Chapter Seven: The Genie of the Lamp

When Bakura came to, everything was dark. Groaning, he slowly sat up, feeling his right cheek throb with biting barbs of pain. Immediately he raised a hand to his cheek to feel the damage; through the blood, he could feel one heavy slash down his eye to his cheek, and two slashes criss-crossing horizontally. Bakura winced as he tried to open his right eye without flinching.

Meanwhile, Dia-Dia was slowly waking up. Boundo was still out cold, sprawled on the ground. Concerned for his Ka, Bakura immediately left his bloody wound to turn around and attend to the small Ka; Diabound was utterly exhausted by the evolution.

Carefully, Bakura picked up the little Ka, and cradled the tired Diabound to his chest. Dia-Dia murmured softly, like a child in need of its mother, and grew limp in Bakura's arms.

As far as Bakura could tell, his Ka was unharmed. When he could focus more, he slowly raised his head cautiously to look around him; nothing. Zip. Darkness surrounded him. The only light came from the 'roof', where the moonlight shone bleakly through scattered holes of the sand. Bakura swore under his breath when he realized that they were trapped.

At this point, Boundo slowly woke up. Dazed, he slowly raised his head, his eyes lolling around tiredly as he tried to focus. "Bakura…?"

Bakura gently cradled Boundo's head in his hand. "Yeah, I'm here. I'm okay."

The snake slithered his tongue out half-heartedly. "You better be…" Boundo slowly opened one eye fully to gaze at Bakura. The pupil narrowed in awareness. "Your eye!"

Bakura winced. "Oh yeah. That." He subconsciously put a hand to his cheek. "I think I can see fine…but..." He winced again when he drew his hand away, noting the blood that was now wetting his fingers. He licked them. "…I think I'm okay," Bakura said.

Boundo slithered up and warily inspected the wound. "How many fingers am I holding?"

Bakura gave his Ka a dead-panned look. "You're. A. Snake. You don't have fingers."

"Mphf!" Bakura looked down to see Dia-Dia holding all of his fingers up. Bakura began to roll his eyes, but stopped halfway when his right eye throbbed.

"Ow ow, okay……ten?" Bakura guessed. "Eight if you're going to be technical. Eight plus two thumbs."

The carpet slithered into Bakura's view. It held up two tassels. Bakura's expression dead-panned even more.

"Okay, YOU don't even HAVE fingers."

The carpet looked at its tassels, and seemingly surprised that it didn't have hands, shrugged in an "oh well" manner, and looked back at Bakura. Bakura grumbled as Dia-Dia went up to fix his wound.

"So what does it look like? Do I have a mutilation now?"

Boundo tsked in a motherly sort of way. "No…but you are going to have a scar now."

Bakura sighed. "Is it a cool-looking scar?" he asked. "You know, like all the evil cool bandits have?"

Boundo rolled his eyes. "We'll see," he said sternly. He gently licked the blood away. "If only we had something to wipe …" He turned around. "Carpet?"

Nodding, Carpet slithered forward and began to gently clean Bakura's wound with a tassel. Bakura was surprised at its softness.

"You're still here?" Bakura muttered. "Didn't you melt with this stuff too?"

The carpet shook his head. Bakura frowned.

"So what the heck are you? Do you even have a name, other than carpet?"

The carpet's shoulders seemed to sag sadly, and Bakura rolled his eyes. Okay, never ask the carpet his name again. Wait a minute, why was he talking to a carpet anyways?

"You feeling better now?" Boundo asked. Bakura nodded, and felt his cheek. All the blood had been wiped away.

"Yeah." He ripped a shred of cloth from his bag and a long strip from his sarong. "Screw public decency," he muttered, and tied the patch onto the strip, and then tying the strip around his head so it covered his eye. A little bit of blood soaked the patch. "There."

Boundo smirked. "Very innovative. Now you look like a pirate nabbing corn off the Nile."

"With a too-high-skirt!" Dia-Dia chirped. Bakura scowled.

"Oh shut up."

Sighing, Bakura looked up towards the roof. He sat back. From his lap, Dia-Dia dragged the lamp from Bakura's bag to his lap. Bakura looked down.

