Shades of Gray

Realization

"Damn," he grumbled under his breath. Nothing about this day was turning out the way he'd planned, and judging by the snarled traffic ahead of him on the causeway, it wasn't about to improve. His anticipated romantic evening wining and dining his wife was looking to be a wash at this point and all because the quiet, half-day he expected to spend in the confines of his air-conditioned lab never materialized. Instead of an easy day processing evidence indoors, he was stuck sweating in the hot, insect infested Glades with the remains of a couple of gun shot vics the gators had feasted on. And that planned early afternoon exit from the lab? Ha, he snorted. Only by the good graces of Delko, who offered to hang back and sort through the rest of the evidence, did he manage to get out at all. Humph, a lot of good that did, he thought, frowning. He was now almost two hours late, he realized after a furtive glance at his watch. His coveted dinner reservation at one of the city's better restaurants, one famed for its elegant and romantic ambience, was history, leaving him now, a man without a plan.

Sighing heavily, his fingers drummed restlessly on the steering wheel as he contemplated his next move. Even without a reservation, there were still plenty of possible dinner options for a Friday night, no matter what the hour. This was Miami after all, a city well known for its nightlife. And even if it was a part of the Miami scene he didn't spend much time in anymore, unless, of course there was yellow crime scene tape surrounding it, he still ought to be able to locate a restaurant that didn't cater to the chicken nugget and grilled cheese crowd. He had, after all, been single once, and even ventured out a time or two. Unfortunately, those distant memories weren't doing him much good right now.

Delko, he thought, Delko will know where to go. Although, come to think of it, Delko wasn't exactly known for wining and dining his ladies. The kind of place Delko was likely to suggest probably wasn't the kind of place he was looking to take his wife. Tonight was special, and his choice of venue was tantamount to setting the stage for the kind of evening he hoped to show her. Delko, more a player than a romancer, wouldn't be much help with that.

Not that Tim was one to talk. As far as Calleigh was concerned, he'd failed miserably in the dating department. At least in the past, with the few other women he'd briefly been involved with, he'd had the decency to take them to dinner, a club, or the occasional movie. With Calleigh, though, he'd never gone that route. He'd never properly courted her, and had no suitable explanation as to why. Never contemplated and never discussed, their pre marriage relationship simply evolved of its own accord. A chance after hours encounter led to an awkward next time, then another and another, until momentum, desire and need shepherded him to her doorstep almost every night. They shared occasional take-out meals, easy conversation, as long as she did most of the talking, and a bed, but date? Never. Yet despite the shortcomings in their undetermined relationship, there was an intimate connection between them that was stronger than friendship between coworkers and went a lot deeper than great sex. It also happened to be something he failed to recognize at the time.

But that was then, and this was now, and with failed realizations tucked safely in the past, his paramount goal for the present was to somehow salvage this evening. Despite the botched plans, dinner could still be managed, but the moonlit walk on the beach he'd planned wasn't likely if this evening's rain continued. There was nothing he could do about the lateness of the hour, or the weather, but at least he'd managed to dash home to shower and change. It ate precious time, but he was in no shape to go out looking and smelling the way he did. Plus, there was that small package he needed to pick up, tonight couldn't happen without it. Glancing down at his black button down and black trousers, he frowned. This wasn't the suit he'd originally planned on donning tonight, but wherever they were headed at this hour without a reservation, likely wouldn't require such fancy attire. It was disappointing, especially since he'd told her to dress up for the occasion, but like everything else out of his control today, there was little he could do.

He'd called Calleigh three times with the news he'd be late, and each time there was nothing but complete understanding on the other end of the phone. That sweet, agreeable drawl should've been enough to relax him, but tonight it only served to increase his overall guilt and anxiety. After all they'd been through, Calleigh deserved a special night, one that would leave her never again questioning his feelings. Pulling off such a full out romantic evening, however, was proving to be next to impossible.

