfoot mean by kittypet? Dawnstar was exotic looking, yes, but a kittypet? Lynxpaw shook herself. Get a grip, you have work to do.

"How are we doing on poppy seeds, Lynxpaw?" Skywhisker asked absentmindedly, nosing through a pile of bedding, picking out sticks and other debris. She busied herself as usual, not seeming to recall the heavy conversation moments before. Lynxpaw had returned to the medicine den, still trying to put her nightmare out of her mind.

"Let me see," Lynxpaw said. Her tail twitched nervously. There weren't very many pods left.

"What happened to our poppy seeds?" Skywhisker asked, bewildered, as she came up behind her apprentice.

"I-I don't know, Skywhisker," Lynxpaw mumbled. Her tail could not be stilled.

Skywhisker peered at her, confused. "What's going on, Lynxpaw? Do you know something I don't?"

Lynxpaw shook her head hurriedly. "No! No, I-I've been giving some to Badgerpelt," she cried. "He was complaining that his aching back kept him up so—"

"Alright, alright," her mentor cut her off. "That's a simple explanation, no need to be so defensive." She gave an amused purr, going back to picking at the bedding. "You're a medicine cat apprentice, and a good one at that. There's no reason to feel guilty over trying to heal a cat without having me with you."

Lynxpaw could hardly keep herself from shaking. They were just for Badgerpelt. So what if I've had to few to help me sleep? I'm healing myself. Aren't I?