"Oh. If it isn't the golden piece of junk," Bakura said sarcastically, picking the lamp up. "Like as if this is going to help us get out of here."

"What does it say?" Boundo asked, noting an inscription at the bottom and totally ignoring Bakura. Bakura arched an eyebrow and squinted.

"I'm not sure…" He rubbed the inscription a little with his thumb. "…It's hard to see…"

Suddenly, the lamp began to shake. The gold surface began to glow red. Bakura felt the lamp grow hot as it began to quiver and rattle more and more in his grasp.

Abruptly, the lamp shot out a plume of purple cloud from its sprout; Bakura threw the lamp away for him in case of combustion – (Diabound took cover behind Bakura) and closed his eyes…but then there was a scream.

"WH……OOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BOY!!!"

Bakura opened his eyes. A boy, about his age, stood in the smoke of purple, arching his back and ruffling his hand through his hair. He turned in a sultry way over his shoulder, his golden locks spilling across his unblemished, tanned skin…lavender eyes shone through the lavender-scented smoke…

A bright grin lit up the boy's face, and the smoke was swept way with one dramatic hand. It revealed the boy wearing Arabic baggy lavender pants, gold chokers and armbands and anklets, and a beautifully embroidered vest.

"Ten thouuuusand years…." He magically produced a mirror out of nowhere. "…Can really do your facial mask some good!"

For the third time that day, Bakura's face merged to radiate WEIRDED OUT once more. He was slowly looking at the boy, then back at Diabound, who was also watching the boy with wide, almost frightened eyes. The boy ignored them, but caught sight of the carpet.

"Yami!"

The carpet perked up and swept up immediately to the boy. The boy laughed in a happy way, yet whapped the carpet on the back sardonically. "How's the old boy, huh?"

Yami the Carpet shrugged his shoulders, before stretching regally straight and looking at the boy haughtily. The boy scoffed.

"Oh don't give me that cold look," the boy scolded lightly. "I kept you company when you first entered the Shadow of Wonders and didn't even know your name. Is that a way to treat a friend and loyal servant?"

The Carpet's shoulders sagged, and it shook its head briefly. Then it gave the boy a hug. The boy laughed and pushed the carpet away.

"Stop it, Yami…you're embarrassing me in front of the customers."

The carpet rolled its head in such a way that it was rolling it eyes, and flew away to watch. The boy coughed a little, before turning to Bakura.

"My my my…" He strode to Bakura, who was still sitting on his bum, gawking. The blond smirked and walked around Bakura in a circle as though inspecting him. "You're sure a lot smaller than my last master." The blond stopped and looked thoughtful. "Either that or I'm getting bigger! Yami, Yami, tell me, do I look fatter to the side or to the front?"

Bakura shook his head to make sure he wasn't dreaming anything. Nope. The Blond-Tanned-Boy was still standing in front of him, posing his six-pack-tonned-abs from one side to the other, while constantly fretting that he was 'fat'.

"I could have sworn I was only a hundred ten last time I checked…"

Bakura made a face. "Er…Excuse me –"

The boy turned his pretty lavender eyes to Bakura. Bakura twitched self-consciously.

"…What…are you…exactly?"

The boy looked surprised. "You mean you don't know who I am?" the boy exclaimed. "Or WHAT I am?"

Bakura scowled. "No, not particularly-" Other than a perhaps very strange blond.

The boy scoffed and looked aghast at himself.

"I…" The boy bowed low, sweeping his arms out. "Am Malik. Your servant, your genie, for all eternity for unless you wish my leave. Or until you use up all three of your wishes."

Bakura gawked. "All three of my wishes?"

Malik smirked. "That's right." He held up three fingers. "Unos dos tres. Ichi ni san. Nosubstitutions,exchages,orrefunds." He said this last part very quickly.

Bakura raised an eyebrow and slowly sat back down. He was silent for a moment.

Malik paused and looked over at his new master curiously. Bakura turned to him. "Well?"

Malik looked confused. "Well what?"

"A song!" Bakura commanded. "You know? One of those songs that's supposed to make the unbeliever believe? Cause I don't believe for one second that you're a genie."