Days at work turned into disasters in the blink of an eye, leaving evening plans a distant memory. Just like tonight, he thought. Or it was Ali who inadvertently threw a wrench in their plans; just as she had earlier in the week on the night he planned to surprise Calleigh with a moonlit dinner cruise. With Ali under the weather, and neither parent willing to leave her, plans were scrapped. Instead of being served gourmet food while cruising under the stars, they settled for take-out Italian and repeated readings of Ali's favorite bedtime stories. And if it wasn't work, or Ali, then it was a last minute babysitter cancellation. Groaning, he realized he was 0 for 3 in attempts at pulling off the elusive perfect date just in the past week alone. What would tonight bring, he wondered as he pulled into the drive?

"Calleigh?"he called as he let himself in through the side door.

"Right here," she answered, meeting him in the doorway and folding herself into his arms. Reaching for his lips, she kissed him, softly, effortlessly, effectively erasing all traces of the day's stresses and the evening's disappointing start.

"Mmm, you make it nice to come home," he sighed contentedly between kisses. "Where is everyone?" he asked, wondering why the house was so quiet. "I didn't see Maggie's car in the drive. Did she get a ride?" he asked curiously as he eyed his wife's unexpected stay home attire of tank top and casual slacks.

"She was here earlier, played with Ali and wore her out. I sent her home, told her I'd trade tonight for another night next week. I figured you might be tired," she explained with no hint of disappointment.

"But Cal, I wanted to take you out. I can't believe how this day has turned out," he grumbled with bitter disappointment. 0 for 4, he thought regretfully.

"I know," she said soothingly. "We'll try another night. At least you're here now," she said, following with a kiss.

"Yeah, I guess," he said grudgingly against her lips. "What about dinner? Want me to pick something up?"

"Nope. Dinner's all taken care of. All you have to do is open the wine and bring it out to the porch," she said with a self-satisfied smile.

"You cooked? I didn't want you to have to cook tonight. This was supposed to be an evening out for you," he said, shaking his head and frowning.

"It's nothing, just some leftovers I threw together. Here," she said, handing him the wine bottle and a lighter. "Light the candles for me, I'll be right out."

"Wait a minute," he said quirking a brow at her. "The porch? You want to eat on the porch? Now? In the dark? In the rain?

"Mmm. It'll be nice. Besides, we won't be in the dark. There's a lamp and lots of candles," she said, grinning. "Now go," she shooed him off with a quick kiss and a playful shove.

Grumbling about rain and leftovers, he wandered onto the screened in porch. He was amazed as he looked around at the transformation of the previously unremarkable space. Bathed in the soft glow of the room's one lamp, the space looked cozy, yet elegant. The lace covered café table was beautifully arranged with candles, small vases of flowers and the good china. Ali's usual jumble of toys was nowhere to be found; instead the room was a haven of relaxed order and serenity.

"Watch out," she said as she placed a platter of hot food on a side table. "You hungry?"

"Yeah," he answered as he finished lighting the candles. "When did you do all this?" he asked, impressed and touched by her effort.

"While Maggie entertained Ali. I figured after the kind of day you had, that it might be nice to stay home and have a cozy supper right here. Is it okay out here? Would you rather go inside?" she asked hesitantly.

"No. No, this is nice," he said reassuringly, as he poured the wine, forgetting his earlier dubiousness. Because it was nice, although, to be honest, where he was no longer mattered now that they were together. Their dinner conversation flowed with ease, but he found his mind wandering, too easily distracted by the twinkle in her eyes, and the perfect fit of her hand in his.

"You want anything else?" she asked in her lilting drawl, grabbing his attention.

"No, thanks, I'm stuffed. I couldn't possibly eat another bite," he admitted, leaning back in his chair.

"See, leftovers aren't so bad when they're disguised a bit and served in the right atmosphere," she said with a grin.

"I don't know what you did to them, but they were much better the second time around," he said with bewildered honesty.

"Well, I'm not sure that's a compliment," she said with mock seriousness, "but under the circumstances, I'm going to take it as one.

"It is and rightfully earned. Dinner was excellent. I'm just sorry you had to go to the trouble when you were expecting to be taken out tonight," he said regretfully.

"I'm not," she said brightly, reaching for her wine glass and frowning once she realized it was empty.

Grabbing the bottle, he refilled both their glasses, earning an appreciative smile in the process. "You sure?" he asked, still not convinced.

"I'm sure. Come, sit with me, we can clean this up later," she said, motioning to the dishes before getting up and reaching for his hand. Taking her hand, along with his glass, he followed her to the old metal porch glider he'd rescued and brought back to life, after a back breaking weekend spent sanding and painting. Recalling her exuberant smile when he surprised her, just days ago, with this beloved relic from her childhood, it occurred to him that every once in awhile, he managed to do exactly the right thing. Now adorned with faded floral cushions and an old quilt reminiscent of her grandmother's, the old swing recalled happy times spent at her grandparent's home, during an otherwise turbulent childhood.

Settling into the cushions, he rested his head against the quilt, and wrapped an arm around her as she leaned against his chest. I could stay like this forever, he thought, closing his eyes and breathing in the familiar scent he recognized as simply Calleigh, a mix of clean and flowers and her. Under their combined weight, the glider rocked slowly. Her contented sigh as she snuggled deeper into his embrace brought a small smile to his lips. They certainly couldn't do this in any fancy restaurant, he wisely realized. The soothing motion combined with the rhythmic patter of the rain on the roof and the flickering of the candles carried him further into tranquility.

"I could stay like this forever," she sighed, breaking their silence and echoing his earlier sentiment. "If you stayed here with me, that is."

"I'm not going anywhere, Baby," he whispered, tightening his hold on her.

"I like the sound of that, cause I'm done with this living apart arrangement," she drawled while distracting him with feather light caresses up and down his arm. "It's been too long. I don't know what we're waiting for anymore. You've been so preoccupied these last few days, so I've held off saying anything, but I can't wait any longer. I just want you home."

"Wait, what did you say?" he asked, interrupting her when the words finally made a connection in his head.

Twisting in his arms, she turned to face him and her eyes were filled with a deep longing that mirrored his own. "I'm asking you to come home, Tim, to stay. I can't kiss you goodnight and close the door behind you one more night. Do you have any idea how very hard that is?" she asked, her voice an octave higher.

"Probably not as hard as it is for me to walk away," he quipped.

"Don't be so sure about that," she said with a sly smile. "So don't leave me tonight. I want you back in our bed. Permanently. And don't ask me if I'm sure, because I am. I am very, very sure.

"Calleigh," he sighed. "I want that, too, but I don't want there to be any question, any doubt," he added cautiously.

"There's none, I promise," she reassured with a certain smile. "But what about you?" she asked, her voice taking on a more serious tone as concern clouded her eyes. "Why are you hesitating? What aren't you telling me?" He stilled her probing questions with a finger to her lips followed by a kiss designed to dispel any doubts she might have about his intentions.

"I do want this… and you," he said breathlessly as he pulled away. "I love you," he said, lightly stroking her cheek with his fingertips.

"Then what?" she persisted. "Because I can't quite figure out this troubled look on your face. It's not exactly the reaction I'd imagined," she said as her intent gaze probed his.

Leaning back against the glider, he inhaled sharply. She could read him better than he remembered, and her assessment was spot on. He did still carry a doubt he couldn't shake; it just wasn't the one worrying her right now. Nonetheless, he owed her an explanation. "I'm not sure I've done all I should've," he began, lacking the words he needed to express what he couldn't put into words in the first place. "I know we've talked a lot, and we both understand how we got to the point we did, and maybe even why." He paused and she nodded for him to continue. "I didn't ever doubt that we'd be okay once we got back on track, and I knew for certain that you wanted our marriage to work."

"I do," she reassured with a certainty that left no room for doubt.

"When everything was unraveling and I wasn't sure about much of anything, I still knew I loved you. But you didn't know that. The one thing you should've been able to count on and you couldn't. I let you down, and that worries me," he sighed. "I can try to be a better husband and I can try to be a better father, but I'm not sure I can possibly love you more than I already do. So what do I do to make sure you don't have to question that ever again? Cause I really don't know. I've been trying to show you, but I don't know if it's enough," he said, dropping his head, and sighing deeply. This vulnerability his wife and daughter reduced him to was a state he found himself in more often than was comfortable.

"Tim, there's nothing more you have to do. I do know how you feel," she said, gently lifting his chin. "Trust me, I know. You've been reassuring me since the day you moved out. And when I visited your apartment and I saw all those pictures that you'd put in frames..." Her voice faltered and she paused, but never dropped her eyes from his. "We're a family, we belong together. I could see that, I just needed to open my eyes," she said with a sincerity that penetrated his doubts. "That, and regain my footing. There's nothing more you have to do."