Malik pouted. "Of course I'm a genie!'

"Then sing a song about it!" Bakura said. "Cause isn't that what you're supposed to do when someone does not believe?"

Looking thoughtful, Malik took a moment. Suddenly, he burst into song.

"I'm so pretty! I'M SO PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAYYYYYY…"

"OKAY OKAY!" Bakura immediately put up his hands. "Okay okay! Stop! So singing genie! Okay!" Scowling, Bakura sat back down, slumping his head in one hand. "…Some genie."

Seeing Bakura's disappointment, Malik stopped singing and slowly sat next to Bakura. He put a hand on Bakura's shoulder – Bakura bristled slightly; he didn't like being touched by strangers.

"Aw, honey," Malik snickered. He fingered the eyepatch. "My my, what are you, a thief of some sorts, hun?"

Bakura frowned and tore away from Malik's touch. "Yeah. I'm a thief."

"A thief king!" Dia-Dia chirped. He was still hiding behind Bakura. "Thief King Bakura!"

At Dia-Dia's voice, Malik looked down and laughed when he saw the Ka. "My my, a thief king, hm…?" Malik's eyes twinkled. "Well…how could I say no to a king?"

Bakura paused. "…What do you mean…?"

Standing, Malik flashed him a grin. "You an unbeliever, master?"

Bakura nodded slowly. "Yeah…"

"Don't believe in gods, magic, or genies?"

"Nope. Hate the gods."

Malik laughed. "Well then…"

Suddenly, fireworks exploded from both sides of the room. Light illuminated the dark cave, and spotlights shone upon Malik, whose pants were now glittering with sequins.

"MASTER!" The boy started to grow. "I don't think you've quite realize what you've got here. So why don't you just ruminate…" Here, he waved his hands, and Bakura slowly drifted away and was sitting comfortably on the air- Malik started glowing slyly.

"-While I illuminate…the possibilities!"

A top hat of lavender silk appeared on Malik's head, he was now holding a gold cane.

"Well the Pharaoh had them Sennen Items
Dartz and the Orichalcos tales..."

A tap-dance ensued; Malik ended up swishing behind Bakura.

"But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves
you got Shadow magic that never fails!"

Spreading his hands, Yu-Gi-Oh cards shot out of his cuffs like a Las Vegas dealer.

"You got some power in your field now
Some heavy trap cards in your camp!"

And he disappeared!

…only to reappear behind Bakura in a cloud of purple, twinkling with magic. His hands grabbed Bakura's, the lamp reappeared in Bakura's hands.

"You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how
See all you gotta do is rub that lamp
And I'll say-"

The genie disappeared, only to slither out of the lamp in a mystical cloud of smoke. When he reappeared, his chest was full, he appeared more majestic than before. His voice deepened:

"Mister Bakura, sir
What will your pleasure be?"

A table appeared in front of Bakura.

"Let me take your order
Jot it down
You ain't never had a friend like me
No no no!"

As Malik left the table, he left behind a plate of red meat. Bakura's eyes widened and salivated at the sight. Suddenly, it morphed into a big green pot. Cards shot out and splayed around Bakura.

"Life is your deck of cards
And I'm your Pot of Greed!"

Again, Malik appeared, this time behind Bakura, and fingered his ear.

"C'mon whisper what it is you want
You ain't never had a friend like me!"

Under Bakura, a cushy golden throne scooped him up. Gold piled in mountains about him, grails tumbled at his feet, and many servants came dancing in, tending to him. Some gave him wine, others offered fruits, some checked his wounds and others massaged his feet.

The WEIRDED OUT look was slowly becoming an eager curiosity!

"Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service
You're the shah,

The king, Ou-sama!
Say what you wish
It's yours! True dish!"

He appeared again, this time his face right next to Bakura's.

"How about it, Thief King Bakura?"

Once more he disappeared, and Bakura found himself on top of a pile of gold and cards and food. The servants disappeared, but food appeared before him, bigger than himself!

"I'm better than you can believe
Or La-Jin the Genie
I'm in the mood to help you dude-"

The room darkened, and a single spotlight shone down.