"I've been trying the past week or so to show you a really romantic evening. I thought if I could pull that off, then… Oh, I don't know what I thought," he said, scoffing at the thought that he could ever pull off a truly romantic evening in the first place.

"Leftovers on the porch wasn't quite what you had in mind?" she asked, gently teasing him.

"Hardly," he answered succinctly. "I'd hoped for something a little nicer, but I can't seem to get it to work out the way it's supposed to."

"Sometimes when you try too hard, you end up being disappointed. And then there's Ali, who doesn't exactly lend herself to romance," she snickered.

"Don't remind me," he said with an exasperated sigh.

"We know better than anyone how unpredictable life can be. Between our jobs, and our daughter, it's hard to make or keep any plans. But here, tonight, I'm not sure anything could be nicer than this," she said gently waving her hand around the candle and flower filled porch. "Romance isn't something you need to create with me, it's already there. It's in your eyes and in your touch. It's what I know, and what I feel when I'm with you," she said. His eyebrows rose questioningly at the conviction in her voice. "Tim, you could take me to Paris, and kiss me on top of the Eiffel Tower under a full moon, on a warm spring night, and I'm still going to close my eyes when I kiss you." Now he was really confused. Although the idea of Paris was a good one, even though it was something he'd never think of, and even if he did, it would undoubtedly be damn near impossible to pull off, he thought, frowning. "When you kiss me, I close my eyes, and it doesn't matter where I am," she explained, undoubtedly reading his befuddled expression. "I'm lost in your kiss, even if it's just for the briefest of moments. Paris would simply disappear…" she said as her lilting drawl trailed off and a small contented smile crept onto her lips. "Whether it's leftovers on the porch, or an evening in Paris, the only ingredient I need for romance, is you," she said before her lips swiftly found his. This time it was his turn to lose himself in a kiss designed to dispel any lingering doubts. "Convinced?" she asked, as her lips hovered excruciatingly close to his.

"Getting there," he answered, before recapturing her lips. And she was right, as she usually was about these things. It didn't matter where he was; his only awareness was of the taste and feel of her lips and the way her body melted into his. "You're right, this night has been romantic," he acknowledged.

"And I can only think of one thing that might make this night even nicer," she whispered, kissing a path to his ear.

"And what's that?" he asked, his own lips making their way down her neck before settling into the hollow above her collarbone.

"Stay," she softly moaned.

"I'm thinking about it. Maybe you should try asking me again," he teased playfully. Pulling away from him, she sat up briskly and held his shoulders at arm's length.

"You're thinking about it? That the best you can do?" she asked with feigned annoyance.

"Yup," he answered with a smirk. "Now where were we exactly when you asked me the first time? Oh, I remember, we were like this," he said as he turned her away so her back was against his front. Settling back against the cushion, he reached an arm across her and gently pressed her against her chest. He used his foot to push against the floor beginning a slow rocking motion.

"Tim," she protested, but he shushed her with a finger to her lips.

"Shush. Let's just enjoy this," he suggested in a low soft voice. Holding her close against his chest, he stroked her bare arm and dropped kisses against her hair until he felt her body relax against his. In the quiet of the moment, all he could hear was the sound of their breathing against the backdrop of the lightly falling rain. Shadows danced along the walls, and the candles cast their glimmering glow. He closed his eyes and allowed the rest of the world to fall away, feeling nothing but the comfort and warmth of her body against his. Calleigh had given them a perfect romantic evening, no reservations or plane tickets required. When love came effortlessly so, apparently, did romance. Funny, he thought, how he never realized that before. Relationships, like life, careers, and even parenting, required work, commitment and sometimes struggle, but romance? Romance came from the heart, and its only requirement was simple recognition. "You asked me a question," he said in a deep voice that pierced the quiet. "And I have an answer for you." With his free hand, he fished in his pocket for the tiny box he'd shoved there earlier and gently placed it in her lap.

"What's this?" she asked in a voice filled with anticipation as she sat up and faced him box in hand.

"It's my answer, and my question for you," he answered, feeling a twinge of nerves. "Open it." She opened the box with far steadier fingers than his and gasped at the sight of the three stone diamond ring.