"You ain't never had a friend like me!"

Below him, the genie was in his tuxedo, purple and lavender and white, tap-dancing.

"Wa wa wah--- Nooo my."

"Wa wa wah…NO NO!"

"Wa wa wah...yeah yeah...!"

"Can your friends do this?"

Malik then began to juggle Pot of Greed, Kuriboh, and Sangan.

"Do your friends do that?"

He tossed them to Bakura. Bakura juggled Pot of Greed, Kuriboh, and Sangan smugly too.

"Do your friends pull this-"

From within Malik's hat, he pulled out Baby Dragon.

"-out their little hat?
Can your friends go, poof?!"

And disappeared!!

In his place, though, three harem girls appeared. Voluptuous and well-endowed, they sashayed over to Bakura, their long black hair swaying enticingly, their large eyes blinking suggestively behind their silk veils. They were dressed in skimpy red ribbons and began to pole-dance around the fifteen-year-old!

"Well, looky here!! Haha!
Can your friends go, Abracadabra, YU-GI-OH!
And then make the sucker disappeaaaar?"

One by one, the girls rudely disappeared into lavender smoke, leaving Bakura extremely annoyed. But his attention was brought away again when Malik appeared in their place-!

"So doncha sit there slack jawed, buggy eyed!
I'm here to answer all your heartfelt prayers
You got me bona fide, certified
You got a genie for your chare d'affaires!"

Reeling in fun, Malik grabbed Bakura's hands and dragged him towards the spotlight!

"I got a powerful urge to help you out
So what-cha wish? I really wanna know!"

From Bakura's ear, Malik pulled a long list with many scribbles that were assumed wishes!

"You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt!
Well, all you gotta do is rub like so-"

He gave Bakura a kiss on the cheek, before lightly rubbing Bakura's stomach. Heat surged Bakura's face as Malik reeled back and cried out:

" - and oh…!"

Once more, Malik disappeared. The three harem girls returned, and once more, they were ribbon dancing around Bakura. As the other two spread themselves on the floor elegantly, the last one bent Bakura's face forwards for a kiss.

"Mister Bakura, sir, have a wish or two or five-"

The girl disappeared, and once more, Malik took her place. For a briefest moment, Bakura blushed; Malik was very pretty.

The genie batted his eyelashes in a flirty sort of way.

"I'm on the job, you big hentai!"

Laughing, Malik arched away, doing a cartwheel in the air before landing back in the spotlight. Magic twinkled from his fingers as he pointed at each corner of the cave.

"You ain't never had a friend-"

Piles of gold spilled from the walls. Light shone and the walls turned gold once more.

"Never had a friend-"

Another pointed finger. Food tumbled like a flood from the floor, piling high and mountainous. Jewels shone colorfully around the room. The tomb had returned to its former glory, except brighter!

"You ain't never had a friend-"

Another pointed finger. Bakura was risen as heaps of gold piled underneath him.

"- never had a friend-"

Diabound was now cuddling the biggest teddy bear in the world.

"You ain't never-"

Bakura suddenly was sporting a beautiful red robe and many jewels looped around his self. His hair was cut shorter and was hidden under a mysterious cream-linen hood. His scar made him look extra sexy and majestic.

"-had a-"

A mirror appeared in front of him. Bakura grinned, surprised – he looked awesome!

" …friend like MEEEE!!!"

Bakura turned back. Malik was rising his arms in the air, his voice and magic reaching a crescendo. Feeling suddenly all – powerful, Bakura raised his hands too, the gold tumbling from the sky and through his ring-adorned fingers.

"YEAAAHHHHAHA!!"

Bakura fell back, relishing in the many gold coins that braced his fall. Diabound flew over, squealing over his teddy bear.

"YEAAAHHAHA!!!"

Bakura threw the coins in the air in triumph!

"You ain't never had a friend like me…"

Suddenly, all the coins disappeared. Bakura fell to the hard floor, no longer warmed by his soft cloak. Diabound whined when he could no longer feel his teddy bear.

The cave had returned back to its desolate state.

"-hah."