"Tim, it's beautiful," she gasped breathlessly, looking from him to the ring and back again at him. Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, he took the ring from the box and slipped it onto her finger, next to the gold wedding band she'd never removed.

"Will you be my wife… again?" he asked, barely trusting his voice not to choke up.

"I will, always and forever," she answered without hesitation. Smiling widely, she wrapped her arms around his neck before pressing her lips against his. "I love you. I always have," she said between kisses.

"I love you, too," he said, pulling back slightly. "I would give anything to take back ever hurting you," he said in an emotionally laden voice. "But, I don't regret all I've learned these past few months, or the chance to fall in love with you… again. And to actually recognize it this time," he added with a chuckle. "Do you like the ring? I never got you one the first time," he said guiltily, dropping his eyes.

"I do. I love it. It's absolutely beautiful and completely unexpected," she said with a grin, holding her hand out and admiring the three round brilliant-cut stones.

"I'm glad," he said, nodding with relief. "The three diamonds are supposed to represent past, present and future, I guess. Which we have, but I liked it because it reminded me of the three of us, which is really how we began our marriage," he said with a small smile.

"It's perfect," she said with a slight catch in her voice. "Thank you."

"Well, I'm not done yet," he said, still smiling. "I did a bit more shopping while I was in the jewelry store. I didn't think you'd object," he said as he fished again in his pocket. He held out her hand and dropped the found object into her palm. "Care to slip it on?" he asked, trying without success to keep his voice steady. Her eyes shimmered with tears when she looked up and met his gaze. "I figured what mattered was who put it on my finger, not who bought it," he said softly.

"It's a wedding band," she said, or asked, he really wasn't certain, only that her voice held a wonder that was heartbreaking in its sincerity.

"Yeah," he said, nodding and holding his unadorned left hand out to her. "No matter how bad things were, you never took yours off. As long as it was there, then maybe, we still had a chance. That meant a lot to me," he said as she slipped the shiny gold band onto his finger. "What it stands for, I get that now. If I didn't before, I do now."

"Thank you," she said, clasping his hand tightly. "This is the most meaningful thing you've ever done."

"You deserve it," he said against her lips, and kissing her lightly. "When I was picking up the rings, I realized we never had much of a wedding and I wondered if you wanted to do ours over."

"Renew our vows? You would do that?" she asked, clearly surprised at the suggestion.

"Yeah," he shrugged. "If you wanted to, that would be okay."

"That's really sweet of you, and it's a lovely idea, but you know, it's not really about the wedding, only the promises we made to each other. Ours got a little banged up, but never broken. I think we'll stick with those, they've gotten us this far, if that's okay with you." He nodded. "Besides, we'll have Ali's wedding to plan someday. Think how much fun that will be," she said with widened eyes brimming with excitement.

"Ali's wedding?" he said, pulling back slightly and blinking rapidly. "I don't think so, she's just a baby," he said quirking a brow in disbelief. "No weddings if I can help it," he said with a shudder.

"Good luck with that," she laughed and patted his back sympathetically. "Don't worry, you've got some time to prepare for it," she added. "But right now? You're all mine," she said with a sly smirk on her lips and lust filling her clear green eyes. "I may not want another wedding, but there is something I do want," she said rising off the glider and pulling him to his feet in the process.

"And what would that be?" he asked, his voice a rough whisper against her lips.

"A honeymoon," she sighed. "I want a honeymoon and I know the perfect spot," she answered in a sultry, southern drawl. "Think you can give me that?" she asked, her warm breath against his lips causing shivers to run up and down his back.

"Oh yeah," he groaned before crushing his body against hers and claiming her lips in a kiss that sent currents of electricity throughout his body. He'd seduced her, adored her, and made love to her more times than he could count, but nothing had ever felt quite like this moment did. Despite vowing he'd wait forever for her if that's what it took, he was damn glad he wasn't going to have to wait longer than it took to carry her down to the bedroom, because anything longer than that would've done him in. Scooping her into his arms with ease, he silenced her giggles with a searing kiss. "We're gonna be okay now, aren't we?" he asked even though he already knew the answer with a certainty that still took him by surprise.

"Yeah, Tim, we are," she smiled. "We really are."

The end